Dying
By: RemmysGal
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Victoria woke the next morning to the smell of pancakes wafting under her door. She glanced at the clock. Eight-thirty. She groaned, and rolled out of bed. She grabbed her pink robe from a chair by the desk and opened the door.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Twenty-year-old Victoria Rokaway padded out of the bedroom she shared with her boyfriend Sirius Black. A slight sniff of her nose told her that Sirius was cooking. Sniff, pancakes, again. And they smelled like they were burning. Sirius was a horrible cook. He tried, but he always managed to burn something, leaving the flat smelling like burning food all day.
Upon entering the kitchen, she saw Sirius' back turned to her. He was over the sink, trying to clean a pan he had been using. She smiled slightly.
"Good morning, beautiful," he said as he put the pan down.
"How did you know I was here?" Victoria asked. Sirius held up the pan he was cleaning. "Oh," she said.
"So, how are you this morning, love?" he asked as he led her to the small table that they used as a dining table.
"All right, I s'pose," she said as she sat down and stretched in the chair.
"Well, I made breakfast," Sirius said brightly as he kissed the top of her head. Victoria groaned. "I thought you liked my cooking!" he said, pretending to be offended.
"That was just a lie to get you to like me," Victoria answered, "I never liked your cooking…mine's much better,"
"Well, I can't argue on either points, because obviously I like you now, and you are a much better cook," Sirius said, his hands entertwining themselves into Victoria's honey hair.
"Glad to know you like me, we've only been dating for two years," Victoria said sarcastically.
"Did I say like?" Sirius asked shocked, "I meant, love you," he whispered.
"Uh-huh," Victoria murmured. Sirius sat down in the chair across from her. He took her face in his hands and kissed her gently. Victoria started to laugh and Sirius pulled away.
"Thanks for laughing at me when I'm trying to kiss you," he said, getting up. Victoria grabbed his hand and pulled him back down before kissing him full on the mouth. Sirius looked a little surprised but then responded. Then Victoria pulled away. Sirius groaned. "What?"
"I'm hungry," she laughed.
"I made pancakes!" Sirius said as he stood up. Victoria laughed as Sirius put a plate of black pancakes in front of her. "Bon appetite!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Victoria walked down the hall to her kitchen. She saw the back of Remus Lupin huddled over the counter eating a plate of pancakes and sipping a cup of coffee. She looked to the sink where the pots and pans were currently scrubbing themselves clean.
"So I suppose you can't do anything without magic," Victoria said lightly as she padded into the kitchen. Remus looked up and when he saw Victoria a small smile formed on his face.
"Not in the morning, no," he replied. Victoria went over and reached for a mug from the cabinet above the sink and poured herself a cup of coffee. She then went and sat on the stool next to Remus.
"So you slept all right?" she questioned.
He nodded. "Best I've slept in a while, actually," he responded, taking a bite of the pancake. "Would you like some?"
Victoria shook her head. "No thanks," she said. "So, are you up for telling me the rest of the story?"
Remus looked at her as he finished chewing. Then he swallowed and said, "That depends, on whether you want to hear the rest of it."
"Why wouldn't I?" she asked.
"Well, it's the more depressing part of the story," Remus explained.
"Depressing? Why?"
"Because Sirius escaped, and he thought he was free, but he wasn't,"
Victoria stood up. Remus looked at her. "Where are you going?" he asked.
"I think I'm going to need some coffee for this one. Would you like a refill?" Victoria said.
"Please," Remus answered.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Seventeen-year-old Victoria Rokaway sat at a large circular table in a corner of the Hogwarts Library. Mountains of books and parchment surrounded her, so one could safely assume that she was completing the homework that was assigned over the weekend.
Seventeen-year-old Sirius Black entered the Library, a rare occurrence in itself, and looked around. He whistled softly. Having only been in the Library a few times, usually at the end of the year to accompany Remus on his trips to cram for exams, he didn't really know where to go. But he looked around and smiled softly when he saw a mass of honey colored hair near a table in the corner.
He began to walk over to the table, but suddenly stopped. He looked at his hand. It was sweating. Sweating. Sirius Black's hands didn't sweat. This meant he was nervous. Sirius Black was never nervous. Especially about girls. Sirius was the smooth, suave guy that had no trouble talking to girls.
But something was different about Victoria. She had some power about her that made her untouchable. Guys fell over their feet for her. But she never really noticed them. Oh Sirius knew there had been a few, but she wasn't one to just give herself away, so relationships had never lasted long. For Sirius it had been the complete opposite. But it wasn't that he played the girls. He just never found one he really liked. His thought was, maybe if I snog her long enough I'll like her and we can have a relationship. But it never worked like that. There was never that spark, that chemistry that happens only in a precise moment. So he just kept on snogging, girl after girl, never finding what he needed, hence came the title of "player".
So here he was, sweating over a girl with wavy honey hair with her nose in a book in the back of the Library. It made Sirius cringe just thinking about it. He even contemplated turning around. But he had begun to realize recently how beautiful Victoria was. Sure, he always knew it, but it wasn't until recently he had realized that he liked her. A lot. The one incident which changed his mind was their meeting in the common rooma few nights ago.
Sirius had just came back from the kitchens. He entered the Gryffindor Common Room and looked around. There was a bunch of second and third years in there, mostly people were wandering around or in their dormitories (or each other's, Sirius thought sarcastically). He looked around for James, Remus, and Peter, but they were nowhere to be found. Sirius was just about to go look in their dorm when he spotted a mass of honey coloured hair sprawled over the top of a red armchair by the fire.
Sirius smirked, he loved teasing Victoria. Not serious teasing, just little jokes here and there. Victoria took it all in stride. She even had some comebacks, which Sirius liked, because not many girls could stand up to Sirius Black with those comebacks and not melt in his smile that he always wore when they "fought".
Sirius walked around the chair and sat down in the chair opposite Victoria. She didn't even notice he was there. She was reading. Sirius didn't know what, but it was a very…large…book.
While she was immersed in the book, Sirius took this time to examine the girl…no, he corrected himself, woman sitting in front of him. For Victoria had certainly become a woman. Her hair was long and straight, and she had…er…filled out nicely, he thought, as he flushed a little. But his flush could have been a trick of the fireplace, because Sirius Black didn't flush.
He noticed her eyes, gray like the sky on a stormy day. He remembered how they flashed when she was angry, and sparkled when she was happy. Her perfect little nose, which formed her mouth. Sirius nearly groaned when he thought of her mouth. How such a beautiful mouth could say such words to him when they fought, it was hard to believe. Her lips were curved into a slight smile as she read, and a slight crease was in her forehead that appeared when she read.
This was when Sirius Black realized he liked Victoria Rokaway. He liked everything about her. Everything he thought to be childish and whimsical turned out to be mature and permanent.
So here he was, the great Sirius Black, standing in the door of the Library, hands sweating and preparing to ask out the one girl he really felt that he liked. What if…? No, Sirius Black does not get rejected! He thought angrily. But what if she doesn't want to go out with me? Sirius was so caught up worrying about what he would say and what she would say he didn't realize he was blocking the entrance and people were waiting for him to move.
"Mr. Black, would you kindly move? There are other students who wish to use the Library. Of course, you've never been in here, so if you need any help, simply ask," Madam Pince called from her desk. Students from the tables turned and chuckled quietly. Sirius flushed and grinned sheepishly.
Victoria was looking at him now. Oh perfect, Sirius thought, she had to see me being teased by Pince. She was staring at him with a slightly amused look. He took a deep breath and walked over to her table, sitting down as smoothly as he could.
"Nice entrance, Black," she smirked when he sat down. He gave her one of his 'smiles'. She simply smiled politely in return. "Anything in particular you wanted?"
"You," he whispered seductively.
Victoria simply laughed, her voice like music to Sirius' ears. "Really, Sirius, I need to study, so if you're just here to annoy me, bugger off."
Sirius sighed. This was not going well. "Well," he coughed, "actually, I wanted to ask you something," he said. Victoria raised her eyebrows into perfect arches. "Um, well, you see," he stuttered.
"What's this?" Victoria retorted playfully, "The almighty Sirius Black is stuttering?"
"Yeah, well, I, I mean, if you want to,"
"Sirius, spit it out, mate,"
"CAN YOU GIVE ME A BREAK? I'M ONLY TRYING TO BLOODY ASK YOU OUT!" he yelled. All heads turned to look at him. Victoria looked astonished for a moment, before blushing until her face looked like Lily's hair. "Mind your own business," he snapped at the students.
"Sirius," Victoria began.
"Listen, I know you probably don't like me that much, okay maybe not at all, cause I can be a real wanker sometimes, but I fancy you and if you'd just come on one Hogsmeade date with me you will make me the happiest man alive," Sirius finished, looking straight at her.
"Yeah Sirius, you also like all the other girls you've dated," Victoria responded coolly.
"I know, I was an idiot, but I do like you, and it's just one date," Sirius pleaded, looking at Victoria with his large brown eyes.
Victoria blushed again. "You really want to go on a date with me?" she asked incredulously.
"Yes," Sirius answered.
"Why?"
"Why not? You're beautiful, and smart, and witty, and funny, and graceful, and I can't help the feeling that every time I see you I want to grab you and stick you in a broom closet and snog you senseless."
"You could have stopped at graceful,"
"Yeah but I needed to put that in," Sirius grabbed her hand that was resting on the table. Victoria's eyes widened when she looked at it. Damn, Sirius thought. His hands were still sweaty. No one wants to hold someone's sweaty hands. "Please, Victoria, I don't want to beg. If you don't want to, just tell me and I can take what little pride I have left."
Victoria's eyes softened, and she looked at Sirius in an odd way. Then she smiled. "Okay," she said softly.
"What?" Sirius asked, bewildered.
"Yes, I'll go out with you," she smiled "Idiot," she murmured. "The things I do for the people I like." Sirius whooped and jumped up from the table. Victoria laughed and Madam Pince swooped down on him.
"Mr. Black!" she screeched, "you have disturbed this place of learning long enough! Kindly remove yourself from my Library." And she stalked off.
"Well, um, I guess I have to go. Uh, I'll see you later," he gave her another 'smile' and sprinted out.
Victoria smiled and laughed to herself.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------"So we were at the point where…" Remus began as they sat on the couch in Victoria's living room for the second time.
"Sirius…just escaped," Victoria finished.
"Ah, yes," Remus said. "Well Sirius fled to some island in the Caribbean. He never told me which one, and although I pressed him, he wouldn't answer. I received letters from time to time, from giant tropical birds and the like. The letters weren't very informative, he was always afraid someone would intercept it. But he asked if you had contacted anyone, or if anyone had contacted you. I didn't know where to find you at the time. Why in bloody hell did you make your flat Unplottable?"
"So nosy wizards like yourself wouldn't be able to find me," Victoria retorted.
"Right," Remus responded, slightly taken aback. "Well this was going into Harry's fourth year at Hogwarts. And I found out that the Triwizard Tournament was taking place this year. Somehow, despite the age restriction of 17, Harry was selected as a champion. Sirius was terribly worried about him, as was I, but he always seemed so cheerful about it. 'My godson, Hogwarts' champion', he would say. But in the end, Harry met Voldemort. Voldemort killed the other champion, Cedric Diggory,"
"Amos Diggory's son?" Remus nodded.
"Harry and Voldemort dueled—"
"Harry dueled with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" Victoria asked, shocked.
"Yes, Harry dueled with Voldemort. Voldemort got his body back. No one's really sure how, but he did. And he nearly won. He and Harry were lifted off the ground. Their wands are brothers, and so they will not duel against each other. However, if their masters force them to, a very strange occurance will take place. Their wands will connect, and a beam of light will form. Priori Incantatem."
"The Reverse Spell Effect?" Victoria asked sharply.
Remus smiled. "For one who left the wizarding world, you still know your spells. Yes, the Reverse Spell Effect. Whatever wand the golden beads touch, that wand will carry out the last spell performed. So a misty form of Cedric appeared. Then Bertha Jorkins. And an old man. Then…"
"Lily and James," Victoria whispered.
"Lily and James. Harry met his parents for the first time. They gave him the courage to survive. He did survive, but barely. Sirius came to the school. Then he was sent to live with me. All I had was a tiny flat given to me by the Ministry. There was barely enough room for me, let alone another full-grown man. But Sirius came anyway. And we survived, cramped, in a little flat outside of London, until Sirius decided to go back to his house."
"His house? Grimmauld Place?" Victoria asked.
"Yes. I was with him when he returned. Sirius didn't want to be there. He had too many nightmares, too many troubles, to call that place home. But he knew he couldn't continue to stay with me. Tensions were already high. So he moved back into his house. It was then that Dumbledore reconstructed the Order of the Pheonix, and Sirius lent him his house to use as Headquarters. Sirius was miserable, he couldn't go out, he couldn't work, and he had to sit inside all day and night with that house-elf Kreacher. I stayed there often, but my job for the Order and my need for my own flat kept my away often. Then the Dementors came to Little Whinging. They attacked Harry and his Muggle cousin Dudley, and Harry used magic to stop them. He can produce a corporeal Patronus. He was in danger of having his wand snapped. Then the Advance Guard, including myself and Andromeda Black's daughter Nymphadora Tonks, Mad-Eye, Kingsley Shacklebolt, and others from the original Order came and took him from his aunt and uncle's house.
"We took him the Grimmauld Place and he stayed there with the Weasley children, who were living there also. Fred and George Weasley, they're seventeen, are probably the worst troublemakers Hogwarts has seen since the Marauders. They're brilliant. They made this swamp in the entrance hall, and these firecrackers…I'm rambling again.
"Harry had to go to trial for his underage magic, and Minister Fudge was a real arse about it. But Harry got off. But you see, Fudge didn't believe that Voldemort had returned. He took too much pride in his office. So he removed Dumbledore from the Wizengamot, and fined those who spoke out in belief that Voldemort returned. But Harry kept having these dreams, about a long corridor and a door, he was always reaching for something, but he never knew what. Finally he figured out that he was running down the corridor in the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry of Magic. He had…premonitions…about things. He nearly saved Arthur Weasley from dying. But he also thought that Sirius was being held by Voldemort in the Department of Mysteries, and was determined to save him.
"Sirius of course, was in no such danger. But Harry set of for the Ministry of Magic on Thestrals—"
"Thestrals?"
"The creatures that only those who have witnessed someone die—"
"I know what they are," Victoria snapped, "I just never knew Hogwarts had them."
"They pull the carriages," Remus responded. Victoria's face dawned with comprehension.
"Anyway," he continued, "Harry left with Ron, Hermoine, Ginny—she's Ron's younger sister, Neville Longbottom, and Luna Lovegood."
"Longbottom? Frank and Alice's boy?"
"Yes, he lives with his grandmother,"
"The poor boy," Victoria said sadly.
"They got down to the Dept of Mysteries and found The Prophesy. Death Eaters surrounded them. They had to run, and they were chased. By the time we had found out, we feared it would be too late. The Order assembled, and we headed to the Ministry. Sirius wanted to come. It was his godson, he said. We tried to dissuade him, but to no avail.
"We found the Death Eaters, and Harry and his friends. We dueled with them. Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy, just to name a few. Sirius was dueling against Bellatrix…she shot a jet of light at him; he dodged it and laughed. 'Come on,' he said, 'you can do better than that'. She shot again. She didn't miss." Remus found it hard to continue. He put his head in his hands.
One tear trickled down Victoria's face. She moved and went to sit by him, putting a comfortable arm around him. "If I had just dissuaded him from coming," Remus said gloomily.
"Remus, Sirius is so headstrong he wouldn't have listened to you anyway. It was his choice to go, you are not responsible."
"The laughter still hadn't died from his face. He looked a little shocked, but he was still laughing. He fell through a veil, and he didn't come back. I half expected him to, laughing and saying he was fine. But he didn't. I had to hold Harry back. I didn't want to believe it, Victoria, I'm all alone now."
"You're not alone, Remus. I'm here for you. God, I didn't know any of this. You should have called me, owled, wrote, anything. You don't have to go through this alone."
"I didn't know if you still cared."
"I care about you Remus. You were, are, one of my best friends."
"But you left the wizarding world."
"Yes, because I've seen too much heartache and too much pain. I've seen nearly all of my friends die, and the man I loved betrayed them all."
"But he didn't."
"I know he didn't Remus, but a lot of good that does me now! He tried to tell me, tried to tell me it wasn't him. He came here, right after I left. I almost had to call the police. He said it wasn't him. But I closed the door on him." And here she began to sob uncontrollably.
Remus held her in his arms. "Sh," he said gently. "I know, but we've all made mistakes. And Sirius wouldn't want you to cry like this. Please, Victoria, you've got to understand. He still loves you, he never stopped. And I know you still love him."
"I can't"
"You can't what?"
"I can't love him anymore," she replied, getting up abruptly from the couch and walking into the kitchen. Remus, confused, followed after her.
"We will always care for those we loved, even if they're not here anymore."
"No, you don't understand," she said urgently.
"What don't I understand?" Remus asked.
"I don't love him because I love someone else. I'm engaged, Remus." Victoria said.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I'm Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again
I'm Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived
There's a shade come over this heart that's coping with laying down to rest
I'm Dying to live without you again.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Note: Ah, where did that come from??? Cliffhanger! I really didn't have that last part planned. I had the chapter end all nice, and comfortable. But now I've made everything more complicated. Ah, oh well. Well, what do ya think? I think it's all right, but I've just made it so much more difficult. Yes, the fiancée is a Muggle…or wait…maybe I'll make him a wizard, but Victoria doesn't know. No, that's way too complicated. Ah, well you'll just have to wait and find out! I just got done with my final exams, so I'll be updating sooner.
I'M GOING TO SEE HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN!! I'M SO EXCITED!
Make my day and REVIEW!! PLEASE??
Much Love,
RemmysGal