Disclaimer: No, don't own the characters or really the plot this time. It
was just my idea to mix the two! So, I don't own Tolkien's stuff or The
Adventures of Mini-Goddess.
Cestari: Hi! I'm glad you like it. ^-^ I hope you like this too!
Tourignyne: Hiya! Good news, we won't be in school until July. Bad news, they have taken almost all of our vacations during the year. T_T But still. Beautiful? O_o;; Ok. Never had my work called that before but at least it isn't a bad thing. Please review again!!! ^-^
Nightbird*Songbird: NO!!! Don't shoo off of the review page! Long reviews are muy bueno!!! Speaking of Spanish, I have learned something verrrry interesting.. "Chinga" means the same thing that I believe you have censored with "fork". ^-^ Thanks you the review!!!
Gilraen3: Thank you, thank you very much. But I was inspired but several anime shows so I cant take all the credit. Ok, I could, but it wouldn't be fair. Oh well, we all have our inspirations right? Hope you like this!!!
Laswen: More arguments? Hmmmm, let's see. There will be a few but I will keep it in mind to have the Greenleaf family have a few 'aggressive negotiations'. ^_~
MaxMyu: You've seen Dragon Half too?!? I must bow in honor to another anime fan. *does little anime bow* ^^ I loved that show. pity they only ever made that one tape in English. T_T Or so I've been told. See ya!!!
MoonMist: Thranduil and mid life crisis. Hmmm. I would do it. if only I had a better idea what happens in that. ^_^;; I've heard of it but that's the extent of my knowledge of that. I'll look into it! Buh byeeee!!!
Feanen: If you think *that* was interesting then this should be.. Ummmmm. MEGA INTERESTING!!! . Ok so I couldn't find a more extravagant way to put it. So sue me.. NO NOT REALLY!!! PUT THE LAWYERS AWAY!!! I NEED WHAT LITTLE MONEY I HAVE FOR CAR INSURANCE!!!
HealerAriel: I know; Sango hasn't a clue what she's missing! Of course, the fact that one day his own wind tunnel with devoured him is a bit of a turn off. Poor baby. *pouts* Ok, that's it for responses!!! ONTO THE FIC!!!
Chapter 12: Middle Earth Is Not Ready For Air Conditioners
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhg." Gimli moaned. "How can it be this hot inside a cave?"
"If it weren't so hot. I'd kill you for daring to call my home a cave." panted Legolas on his bed. "Dammit. This isn't fair. Elves aren't supposed to be this sensitive to the weather."
Aragorn probably would have replied if he was not too busy sticking his head in a barrel of water in attempts to cool off in the lukewarm water.
This was the scene Gandalf walked in to. "So, hot weather getting to the elves now, eh?"
"Shut up Gandalf." the Three Hunters said at once.
"Very well. I guess this means you don't want my help then." Gandalf said while beginning to walk out of the room until Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn ran forward.
"You can stop this heat!?!?" Aragorn shouted.
"No, not stop it. But I can cool things down a bit. But just in this room. And you shall have to pay a small little price for it." Gandalf said.
"FINE! WHATEVER!! JUST DO IT!! IT'S HOTTER THEN DRAGON'S BREATH IN HERE!!!" Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn yelled.
Gandalf smiled. His plan for revenge was working perfectly. 'Maybe now they'll think twice before tampering with my food.' "Very well." He hit his staff to the ground and the three friends blacked out.
Legolas was the first to wake up again. "Uhhh... Damn that's hurts... But at least it's cooler now. Huh? What's that noise?" He looked up to see a strange box in his window emitting a strange sound. It took him another three seconds to realize that his room now had snow all over it. Not to mention he was only about six inches tall.
Aragorn and Gimli were awakened by a loud scream. Aragorn looked around, "What is it!?! WHA-!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT HAPPENED!?!?!" he yelled as he saw their predicament. Gimli was too baffled for words.
Legolas sighed, "It looks like the only thing we can do is go up there and stop that thing. It's the source of this cold." They then began their trek up to the Air Conditioner of Doom!!!
'That was three days ago.' Aragorn thought. 'We have run out of food and water and the troops' morale has become thin.' He didn't notice an annoyed Legolas burying Gimli in the snow and then sitting on him. "We must break camp! Onward!!!" Aragorn shouted over the blizzard.
"Aragorn? How come even though it's my land, house and room, *you're* the one in charge?" Legolas asked.
"Because you're crazy." Aragorn answered. Legolas resisted the temptation to strangle the ranger but got Gimli out of the snow instead.
They climbed up one of Legolas dressers and came to the edge. their destination, the bookcase.
"Great... How are we supposed to cross this?!?!" Gimli shouted over the howl of the evil futuristic device.
Legolas looked around. "Ah ha!!!" he shouted as he grabbed a ruler. He laid it across the span. "We cross this!!!"
Aragorn and Gimli could have killed him as they looked down. It seemed to be a bottomless pit even though it was actually only a few feet. For the next thing, they would have killed him for being a show-off; that is if that thing wasn't him running across his makeshift bridge.
Legolas turned around to his friends and waved, oblivious to his friends' anger. "Come on guys! It's easy! You're next Gimli!!!"
Gimli's eyes could have popped out of his skull, "YOU'RE KIDDING!?!?! HAVEN'T YOU NOTICE THE GIGANTIC ABYSS BELOW!?!?!?" he hollered at the elf.
"Come on Gimli, you'll be fine! Don't look down, just look at me and you'll be fine!" Legolas shouted reassuringly.
"I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT YOU!!!" Gimli shouted.
"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!?! ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ELVES AND OUR LOOKS AGAIN!?!?!" Legolas shouted.
"SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF THE WAY, I'M COMING ACROSS!!!" Gimli yelled back.
"YOU'RE COMING ACROSS LOUD AND CLEAR NOW GET YOU'RE ASS OVER HERE!!!" Legolas barked.
Gimli sighed and turned to Aragorn, "I wish he'd stop putting words in my mouth." he turned to Legolas, "OK SHUT UP HERE I COME!!!" he finished before darting across the ruler and knocked over Legolas, hugging him out of a 'brief' moment of insanity. "I AM NEVER EVER DOING THAT AGAIN!!! DO YOU HEAR ME!?!?!? DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK!!!"
Legolas just stared at him before kicking the dwarf off, "GET OFF OF ME!!! THIS LOOKS DISGUSTING!!!!" Unfortunately, Gimli knocked into the bridge which Aragorn was trying to cross. Legolas lunged forward and grabbed his friend's hand but then, both the elf and human began to fall; until Legolas grabbed Gimli's beard.
"Thanks Gimli" Aragorn and Legolas said together.
"GET OFF THE BEARD!!!" Gimli screeched in a most un-dwarfish manner.
Aragorn watched as the ruler tumbled to the ground below. 'If you ask most mountain climbers why they insist going on these perilous journeys, they shall answer, 'because the mountain is there.' but I can tell you the reason we continue this trek, risking life, limb, and worse. It's because Gandalf's cursed Air Conditioner of Doom is up there!'
Aragorn looked back upon his wearied troops. "Come on, we climb!" And so, they began to climb up Legolas' bookshelf.
"Damn you elves and your books." Gimli growled.
Legolas was about to tell him to shut up when something caught his eye. "Hey, my journal! I wondered what happened to this!"
"We don't have time for this! We're almost at the top!" Aragorn shouted. Then, an exceptionally hard gust of wind nearly knocked them all off.
Legolas glared at this new foe that dared to defile his bedroom, "THE AIR CONDITIONER IS WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE AND LAUGHING!!!" Gimli looked at his elven friend, beginning to reconsider the elf's sanity.
Aragorn joined to lunacy, "WE ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE!!! IT'S A MATTER OF HONOR!!"
Gimli couldn't believe this, "HAVE YOU BOTH GONE MAD!?!? IT'S AN INAIMATE OBJECT!!!" His cry fell upon deaf ears. They continued until they reached the edge.
"THIS IS AS CLOSE AS WE'RE GOING TO GET!!! LEGOLAS, GET THE BOMB READY!!!" Aragorn hollered over the wind.
"THE ELF HAS A BOMB!?!?!?!" Gimli cried.
Legolas smirked, "I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE!!! ARAGORN AND I PILFIRED IT WHEN WE KICKED SARUMAN OUT OF ORTHANC!!!" He lit the small bomb but just before he threw it, the air conditioner switched its aim on them and the bomb blew out of even Legolas' deft hands. "NOOO!!! CURSE YOU, YOU SPAWN OF MORDOR!!!" Legolas shouted at the house hold appliance before throwing a dagger at it.
This only enraged the machine even more (AN: If any of you are wondering why the air conditioner has feelings, it's because IT IS THE EVIL AIR CONDITIONER OF DOOM!!! SPAWNED FROM GANDALF'S RAGE AND ESIRE FOR REVENGE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!) and it began to blow even harder, until it blew Gimli off the edge.
"GIMLI!!!" Legolas shouted, trying to grab the dwarf's hand, but missing it be mere inches. Gimli kept falling until they could no longer see the dwarf through the blizzard.
Aragorn bowed his head in respect, "Gimli has fallen prey to the mountain. It is the risk we all took. His assistance helped us get this far. He shall be missed greatly."
Legolas also bowed his head, "Thank you Gimli."
Aragorn and Legolas looked down when they heard gasps and then saw Gimli scrambling up the cliff with a nail in each hand. "YOU TWO WERE GOING TO LEAVE ME BEHIND!!! DAMN THAT STUPID BOX GANDALF MADE!!!" he yelled as he threw one of the nails at the thing.
That was the final straw.
A bunch of snake-like cords came out and began shooting out blue beams, freezing whatever they hit.
"JUMP!!!" Aragorn shouted when the cords took aim at them.
They all screamed as they plummeted to the ground but the snow broke their fall.
"Ugh. That's not fun." Legolas moaned. They looked up to see the air conditioner taking one final aim at them.
"IT'S BEEN AN HONOR WORKING WITH YOU TWO!!! MAY THE VALAR PERMIT US TP MEET AGAIN IN THE NEXT LIFE!!!" Aragorn yelled as he prepared for the end. Legolas and Gimli also prepared for death. Until Gimli accidentally tripped over the electric cord, killing the evil device.
".. I think it's over." Legolas chanced. They looked up. There terror was indeed over.
The Three Hunters were cheering over their latest victory when Gandalf walked in.
"Ah, so, you defeated my air conditioner eh?" Gandalf smiled as he returned them to their normal sizes.
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli feigned smiles as they readied their weapons behind them.
Meanwhile, in the dining hall.
Lindor took another sip of her wine, "Hey, Pilin', Cu! Guess what! Mother and father are returning tomorrow, and he's bringing Elrond and his son's with him. Including. *sigh Elohir." she said in complete ecstasy. Pilin' and Cu were about to make a remark when they heard a loud, girlish scream from Legolas' room.
"Oh dear, it sounds like Legolas is entertaining another lady. it figures.. I wonder where his friends are." Lindor sighed.
Cu shook his head, "That was no girl, no matter how much it sounded like one."
Pilin' continued, "It sounds like Legolas and those two mortal friends of his finally turned off Gandalf's evil ice thingy."
"Is that where they have been? I wonder who screamed?" Lindor asked. She was answered when they saw Gandalf running faster than any man his age should with three very angry hunters behind him.
************************************************************************
Oh. I thought that was going to turn out better. Oh well, what do you guys think? That's what is important. But this was a lot of fun to write. And next up, Thranduil returns and he and Elrond fight!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! REVIEW PLEASE!!!
Cestari: Hi! I'm glad you like it. ^-^ I hope you like this too!
Tourignyne: Hiya! Good news, we won't be in school until July. Bad news, they have taken almost all of our vacations during the year. T_T But still. Beautiful? O_o;; Ok. Never had my work called that before but at least it isn't a bad thing. Please review again!!! ^-^
Nightbird*Songbird: NO!!! Don't shoo off of the review page! Long reviews are muy bueno!!! Speaking of Spanish, I have learned something verrrry interesting.. "Chinga" means the same thing that I believe you have censored with "fork". ^-^ Thanks you the review!!!
Gilraen3: Thank you, thank you very much. But I was inspired but several anime shows so I cant take all the credit. Ok, I could, but it wouldn't be fair. Oh well, we all have our inspirations right? Hope you like this!!!
Laswen: More arguments? Hmmmm, let's see. There will be a few but I will keep it in mind to have the Greenleaf family have a few 'aggressive negotiations'. ^_~
MaxMyu: You've seen Dragon Half too?!? I must bow in honor to another anime fan. *does little anime bow* ^^ I loved that show. pity they only ever made that one tape in English. T_T Or so I've been told. See ya!!!
MoonMist: Thranduil and mid life crisis. Hmmm. I would do it. if only I had a better idea what happens in that. ^_^;; I've heard of it but that's the extent of my knowledge of that. I'll look into it! Buh byeeee!!!
Feanen: If you think *that* was interesting then this should be.. Ummmmm. MEGA INTERESTING!!! . Ok so I couldn't find a more extravagant way to put it. So sue me.. NO NOT REALLY!!! PUT THE LAWYERS AWAY!!! I NEED WHAT LITTLE MONEY I HAVE FOR CAR INSURANCE!!!
HealerAriel: I know; Sango hasn't a clue what she's missing! Of course, the fact that one day his own wind tunnel with devoured him is a bit of a turn off. Poor baby. *pouts* Ok, that's it for responses!!! ONTO THE FIC!!!
Chapter 12: Middle Earth Is Not Ready For Air Conditioners
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhg." Gimli moaned. "How can it be this hot inside a cave?"
"If it weren't so hot. I'd kill you for daring to call my home a cave." panted Legolas on his bed. "Dammit. This isn't fair. Elves aren't supposed to be this sensitive to the weather."
Aragorn probably would have replied if he was not too busy sticking his head in a barrel of water in attempts to cool off in the lukewarm water.
This was the scene Gandalf walked in to. "So, hot weather getting to the elves now, eh?"
"Shut up Gandalf." the Three Hunters said at once.
"Very well. I guess this means you don't want my help then." Gandalf said while beginning to walk out of the room until Legolas, Gimli and Aragorn ran forward.
"You can stop this heat!?!?" Aragorn shouted.
"No, not stop it. But I can cool things down a bit. But just in this room. And you shall have to pay a small little price for it." Gandalf said.
"FINE! WHATEVER!! JUST DO IT!! IT'S HOTTER THEN DRAGON'S BREATH IN HERE!!!" Gimli, Legolas and Aragorn yelled.
Gandalf smiled. His plan for revenge was working perfectly. 'Maybe now they'll think twice before tampering with my food.' "Very well." He hit his staff to the ground and the three friends blacked out.
Legolas was the first to wake up again. "Uhhh... Damn that's hurts... But at least it's cooler now. Huh? What's that noise?" He looked up to see a strange box in his window emitting a strange sound. It took him another three seconds to realize that his room now had snow all over it. Not to mention he was only about six inches tall.
Aragorn and Gimli were awakened by a loud scream. Aragorn looked around, "What is it!?! WHA-!?!?!?!?!?!? WHAT HAPPENED!?!?!" he yelled as he saw their predicament. Gimli was too baffled for words.
Legolas sighed, "It looks like the only thing we can do is go up there and stop that thing. It's the source of this cold." They then began their trek up to the Air Conditioner of Doom!!!
'That was three days ago.' Aragorn thought. 'We have run out of food and water and the troops' morale has become thin.' He didn't notice an annoyed Legolas burying Gimli in the snow and then sitting on him. "We must break camp! Onward!!!" Aragorn shouted over the blizzard.
"Aragorn? How come even though it's my land, house and room, *you're* the one in charge?" Legolas asked.
"Because you're crazy." Aragorn answered. Legolas resisted the temptation to strangle the ranger but got Gimli out of the snow instead.
They climbed up one of Legolas dressers and came to the edge. their destination, the bookcase.
"Great... How are we supposed to cross this?!?!" Gimli shouted over the howl of the evil futuristic device.
Legolas looked around. "Ah ha!!!" he shouted as he grabbed a ruler. He laid it across the span. "We cross this!!!"
Aragorn and Gimli could have killed him as they looked down. It seemed to be a bottomless pit even though it was actually only a few feet. For the next thing, they would have killed him for being a show-off; that is if that thing wasn't him running across his makeshift bridge.
Legolas turned around to his friends and waved, oblivious to his friends' anger. "Come on guys! It's easy! You're next Gimli!!!"
Gimli's eyes could have popped out of his skull, "YOU'RE KIDDING!?!?! HAVEN'T YOU NOTICE THE GIGANTIC ABYSS BELOW!?!?!?" he hollered at the elf.
"Come on Gimli, you'll be fine! Don't look down, just look at me and you'll be fine!" Legolas shouted reassuringly.
"I DON'T WANT TO LOOK AT YOU!!!" Gimli shouted.
"WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!?! ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ELVES AND OUR LOOKS AGAIN!?!?!" Legolas shouted.
"SHUT UP AND GET OUT OF THE WAY, I'M COMING ACROSS!!!" Gimli yelled back.
"YOU'RE COMING ACROSS LOUD AND CLEAR NOW GET YOU'RE ASS OVER HERE!!!" Legolas barked.
Gimli sighed and turned to Aragorn, "I wish he'd stop putting words in my mouth." he turned to Legolas, "OK SHUT UP HERE I COME!!!" he finished before darting across the ruler and knocked over Legolas, hugging him out of a 'brief' moment of insanity. "I AM NEVER EVER DOING THAT AGAIN!!! DO YOU HEAR ME!?!?!? DON'T MAKE ME GO BACK!!!"
Legolas just stared at him before kicking the dwarf off, "GET OFF OF ME!!! THIS LOOKS DISGUSTING!!!!" Unfortunately, Gimli knocked into the bridge which Aragorn was trying to cross. Legolas lunged forward and grabbed his friend's hand but then, both the elf and human began to fall; until Legolas grabbed Gimli's beard.
"Thanks Gimli" Aragorn and Legolas said together.
"GET OFF THE BEARD!!!" Gimli screeched in a most un-dwarfish manner.
Aragorn watched as the ruler tumbled to the ground below. 'If you ask most mountain climbers why they insist going on these perilous journeys, they shall answer, 'because the mountain is there.' but I can tell you the reason we continue this trek, risking life, limb, and worse. It's because Gandalf's cursed Air Conditioner of Doom is up there!'
Aragorn looked back upon his wearied troops. "Come on, we climb!" And so, they began to climb up Legolas' bookshelf.
"Damn you elves and your books." Gimli growled.
Legolas was about to tell him to shut up when something caught his eye. "Hey, my journal! I wondered what happened to this!"
"We don't have time for this! We're almost at the top!" Aragorn shouted. Then, an exceptionally hard gust of wind nearly knocked them all off.
Legolas glared at this new foe that dared to defile his bedroom, "THE AIR CONDITIONER IS WATCHING OUR EVERY MOVE AND LAUGHING!!!" Gimli looked at his elven friend, beginning to reconsider the elf's sanity.
Aragorn joined to lunacy, "WE ACCEPT YOUR CHALLENGE!!! IT'S A MATTER OF HONOR!!"
Gimli couldn't believe this, "HAVE YOU BOTH GONE MAD!?!? IT'S AN INAIMATE OBJECT!!!" His cry fell upon deaf ears. They continued until they reached the edge.
"THIS IS AS CLOSE AS WE'RE GOING TO GET!!! LEGOLAS, GET THE BOMB READY!!!" Aragorn hollered over the wind.
"THE ELF HAS A BOMB!?!?!?!" Gimli cried.
Legolas smirked, "I HAVE IT RIGHT HERE!!! ARAGORN AND I PILFIRED IT WHEN WE KICKED SARUMAN OUT OF ORTHANC!!!" He lit the small bomb but just before he threw it, the air conditioner switched its aim on them and the bomb blew out of even Legolas' deft hands. "NOOO!!! CURSE YOU, YOU SPAWN OF MORDOR!!!" Legolas shouted at the house hold appliance before throwing a dagger at it.
This only enraged the machine even more (AN: If any of you are wondering why the air conditioner has feelings, it's because IT IS THE EVIL AIR CONDITIONER OF DOOM!!! SPAWNED FROM GANDALF'S RAGE AND ESIRE FOR REVENGE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!) and it began to blow even harder, until it blew Gimli off the edge.
"GIMLI!!!" Legolas shouted, trying to grab the dwarf's hand, but missing it be mere inches. Gimli kept falling until they could no longer see the dwarf through the blizzard.
Aragorn bowed his head in respect, "Gimli has fallen prey to the mountain. It is the risk we all took. His assistance helped us get this far. He shall be missed greatly."
Legolas also bowed his head, "Thank you Gimli."
Aragorn and Legolas looked down when they heard gasps and then saw Gimli scrambling up the cliff with a nail in each hand. "YOU TWO WERE GOING TO LEAVE ME BEHIND!!! DAMN THAT STUPID BOX GANDALF MADE!!!" he yelled as he threw one of the nails at the thing.
That was the final straw.
A bunch of snake-like cords came out and began shooting out blue beams, freezing whatever they hit.
"JUMP!!!" Aragorn shouted when the cords took aim at them.
They all screamed as they plummeted to the ground but the snow broke their fall.
"Ugh. That's not fun." Legolas moaned. They looked up to see the air conditioner taking one final aim at them.
"IT'S BEEN AN HONOR WORKING WITH YOU TWO!!! MAY THE VALAR PERMIT US TP MEET AGAIN IN THE NEXT LIFE!!!" Aragorn yelled as he prepared for the end. Legolas and Gimli also prepared for death. Until Gimli accidentally tripped over the electric cord, killing the evil device.
".. I think it's over." Legolas chanced. They looked up. There terror was indeed over.
The Three Hunters were cheering over their latest victory when Gandalf walked in.
"Ah, so, you defeated my air conditioner eh?" Gandalf smiled as he returned them to their normal sizes.
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli feigned smiles as they readied their weapons behind them.
Meanwhile, in the dining hall.
Lindor took another sip of her wine, "Hey, Pilin', Cu! Guess what! Mother and father are returning tomorrow, and he's bringing Elrond and his son's with him. Including. *sigh Elohir." she said in complete ecstasy. Pilin' and Cu were about to make a remark when they heard a loud, girlish scream from Legolas' room.
"Oh dear, it sounds like Legolas is entertaining another lady. it figures.. I wonder where his friends are." Lindor sighed.
Cu shook his head, "That was no girl, no matter how much it sounded like one."
Pilin' continued, "It sounds like Legolas and those two mortal friends of his finally turned off Gandalf's evil ice thingy."
"Is that where they have been? I wonder who screamed?" Lindor asked. She was answered when they saw Gandalf running faster than any man his age should with three very angry hunters behind him.
************************************************************************
Oh. I thought that was going to turn out better. Oh well, what do you guys think? That's what is important. But this was a lot of fun to write. And next up, Thranduil returns and he and Elrond fight!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! REVIEW PLEASE!!!