Disclaimer: We own nothing.
A/N: This is a story of what things would truly be like if someone were to be transferred to Middle Earth. It's not all fun in games. It's far different from what is displayed with such excitement and glory in the Lord of the Rings movies. It starts off with a group of teenie girls (though they would be quick to deny it), all in hype of the Fellowship of the Ring, when they fall through a portal to Middle Earth. What they find is not at all as sweet and happy as they thought it would be. The girls change when they realize that death and suffering is very much real, and there is a chance that they will never return home again.
In the mean time, you teenie haters out there, please read and cringe your way through this first chapter. It's written this way to prove a point, I swear. It's a progression thing. And all of you teenies out there, please read carefully, especially the chapters to come. If you feel exceptionally peaky, take notes. This story is attempting to save Tolkien's brilliant story from the hands of fan girls wanting their chance at Legolas.
"RAAAAWWWWK!"
It was the typical Saturday morning; four girls were strewn over a living room in sleeping bags and twisted pajamas after a long night of watching Frodo being chased by Ring Wraiths (a favorite tradition for a late Friday night), and as always, the family bird, at the sign of the rising sun, rustled it's feathers, and screamed.
Simultaneous groans were heard familiarly across the room, and the traditional answer was muttered, "Rachelle, I'm going to fry your bird for breakfast."
Rachelle, who was curled up in a ball of warped sleeping-bag, mumbled, "Be my guest, Lisa."
"I hate Pippin," another half-dead voice groaned.
"I agree, Abbie," grunted Lisa. "That bird should die."
An indecipherable jumble of moans and grunts came from the love seat.
"True that, Kellie," muttered Abbie.
The four girls tried to ignore the evil high-pitched squawking of the cockatiel Pippin, and were almost successful if Rachelle's dog didn't have to pee.
"Aw, come on," cried Lisa. She rolled over on the couch and dropped her hand on Rachelle's head. "Rache – Penny's howling."
"I'm aware of that," grunted Rachelle.
"What time is it?" asked Kellie from the other couch.
"Too early," said Lisa.
"7:30," answered Abbie, who had sat up from the other side of Rachelle and looked at the clock.
There was another round of groans and cries.
"Try to ignore them," said Kellie.
The phone rang.
"I give up!" cried Rachelle. She kicked her sleeping bag that she used solely as a blanket away from her, and wearily pulled herself to her feet. She staggered into the kitchen, kicked her whimpering dog outside, and then answered the phone.
"'lo?"
"Hey, Rache, it's Vikki," said the annoyingly cheerful and awake voice from the other end.
"Hi, Vikki," said Rachelle. "We just woke up. I can't remember why you aren't here…"
"Dusti and I have an FEA meeting at school this morning," Vikki sighed. "Mrs. Ricky refused to call it off due to the snow.."
"Sucks to be you," said Rachelle.
"I was calling to make sure it was okay if we still came over this afternoon, after the meeting sometime… it is okay still, right?"
"Yeah, sure. We'll be around… Lisa said something about frying Pippin for breakfast – we'll be occupied without you."
"Great. Well, I'll let you go back to sleep now," said Vikki. "We'll see you this afternoon. Bye."
"Bye."
Rachelle dropped the phone back on the receiver and shuffled back into the living room. Her three friends were now wiping the sleep from their eyes and stretching.
"Vikki and Dusti are coming over later," said Rachelle. She fell into her pillow and laid there.
"Shame she couldn't come over last night," said Abbie, who now sounded as awake and cheerful as Vikki did. "She missed the entire movie. God, I love Legolas."
"Fight you for him," said Lisa, staring Abbie down like a hawk protects his kill.
"I'm partial to Pippin," muffled Rachelle into her pillow. "And I'm not talking about my bird. Elves are too tall for me. I'd get nose-bleeds if I ever tried sucking face with one."
"I wouldn't let you suck face with Legolas," smiled Abbie slyly. "That's my job."
Lisa took her pillow and whacked Abbie across the face with it.
Kellie and Rachelle groaned.
The pillow fight ended in a short three minutes, after Rachelle stood up and snatched the couch pillows they were using to whack each other with. "Anybody up for going outside?" she said. She scratched the back of her sloppy thick blonde hair and forced a smile on her face. "The swamps I know have frozen over."
"Yes, I'm all in for it," cried Abbie, jumping up. "In the mean time, we can look for the portal. I'd love to get out of this place!"
"Oh, I would too," sighed Lisa, longingly. "A portal to Middle Earth, where I can have Legolas all to myself."
"Any place out of this dump will be awesome," said Rachelle. "Though, I must say, finding the portal to Middle Earth in my back yard is… well, good luck."
Kellie pulled herself off the love seat and ruffled her already messy short red hair. "I'm up for swamp skating."
"Rock on," smiled Abbie.
The four of them threw on pants and sweaters, and got ready for the trek they would soon be taking in Rachelle's forest surrounding her house. They even went as far as packing "emergency sacks" which consisted of potato chips, candy, a band-aid, cd's, gum, and any other random thing all stuffed into their school book-bags.
"Should I bring my swords?" asked Abbie hopefully, holding one of her swords that she bought from the local flee market in her hands fondly.
"No," said Rachelle. She hitched her bag over her shoulder and led Lisa and Kellie outside. Abbie frowned. Somewhat disheartened, she tossed her sword onto the couch and followed her friends out the door.
The typical Saturday continued. The four friends found themselves in the frozen swamps of Rachelle's back yard, cracking corny jokes about whatever came to mind, and laughed furiously of how they would act if they ever were to make it to Middle Earth. Abbie swore she'd fling herself into battle, her head and sword held bravely high, to protect the liberty of Tolkien's world. Lisa was sure she'd fling herself into Legolas' arms. Rachelle and Kellie declared that they were cause mayhem along with and Meriadoc. How awesome it would be to leave the world as they knew it and dwell with the elves and hobbits!
After about an hour of giggling and inventing ultimately pointless scenarios of pissing off Ring Wraiths, the girls began to tire.
"I'm freezing," said Kellie, burying herself deep in her Good Charlotte hoodie. "I've had enough swamp skating. Who's up for going back to the house for hot chocolate?"
"Me," said Rachelle instantly.
Lisa and Abbie frowned. "But we haven't found the portal yet," they muttered.
"You're actually taking that seriously?" said Rachelle. "As great as having the portal to Middle Earth in my back yard would be, it's very much impossible. Elves are fake."
Abbie and Lisa stared at her as if she uttered a nasty swear word. "You have spoken blasphemy," whispered Lisa, her left eye twitching.
"Why are we still here?" said Kellie, looking homeward. "We could be drinking hot chocolate by now."
"Let's go then," said Rachelle gratefully. Her toes were numbing from trampling through frozen snow and ice, and she could no longer feel her face. She led the group back the way they came from. A few steps into it, Rachelle's foot fell through the ice, soaking her. She yanked it out and backed into her friends. "Crap. The ice is breaking."
Kellie rolled her eyes. "It's not as if we're on a Great Lake here," she said.
"I don't want to freeze in dirty swamp water, thanks," retorted Lisa, looking worried. "Let's get out of here."
Abbie pushed passed them. "We can use this fallen tree branch as a bridge." She kicked at a thin and feeble looking stick she called the fallen tree branch and smiled. "Anybody with me?"
The other three girls looked at each other and shrugged. "No else getting around it," said Lisa. Abbie's grin broadened and stepped shakily onto the thin log. She flailed her arms violently, and her friends waited for her to fall. But she regained her balance and laughed.
"Should be easy," she said.
Lisa rolled her eyes and stepped onto the branch behind her. "Get moving already then!"
Rachelle and Kellie stepped onto the log soon after. "This is dumb," said Rachelle. "We we're going to fall."
"No we're not," said Abbie. "We're fine."
"We haven't even moved yet and I can feel this log turning."
"Then we'll walk faster," said Abbie.
Lisa, Kellie, and Rachelle watched as Abbie carefully picked up her right leg and gingerly placed it back down again in front of her left.
The part of the log she had stepped on was obvious rotten, for her foot fell right through it. Abbie screamed as she collapsed backwards into Lisa's legs. Lisa went down, and all four girls were thrown from the log and onto the ice. The ice broke on contact and Abbie, Lisa, Kellie, and Rachelle disappeared into the swampy waters, and never resurfaced.
Back at Rachelle's house, a minivan pulled into the driveway, and two girls stepped out of it carrying Code Red Mountain Dew and Doritos.
Vikki knocked on the door, and frowned when nobody answered it. The lights inside were off, and there was no sign of her friends anywhere. She looked to Dusti and shrugged. "They're not here."
"Wait," said Dusti. She pointed to a swarm of footprints made in the snow that were leading into the woods. "Should we follow?"
Vikki grinned. She tossed her food onto the porch swing, and she and Dusti hurried into Rachelle's forest looking for the four missing, adventuring girls.
The Code Red and Doritos waited in vain, for their two mistresses never came back to reclaim them.