Disclaimer: I own nothing except the Mary Sues.
Rating: PG
Feedback: Please.
A/N1: I am aware that this is utter BS, and I apologise profusely to anyone who reads it.
A/N2: This is somewhat loosely based on Challenge #41 at (I chose Ron/Forbidden Forest). It gave me the inspiration to do something I've wanted to do for a while…a Mary Sue parody.
Read at your own peril.
-Yawn- Everyone loves Mary Sues
Ron Weasley was in love. Completely besotted in fact. Every boy in the school was, actually. The beautiful American exchange student, Mary Sue Draconette Snaplee, had completely captured their hearts. She had long, sleek raven hair, which curled at the ends. Her eyes were multi coloured, with shades of violet, aquamarine and cherry red to name only a few. She had curves in all the right places, and her skin was flawless and creamy.
But it wasn't just her looks; Mary (although she preferred to be called Airy) was very intelligent. There was a lot of wisdom in those colourful eyes. She was easily top of the year (much to Hermione Granger's –one of his best friends-distaste), and excelled at every subject.
Airy also had a very upsetting past. She didn't like to talk about it, but she was adopted by muggles, but they had been killed. [Insert unnecessary angst, commonly used by Sueauthors]
However, Airy did have a reckless nature, and she had decided to visit the forbidden forest alone. Ron was terrified-what if she ran into Aragog and couldn't escape? She was the love of his life! How could he live without her? His heart ached to hear her ringing voice chime again.
He had decided to go and rescue her, but as he entered the forest and trudged through the mud he couldn't help but have second thoughts. A picture of her sweet, delicate face formed into his mind, and he knew he had to go on.
"AIRY!" he called "AIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
"Ssh!" he heard a familiar voice behind him, filled with the music of a thousand birds.
"Airy!" he smiled, "I have come to rescue you!"
"Rescue me? Why would I need rescuing?" She raised an eyebrow, "I am ALL POWERFUL!"
"Oh," said Ron.
"Yes," Airy went on, "I am the greatest witch who ever lived. You see, I am a descendant of Salazar Slytherin-"
Ron shuddered slightly. The only thing wrong with Airy was that she was a Slytherin. Not that she acted like one-she was far too clever, and she hated Malfoy. Ron smiled as he thought of how she had embarrassed him with her wonderful wit the first time she met him. While he was thinking, Airy had continued on with her speech,
"And I can speak Parseltongue, apparate inside the Hogwarts grounds 'cos I broke through Dumbledore's protection spell, and can still use my walkman because magic doesn't mangle my ultra special one. Oh, and I'm Snape's daughter."
"Wow," said Ron. He hadn't heard a word she'd said because he'd been staring at her pouting red lips.
"Come with me," she said, "I want to show you something"
She took his hand, and Ron could feel the warmth radiating from her petite palm. She led him through the forest, her feet moving gracefully over the mass of dead leaves and rotting wood. As Ron studied her face carefully, he realised her ears had a point to them. She must be half-elf, he thought.
When they reached a clearing in the forest, Ron gasped. On a raised stone platform, Harry Potter lay tied up and gagged.
"Harry? Airy, what's going on?"
"Well, you see Ron. I am the great granddaughter of…" she paused for dramatic effect, "VOLDEMORT!"
Ron gasped.
"I am here to get REVENGE!" Airy cackled demonically.
Ron fainted.
Harry had managed to get rid of the red cloth around his mouth, "Revenge?"
"For defeating my father all those times!"
"But he's back in full power now! What does it matter?"
"Because I am a Mary Sue and I am the main plot device! Without me there is no plot! I CAN DO WHATEVER THE HELL I LIKE! AND IF I WANT TO SACRIFICE YOU TO THE GREEK GODS I WILL, DAMMIT!"
"Wow," said Harry, "You need therapy"
Airy shrieked and began to run towards him. Suddenly, a bright while light appeared and blinded Airy. Airy melted. Boo hoo.
The bright light caused Ron to wake up.
"What the f-"
He stopped mid sentence as he saw an…angel?
She stood in the circle of white light. She looked like Airy, except her hair was blonde. She wore a long, flowing white dress. [Insert rest of unneeded outfit description, commonly used by Sueauthors]
"I am Princess Fairy Moo" her voice tinkled, "I am Dumbledore's granddaughter, and I am always the descendant of the fifth Hogwarts founder. I am here to beg all Mary Sue's to go away, and their creators to learn some grammar and spelling. Particularly of the words: Hogwarts, Dumbledore, Severus, Quidditch, Voldemort, Avada Kedavra and potion. They're in the book, is it that hard to look them up?"
Princess Fairy Moo then used her super Mary Sue powers to disappear off the face of the earth.
The End
A/N: Wow, do you know, I think that made no sense WHATSOEVER.