Chapter Four: A Pact

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his. -Anonymous

Severus Snape sat at his office desk amid a hopeless mess of papers, head resting in his hands, long fingers tangled in his hair. It was high time he admit it to himself; Alex was gone and there was no retrieving her, no tracing her. She had disappeared so efficiently that she may as well not even exist, and his life, Dumbledore reminded him, had to go on.

But, it was difficult.

How she had become so intertwined with his daily existence he did not know, but he could do nothing without being haunted by her memory.

Next year's agenda had already been drawn up, but the lesson plans he had written for her had to be pulled or he risked confusing his schedule. That was what he had been attempting when the finality of it had hit him. Two weeks had passed. If she hadn't contacted him by now, she wasn't going to.

These thoughts were still floating around in his mind when an enormous owl soared in through the open window high above. His heart leapt into his throat when he recognized the messenger.

It was Zephyr.

The potions master wasted no time at all in divesting him of the scroll tied to his leg; and, unrolling it with eager hands, he sank back into his chair with a relieved sigh.

My darling Severus,

I'm afraid this letter can't reveal much in case it's intercepted. I assure you that I'm safe, and that I'll remain so. Where I am must remain undisclosed. You understand. There are a few things that I want to say to you, though, before I move on.

The first is the most important. I had planned to tell you on our last night together, but it wasn't meant to be.

Gods, I wish I could be there to tell you this in person!

I love you, Severus Snape. I should have said it long ago, over and over and over again until you ceased to protest and melted into my arms.

How I wanted that to be! I wanted you. Forever. What we had was wonderful, but so nebulous. It could have been so much more. And, you see, all your fear that they would use my love for someone against me came to nothing. They did it anyway, and I never got to have this huge argument that I know would have been forthcoming about whether you loved me as well.

I wanted to have that fight, Sev.

I loved our fights.

I never loved you more than when we were in the middle of a heated argument and you shredded me with your cold logic. Fire and ice, that's what we were together.

How did it work so well?

I don't know, and I don't care to speculate. I only know that I miss you, and I feel lessened without you beside me.

I would give anything to change our last night together, to have talked things through until a reasonable solution was reached. But, I was too small-minded to see the big picture, focusing instead on the details. It was just another one of my ridiculous blunders.

Can you ever forgive me, my love?

The second issue is this: I have to disappear for a while, Sev, and can't offer much of a life for my beloved Zephyr. Please take care of him until I can give him a home again. It won't be too long, I promise.

Stay safe.

I'll be in touch.

With all my heart,

Alex

Severus rolled the parchment back up and sealed it in the bottom drawer of his desk, then crossed his arms on his desk and stared into space, assimilating.

Alex loved him.

He knew that, of course. As strange as it had seemed when he first realized, he had become comfortable with the knowledge and was honored that she could feel such strong emotions for him. She was, however, wrong in her suspicion about the feeling being reciprocated. He cared for her--deeply, yes, but he didn't love her, hadn't the capacity to love her. No matter what she said in defense of that emotion, it was nothing but trouble, and he had long ago buried it so deeply that it could never be exhumed from within.

He would have to explain that to her one day. For now, it was good to know that she was alive and safe. She didn't sound like herself, though. There was a chill between the lines of her warmly-written letter, and he wondered what changes Nina's death had wrought inside her. It was the kind of event that could irrevocably wrench a person from their sanity, especially a person with a heart like hers.

Hoping to whatever powers existed that she wasn't planning on seeking revenge, he rose from his desk and began to ready himself for his impending meeting with Lucius Malfoy.

He could have thought of a thousand ways he'd rather spend his evening. Having his eyes clawed out by Fawkes was one of them. Lucius had been bad enough before the incident at the Department of Mysteries. The man that he had become since then was a terrifying specter of his old friend.

He'd want to discuss Alex, no doubt, and Severus could now tell him truthfully that he had heard from her, but she wasn't telling him anything. Maybe then, the Death Eaters would stop hounding his steps. He was quickly losing his patience with seeing Voldemort's elite over his shoulder everywhere he went.

Steadying himself for whatever was to come, he stepped through the hearth to the Malfoy estate.

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"Sit down, Severus." The voice was cold rather than condescending, and it sent a chill down the potion master's spine as he seated himself. No wine was offered and Lucius did not join him, but towered over his chair, staring at the far wall as he spoke.

"Any word?"

"Just a few moments ago, yes."

"In person?"

"By owl."

Lucius considered this for a moment, then continued the soft-spoken interrogation.

"You brought the letter with you, of course."

Severus groaned inwardly. Ah, yes. He was no longer trusted by Lucius.

"No, I did not."

A month ago, this would have been Malfoy's cue to begin throwing insults and spells. Instead, he sighed deeply and lowered his head. "You have thirty seconds to place it in my hand."

With his usual grace, Severus managed to floo back, retrieve the scroll, and return to the sitting room well within the appointed time frame without becoming ruffled in the least; an act that should have earned a hearty laugh and toast from his old friend, but no more. He placed the letter in the hand of his fair-haired associate and regained his seat as it was perused.

When Lucius had absorbed the contents, he handed the letter back without a word and sat down in his traditional chair.

"You told her that we would use her love against her?"

"The last thing I needed was some dim-witted thief falling head over heels in love and not being able to grow as I needed her to."

"You realize that allowing her to love you, and telling her whatever she wanted to hear in return would have made her that much more malleable?"

"I felt that the detriments of having a love-sick Death Eater far outweighed the benefits. There are other ways to corrupt---"

"I know this, Severus," Lucius answered quietly. "Truth be told, I never felt that she should be one of us. She was too weak, too soft to be of any use. Our master had his reasons, I suppose."

Snape's furrowed in suspicion. There was more to this than Lucius was admitting.

"Then why did you kill Nina?"

Lucius looked up sharply. "I didn't. That was Bellatrix and Dolohov. Not that I wouldn't have done so had I been given the order. But, that kind of brutality is better left to others."

"Indeed. Your talents are wasted on such sordid business."

Lucius nodded slightly, obviously preoccupied. After a moment he spoke again. "Did you love Alexandria, Severus?"

The question and the sincerity with which it was asked caught Snape completely off-guard, but his instinct answered for him. "Don't be ridiculous, Lucius. I have no patience for such absurdity."

Lucius leaned his fair head back on the chair, staring at the ceiling. "I think I could have loved her."

Had Severus been anyone else, he would not have been able to keep his jaw from dropping, but once more, his ingrained discipline kept his face passive as the shock nearly overwhelmed him, then evaporated.

His sharp mind immediately seized the opportunity to delve into the mystery of what had become of Lucius Malfoy.

"Do you?" he probed gently.

"Oh, yes. In those rare moments when I didn't want to kill her, I found her to be quite an intriguing woman."

"Well, she was that," he answered. Keep him talking, Severus. This is the most he's said to you since Azkaban. "What would you have done about our master's desire to corrupt her?"

He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't know. It doesn't matter. She's gone, now." A thought seemed to occur to him, then. "Wine?"

Perfect. "Indeed."

"We'll have to serve ourselves, I'm afraid."

Snape smiled inwardly. Oh, Merlin forbid you should have to serve yourself. "I think we can manage," he replied as Malfoy conjured two glasses and bottle.

"Have you found no one to fill even the maid's position?"

"No one even responds to the advertisements," he shook his head as he filled the glasses.

Severus looked around. As fastidious as Lucius was, the place looked lived-in, and he knew that that was unacceptable to the aristocratic wizard. An enormous estate like Malfoy manor required a great deal of upkeep. How long could Draco and Lucius manage while the wizarding world decided whether the excuses he'd made for his actions were good enough? It would be amusing to watch, if nothing else.

"Well, I hope you fill the positions soon, old friend. I know how you hate a mess." He raised his glass slightly to Malfoy before taking a dignified sip. "Now, you've intrigued me. Do enlighten me concerning your feelings for Miss Borgin."

"Honestly, Severus, as many times as you've likely bedded the woman and you can't call her by her first name?"

"It was business, Lucius. Nothing more. What was she to you?"

"A challenge, I suppose. No woman denies me, not after I've gotten under her skin."

"And, your wife?"

"My wife was not a woman. She was a walking status symbol, and she knew it. Alexandria was very----human. An erratic, difficult, stubborn bitch. Quite frankly, Severus, I liked her." Finally, Lucius' mask cracked and a small smirk broke through. "I could most certainly have loved her."

"And, how long would you have tolerated her disrespect and sarcasm before you tried to terrorize her into submission?"

"It's true that I am not a patient man, but who knows?" Lucius deposited his glass on the table and leaned forward, elbows on his knees, as casual as Severus had seen him a long time. "I would have enjoyed the opportunity, but you took that from me," he stated lightly.

Severus tilted his head slightly. "I did no such thing. As you have admitted, you pushed too hard, too fast, and I was saddled with your burden. You note that I fared no better."

"You could not have. She valued her freedom far more than she valued either of us, and more power to her."

"What are you saying, Lucius?"

"Oh, come, Severus. Do you never yearn for your own freedom? Do you never long to be rid of that twisted serpent? He will never win this war. He has led us to disaster time and time again, and I, for one, see a ruler that needs to be overthrown."

Oh, Lucius. This, I did not expect. He should have seen it coming, though. The whims of their master were destroying his precious family image, and the senior Malfoy would never allow that. The power and prestige of his bloodline meant too much to the man.

Severus cleared his throat, realizing that he had been silent for far too long. Lucius was staring intently at his old friend, but his hand was inching ever-closer to his wand. Oh, no you don't, Lucius. Your not taking my memory of this. The Order will be greatly interested in your change of perspective.

"I thought I was the only one," Severus answered just carefully enough to convey a sense of uncertainty as to the other's sincerity.

Lucius smiled triumphantly. "I knew it," he whispered harshly. "You and I, old friend. We will have to be patient and wait for the opportunity to present itself, and when it does, we strike. Agreed?"

He held his refilled glass aloft, and Severus met it with his own. "Agreed."

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Dear readers, --just a note to thank you for reading and reviewing. It's very much appreciated.

IntelEwok: I'm sure that Severus always has a second, third, and even a fourth plan. It's my feeling that his temper kept him from initiating them. I doubt that he expected his adoring little lover to throw him out. Poor Sevvie. Don't worry. While he's not featured prominently in this story, he won't be a stranger, I promise.

Rycca Wolfbane: Sometimes Voldemort strikes me as being, well, not the brightest crayon in the box. He's a baddie, he's powerful, but he's not dreadfully bright when it comes to people. Thanks for the compliment on the 'Nina' scene, by the way. That was really hard to write.

PPP: Yes to all of the above. Talk about your rough day!

Fleur K: Thanks for not being too upset about Nina. As to what Alex will do, now, who knows? She surprises me sometimes.

Silverfey: I would be honored for you to read my book. It'll be a little while in coming, though, so don't hold your breath. I'm glad that you're still enjoying the fanfic. I know I'm still enjoying writing it. My heart goes out to Alex, as well. I hated doing that to her.

Slate-One: It's good to hear from you again. I'm flattered to see that you've kept up with the story. Yeah. I think Alex has finally learned that these guys don't play. Shame she had to learn that at Nina's expense. I really liked her. Hope to hear from you again.

Lady Jenilyn: I like your idea for the new character. Can she be joined by a trusty side-kick (also a southern girl) who gets him on the weekends--or is that asking too much? Oh, and can he not change too much? I kinda like him as a bad guy. I plan to answer your letter as soon as possible, by the way. I'm not ignoring it. I'm just slow.