Summary: Sebastian faces his guilt over what he's done to Kathryn as she struggles for her life.
Chapter 14: Someone's Always To Blame
"What is taking them so long?" Sebastian grumbled as he paced the linoleum floor of the hospital waiting room. "She's been in there all afternoon and no one has come out to tell us what's happening. What the fuck is going on with these doctors?"
Annette, who was sitting anxiously on the edge of her chair tried her best to calm him. "Sebastian she's going to be all right, Kathryn's a very strong woman. She'll pull through this."
Her reassurances fell on deaf ears as Sebastian continued to pace furiously and rant. "They're all a bunch of over paid incompetents, every one of them! Not a single doctor or nurse will come and tell us anything. Well if Kathryn doesn't come out of there, a hundred percent healthy I'll go to the head of staff and make sure he fires every last one of them!"
"Sebastian"
"No! Better yet I'll go to the board of directors. The Valmont money should be able to buy some influence. I'll make sure all of them pay!"
"Sebastian stop it!" Annette exclaimed as she jumped from her seat and grabbed hold of him. "You need to calm down. Blaming the doctors won't help Kathryn-"
"No you're right" he said shaking his head, the look of fury still evident on his face. "I shouldn't blame the doctors, I should blame that moron Sam Ashton. The stupid son of a bitch drove right into her, he wasn't even looking where he was going! That's vehicular manslaughter and you can be damn sure he'll go to jail for it."
"It was an accident" Annette pleaded with him. "He didn't even see Kathryn when he turned the corner. Now I know you are upset and scared for her but no one is to blame for this, you have to understand that."
The anger melted off of Sebastian's face and but his eyes were still dark. He glanced at Annette sadly for a moment before turning around and saying "someone's always to blame."
"Not always" she sighed sitting back down in her chair. "What I don't understand is what Kathryn was doing standing in the middle of the parking lot. I know she was upset after the assembly but why didn't she just leave? How come she didn't see the car coming at her?"
Sebastian was silent for a moment before he faced her, his eyes on the brink of tears. "I'm the reason she was standing there" he explained, his voice weak. "She didn't see the car coming her way because of something...something I said to her."
"What?" Annette asked suddenly alarmed. "Sebastian what are you talking about? What did you do?"
He sat down beside her but refused to look at her as he explained "after you went to talk with your dad I got into another fight with Kathryn. I called her a cold hearted bitch amongst other things. I kept calling her names and she begged me to stop but I kept going. Finally I told her to get out of my sight so she ran out of the building. I was standing in the doorway, watching her cross the street and I couldn't resist one last jab. I, I called out to her and she stopped. I asked her how it felt to be nothing more than a toy. Kathryn, she...she started to cry and I just laughed at her. She was so upset she didn't see the car..."
"Oh god" Annette moaned her head falling into her hand.
"So you see someone is to blame, me. I'm the reason she's in there fighting for her life, because I just had to twist the knife a little further." When he finally glanced over at Annette he noticed her eyes at the ground staring away from him. "See, even you know it's the truth. Her blood is on my hands."
"Don't say that" Annette told him. "Look maybe you did go too far, but you didn't know she was going to get hit by a car."
"Yeah" he scoffed "just like Kathryn didn't know that cab would run into me during my fight with Ronald. She set that into motion just like I set this into play. I might not have been the one who hit her but I'm the reason she was in that parking lot, at that exact moment. Now look me in the eye and tell me you don't think this was my fault. You can't do it can you?"
She leaned over him and caressed his face "it was an accident. You made a mistake but it wasn't intentional."
"You don't know that" he confessed his voice starting to break. "I was so angry at her, I wanted to hurt her so badly I would have done anything..."
"Sebastian did you want Kathryn to get hit by that car?"
"No!"
"Then you have your answer." Drawing him to her Annette kissed his forehead followed by his cheek as a tear rolled down his face. "She's going to make it through this Sebastian and you have to stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault."
For a brief moment Sebastian allowed himself to believe that as he rested his face against hers. Closing his damp eyes he pretended he was somewhere else, anywhere but that hospital waiting to find out if Kathryn was alive or not. Unfortunately that moment was only fleeting as a second later the shrill voice of Tiffani Merteuil called out behind him "what isn't your fault Sebastian? Are you responsible for my daughter laying in that hospital bed?"
Annette and Sebastian exchanged brief glances before getting to their feet. "No, Ms. Merteuil he's not. I was just reassuring Sebastian that no one is to blame for the accident."
"Then what the hell happened to her? I'm in Chicago and I get a call saying I have to come back to New York right away because my daughter is in the hospital. Now I want some answers Sebastian!"
Taking a deep breath, Sebastian wiped his eyes and then led Tiffani out of the room so they could have some privacy. He knew he was going to have to tell a few fibs to his former step mother and he didn't want Annette around to hear him. She would want him to bring everything out in the open and he just couldn't. "Kathryn was hit by a car at Manchester. She was standing in the parking lot and the driver didn't see her."
"What? Why was she in the parking lot? Why wasn't Harold there to pick her up?"
"It happened in the morning. Kathryn was upset about something and wanted to go home early."
"Well what was the matter?"
Sebastian looked away, "I have no idea."
Tiffani sighed as she tapped her manicured nails against her leather handbag and eyed him suspiciously. When he finally looked up at her she once again asked him "are you sure you had nothing to do with this accident?"
He looked at her and nodded dully even though Sebastian knew it was a lie. However Tiffani still didn't seem convinced as her eyes narrowed at him and she stepped closer to him. "You better not have Sebastian. Because if I find out you're lying I'll make you pay in ways you never dreamed. Now if you'll excuse I'm going to check of my daughter."
* * * * * *
I love you
As Sebastian sat in the chair beside Kathryn's bedside, those three little words played continuously in his head. He had been waiting years for her to finally tell him how she truly felt about him. When she finally did say those words he had been longing to hear, it was because she was in pain. Pain he had caused her.
It was currently after midnight and Kathryn still hadn't regained consciousness. Earlier that night the doctors had finally come to talk to them after having been in surgery with Kathryn for most of the day. They informed Tiffani and him that she had some internal bleeding but they had been able to stop it. However the bad news was she still hadn't woken up and they weren't sure if she ever would. They were all on a wait and see basis.
Sebastian had been reluctant at first to go in and see her because for some reason he felt afraid. He had never had much of a conscious before but when he walked into Kathryn's hospital room and found her laying there so small and still, hooked up to all of those machines he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with guilt. Sebastian knew he could logic the situation all he wanted to but in the end he was the one who put her in that bed.
As he pulled his seat closer to her he took her small hand and held onto it. For a brief second Sebastian thought Kathryn would squeeze his hand back but she didn't. Her hand was as lifeless as the rest of her body. The thought made Sebastian crumble once again. Resting his head on the bed beside her he whispered "this wasn't suppose to happen. I don't know what I thought would happen after I exposed you but I never wanted this."
"It's just...I hated you so much for betraying me. If you had just chosen me for once I...I would have made you so happy, but I guess that isn't an excuse is it? I humiliated you and went back to Annette but in the end it didn't give me what I want."
Sebastian laughed a dry, humorless laugh as he moved in closer to her. "I'll tell you a secret, I know how much you love those. I would give Annette up in a second, I'd give everything up if you would just open those green eyes of yours. Please Kathryn I know I don't deserve to ask anything from you after what I've done but I just need you to do this for me, I need you to be okay."
When her eyes remained closed and he was met with only the beeping on the heart monitor Sebastian's eyes welled up again and he muttered "god dammit Kathryn," before letting his head fall against her hand. He wasn't really sure how long he laid like that, crying and cursing himself for his mistakes. Sebastian seemed to drift in and out of consciousness as his head replayed the day's events. Fucking Kathryn in the conference room, watching her face as her reputation was smeared, listening her to beg him to stop as tears fell down her face and witnessing her hit that window shield then crumple to the ground. It all played over again in his head until he felt someone lightly touching his face.
Slowly he sat up and realized the fingers moving against him belonged to Kathryn. Her eyes started to flutter open as she shifted slightly in the bed and groaned. "Kathryn" Sebastian called to her.
Her eyes eventually opened and focused on him. "Sebastian" she whispered.
"Yeah" he smiled taking hold of her hand. "It's me, how are you feeling?"
Shifting a little more she winced "pain...everything..god it hurts. W-where am I?"
"It's okay" Sebastian assured her as he reached out and cupped her face. "You're in the hospital. You got hit by a car, it was at school. Do you remember anything?"
Looking away from him her face wrinkled in confusion making Sebastian assume that she indeed didn't recall the accident or the events leading up to it. However he noticed something pass through her eyes and he knew it before she even told him. "I remember" she whispered looking over at him. Sitting up on her elbows, her eyes cold and her voice at it's normal level she ordered "get out."
* * * * * *
Annette was suffering from a major crisis as she stood in front of the vending machines. Doritos or a twix bar?
Of course this wasn't a real problem but she was looking for any little trivial thing to help distract her from what was going on, even if it was for a moment. Kathryn might not survive the accident and Annette was going to have to live with the part she played in all of this. She didn't even like Kathryn, but she hated the idea of causing someone else pain. All day and night she had been thinking of all the ways she could have prevented this. The first being of course that she never should have blackmailed Kathryn, it went against every instinct she had but she'd done it anyway.
After finally deciding on a bag of plain potato chips Annette headed back down to the waiting room with a heavy sigh. She had been there all night and was exhausted. Sebastian had told her she could go home and get some sleep but she refused because she wanted to be there for him. Annette knew, even though he was trying his best to hide it, that Sebastian was being eaten alive by the guilt. Watching him beat himself up over this made her a little worried about his own safety so she stayed to keep an eye on him.
When she arrived back at the waiting room she found Tiffani there filling out some forms. As Annette walked in the older women looked up at her with a look that was a cross between surprise and disdain. "Oh Annette, what are you still doing here?"
Judging by her tone she knew Ms. Merteuil didn't like her very much. Even though she didn't even know her Annette assumed it had something to do with her lack of money and social standing. Like mother like daughter she supposed.
Still trying to be polite Annette took a seat across from her and explained "I wanted to stay and be here for Sebastian."
"Really? I wasn't aware you and Sebastian were seeing each other."
"Well, um, did he tell you he got his memory back?"
Tiffani gave her a disinterested shrug, "no I didn't know. I take it you were seeing each other before the accident."
"Yeah, we were and now that Sebastian is his old self again we're going to try and start over."
Tiffani smiled at her but it wasn't a friendly grin. There was something cold and almost malicious behind it that made Annette shift uncomfortably in her chair. "Well I am happy for you and Sebastian both but I don't think you should get your hopes up just yet for a happy future together."
"What do you mean?" she inquired warily.
"I think you know what I mean. For as long as I have known him, my daughter has always been first priority to Sebastian. Kathryn was after all his first love and I've always been amazed by the bond the two of them have shared. Of course I don't mean to belittle your relationship with him but I think you should be aware of how much a part of Sebastian's life Kathryn is."
Rising to her feet Tiffani stood over Annette as she continued on "when my daughter pulls through this, and rest assured she will, I imagine Sebastian will want to be there for her to help her recover. I also know that your...presence would only upset her so I would ask that you keep it to a minimum. It would really be in everyone's best interest including your own, after all you don't want to risk losing Sebastian by over crowding him, do you?"
"No, I guess not."
"Good then we have an understanding. I'm going to talk with the doctor and check in on Kathryn. I'll tell Sebastian you had to leave, I'm sure he'll understand."
Without waiting for an answer Tiffani left leaving Annette to stare dumbfounded at the wall. Did that conversation just take place? Had she just agreed to keep her distance from Sebastian just to secure Kathryn's well being? The answer to both those questions was a painful yes.
Annette knew she should have told Ms. Merteuil to mind her own business and that she would see Sebastian whenever she pleased. However something and stopped her, two things really. One, was her guilt because she felt she played a part in Kathryn's accident and therefor had to do everything in her power to try and rectify that. Even if it included limiting her time with Sebastian and allowing him to 'tend' to Kathryn.
The second reason was far less noble. Annette couldn't help but believe some of the things Tiffani had told her about Kathryn and Sebastian's relationship. They two of them really were close, enough that her own wayward mother noticed it. Annette had also seen the fear in Sebastian's eyes when he thought he might lose Kathryn. She knew some part of him loved her and he would want to be there for her when she awoke.
Annette didn't want to be the girlfriend that told Sebastian what to do but she also didn't think she could stand around and watch him nurse Kathryn back to health so she decided she would leave. Maybe it truly was better for everyone if she wasn't around but she also knew she wasn't going to give Sebastian up either. No matter what Tiffani Merteuil thought.
* * * * * *
"Kathryn you need to calm down" Sebastian advised her in a steady voice as he got to his feet.
"No what I need is for you to get the hell out of here!" she hissed her voice not quite up to yelling mode but still loud enough that someone could here.
Realizing this Sebastian walked over to the door and shut it so they could have some privacy. Turning back to face her he told her "I know you're upset with me right now, but this isn't the time. You just had major surgery and you need to relax, can you please just do that?"
Kathryn sat back in the bed but her eyes were still cold as she stared daggers at him. "What are you doing here Sebastian? Did you come to finish the job?"
"What?"
"Oh come on we both know you're responsible for putting me here. You drove me out of school and then stopped me in the middle of the parking lot but unfortunately for you that car didn't kill me so you decided to what, pull my plug when no one was looking?"
He shook his head at her completely shocked by what she was suggesting. "Are you crazy? It was an accident Kathryn! I never wanted to see you hurt!"
She chuckled darkly "right you didn't want to see me hurt, you just wanted to destroy me. You ruined my life and then you laughed about it! I remember everything you said to me, every nasty word and insult. Sebastian you hurt me in ways I never dreamed anyone was capable of doing least of all you."
Sebastian was stunned by the words that were coming out of her mouth but more than that the look of pain on her face as she reveled this to him. Tryin to explain himself he stuttered "I...I.."
"You what? Didn't mean it? I think we both know you did."
Storming over to her bed suddenly he stood over her and hissed "you're right, I did at the time. In case you've forgotten princess you aren't exactly the victim in this story. It was only a few months ago I was the one laying in a hospital bed because of you, because of all your fucking games. Instead of trying to help me though you helped yourself and made sure I would never get my life back."
Her green eyes met his as she asked "so what is this, an eye for an eye?"
Turning his back on her Sebastian snarled "if only. Look I was going to let everything go, I wanted my life to be with you. We could have been amazing together but you cared more about your precious reputation than a future with me, so when you made your decision I made mine."
"Right" Kathryn snickered. "You loved me so much that as soon as things didn't go your way you ran right back to Annette. Must be true love, huh?"
"I've always had feeling for her, they never went away."
"Well I hope you two are very happy together now leave me alone"
Sebastian was going to protest but he stopped himself. He had a feeling there would be plenty of time to argue with her later but this wasn't it. Kathryn wasn't at her full strength yet and he shouldn't be laying into her now. However before he could leave she called out to him "you were wrong about one thing you said."
"What's that?"
"I never loved you" she whispered her voice pure ice.
He knew he should just walk out of the room then but he couldn't help himself. Closing the door he'd just opened Sebastian told her "you are such a fucking coward."
"Excuse me? How dare you-"
"How dare I what? Tell you the truth? You were in love with me and you still are. You told me as much right after you were hit."
"I did not!" she exclaimed.
"Well there's a handful of witnesses that would say differently sweetheart. You do love me Kathryn or else you wouldn't be as angry as you are now. "
Shaking her head furiously she told him "that's not true. I don't feel anything for you Sebastian."
He rolled his eyes at her "Christ stop lying to yourself."
"I don't love you! I could never love you Sebastian. You're weak and pathetic just like that frigid little girlfriend of yours. If you want to know the truth I hate you! I hate you...I...I...I can't..." All of a sudden a look of pure panic spread across her face as she sat up and started moving. "I...I can't feel my legs...what's wrong with me? I can't move my legs Sebastian!"
Jumping to her side immediately he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder "calm down I'm sure it's just a temporary thing because of the drugs the doctors gave you."
"Don't tell me to calm down! I can't move, oh god I can't...I can't feel them at all!"
Sebastian pulled the covers away and squeezed her leg. He looked up into Kathryn frightened eyes and asked "anything?"
She shook her head "no, I can't feel your hand. Sebastian what's wrong with me?"
The look of terror on her face frightened him more than anything. He hated that look of powerlessness on her face and knew she hated it as well. Without a word Sebastian ran back into the hallway and called out to no one in particular "we need a doctor, now!"
* * * * * *
"Well I'm sorry to inform you Kathryn but it does appear you're suffering from a form of paralysis. Your spinal cord was damaged when the car hit you but we didn't notice it while you were in surgery because we were concerned with the internal bleeding."
As the doctor went into greater detail of his diagnosis Sebastian eyed Kathryn who had been sitting quietly, almost detached from the events surrounding her. Tiffani was listening attentively to the doctor and Sebastian hadn't even noticed that Annette had left. At the moment all he could think about was Kathryn and the look of fear on her face when she realized she couldn't walk. He did that to her, he put that look on her face. It also appeared that he might have put her in a god damn wheel chair for the rest of her life.
Unable to stomach the thought Sebastian suddenly interrupted the doctor, "is it permanent?"
The elderly doctor looked over at him and explained "no not necessarily. With the right attitude and a physical therapist Kathryn could easily regain the feeling in her legs but it will take a lot of work young lady. Are you up for the challenge?"
Kathryn's eyes met Sebastian's for a brief moment before she told the doctor "yes I believe so."
"Of course she is, she's a Merteuil after all" Tiffani exclaimed with faux cheer.
Kathryn glanced at her mother with little enthusiasm. Sliding back down in her bed she turned away from them and said "I'm very tired, I'd like to be alone now."
"As you wish dear" her mother told her before following the doctor out of the room.
Sebastian started to leave too but before he did he touched her back. Kathryn said nothing to him when he did this so he assumed she must be asleep. Then right as he opened the door she called out to him in a soft voice "I don't want to see you anymore from now on, understand?"
His heart breaking Sebastian simply mutter "yes."
- to be continued (Please Review)