That goodbye would've been enough to put anyone in tears, Kagome thought,
climbing from the well. Only one tear had managed to escape; she wiped it
away with one finger as she steadied herself. It wouldn't do to have
everyone know she was crying. That would lead to questions she wasn't ready
to answer, and to the inevitable fate she wasn't ready to face. It would
have to stay hidden until closer to the end, Kagome told herself
resolutely. She wouldn't give her friends the rest of her ten days to mourn
and worry. She would simply pretend nothing was wrong and go about shard
hunting as any other time.
"Kagome-chan!"
Her head shot up. Sango was running towards her with Shippo and Kilala at her heels, smiling and looking happy. Happy. She would try her best not to ruin her friend's happiness with tales of death and despair......kami knew she had enough of it, with her whole family gone and a brother under an evil spell. But even as she told herself that, her resolution began crumbling into a million tiny pieces and she felt dangerously close to burst into tears right there and say everything. No, Kagome thought. No, not yet.
"Hey, guys! How are you?" Her voice was painfully cheerful. So cheerful that it was fake, like a mustard-yellow painted sun. Too bright to be real. Sango looked apprehensive.
"Kagome-chan, is something wrong?"
Of course they could tell, Kagome thought irately. That was stupid of me. I've got to be more convincing than that! Her mouth began quickly preparing a reply to the question as her brain tried to shake itself from its stupor. "I'm f-fine, I just—" Everything she thought of was incredibly lame, so it was a relief when Miroku entered the clearing and spared her from answering with a hearty greeting: The you-look-lovely today, the how-are-you, and the typical priest-like smile that was just too serene to belong to such a lecher. She took the opportunity and answered with vigor that she was fine, thank you.
With that topic finished, Sango began to open her mouth again, her expression serious, and Kagome knew what was coming: the questions, the friendly inquisitiveness, and the worry. She wouldn't ward it off this time......it would come out here, in front of Miroku and even Shippo—innocent Shippo that didn't deserve the heavy knowledge that his surrogate mother was going to die.
It was then that Inuyasha chose to make his appearance.
He came crashing to the earth with numerous leaves and twigs from his recent perch, landing as gracefully and lightly as a kitten. Kagome couldn't help but smiling at his timing as Sango closed her mouth quickly, clearly more than a little annoyed.
"What're you smiling about?" Inuyasha grumbled unhappily. "You're two days late!"
"Gomen, Inuyasha," Kagome said hastily, her grin disappearing like a hunted rabbit down a hole. "I was just......busy. Something came up."
"'Something came up'? Don't give me that, wench. What happened?"
"It's nothing, okay?" Kagome said even quicker, panic rising in her throat. "Just.....make up work." Inuyasha looked ready to protest or accuse again, but Sango elbowed him gently in the ribs and gave him a scolding look that was reminiscent to a mother rebuking her child. The hanyou, clearly not happy at all with the way he was being treated, gave a surly expression and closed his mouth, crossing his arms with a trademark 'feh' and a 'whatever'.
With that settled, everyone was content to head back to the village. The visit with Kaede was rushed—mostly by Sango, who seemed intent on getting Kagome alone. It took several rounds of patient persuasion to get Inuyasha to allow them to stay the night, but Miroku managed, (after a request from Sango, no doubt) saying that it wouldn't hurt at all to rest before setting off again, and that they were all tired—which wasn't so far from the truth. Eventually, the hanyou grudgingly agreed.
As soon as their staying put was settled, Sango began her attempts of coaxing Kagome to the hot springs. She could sense that the girl was troubled by something—and also hiding that something—and she was playing the role of the concerned girlfriend. Of course, that didn't stop Kagome from doing her very best to evade it.
"But wouldn't you like a nice, hot bath, Kagome-chan?" Sango wheedled. Miroku stood a few feet away, looking mildly interested with sparkling eyes. The demon exterminator took one look at his expression and gave a very deadly I-Dare-You look.
"No, that's okay, Sango. I took a bath this morning."
"Please, Kagome-chan?" She was being very pushy about it. Miroku looked confused, more than interested, as if asking, Are you—? "Get those thoughts out of your head, monk." Her soft tone suddenly became very sharp. "Wouldn't you rather wait inside with Kaede-baa-chan?"
Taking the hint or fearing for his health one, the houshi left for the cabin obediently. The second his heels disappeared behind the door-flap, Sango turned her penetrating dark eyes upon the schoolgirl with the air of a teacher who knew of paper airplanes that had been flying behind her turned back. Noticing Kagome's uncomfortable shudder, her features relaxed and became calmer. Reaching a hand out, she spoke hesitantly.
"Kagome-chan.....?"
Silence answered her inquiry, along with a bird or two outside the window.
"Please, Kagome. Tell me what's bothering you." A pause as Sango tried in vain to catch her friend's eye. "I want to help you."
"You can't," Kagome whispered sadly.
"Why not?"
"Because there's nothing you can do, Sango. There's no sense in making you sad."
"But.....at least we can be sad together," Sango murmured softly. Kagome felt then the last of her resolve shatter and threw herself at her best friend, sobbing and holding onto her shoulders for dear life. They sat there together for a long time, Sango rocking back and forth until the weeping quieted. "There now," she said carefully. "It'll be all right, Kagome-chan. I'm here. Tell me what's wrong." Her expression, hidden from the weepy younger girl, was fierce. "If anyone's hurt you...."
"It's nothing like that," Kagome sniffled, feeling incredibly pathetic but really not bothering to care anymore. If anyone had the right to be pathetic, she did. "It's that......I......."
Silence. A cricket chirped. A bird whistled. A child giggled and called to his friend.
"I'm dying." She came out and said it—bluntly, but she couldn't think of any other way. Kagome squeezed her eyes shut, listening as Sango gasped sharply and her hands shook on Kagome's.
"Kagome-chan......not you. Not you." There was a pause, as if she expected Kagome to assure her that she had been joking. When nothing came, she continued uncertainly. "You can't be dying. You're too young, too strong. You're not sick."
"I AM sick," Kagome insisted patiently.
"But you don't seem—"
"It's not that kind of sick." Silence. "The doctors aren't even sure what it is. They can't do anything about it." More silence. It was becoming unbearable. She wished more than anything at that moment that Sango would say something reassuring. She needed comfort, more than anything. Before she started crying again for all the unfairness......
"H-how long do you have?" Sango's voice was small and fearful, like a lost child.
"Ten days."
The stillness was deafening. Then suddenly......
It was broken. Kagome found herself staggering under Sango's weight as she flung herself at Kagome, crying. The battle-hardened demon exterminator hardly ever cried—only when her family had died, or when she had thought she'd have to kill her brother. Kagome brought a hand to her back comfortingly. She felt stronger than she had before—like her mother, consoling her younger self after an accident.
'There, there, Kagome. It's just a little scratch. You'll be okay. Sshhh. I'm here.'
How could she be so scared when her friend was just as frightened as she was?
"It's okay, Sango. I'm here."
Sango abruptly pulled away, her face flushed and tear-streaked.
What am I doing? I'm acting like an idiot! She needs us to be strong for her now, Sango thought disgustedly, and here I am, crying like Shippo! "I'm sorry, Kagome. Forgive me."
"It's okay."
"A-are you going t-to tell the others?"
"Miroku, maybe. Shippo doesn't need to know about it." Sango looked doubtful. "I don't want him to be sad. He's too young, Sango. I don't want you to be sad either, but......" I'm too weak. I've been aching to tell someone since I found out today. Misery loves company. And look what I'm doing to my friends. The people who care about me more than anything in the world. I'm making them sad, like me. I'm bringing the feeling of doom upon them, as I feel. It's not fair. It's not fair to them. It's not their problem. And I'll be darned if—
"Kagome-chan? Are you okay?"
"Fine," she answered with a bright smile. "As I was saying, we can tell Miroku, but only him."
"But.....what about Inuyasha?" Sango looked serious. "You have to tell him."
"I will, I will," Kagome assured. "Just.....not yet. I have to work out what I'm going to tell him. You know, the way that will be easiest to swallow, and so he won't go rip the doctor's throat out. You understand, don't you?"
"I understand. Know one thing, Kagome-chan. He loves you." She paused. "He needs to hear it from you.....but I can tell houshi-sama if that will make it easier—give you less to worry about." Reminds me of the doctors, Kagome thought. They told me to just focus on being comfortable and gave me all the antibiotics. Oh, yeah, girl, just drug yourself into oblivion and you won't worry about the fact that you're going to DIE!!
Aloud, she only nodded and murmured a solemn thank you.
@-}----------
The evening came quickly, as if the sun was eager to escape its post. Kagome and Sango retreated to the hot springs before the moon had fully raised itself into the sky and before the stars began their jolly winking.
The water of the hot spring was uncommonly warm and inviting. Kagome immediately slipped in and waded up to her shoulders, taking a breath and dipping under the water. Normally she sat, enjoying the temperature, but that was before. She'd had all the time in the world then. It seemed, after all, that everything had changed: her outlook, her habits, even her chattiness. Inuyasha (though forced into a sullen silence by a deadly Sango Look) had long since her arrival noticed her silence, and was very curious. Shippo was naïve enough to over look it and be blissful anyway.
Miroku was another story entirely.
Before the girls took their leave, Sango had left Kagome's company for a brief few minutes and took the time to explain to the houshi the situation. Though he shed no tears or collapsed as the women had done, it had been apparent that he was shaken by the development. His hand—usually oh-so- steady—trembled upon his wooden staff's handle and his dark eyes took on a glaze of pity and sorrow. No doubt he understood how heavy the threat of death could be when it rested on one's shoulders.
Sango had warned him softly not to mention anything to Inuyasha or Shippo, not going into much detail because it was not necessary. He had given his solemn promise and nodded in understanding, catching her hand as she turned to leave.
"I know you're hurting right now, Sango. It's all right to show it."
Angrily, she had pulled her hand away.
"How can you say that? We have to be strong for her right now! Kagome's scared! She's lost! We can't be acting like little children when she needs us!" Lowering her voice left keen ears should catch it, she mumbled, "Leave the innocence to Shippo."
"Leave the comforting to Inuyasha and myself. Bottling up your feelings never helps. Maybe your sadness would be a comfort to Kagome-sama—let her know she's not alone in her fear."
Disgusted with his calmness over the situation that so deserved distress, Sango had stomped furiously out to find her friend.
She regretted that now, looking back. He had only been trying to help. She would have to apologize later.
"Sango? Are you okay?"
"Hn?"
"You're spacing out," Kagome indicated, looking curious.
"Oh.....sorry, Kagome-chan. Just daydreaming, that's all."
@-}---------------
"There you are, wench!" Inuyasha's sweet gesture came from the trees as they returned to the village, scaring Kagome to death and causing Sango to look up in annoyance and chuck a rock at him. Even in the darkness her air was true; the impertinent little halfling fell to the ground with a heavy thump, holding his head and looking infuriated.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
"Stop being mean to Kagome-chan, Inuyasha."
"Why should I?"
"Because," Sango said in a voice of forced calm, "you wouldn't want to take a taste of the stuff I give Miroku after HE misbehaves."
"You couldn't do anything to me if you tried," Inuyasha sneered. He found himself on the ground with a matching bump on the other side of his head two seconds later, staring at the girls' retreating backs. Muttering enough curses to make a sailor wince, he peeled himself off the dirt and walked off to follow them, rubbing his head crossly and making a mental note to never catch Sango on a bad day.
"Kagome-chan!"
Her head shot up. Sango was running towards her with Shippo and Kilala at her heels, smiling and looking happy. Happy. She would try her best not to ruin her friend's happiness with tales of death and despair......kami knew she had enough of it, with her whole family gone and a brother under an evil spell. But even as she told herself that, her resolution began crumbling into a million tiny pieces and she felt dangerously close to burst into tears right there and say everything. No, Kagome thought. No, not yet.
"Hey, guys! How are you?" Her voice was painfully cheerful. So cheerful that it was fake, like a mustard-yellow painted sun. Too bright to be real. Sango looked apprehensive.
"Kagome-chan, is something wrong?"
Of course they could tell, Kagome thought irately. That was stupid of me. I've got to be more convincing than that! Her mouth began quickly preparing a reply to the question as her brain tried to shake itself from its stupor. "I'm f-fine, I just—" Everything she thought of was incredibly lame, so it was a relief when Miroku entered the clearing and spared her from answering with a hearty greeting: The you-look-lovely today, the how-are-you, and the typical priest-like smile that was just too serene to belong to such a lecher. She took the opportunity and answered with vigor that she was fine, thank you.
With that topic finished, Sango began to open her mouth again, her expression serious, and Kagome knew what was coming: the questions, the friendly inquisitiveness, and the worry. She wouldn't ward it off this time......it would come out here, in front of Miroku and even Shippo—innocent Shippo that didn't deserve the heavy knowledge that his surrogate mother was going to die.
It was then that Inuyasha chose to make his appearance.
He came crashing to the earth with numerous leaves and twigs from his recent perch, landing as gracefully and lightly as a kitten. Kagome couldn't help but smiling at his timing as Sango closed her mouth quickly, clearly more than a little annoyed.
"What're you smiling about?" Inuyasha grumbled unhappily. "You're two days late!"
"Gomen, Inuyasha," Kagome said hastily, her grin disappearing like a hunted rabbit down a hole. "I was just......busy. Something came up."
"'Something came up'? Don't give me that, wench. What happened?"
"It's nothing, okay?" Kagome said even quicker, panic rising in her throat. "Just.....make up work." Inuyasha looked ready to protest or accuse again, but Sango elbowed him gently in the ribs and gave him a scolding look that was reminiscent to a mother rebuking her child. The hanyou, clearly not happy at all with the way he was being treated, gave a surly expression and closed his mouth, crossing his arms with a trademark 'feh' and a 'whatever'.
With that settled, everyone was content to head back to the village. The visit with Kaede was rushed—mostly by Sango, who seemed intent on getting Kagome alone. It took several rounds of patient persuasion to get Inuyasha to allow them to stay the night, but Miroku managed, (after a request from Sango, no doubt) saying that it wouldn't hurt at all to rest before setting off again, and that they were all tired—which wasn't so far from the truth. Eventually, the hanyou grudgingly agreed.
As soon as their staying put was settled, Sango began her attempts of coaxing Kagome to the hot springs. She could sense that the girl was troubled by something—and also hiding that something—and she was playing the role of the concerned girlfriend. Of course, that didn't stop Kagome from doing her very best to evade it.
"But wouldn't you like a nice, hot bath, Kagome-chan?" Sango wheedled. Miroku stood a few feet away, looking mildly interested with sparkling eyes. The demon exterminator took one look at his expression and gave a very deadly I-Dare-You look.
"No, that's okay, Sango. I took a bath this morning."
"Please, Kagome-chan?" She was being very pushy about it. Miroku looked confused, more than interested, as if asking, Are you—? "Get those thoughts out of your head, monk." Her soft tone suddenly became very sharp. "Wouldn't you rather wait inside with Kaede-baa-chan?"
Taking the hint or fearing for his health one, the houshi left for the cabin obediently. The second his heels disappeared behind the door-flap, Sango turned her penetrating dark eyes upon the schoolgirl with the air of a teacher who knew of paper airplanes that had been flying behind her turned back. Noticing Kagome's uncomfortable shudder, her features relaxed and became calmer. Reaching a hand out, she spoke hesitantly.
"Kagome-chan.....?"
Silence answered her inquiry, along with a bird or two outside the window.
"Please, Kagome. Tell me what's bothering you." A pause as Sango tried in vain to catch her friend's eye. "I want to help you."
"You can't," Kagome whispered sadly.
"Why not?"
"Because there's nothing you can do, Sango. There's no sense in making you sad."
"But.....at least we can be sad together," Sango murmured softly. Kagome felt then the last of her resolve shatter and threw herself at her best friend, sobbing and holding onto her shoulders for dear life. They sat there together for a long time, Sango rocking back and forth until the weeping quieted. "There now," she said carefully. "It'll be all right, Kagome-chan. I'm here. Tell me what's wrong." Her expression, hidden from the weepy younger girl, was fierce. "If anyone's hurt you...."
"It's nothing like that," Kagome sniffled, feeling incredibly pathetic but really not bothering to care anymore. If anyone had the right to be pathetic, she did. "It's that......I......."
Silence. A cricket chirped. A bird whistled. A child giggled and called to his friend.
"I'm dying." She came out and said it—bluntly, but she couldn't think of any other way. Kagome squeezed her eyes shut, listening as Sango gasped sharply and her hands shook on Kagome's.
"Kagome-chan......not you. Not you." There was a pause, as if she expected Kagome to assure her that she had been joking. When nothing came, she continued uncertainly. "You can't be dying. You're too young, too strong. You're not sick."
"I AM sick," Kagome insisted patiently.
"But you don't seem—"
"It's not that kind of sick." Silence. "The doctors aren't even sure what it is. They can't do anything about it." More silence. It was becoming unbearable. She wished more than anything at that moment that Sango would say something reassuring. She needed comfort, more than anything. Before she started crying again for all the unfairness......
"H-how long do you have?" Sango's voice was small and fearful, like a lost child.
"Ten days."
The stillness was deafening. Then suddenly......
It was broken. Kagome found herself staggering under Sango's weight as she flung herself at Kagome, crying. The battle-hardened demon exterminator hardly ever cried—only when her family had died, or when she had thought she'd have to kill her brother. Kagome brought a hand to her back comfortingly. She felt stronger than she had before—like her mother, consoling her younger self after an accident.
'There, there, Kagome. It's just a little scratch. You'll be okay. Sshhh. I'm here.'
How could she be so scared when her friend was just as frightened as she was?
"It's okay, Sango. I'm here."
Sango abruptly pulled away, her face flushed and tear-streaked.
What am I doing? I'm acting like an idiot! She needs us to be strong for her now, Sango thought disgustedly, and here I am, crying like Shippo! "I'm sorry, Kagome. Forgive me."
"It's okay."
"A-are you going t-to tell the others?"
"Miroku, maybe. Shippo doesn't need to know about it." Sango looked doubtful. "I don't want him to be sad. He's too young, Sango. I don't want you to be sad either, but......" I'm too weak. I've been aching to tell someone since I found out today. Misery loves company. And look what I'm doing to my friends. The people who care about me more than anything in the world. I'm making them sad, like me. I'm bringing the feeling of doom upon them, as I feel. It's not fair. It's not fair to them. It's not their problem. And I'll be darned if—
"Kagome-chan? Are you okay?"
"Fine," she answered with a bright smile. "As I was saying, we can tell Miroku, but only him."
"But.....what about Inuyasha?" Sango looked serious. "You have to tell him."
"I will, I will," Kagome assured. "Just.....not yet. I have to work out what I'm going to tell him. You know, the way that will be easiest to swallow, and so he won't go rip the doctor's throat out. You understand, don't you?"
"I understand. Know one thing, Kagome-chan. He loves you." She paused. "He needs to hear it from you.....but I can tell houshi-sama if that will make it easier—give you less to worry about." Reminds me of the doctors, Kagome thought. They told me to just focus on being comfortable and gave me all the antibiotics. Oh, yeah, girl, just drug yourself into oblivion and you won't worry about the fact that you're going to DIE!!
Aloud, she only nodded and murmured a solemn thank you.
@-}----------
The evening came quickly, as if the sun was eager to escape its post. Kagome and Sango retreated to the hot springs before the moon had fully raised itself into the sky and before the stars began their jolly winking.
The water of the hot spring was uncommonly warm and inviting. Kagome immediately slipped in and waded up to her shoulders, taking a breath and dipping under the water. Normally she sat, enjoying the temperature, but that was before. She'd had all the time in the world then. It seemed, after all, that everything had changed: her outlook, her habits, even her chattiness. Inuyasha (though forced into a sullen silence by a deadly Sango Look) had long since her arrival noticed her silence, and was very curious. Shippo was naïve enough to over look it and be blissful anyway.
Miroku was another story entirely.
Before the girls took their leave, Sango had left Kagome's company for a brief few minutes and took the time to explain to the houshi the situation. Though he shed no tears or collapsed as the women had done, it had been apparent that he was shaken by the development. His hand—usually oh-so- steady—trembled upon his wooden staff's handle and his dark eyes took on a glaze of pity and sorrow. No doubt he understood how heavy the threat of death could be when it rested on one's shoulders.
Sango had warned him softly not to mention anything to Inuyasha or Shippo, not going into much detail because it was not necessary. He had given his solemn promise and nodded in understanding, catching her hand as she turned to leave.
"I know you're hurting right now, Sango. It's all right to show it."
Angrily, she had pulled her hand away.
"How can you say that? We have to be strong for her right now! Kagome's scared! She's lost! We can't be acting like little children when she needs us!" Lowering her voice left keen ears should catch it, she mumbled, "Leave the innocence to Shippo."
"Leave the comforting to Inuyasha and myself. Bottling up your feelings never helps. Maybe your sadness would be a comfort to Kagome-sama—let her know she's not alone in her fear."
Disgusted with his calmness over the situation that so deserved distress, Sango had stomped furiously out to find her friend.
She regretted that now, looking back. He had only been trying to help. She would have to apologize later.
"Sango? Are you okay?"
"Hn?"
"You're spacing out," Kagome indicated, looking curious.
"Oh.....sorry, Kagome-chan. Just daydreaming, that's all."
@-}---------------
"There you are, wench!" Inuyasha's sweet gesture came from the trees as they returned to the village, scaring Kagome to death and causing Sango to look up in annoyance and chuck a rock at him. Even in the darkness her air was true; the impertinent little halfling fell to the ground with a heavy thump, holding his head and looking infuriated.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
"Stop being mean to Kagome-chan, Inuyasha."
"Why should I?"
"Because," Sango said in a voice of forced calm, "you wouldn't want to take a taste of the stuff I give Miroku after HE misbehaves."
"You couldn't do anything to me if you tried," Inuyasha sneered. He found himself on the ground with a matching bump on the other side of his head two seconds later, staring at the girls' retreating backs. Muttering enough curses to make a sailor wince, he peeled himself off the dirt and walked off to follow them, rubbing his head crossly and making a mental note to never catch Sango on a bad day.