Adventures in Pizza Delivery

by The Moose of Death

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon or any of the characters. This is just for kicks, y'know?

Chapter 1: Monday – Sausage and Mushroom

Setting—Donnie's Pizza Parlor (We Deliver!)

Joey: (putting on his uniform) First day on the job. Man this is exciting! They just pay me to drive around pizza, and I even get tips!

The phone rings and Joey runs to pick it up.

Joey: Donnie's Pizza! You say it, we bake it! (thinking: Man what a crappy motto!)

Person on the phone: (sniff) I'll have a large deep dish pizza (sniff) with sausage and mushrooms on it (sniff)

Joey: Sure thing! It'll cost $12.99. Who, may I ask, am I delivering this to?

Person: The name is Serena (sniff) and deliver it to

Joey writes down the name and address, loads up a fresh pizza, and speeds off.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:

Joey: (knocking on the door) Hello? Pizza delivery guy! Got your sausage and mushroom pizza right here!

Joey keeps knocking until a short girl with blonde hair made into meatballs (what?) attached to long strands of hair that touch the floor. He notices that she's wearing a bathrobe and has a box of tissues in her hand.

Joey: Hey there! You must be Serena. I got your pizza here andis there something wrong?

Serena immediate bursts into tears and howls of agony that make Joey want to cover his ears, but can't because he's holding the pizza.

Joey: Oh Jeez! Please don't cry! What's the matter!

Serena: DARIEN YOU BIG STUPID JERK! WAAHHHH!

Joey puts the pizza down and puts his hands on Serena's shoulders.

Joey: (shaking her a bit) For the sake of my eardrums, please STOP!

Serena stops and give him sheepish look.

Joey: Thank you. Now I know I'm supposed to just deliver you your pizza, but as a nice guy, I feel that I should help you out here. So maybe we should sit down and talk about what's bothering you. (What a gentleman!)

Serena nods and lets Joey in with the pizza.

Serena: Well (sniff) I saw my boyfriend, Darien, with this other woman

Joey: I seeare you sure that wasn't just one of his friends?

Serena: NoI had never seen her before, but he was going everywhere with her! He was giving her hugs and kisses on the cheek! I even followed them back to his house, where she cooked for him and even did his laundry!

Joey: Aye. Pretty serious.

Serena: Ever since then, I've been eating cake and ice cream and watching soap operas non-stop.

Joey: How long has that been?

Serena: An hour.

Joey: (sigh) Umdon't beat yourself up

Serena: (edging closer to Joey) I'm just feeling so lonely now andvulnerable. (even closer)

Joey: Umheh hehmaybe I should go now. I-I'll just take the $12.99 and—

Serena wraps her arms around Joey's waist stopping him in his tracks.

Joey: I-I've probably got some m-more deliveries to make!

Serena: Hey, you were the one who said you were nice guy. Let's see how nice you are!

Joey flops down and relentlessly claws at the floor, but to no avail. Serena flips him over and pins down his arms and legs with her own. While all this is going on, there is a knock at the door. It opens and in walks a tall, black haired man.

Darien: Hey Serena! Just dropped in to visit. The door was open so I—WHAT THE HELL!

Serena: (jumps up) Oh. Hello Darien. How was your DATE?

Darien: Date? What DATE! AND WHO THE HELL IS THAT!

Joey: (still on the floor) H-Hey! Don't mind me, I-I'm just the pizza guy.

Darien: I go and show my mom around the town and you're SEDUCING THE PIZZA GUY!

Serena: IT SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR RUNNING AROUND WITHyour mother?

Darien: YES! MY MOTHER! I told you she'd be visiting and that I'd be spending the afternoon with her!

Serena: HeeyyyI thought you were an orphan.

Darien: She's my foster mother.

Joey: Wait. So I'm going through all this because your boyfriend was with his mother!

Serena: Now that I recall, you did mention it to me earlier, sweetie. Guess I just forgot!

Darien: I still can't believe you tried to get with that stranger!

Serena: U-Uhno! Hejumped me! Yeah! He jumped me. Thank God you came in time to rescue me my dear!

Joey: ( O.O; ) WHAT!

Darien: Butweren't you on top of him?

Serena: YeahYeah. Wellhe, um, drugged me up real good!

Darien looks at Joey. Then at Serena. Then at Joey again. Then back at Serena. Then at Joey for a long time.

Darien: YOU GODDAMN SON OF A BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU!

Joey: OH CRAP!

As Darien begins to run after Joey, Joey grabs the nearby pizza at throws it at Darien's face. While Darien writhes in agony on the floor as the scalding cheese leaves its mark, Joey takes his wallet.

Joey: This oughtta cover the pizza, and I think I'll help myself with the tip!

When Darien finally gathers the strength to get back to the chase, he can only see the dust kicked up by Joey's speeding car.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

Joey back at the pizza place

Joey: Well this was one weird day. I sure hope this job gets easier!

END CHAPTER 1!

Sit tight for the next chapterTuesday – Meat Lover's!