Sunday the Silly
I hate James Potter. Do you know how much I hate him? This much:
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He messed up my hair with one of his amateur hexes which I could have fended off if I wasn't such a gentleman. He then proceeded to turn my robes pink, then see-through, and then into a mini-skirt and leather jacket ensemble.
It was all because he was bitter that Lilly turned him down and went with Tom Ravenclaw, you know, webbed ears, no brain...
I had a date, and he didn't. I would have wallowed in this pleasantness further, if I had not been wearing a beaver at that point.
But then, you see, something actually terrible happened.
Evelyn Taylor appeared, hanging on the arm of Lee Hufflepuff. (You know, ferret owner, amazing nasal hair...)
I strode up to them and said in low, manly tones: 'Excuse me, but I think we have an engagement' or something equally nineteenth century.
She fiddled with her fingers and Lee looked at me for a while disbelievingly. Obviously couldn't get over the fact that I was so handsome.
'You see, Severus...it's like this...um...' Evelyn seemed to be more interested in her feet.
'Yes?'
'Well...Sirius...Sirius Black, you know...'
'Yes?'
'He said that...well...if I were to...you know...go with you to the ball and everything...'
'Yes?'
'Well...he said that you'd insulted Lilly again...and that you'd done something terrible to Remus!' She looked at me, as if I would suddenly tell her that, yes, I was a mass-murderer and, yes, it was all right to be extra horrible to me.
'He said that if...well...I shouldn't be telling you what actually...well...you see, I feel a little guilty...that's why I'm telling you...instead of just...you know...dumping you.'
'Dumping me? DUMPING ME? YOU'RE THE DESPERATE WRETCH THAT ASKED ME TO THIS THING IN THE FIRST PLACE!'
Lee was still staring at me with a slightly open mouth. As you may have noticed, I was beginning to loose my temper.
'Yes...well...it was revenge...you know...an eye for an eye...'
'So you were sent to break my heart?'
'Um...'
'To seduce me, since of course, you are the bloody femme-fatale of Hogwarts aren't you Evelyn? Oh, I feel so betrayed!' I said, sarcastically obviously. 'You would think I'd have enough to deal with, with those utter twits than to have you making my life difficult as well. Don't you think they can take care of themselves? Look! I'm wearing a toilet-seat and my hair is in the shape of the Eiffel Tower!' which, at last I realised, was what Lee Hufflepuff found so unbelievable.
Sirius Black began to laugh when he realised I had found out. 'You're PATHETIC!' I screamed. 'I'm pathetic?' He answered, and I left.
I left. I didn't get to try the punch, play chess with the Bloody Baron, hold hands...anything! All I received was a new hairstyle à la Potter.
Oh Poo