Summary: Sebastian and Kathryn try to deal with the repercussions of the accident.
Chapter 15: How To Deal
"Sebastian" Annette giggled as he continued kissing her neck and sliding his hands up her shirt. "Stop it, someone could see!"
"So?" he grumbled before pulling her back to him.
"So, we're in the school parking lot and I rather it not get back to my dad what we are doing here." When he continued to ignore her requests to stop Annette put her foot down and promptly pushed him away, "enough."
Sebastian slammed his hands on the steering wheel in frustration, making her jump slightly in surprise. Shaking his head he spat "what's your problem?"
"I told you" Annette explained patiently. "This isn't the place for it, my dad's office is right over there. What if he saw us?"
Rolling his eyes he replied "well then I guess he'd realize the whole waiting for marriage thing was a bunch of bullshit."
She recoiled back even further from him until her back was pressed firmly up against the car door. Annette had thought Sebastian was being jovial in his frustration but if he was he wouldn't have said something as hurtful as that. Even if it was true. Turning from him Annette fumbled to open the passenger side door and she muttered on the brink of tears, "fine, I'll just go then..."
"Annette" Sebastian sighed as he placed his hand over her jittery hands opening the door. "Annette, stop. I'm sorry okay, I was being a prick. I didn't mean it."
"I know" she sighed. "I was just kidding around about my dad."
He nodded solemnly before leaning over to her and kissing her gently on the cheek. As he pulled away he gave her his infamous charming smile and asked "is there any possible way I can make it up to you?"
"Yeah" she replied a mask of seriousness. "You can deal with what's really bothering you."
Slowly Sebastian sat back in his seat, the smile falling from his face. Glancing in the rear view mirror he asked "what do you mean?"
Annette cupped his face forcing him to look at her. "You know what I mean. Have you talked with her at all since that first night in the hospital?"
Sebastian scowled at the question and right away Annette knew she had hit a soar spot with him. It had been a little over three weeks since the accident and Kathryn was still in the hospital. All of her internal injuries had heeled but she still couldn't walk. Sebastian had confessed to her the morning afterwards that Kathryn didn't want to see him and he was going to abide by her wishes. However Annette knew it was eating him up inside not knowing what was going on with her. He was carrying around this weight of guilt for what he had done but he refused to talk about it. Every time she tried to bring the subject up she was always shut down.
Annette knew that this couldn't go on much longer. Sebastian was becoming more and more irritable, he was a shell of his former self. He needed to deal with Kathryn weather he wanted to or not. "Well?" Annette asked when he didn't give her an answer.
With a heavy sigh he muttered "you know I haven't and I don't plan to. She doesn't want to see me so why should I push it?"
"Because it might make you feel better and you might finally realize that what happened was an accident. Kathryn being paralyzed is not your fault."
Sebastian let out a short humorless laugh, "yeah I don't think she'll see it that way."
"Well you won't know until you try" Annette pushed. "When does she get out of the hospital anyway?"
"In a few days"
She nodded "then I think you should talk to her before then. Please Sebastian, will you do this for me?"
Sebastian opened his mouth like he was going to argue with her then he stopped himself. He studied her for a long moment before asking "why is this so important to you? You know if it was the other way around, there's no way Kathryn would be..."
"I know, but let's just say you're not the only one who feels guilt okay? I can't exactly go chat with Kathryn, but you can."
Annette knew it was odd that she was pushing so hard for her boyfriend to go visit his ex. It wasn't like she believed Sebastian was completely over Kathryn, on the contrary she knew he wasn't. But she was willing to put all her jealous girlfriend feelings aside if it meant he might feel a little better.
Sebastian seemed to think over her request for a little while until they heard the first bell, signaling the start of class. He looked up at the school and then back at her. "I'll think about it, okay?"
She smiled "that's all I ask."
* * * * * *
If there was one thing Kathryn hated more than being paralyzed it was hospital food. She was use to five star cuisine prepared by her personal chef, not greasy lumps of mashed potatoes and dry vegetables that tasted like they were months old. For three weeks she had been trying to stomach this garbage but no more. From this point on she was on an official hunger strike.
Pushing her dinner tray away that featured something resembling chicken parmesan but she couldn't be sure, she sighed in disgust. Her stomach was growling though and she decided she would have the chubby nurse, who was always hanging about, go fetch her a candy bar from the vending machine. She could always use her old dieting trick to get rid of any pounds it put on later.
Kathryn stopped with her bulimic tendencies a while ago, after Sebastian asked her to stop. As she thought of him for the hundredth time that day she threw a nearby vase of flowers across the room with a frustrated yell. She had to stop thinking about him, she just had to. Sebastian was the reason she was in the hospital to begin with. He did this to her.
"Oh my what happened here?" the fat middle age nurse named Hilda asked when she came in and spotted the broken vase of flowers on the floor.
"It was an accident" Kathryn muttered coldly.
"I see, well I'll have one of the orderly's come by and pick it up. In the meantime can I get you anything dear?"
"No just..." remembering her rumbling stomach she backtracked. "Yes actually go get me something that's edible."
Looking down at her dinner the nurse asked "didn't you like your pasta surprise?"
"NO! Now just get me a goddamn candy bar!"
Hilda jumped in surprise at the sudden outburst but quickly regained her composure. This was hardly the first time a patient lost her temper with her and years of experience taught her how to be patient with difficult patients like Kathryn. With a reassuring smile she told her "all right dear, I'll be right back."
"Thank you" Kathryn replied with a sarcastic smile. When she was at last alone again she shook her head in disgust and once again counted the hours until she would be out of this hell hole. She wanted to go home so badly but her senile old doctor insisted she stay so her injuries healed. Kathryn felt fine and was eager to get home so she could start physical therapy. She was determined to walk again and soon.
That really was her worst fear, never walking again. Already she couldn't stand the looks of pity she got from the nurses, her mother and from the few friends she had left who stopped by to visit her. Even Blaine who could always be counted on to act like an asshole was always too overly polite to her. It was so frustrating that several times she had tried to get out of her bed on her own but each time she fell flat on her face. Then she would have to go through the humiliating ordeal of paging a nurse who could get an orderly to help her back in bed. This was then followed by a lecture from her doctor about not trying to push herself.
Thinking about this once again just reminded her of the person who caused her paralysis in the first place. Kathryn of course could appreciate the irony of the situation. She had been partially to blame for Sebastian losing his memory just as he was responsible for this. Every now and then she felt a bought of self pity and started to blame herself for what happened. She got what she deserved. Sebastian had told her as much before the accident when he ruined her reputation and broke her heart.
Kathryn hated him for that worst of all. What he said to her was still fresh in her brain. She remembered every cruel word of it along with the triumphant look on his face when he revealed how much he loathed her. That was the true reason she banned him from the hospital. Kathryn couldn't look at him without remembering everything.
Shaking the thought from her brain she once again tried to put him out of her head. Kathryn wheeled herself over to the small window of her hospital room and looked out at the city. She would walk again and she would be stronger than ever. Then she would get her revenge.
Kathryn was just starting to get lost in her latest revenge fantasy when she felt the presence of someone behind her. Figuring it was the tubby nurse once again she rolled her eyes and sighed "just come in all ready."
"I wasn't sure I'd be welcomed"
At the sound of his voice Kathryn wheeled around to find it was Sebastian standing in her doorway. He looked nervous as he stood there in his back suit holding a bouquet of her favorite white roses and some candy bars. Seeing as he hadn't shown up since she ordered him not to Kathryn was rather surprised as his presence, but not totally. Wheeling around all the way she demanded icily "what do you want?"
Walking all the way into the room he explained "I-I wanted to see how you were doing. You like white roses don't you?"
Kathryn wanted to reply 'you know I do' but said nothing. He placed them in her lap awkwardly, followed by the candy. "I ran into the nurse, she said you wanted these." Glancing over at her food he turned his nose up and quipped "I take it you're not enjoying there five star cuisine. Yeah I hated it too."
Once again Kathryn said nothing but sighed as if he was boring her. The truth was just having him around made her whole body come alive more than it had in weeks. She couldn't be sure if it was because of all the anger she felt towards him or because she still loved him. Either way she decided she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of answering his inane questions. She wouldn't yell or order him out but she would make him feel so awkward he would be running out of there soon enough.
After a long pause of silence he sat down on her bed and started speaking to her as if nothing had changed between them. "Look Kathryn I know you told me you didn't want me around and I probably deserve it but I really want to try and help you. Tiffani told me you're coming home in a few days and I thought maybe I could help you get on your feet so to speak." He gave her his usual amused smile they use to share but Kathryn only glared at him. "I can't make this up to you but please let me help you"
She didn't answer him but instead looked disinterestedly in the other direction. As expected Sebastian started to get frustrated. Getting to his feet he huffed "fine don't talk to me, but you can't give me the silent treatment forever. I know you remember? Eventually you'll talk to me even if it's just to scream how much you hate me."
Kathryn looked back at him but continued to say nothing. "Okay well then I'm going to go" he sighed. "But I'm not giving up on you. You will walk again Kathryn, I promise you."
As he started to leave she considered letting him walk out the door but in the end she couldn't help herself. "You're right Sebastian I will get out of this chair" she called to him.
He spun around in surprise when she addressed him. She a cautious smile on his face he replied "there's no doubt in my mind you will."
Keeping a cool expression on her face Kathryn wheeled over to him and hissed "I'm going to get my full strength back again and when I do I'm going to see to it that you and your precious Annette are destroyed, for good."
Sebastian's smile fell at this and the pity left his eyes. Looking at her in the same way he always had he told her "well you certainly sound like your old self."
"I might be in a wheel chair but nothing has changed. You ruined my life and I don't intend for you to walk away from that." Without another word Kathryn left the room feeling more triumphant than she had in weeks.
* * * * * *
"So how did it go?"
With a defeated sigh Sebastian collapsed onto the chaise beside Annette. When he called her half an hour ago and revealed he had seen Kathryn the day before he knew she would rush over to hear all the details and he hadn't been disappointed. However he knew she wouldn't like what he had to tell her. "You don't want to know" he grumbled loosening his tie.
Caressing his face she asked sympathetically "that bad? Well what exactly happened?"
"Exactly? Well let's see, she basically ignored me for fifteen minutes while I babbled on like an idiot."
"She didn't say anything to you?"
"Oh no she did" he explained his voice laced with sarcasm. "Just as I was leaving she told me she was determined to walk again and that when she did she was going to see me destroyed."
Annette rolled her eyes at this. "Well she certainly sounds like herself. But I don't think you have to worry about her retaliating any time soon."
Recalling the fierce look in her eyes Sebastian knew just how wrong Annette was. That look of pure furry that had been written all over Kathryn's face had stayed with him all night. "Kathryn doesn't make idyl threats. If she wants revenge she'll get it."
Moving closer to him she asked "what are you going to do?"
That's the question that had been plaguing Sebastian since the whole mess began. Part of him just wanted to say fuck Kathryn, he would live his life how he pleased. Then he would start to remember those nights when she fell asleep in his arms and how loving she could be towards him when she wanted to. Kathryn had loved him and at times she even proved it. Those memories were what made him fall in love with her and even though a part of him hated Kathryn for hurting him he in fact still loved her.
However he had chosen to be with Annette and being around Kathryn, paralyzed or not, would just complicate matters. He had to let his feelings for Kathryn go. "I'm just going to avoid her from now on" he explained.
Annette eyed him skeptically "can you do that? You live in the same house after all."
"Yeah well I think it's about time I strike out on my own. I have a room at the Four Seasons, I'll stay there until I get my own place. It's for the better believe me" he insisted more to himself than to her. "Besides do you really want to be hanging around here with Kathryn lurking about ready to pounce?"
"I guess you have a point." Resting her head on his chest she grinned up at him "it could be nice you having your own place."
"Yes, but would you come and visit me?"
"I think that could be arranged" she laughed right before he pulled her down for a kiss.
They embraced on the couch for a little while, enjoying the alone time that they never seemed to have anymore. Sebastian knew that was mostly his fault, he had avoided being intimate with her lately. Maybe it was because of the guilt he felt towards Kathryn or maybe he just truly wasn't over her yet. Either way he decided he needed to change that right away.
He was just about to wrap Annette in his arms and carry her off to bed when the sound of the elevator doors behind them opened. Sebastian could hear the familiar click of high heels behind him and the smell of French perfume even before Tiffani cleared her throat. Pulling away from Annette he didn't even bother to face his former step mother as he asked "what is it Tiffani?"
"I just came back from the hospital and I brought Kathryn home with me."
Sitting up immediately at the news Sebastian whipped around to face her, "Kathryn's here?"
"Yes she's on her way up now and I want everything to be perfect for her arrival." Looking past Sebastian to Annette she explained curtly "she doesn't want to see anybody so I think it would be a good idea if your guest leaves."
"What?" Sebastian snarled as he got to his feet suddenly. "No, no way! Annette's isn't a guest, she's my girlfriend and I want her to stay."
Not backing down for a minute Tiffani volleyed back "I'd like to remind you Sebastian that YOU are a guest in this home. The only reason I didn't throw you out with your father is because Kathryn asked me not to."
"Well I'm not anymore. If Annette goes I go too."
"No Sebastian" Annette interrupted as she got to her feet and gathered her things. "Ms. Merteuil is right. This is Kathryn's first day home and she shouldn't have to deal with anything she doesn't want to. I'll go but I'll call you later, okay?"
"Yeah" he sighed as he kissed her gently once more. "I'll talk to you later."
Annette stared towards the elevator when Tiffani called out "oh, could you take the servants entrance dear?"
She simply nodded and disappeared down the hall in the other direction. Once Sebastian was sure she was gone he turned back to Tiffani and hissed "what the fuck is your problem? Annette wouldn't bother Kathryn-"
"Oh but I think she would and we both know that" Tiffani chided him coldly. "Kathryn dislikes that little hick immensely and why you're are choosing to gallivant around town with her instead of helping my daughter recuperate is beyond me."
Sebastian flinched as he looked towards the ground "you don't know the whole story."
"I know enough, including how you humiliated Kathryn at that assembly. I should have you destroyed for that but I won't...for now anyway."
"Why?"
"Because for some reason my daughter still cares for you so, for now you are to stay here but if you hurt her-"
Before Tiffani could get her threat across the elevator doors behind them opened. Out stepped one of the butlers and was soon followed by Kathryn who was behind pushed by the maid. Tiffani's demeanor suddenly changed. With a cheery smile she greeted her "oh there you are darling. Sebastian and I were just talking about you."
"Fabulous" Kathryn grumbled as she looked up at Sebastian with disgust.
Ignoring her sullen attitude Tiffani asked "is there anything we can get for you Kathryn? You must be famished."
"What I want is to be left the fuck alone" she snapped as she quickly wheeled away down the hall towards her room.
Tiffani's face fell as the maid quickly followed after her. With a sigh she told him "she'll come around eventually."
Sebastian was in no mood to play nice with bitchy Kathryn or take orders from his former step mom. He couldn't deal with this now. When she was at the hospital he could pretend that everything was normal but now with Kathryn here it was all too real. Shaking his head he muttered "I'm have to be some place."
* * * * * *
For five hours Sebastian did nothing but drive around the city. Actually he ended up driving all the way to Vermont before turning around and heading back. He needed to clear his head and forget about everything and the only way he could think to do that was to take a drive. Even talking with Annette didn't seem very appealing. He had to be on his own.
When he finally returned home it was late so he figured most everyone was asleep but then on his way to his room he heard the sound of murmured voices coming from Kathryn's room. Apparently he was wrong. For a brief moment he considered just ignoring it but than curiosity got the best of him. Who the hell would be visiting her now, so soon out of the hospital?
Sebastian walked over to her door, raised his hand to knock but then stopped himself. Instead he pushed open the door. "What the fuck is this?"
At the sound of his voice Kathryn's head popped up instantly as she wiped the white powder coating her nostrils. She was in her chair with Blaine sitting beside her holding a coke spoon up to her nose. They both froze when he entered but soon Kathryn screamed back "get fuck out Sebastian!"
Sebastian completely ignored her request as he glared hard at Blaine. The anger that had been boiling up inside of him for the past month suddenly surfaced when he saw his friend stuffing Kathryn's nose full of cocaine. Without warning Sebastian ran over and grabbed Blaine by the shirt collar. He slammed him up against the bedroom wall and demanded "what the hell do you think you're doing Tuttle? She just got out of the hospital for crying out loud and you're giving her this shit?!"
"What the hell are you doing Sebastian?" Kathryn screamed. "Let him go!"
"Look Valmont, she called me up and asked me for some merchandise. It wasn't that big of deal" Blaine protested as he squirmed under Sebastian's grip. "What are you getting all bent out of shape for?"
His fist clenched in anger Sebastian hit Blaine hard in the gut causing him to double over in pain and Kathryn to scream "are you out of your mind? Blaine is YOUR friend and mine! Knock it off Sebastian."
Sebastian continued to ignore her demands and instead grabbed Blaine and forced him upright. "The big deal asshole is she nearly died last time she inhaled this shit. Now you might not care about her but I do and you won't go anywhere near her with this stuff again. No coke, no heroin, and no pills! If I find out you sold her any I'll hunt you down and you can be sure I won't be so nice about it next time."
"Fine" Blaine sputtered and coughed. "No more drugs, got it smoky. Now can you please let me go."
Sebastian let him go and ordered "get out."
Blaine shook his head at him before looking over at Kathryn and muttering "I'll talk to you later duchess."
When the door closed behind the bleached blond she immediately yelled "what the hell do you think you're doing, barging into my room, beating up my friends! You had no right Sebastian."
"I had every right!" he hollered back just as angry. "You nearly died last time Kathryn, there's no way I was going to sit by and let it happen again. You promised me you'd stay away from the coke."
"Yeah? Well you promised me a lot of things also you never lived up to!"
Shaking his head he sighed "I'm not in the mood for this Kathryn."
Clenching the arms of her chair she taunted him "fine, go ahead and leave again. God Valmont you are such a fucking coward. You can't face what you did to me, can you? That's the real reason you never visited me in the hospital. You're the reason I'm in this chair, because you had to get your pathetic revenge on me and you're not sorry about it are you? Admit it Sebastian that's why you never once have apologized!"
Whipping around suddenly he yelled "why should I? Has it ever dawned on you, as you wallow in all this self pity that maybe you deserved this? You ruined my life and Annette's and countless others. Kathryn, you've never once apologized for anything so why should I?"
Kathryn stared back at him like a little girl who had just gotten scolded by her father. The coldness was gone from her eyes but now all that looked back at him was pain and sadness. Sebastian watched as she tried her best to hold her head up in that same proud way she always had. Fighting back tears she whispered "I hate you. I hate you so very much."
Closing his eyes, Sebastian shook his head as he once again turned away from her. "Fine, whatever you say. I'm going to bed."
"I hate you!" she screamed. "Sebastian! Sebastian, don't...don't leave me again!"
He ignored her and started to leave when out of the corner of his eye he saw her try to get out of her chair. In the next instant Kathryn fell to the floor hard. Sebastian tried to catch her but it happened too fast. "Kathryn" he called out as he went to help her up.
"Don't!" she ordered as she pulled herself up into a sitting position. "Just leave okay, I don't need you! I don't...need anyone."
Sebastian bent down beside her and whispered "why are you doing this to yourself?"
Kathryn shook her head furiously as a tear started to fall down her face. "You were right, okay? I did deserve this..I..I..I deserve everything I get." Tears began to pour down her face as she sobbed "I deserve to be alone and now...now I am. I have no one...I'm..all..alone! I'll probably be in this wheelchair for the rest of my life and I deserve it! I deserve it! I deserve.." Kathryn at last couldn't speak anymore as she crumbled to the ground in tears.
For a moment Sebastian just watched her, too stunned to do anything more. All the walls and the cold visage she always had up had completely gone away. Now Sebastian was left with just a broken eighteen year old girl. The girl he had fallen in love with.
"Come here" he whispered as he scooped her into his arms and carried her carefully over to the bed. She was still crying softly as he laid her down and covered her with a blanket. Sebastian curled up behind her and draped his arm around her protectively as he cooed in her ear "it's all right, I won't leave you."
They laid like that for a long time until Kathryn's crying ceased. Sebastian wasn't sure if she had fallen asleep but something told him she hadn't. Leaning down until his mouth brushed her ear he told her "you didn't deserve this Kathryn and I'm sorry. You'll never know how sorry I am for hurting you."
Kathryn said nothing back but reached up and took his hand in hers.
- to be continued (Please Review)