Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 19
Chapter 2: No Explanation
Remy LeBeau had not been able to sleep, he'd been curled up in a corner in the hallway outside the hospital wing all night. His back ached, his shoulder throbbed, but he could not leave, if this was the nearest he could be to Rogue without being in the way, then so be it.
He could not understand it, and that not understanding chilled him to the very bone. It should have been the complete opposite, even he knew that. Rogue should have not been the one to suffer the kiss, he should have. Her powers should have drained him to unconsciousness.
Remy had watched Professor Xavier enter the Hospital Wing not long after he'd been exiled from it by Jean and her telekinetic powers. He'd wanted to find the strength to try and follow the man in, but he felt so completely drained both emotionally and physically that even summoning up the effort to raise his head to watch as he entered had taken too much out of him.
This is exactly why you should have never come back to her, Remy thought at himself in tears, he rested his head against his knees, he had his knees pulled up to his chest with his arms tight around them. He felt like a child scared and alone in a closet somewhere waiting out for some horror to pass by. Only unlike a child hiding from his fears, guilt was something he was unable to hide from, no matter how hard he tried. He'd spent all his life trying, and had never quite succeeded – not even come close to it.
No matter where you go, no matter what you do, you taint everything, everything crumbles, everyone gets hurt, he thought miserably. This happiness between us was too good to be true. Never lasts long, does it. She was bound to get sooner or later. I'd have done us both a favour if I'd kept on ridin' that bike right out of Bayville that night…why did I ever listen to Piotr…why…god…why?!
The grandfather clock in the hall struck five am, he listened to the five chimes, he'd been there for hours now, just waiting. Hoping and praying that beyond that door into the hospital wing, that the only woman he'd ever loved would live through this ordeal.
Jean had said she'd be fine, how could he trust that? Jean was talking about general medicine, physical ailments – which she'd studied. But this wasn't just medicine. This was mutant, he knew it in his very soul. Something very wrong had happened, her powers seemed to have somehow backlashed from his and caused her this excruciating pain.
"Remy…?" came a familiar yawning voice from nearby, he raised his head to see who was there.
Kitty Pryde was walking down the hallway towards him, she was in a short nightgown and pink ankle socks, her eyes puffy with tiredness. "What are you sittin' out here for?" she asked tiredly. She scratched her head, her brown hair was mussed, flat on one side, curling on the other, one side of her bare arm was pink, and indented with the shape of the creases from the sheets she'd been sleeping on.
"Rogue's in there," he nodded towards the hospital wing door, "had…some kind of…fit," he said softly, misery thick in his voice.
"Is she alright?" Kitty's tired blue eyes widened, her mouth fell and her face paled slightly at the news of her friends sudden suffering.
"I've seen the Professor go in, that was hours ago," he sighed, "No one is comin' out to tell me anything…" he rubbed his tired eyes, they were slightly teary.
Kitty came over and sat beside him, her back pressed against that same wall, "you okay…?" she asked softly, she could see the panic still etched in his face, he looked so exhausted and it was obvious he was keeping himself up out of fear that something might go wrong. She'd known Remy so long that now it was becoming easy to read him like a book.
Remy shook his head, "I knew this would happen," he mumbled, his voice full of emotion.
"What? That she'd take a fit?" Kitty asked.
"No," Remy uttered, "this…things going wrong…I leave wreckage wherever I go. I'm a liability to everyone I've ever cared about…" he pressed his hand to his eyes, "things were going so well…and now—"
"It's probably just some kind of minor illness," Kitty tried to console. "It's no reason to give up hope on everything again, Remy…"
"How can we pin it to some minor illness?! It's some kind of…backlash from her powers…" Remy frowned, "it's because of me, it's MY fault," he said firmly and angrily.
"How could it be your fault?" Kitty asked curiously.
Remy looked away, "I kissed her…"
"You…what?" Kitty asked, she wasn't sure if she was hearing correctly.
"I was caught up in the moment, that's all it was…I love her so much and…how can you love someone so much and not kiss them just once…I've waited…since…the moment I first realised that I was falling in love with her…knowin' there was never a right time…and the time felt…so right…it felt like it was meant to be…and I went for it…" he drew his breath, "it should have been be who got the brunt of it, Petit…should have been me."
"Come on, you know that's totally impossible, Remy, are you SURE you really kissed her? Like you weren't just close, or imaging it or something?" Kitty asked.
"I felt her lips…I was kissing her and NOTHING was happening, there must have been about five seconds when everything was so perfect…" he explained, "and then…then she was pulling away…she was so still, I thought she was just…shocked or something…I expected her to be so happy, like…that I was still sitting there and NOT drained…" he wiped the tears that were forming, "how could it be her that it happened to…it SHOULD have been me."
Kitty was confused also, "that just…doesn't make sense…her powers don't backlash…"
Remy looked at her, "so what are you saying?"
"It's gotta be something else," Kitty shrugged, "but I know Rogue, she's a survivor, she's gonna be fine…"
"If not?"
Kitty shook her head, "there is no 'if not'. She'll be fine," she stood up, "trust me…" she ruffled Remy's hair affectionately.
"You're being calm…this is your best friend…don't you even care?" Remy asked incredulously.
"Of course I care," Kitty rolled her eyes, "but I just…I'm determined I'm not going to lose anyone else. I've already lost my parents, I almost lost you," she pointed at him, "there's no way I'm losing my best friend…"
The hospital wing door opened, and both Remy and Kitty glanced over to it at the same time. Jean was the first to exit, and then the Professor, followed by Hank and Piotr.
"Hey," Kitty said softly to Piotr, she did not meet his eye.
"What are you down here for?" Piotr asked.
"I came down looking for…uhm…a bandaid," Kitty said, "how's Rogue?" she asked of Jean.
Jean's expression was practically morbid, and Remy stood up at once seeing this. Jean sighed and walked over to Remy, "she's still breathing, and her heartbeat is very strong and very steady," she explained, "but…"
"But?" he asked.
"She's in a comatose state…" Jean said softly.
"What does that mean…comatose state…she's unconscious but she's still fine…?" Remy asked.
Jean, the Professor and Hank all exchanged glances, "there…is one problem," Hank said, "a very…big problem," he walked over to Remy, "we can't seem to pick up ANY brain activity what so ever from her…and even the Professor and Jean cannot penetrate her mind."
"It's as if…there are walls up around her whole psyche," the Professor explained.
Remy sucked in a breath, "what are you saying? That the woman I love is braindead?"
"That's not what we're saying," the Professor interjected.
"No, that's exactly what you're saying," Remy frowned.
"What could have caused this, Professor?" Kitty asked softly.
"At the moment, we're not sure," the Professor said, "We can find no answers. At the moment we have no explanation to how it happened in the first place."
Remy looked at Kitty pleadingly, he could not find the words to express what he needed say, he hoped she would find the right thing to say.
Kitty noted the look at once, "What if…she were using her absorbing powers and it started…could it be some kind of…backlash?"
"Why would she be trying to use her powers?" Hank asked, he looked positively mystified, his indigo eyes squinting in slight confusion.
Remy looked at them all, "Because I kissed her," he said in dry emotional voice.
Jean shook her head, "that's not possible…you know that as well as any of us."
"Then why is it that I'm standin' here and SHE'S the one in the infirmary?" Remy demanded angrily, he pointed to the door of the infirmary, he could see Rogue lying unconscious on the bed still. It seemed as if she were simply peacefully sleeping, and not unconscious from a deadly kiss.
"Calm down…" Kitty whispered to Remy, she took a hold of his arm gently.
"No, I will not calm down!" Remy pulled away, "I'm mad…mad at myself for being so stupid as to think for one minute everything would be alright! Mad at myself for putting her in danger! For thinking only of myself – as USUAL. I should have never come back, all I ever do is leave wreckage wherever I go, and now look at her! Braindead…"
"She is NOT braindead!" Kitty's eyes glazed with tears, "and this is not your fault! Who's to say that if you hadn't kissed her it wouldn't have happened anyway?! You don't know that! And blaming yourself and being angry at yourself isn't going to help anything…"
Remy headed into the hospital wing, "it might not. But at least I'm admitting the responsibility I have in this," he took one of Rogue's gloved hands within both of his and held it close to his heart, "leave me alone with her," he uttered coldly, he frowned over his shoulder at all of them.