For once in my life, I'm not in the mood for babbling. Yeah, whoa. Since my
last update took so long, I'm trying top redeem myself with this earlier
one. As always, thanks to the lovely reviewers that convince me daily to
keep writing. Here we go.
@-}-----------------
Kagome knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that her answer had not satisfied Inuyasha's question. He'd known as soon as the answer left her mouth that she was lying, and it apparently made him very frustrated. He hadn't spoken to her since, and it was already halfway through her fifth remaining day. Catching his eye had had no profit, and when an apologetic cup of Ramen wouldn't do the trick, she knew that nothing would work but telling him the truth.
And she wasn't ready to do that to him yet.
Was he ready? She found herself asking that question more and more often as the day went on. Was poor Inuyasha, who'd already been through so much sadness in his life, any more ready than Shippo to hear such terrible news? More sorrow wouldn't do either of them any good, she decided. And while not telling them was nearly as bad, it seemed the only option. So it was with a heavy heart that the girl from the future began formulating a plan, considering even the most dreadful ideas. Suicide crossed her mind—she was going to die anyway. But that was not a good idea.
She couldn't very well stay with her friends. For them to wake up one morning to find her dead—or, worse, witness it for themselves—would be cruel and undeserving a fate for them. Not to mention that would leave the explaining to Sango and Miroku, and she wouldn't want that—they'd been so wonderful through all of it, and there was no excuse to give Inuyasha reason to blame them. She couldn't go home and put that weight on her family. They had been so sad, and would only be more traumatized with the futile rush to the hospital they would be sure to attempt in her final hours. She had no intention of leaving Souta his last memory of his sister lying, near dead or worse, in a hospital room. He would remember her smiling, hugging him and telling him that she loved him.
And so, the only choice she had left was to leave them. All of them. She would have to leave and spend her last days somewhere else—far away, where her friends would wonder but not know for sure her fate. They would miss her. There was no way around that. Shippo would cry and cry, and wonder why his second mother had abandoned him. Inuyasha would be sad too; the feeling of betrayal would assail him then. Sango and Miroku would be left with guilt and sadness. Any way she turned, the situation would injure those close to her.
But it was settled.
The only remaining question was, how to do it? A goodbye would be the right thing to do, and it would make her feel better, for sure. But that would lead to questions that she had come to that solution to avoid. Why was she leaving, and when was she coming back? Because I'm dying, and never, Kagome imaged herself saying. That was too much. She couldn't bring herself to say goodbye aloud. Her voice would break two words into the sentence. She could tell Sango and Miroku, but hadn't they done enough? Hadn't they kept enough quiet for her already?
Yes. More than enough.
It was hard for them.
They didn't deserve any more of a burden than they already had.
So, there would be no goodbye. At least, aloud. Leaving a letter would ease her guilt at least a little, but how could she leave it without it being discovered before she wished? If it was found too early, they would come after her, and that would be worst of all. She would find a way to do it, though, and keep her fingers crossed in prayer.
The knowledge that the last night with her friends had come startled Kagome into complete, miserable disarray, as it hung heavily like a stifling curtain. She tried to smile as much as possible—she owed them that, at least, to give them one last happy memory with herself. She helped Miroku with dinner and took extra helpings even though she wasn't hungry. After dinner, she read Shippo his favorite storybook four whole times before going on to the next three and tucking him into her sleeping bag. When that was finished, she agreed to a bath with Sango even though she wasn't dirty, and stayed as long as the other girl wished.
Returning to the camp was terrible. It brought the realization that she was spending her last hours with them—and time simply would not slow down—close to home. Apparently, though, her act was convincing enough, because no one asked if she was all right, or seemed to notice at all. And that was a good thing, she decided, though a part of her truly wished that someone would find her out and make her stay her last days with them.
But that was selfish.
Kagome was determined to make the most of what time was left. Upon her return to camp, she hugged Miroku and Sango before they went to bed, earning some puzzled smiles. Once they were settled in she moved she left in search of Inuyasha. He had to be somewhere close, brooding—for tonight was the night of the new moon, and he never strayed too far as a human. After spending ten precious minutes of searching, she found him, sitting on a rock by the river with his eyes closed. His coal black hair swayed a bit in the gentle breeze that wasn't quite enough to circulate the tepid summer air, looking almost the color of shadow. He looked mildly peaceful, and though his expression was blank, Kagome could sense anger.
Dare she disturb him? Of course. It would be wrong to leave without patching things up, and she wouldn't be able to bear the guilt. "Inuyasha?" At her soft whisper, his eyes fluttered open, glaring sharply into the darkness as though he still had his keen demonic vision.
"What do you want, wench?" His tone was clipped, and Kagome almost burst into tears in spite of herself as she took a seat beside him on the rock. It was cold, and hard.
"I.....just wanted to talk to you," she lamented, hoping her own tone wasn't too revealing. When no reply came to that, she continued, carefully. "I just wanted to say......I'm sorry." Nothing. "You know.....about the other night." He stared at the dark sky above, as though she hadn't spoken. Ignoring her. She wished he'd just answer, at least—when she spoke again, her voice was pleading, even broken with tears she wouldn't allow to fall. "Inuyasha, please—just answer me. Say something."
His head shot up, his expression hard, glaring, as he met her eyes. But even as he noticed the moisture in their depths, his expression softened, and his resolve shattered into little bite-sized pieces. Kagome—lighthearted, innocent Kagome—looked within two inches of crying.....oh, how he hated it when she cried. With a self-exasperated sigh of surrender, he looked away, mumbling uncomfortably, "Don't cry.....I didn't mean it." And suddenly, as though his words had been a secret command, he found himself holding onto a sobbing girl.
Panic rose in the human boy's throat as he glanced down at the trembling head of ebony. Her hands, shaking, were clinging to his haori as though he might force her away. All the emotions he had sensed over the past few days were suddenly free and apparent—fear, sorrow, guilt, and helplessness. It was so much for one girl to handle; he wanted so much to comfort her, but all he could manage was an awkward hand to stroke her hair.
"Easy, easy," he muttered quietly, and obediently the weeping calmed into something mellower. Inuyasha could think of nothing to do but to sit there and hold her, giving clumsy comfort. What could have caused such distress? He hoped it had nothing to do with him, as he felt guilty enough already for being such a butthead. Obviously that had been enough to push his poor friend into a complete collapse.
As the confused Inuyasha sat there, pondering, Kagome held tight to his haori, wishing to never move from the spot. Why had she done this to herself—to him? It was only going to make it all the more difficult for both of them. And she had had him fooled, too—it would've been an easy job to sneak out of camp. She would leave. Before she caused any more hurt, she would leave. She'd spent the whole five minutes in his arms, memorizing his scent, placing how his arms felt around her into her memory forever—wishing so hard that none of any of it had ever happened.
But that was stupid. It wouldn't help.
At last, Kagome forced herself to pull away. The warm arms that had held her so securely as she cried fell away submissively as she sat up and moved backwards. It was hard to look him in the eyes, but she forced herself to do that as well, memorizing how beautiful an indigo color they were. They were concerned, confused; though she didn't want to, she found herself imagining what emotions they would hold in only a few hours' time. Anger. Grief. Pain. He didn't deserve any of it. None at all.
Relinquishing the moment at last, Kagome backed up and looked away, sniffling. "I'm sorry," she found herself saying in a pitifully small voice. "F-forgive me." Inuyasha watched her with meek concern, clearly uncertain on how to handle the situation. "I g-guess you're s-sleeping out here tonight, h-huh?"
"Yeah," came the quiet reply. Then, "Kagome—"
"I-I understand," she interrupted, backing away and breaking into a run back to camp. Inuyasha watched helplessly from his rock, cursing himself and everything but her.
@-}-----------------
Back at camp, the last embers were dying in the fire's circle, casting odd, dancing shadows about the sleeping faces. The only sound, other than the flame's cackling, was the furious scribble of Kagome's pen on paper as she prepared the goodbye note to the friends that she loved. Once she was done, she put the pen back into her bag and stood up, silently. Sango and Miroku were sleeping peacefully, their expressions content. Shippo was so cute, so naive in his sleep. More tears came to her eyes as she reached down and kissed his cheek, smoothing the red hair away from his face. 'Forgive me, Shippo,' she thought as she pressed the note into his small, open hand and closed his fingers around it. 'I love you like my son.....that's why I'm leaving you.'
Standing silently, Kagome backed away from the peaceful, cozy scene before her. Her whisper, as she turned away for one final time, was a hair's breadth above silence. "Sayonara, guys. I'll miss you."
^^^^^^^^^---------^^^^^^^^^^^^
I know, I know. You all wanna kill me! Sorry, Emmy! Sorry Hanyouelf! Please, Laura, Moogle, Sanosa, Unigirl, everyone, don't kill me! *Runs away as fruits and veggies pelt her back* Eeeeee! I HAD to do it! It's the CLIMAX of the story!! I have authoress's LISCENSE!!! LITEREARY LISCENSE!!! *Ducks behind deck* And anyway, at least she's done putting it off! I know THAT cliché cliffy was driving you as crazy as it was me! But if it makes you feel any better....there was some fluffiness, and I DO feel terrible..... *Sobs into hanky*
Read and review and I'll update for you!
@-}-----------------
Kagome knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that her answer had not satisfied Inuyasha's question. He'd known as soon as the answer left her mouth that she was lying, and it apparently made him very frustrated. He hadn't spoken to her since, and it was already halfway through her fifth remaining day. Catching his eye had had no profit, and when an apologetic cup of Ramen wouldn't do the trick, she knew that nothing would work but telling him the truth.
And she wasn't ready to do that to him yet.
Was he ready? She found herself asking that question more and more often as the day went on. Was poor Inuyasha, who'd already been through so much sadness in his life, any more ready than Shippo to hear such terrible news? More sorrow wouldn't do either of them any good, she decided. And while not telling them was nearly as bad, it seemed the only option. So it was with a heavy heart that the girl from the future began formulating a plan, considering even the most dreadful ideas. Suicide crossed her mind—she was going to die anyway. But that was not a good idea.
She couldn't very well stay with her friends. For them to wake up one morning to find her dead—or, worse, witness it for themselves—would be cruel and undeserving a fate for them. Not to mention that would leave the explaining to Sango and Miroku, and she wouldn't want that—they'd been so wonderful through all of it, and there was no excuse to give Inuyasha reason to blame them. She couldn't go home and put that weight on her family. They had been so sad, and would only be more traumatized with the futile rush to the hospital they would be sure to attempt in her final hours. She had no intention of leaving Souta his last memory of his sister lying, near dead or worse, in a hospital room. He would remember her smiling, hugging him and telling him that she loved him.
And so, the only choice she had left was to leave them. All of them. She would have to leave and spend her last days somewhere else—far away, where her friends would wonder but not know for sure her fate. They would miss her. There was no way around that. Shippo would cry and cry, and wonder why his second mother had abandoned him. Inuyasha would be sad too; the feeling of betrayal would assail him then. Sango and Miroku would be left with guilt and sadness. Any way she turned, the situation would injure those close to her.
But it was settled.
The only remaining question was, how to do it? A goodbye would be the right thing to do, and it would make her feel better, for sure. But that would lead to questions that she had come to that solution to avoid. Why was she leaving, and when was she coming back? Because I'm dying, and never, Kagome imaged herself saying. That was too much. She couldn't bring herself to say goodbye aloud. Her voice would break two words into the sentence. She could tell Sango and Miroku, but hadn't they done enough? Hadn't they kept enough quiet for her already?
Yes. More than enough.
It was hard for them.
They didn't deserve any more of a burden than they already had.
So, there would be no goodbye. At least, aloud. Leaving a letter would ease her guilt at least a little, but how could she leave it without it being discovered before she wished? If it was found too early, they would come after her, and that would be worst of all. She would find a way to do it, though, and keep her fingers crossed in prayer.
The knowledge that the last night with her friends had come startled Kagome into complete, miserable disarray, as it hung heavily like a stifling curtain. She tried to smile as much as possible—she owed them that, at least, to give them one last happy memory with herself. She helped Miroku with dinner and took extra helpings even though she wasn't hungry. After dinner, she read Shippo his favorite storybook four whole times before going on to the next three and tucking him into her sleeping bag. When that was finished, she agreed to a bath with Sango even though she wasn't dirty, and stayed as long as the other girl wished.
Returning to the camp was terrible. It brought the realization that she was spending her last hours with them—and time simply would not slow down—close to home. Apparently, though, her act was convincing enough, because no one asked if she was all right, or seemed to notice at all. And that was a good thing, she decided, though a part of her truly wished that someone would find her out and make her stay her last days with them.
But that was selfish.
Kagome was determined to make the most of what time was left. Upon her return to camp, she hugged Miroku and Sango before they went to bed, earning some puzzled smiles. Once they were settled in she moved she left in search of Inuyasha. He had to be somewhere close, brooding—for tonight was the night of the new moon, and he never strayed too far as a human. After spending ten precious minutes of searching, she found him, sitting on a rock by the river with his eyes closed. His coal black hair swayed a bit in the gentle breeze that wasn't quite enough to circulate the tepid summer air, looking almost the color of shadow. He looked mildly peaceful, and though his expression was blank, Kagome could sense anger.
Dare she disturb him? Of course. It would be wrong to leave without patching things up, and she wouldn't be able to bear the guilt. "Inuyasha?" At her soft whisper, his eyes fluttered open, glaring sharply into the darkness as though he still had his keen demonic vision.
"What do you want, wench?" His tone was clipped, and Kagome almost burst into tears in spite of herself as she took a seat beside him on the rock. It was cold, and hard.
"I.....just wanted to talk to you," she lamented, hoping her own tone wasn't too revealing. When no reply came to that, she continued, carefully. "I just wanted to say......I'm sorry." Nothing. "You know.....about the other night." He stared at the dark sky above, as though she hadn't spoken. Ignoring her. She wished he'd just answer, at least—when she spoke again, her voice was pleading, even broken with tears she wouldn't allow to fall. "Inuyasha, please—just answer me. Say something."
His head shot up, his expression hard, glaring, as he met her eyes. But even as he noticed the moisture in their depths, his expression softened, and his resolve shattered into little bite-sized pieces. Kagome—lighthearted, innocent Kagome—looked within two inches of crying.....oh, how he hated it when she cried. With a self-exasperated sigh of surrender, he looked away, mumbling uncomfortably, "Don't cry.....I didn't mean it." And suddenly, as though his words had been a secret command, he found himself holding onto a sobbing girl.
Panic rose in the human boy's throat as he glanced down at the trembling head of ebony. Her hands, shaking, were clinging to his haori as though he might force her away. All the emotions he had sensed over the past few days were suddenly free and apparent—fear, sorrow, guilt, and helplessness. It was so much for one girl to handle; he wanted so much to comfort her, but all he could manage was an awkward hand to stroke her hair.
"Easy, easy," he muttered quietly, and obediently the weeping calmed into something mellower. Inuyasha could think of nothing to do but to sit there and hold her, giving clumsy comfort. What could have caused such distress? He hoped it had nothing to do with him, as he felt guilty enough already for being such a butthead. Obviously that had been enough to push his poor friend into a complete collapse.
As the confused Inuyasha sat there, pondering, Kagome held tight to his haori, wishing to never move from the spot. Why had she done this to herself—to him? It was only going to make it all the more difficult for both of them. And she had had him fooled, too—it would've been an easy job to sneak out of camp. She would leave. Before she caused any more hurt, she would leave. She'd spent the whole five minutes in his arms, memorizing his scent, placing how his arms felt around her into her memory forever—wishing so hard that none of any of it had ever happened.
But that was stupid. It wouldn't help.
At last, Kagome forced herself to pull away. The warm arms that had held her so securely as she cried fell away submissively as she sat up and moved backwards. It was hard to look him in the eyes, but she forced herself to do that as well, memorizing how beautiful an indigo color they were. They were concerned, confused; though she didn't want to, she found herself imagining what emotions they would hold in only a few hours' time. Anger. Grief. Pain. He didn't deserve any of it. None at all.
Relinquishing the moment at last, Kagome backed up and looked away, sniffling. "I'm sorry," she found herself saying in a pitifully small voice. "F-forgive me." Inuyasha watched her with meek concern, clearly uncertain on how to handle the situation. "I g-guess you're s-sleeping out here tonight, h-huh?"
"Yeah," came the quiet reply. Then, "Kagome—"
"I-I understand," she interrupted, backing away and breaking into a run back to camp. Inuyasha watched helplessly from his rock, cursing himself and everything but her.
@-}-----------------
Back at camp, the last embers were dying in the fire's circle, casting odd, dancing shadows about the sleeping faces. The only sound, other than the flame's cackling, was the furious scribble of Kagome's pen on paper as she prepared the goodbye note to the friends that she loved. Once she was done, she put the pen back into her bag and stood up, silently. Sango and Miroku were sleeping peacefully, their expressions content. Shippo was so cute, so naive in his sleep. More tears came to her eyes as she reached down and kissed his cheek, smoothing the red hair away from his face. 'Forgive me, Shippo,' she thought as she pressed the note into his small, open hand and closed his fingers around it. 'I love you like my son.....that's why I'm leaving you.'
Standing silently, Kagome backed away from the peaceful, cozy scene before her. Her whisper, as she turned away for one final time, was a hair's breadth above silence. "Sayonara, guys. I'll miss you."
^^^^^^^^^---------^^^^^^^^^^^^
I know, I know. You all wanna kill me! Sorry, Emmy! Sorry Hanyouelf! Please, Laura, Moogle, Sanosa, Unigirl, everyone, don't kill me! *Runs away as fruits and veggies pelt her back* Eeeeee! I HAD to do it! It's the CLIMAX of the story!! I have authoress's LISCENSE!!! LITEREARY LISCENSE!!! *Ducks behind deck* And anyway, at least she's done putting it off! I know THAT cliché cliffy was driving you as crazy as it was me! But if it makes you feel any better....there was some fluffiness, and I DO feel terrible..... *Sobs into hanky*
Read and review and I'll update for you!