CHAPTER 10
This is the beginning of our story.
I had once told Hirumi that our story, Tsukushi and I, never really began. There were numerous times that I could've started something with Tsukushi, knowing that she liked me in those earlier days. Yet there was Shizuka holding me back. I liked Tsukushi, but I loved Shizuka then. If I was the first guy to ever take an interest in protecting Tsukushi, Shizuka was the first girl who ever took care of me. Back then, I was too young to differentiate friendship from love. What did an 18-year old know about love back then anyway?
I knew that Tsukushi wasn't ready, although almost two years have elapsed since Tsukasa passed away. I remember that night when we went to the beach, I knew Tsukushi and Tsukasa were sharing a room. I was sitting on the beach late that night, crying my heart out for Shizuka. That trip to France changed me. I had tried to do everything to make Shizuka love me, even to the point of seducing her. She was already a woman of the world; too mature to fall for it. And so I went home with my tail between my legs, my wounded pride and broken heart wanting solace. Ego, which I thought I never had, even made my go out and get laid with a couple of girls whom I met with Akira and Soujiro, which Tsukushi found out when she and Tsukasa went out with us to the bar. When I saw Tsukushi that night on the beach, I realized too late my mistake. When I asked her to hold me for a few minutes, I had kissed her. It was not a passionate kiss, it was a kiss of empathy and compassion from Tsukushi which saved me from the emotional blackhole that I was in during those dark times. For that, I was most grateful for. Memories of those times I had scorned her adoration flashed in my head during that kiss. Here was a girl with everything I had ever wanted; and I turned her away. It was too late.
I never told her how I felt, except that day when I asked her to migrate with me to the States. I had kissed her then, and felt her answer. Whatever she felt for me when we first met wasn't there anymore. It crushed me.
This is my last chance with Tsukushi that I'm allowing myself to go beyond my limits. I'm not going to let her go this time. Behind her brave exterior, I know she needs me. Just as I need her.
I carried her all the way back to the cottage where we've stayed for a couple of weeks after we learned of Tsukasa's engagement, never breaking contact with her lips. I laid her on the couch and broke off from our kiss. "I know you're not ready. I don't know if and when you'll ever be. All I want is a chance to make you happy once more, if not happier than with your time with Tsukasa. I'm not expecting anything from you; I just want you to forget the pain because I can't bear what you're doing to yourself anymore."
I removed my sweater as I looked into her eyes as I carefully watched her expression. In her eyes was a mixture of passion, confusion, and pain. I brushed a strand of her hair from her face. Her hand caressed my nape and my face as I lowered my face and captured her lips once more.
We never made love that night. I didn't expect she would. But I had at least found out that 'something' was there. She fell asleep in my arms, her tears dampening my chest while she was sleeping. I kissed her forehead and drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER 11
I woke up before she did, smiling to myself as I cuddled her closer to me. She stirred in her sleep, and turned her back to me. I carefully removed my arm and got up from the couch. Glancing inside the ref, I decided to prepare omelette and French toast. After brewing the coffee, I was skillfully turning the omelette and French toast simultaneously when I heard a thump on the floor.
Tsukushi had turned and fallen from the couch. I chuckled as I turned off the range and went to help her up. "Good morning."
Her eyes widened and her face turned crimson as she noticed that she was wearing my sweater and remembered what happened last night. "Morning," she replied, sneaking a glance at me.
She was at a loss for words when her stomach suddenly growled when she smelled the toast and coffee. Her face turned beet red. "You cooked?"
I nodded and laughed at her as she threw me a pillow from the couch. "My chef in New York taught me some survival stuff on cooking. You have to try my soufflé sometime." I got the omelette and toast and placed them on the serving platters.
"The great Hanazawa cooks? This I have to see to believe." She stood up and tugged at my sweater which reached just above her knees. Tsukushi looked at the omelette doubtfully as she sat down and I began heaping a generous amount of omelette and toast on her plate.
I got some for myself and sampled my own cooking. "It's a little sweeter than what I usually make, considering you like sweet stuff." She cut a small piece of toast and tried it. Tsukushi closed her eyes and smiled. "Mmm, it's excellent!"
I laughed at her again. We ate in silence, just enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. "I'll have to go back to the New York office tonight. I've been neglecting work for the past couple of weeks."
There was an expression of doubt and worry that showed in her face for a split second. "Of course. I have work to do also tonight."
This is the beginning of our story.
I had once told Hirumi that our story, Tsukushi and I, never really began. There were numerous times that I could've started something with Tsukushi, knowing that she liked me in those earlier days. Yet there was Shizuka holding me back. I liked Tsukushi, but I loved Shizuka then. If I was the first guy to ever take an interest in protecting Tsukushi, Shizuka was the first girl who ever took care of me. Back then, I was too young to differentiate friendship from love. What did an 18-year old know about love back then anyway?
I knew that Tsukushi wasn't ready, although almost two years have elapsed since Tsukasa passed away. I remember that night when we went to the beach, I knew Tsukushi and Tsukasa were sharing a room. I was sitting on the beach late that night, crying my heart out for Shizuka. That trip to France changed me. I had tried to do everything to make Shizuka love me, even to the point of seducing her. She was already a woman of the world; too mature to fall for it. And so I went home with my tail between my legs, my wounded pride and broken heart wanting solace. Ego, which I thought I never had, even made my go out and get laid with a couple of girls whom I met with Akira and Soujiro, which Tsukushi found out when she and Tsukasa went out with us to the bar. When I saw Tsukushi that night on the beach, I realized too late my mistake. When I asked her to hold me for a few minutes, I had kissed her. It was not a passionate kiss, it was a kiss of empathy and compassion from Tsukushi which saved me from the emotional blackhole that I was in during those dark times. For that, I was most grateful for. Memories of those times I had scorned her adoration flashed in my head during that kiss. Here was a girl with everything I had ever wanted; and I turned her away. It was too late.
I never told her how I felt, except that day when I asked her to migrate with me to the States. I had kissed her then, and felt her answer. Whatever she felt for me when we first met wasn't there anymore. It crushed me.
This is my last chance with Tsukushi that I'm allowing myself to go beyond my limits. I'm not going to let her go this time. Behind her brave exterior, I know she needs me. Just as I need her.
I carried her all the way back to the cottage where we've stayed for a couple of weeks after we learned of Tsukasa's engagement, never breaking contact with her lips. I laid her on the couch and broke off from our kiss. "I know you're not ready. I don't know if and when you'll ever be. All I want is a chance to make you happy once more, if not happier than with your time with Tsukasa. I'm not expecting anything from you; I just want you to forget the pain because I can't bear what you're doing to yourself anymore."
I removed my sweater as I looked into her eyes as I carefully watched her expression. In her eyes was a mixture of passion, confusion, and pain. I brushed a strand of her hair from her face. Her hand caressed my nape and my face as I lowered my face and captured her lips once more.
We never made love that night. I didn't expect she would. But I had at least found out that 'something' was there. She fell asleep in my arms, her tears dampening my chest while she was sleeping. I kissed her forehead and drifted off to sleep.
CHAPTER 11
I woke up before she did, smiling to myself as I cuddled her closer to me. She stirred in her sleep, and turned her back to me. I carefully removed my arm and got up from the couch. Glancing inside the ref, I decided to prepare omelette and French toast. After brewing the coffee, I was skillfully turning the omelette and French toast simultaneously when I heard a thump on the floor.
Tsukushi had turned and fallen from the couch. I chuckled as I turned off the range and went to help her up. "Good morning."
Her eyes widened and her face turned crimson as she noticed that she was wearing my sweater and remembered what happened last night. "Morning," she replied, sneaking a glance at me.
She was at a loss for words when her stomach suddenly growled when she smelled the toast and coffee. Her face turned beet red. "You cooked?"
I nodded and laughed at her as she threw me a pillow from the couch. "My chef in New York taught me some survival stuff on cooking. You have to try my soufflé sometime." I got the omelette and toast and placed them on the serving platters.
"The great Hanazawa cooks? This I have to see to believe." She stood up and tugged at my sweater which reached just above her knees. Tsukushi looked at the omelette doubtfully as she sat down and I began heaping a generous amount of omelette and toast on her plate.
I got some for myself and sampled my own cooking. "It's a little sweeter than what I usually make, considering you like sweet stuff." She cut a small piece of toast and tried it. Tsukushi closed her eyes and smiled. "Mmm, it's excellent!"
I laughed at her again. We ate in silence, just enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. "I'll have to go back to the New York office tonight. I've been neglecting work for the past couple of weeks."
There was an expression of doubt and worry that showed in her face for a split second. "Of course. I have work to do also tonight."