I think I should warn everyone before it gets really bad that this story is something like a roller coaster. You start off slow, moving up a little bit at a time until everything seems to pause and then the plot and everything tumbles down, building speed until it reaches the end with a bunch of breathless, surprised readers still not sure what happened and how the plot went from slow to fast in the space of a moment. So yeah, be forewarned. And I know a lot of you think this is all about Kouga and Kagura…well, that's a big part of things, but it's really about everyone. And yes, the tachi will be playing a much bigger part then they have so far. Part of the reason they didn't get much play in those first few chapters was because some authors are very bitter about mush-fans assuming the wrong thing about former stories and harassing her for the rest of the story when things didn't go as they expected. So yeah, I was kinda trying to scare off the hardcore canon waffiness fans because they irritate me with their militant demands. But I like you guys, so lets all continue.
*****
Something Is Real
Part 5
*****
"You called me." It was a statement more than a question, and the voice that issued it was cold and soft, like the faintest winter breeze issuing over an empty expanse where it was inaudible to anyone other than the man it was meant for. Not that there was anyone else around to hear. No one was ever around to hear, it seemed. Not since Kagura was put in her cave with Kouga.
"I did, Kanna." The man's wicked red eyes darted to her to judge from her expression whether she suspected what was coming or not. Of course, there was nothing there, as usual. Not once had Naraku found a way to evoke an emotional reaction from his first and most silent detachment. She was cold and utterly imperturbable, even to him. It was as though he had over compensated for that when he created her younger sister, whose foolish emotions and whims had been her ultimate downfall. At least, that was the way Naraku had seen it at first. Now he was unsure. "Are you happy here?"
He was rewarded with a slow blink before the childlike demon replied easily as though he had asked what was for dinner. "I am here."
"That is not an answer, Kanna." Naraku did not begin to understand the inner workings of the embodiment of nihility that stood before him, holding her mirror carefully as ever, eyes half-closed as though she was somehow unable to find interest in anything that the world presented her with. "I asked if you feel happy here."
"I do not feel, Naraku." She answered him in a voice that was just as soft and chilly as before. Her tone was so changeless; Naraku was momentarily confused into thinking that she had no soul, no feelings, no anything. He knew that wasn't true, whether she had an aura or not. In a previous moment of careless anger, he had struck her unmoving face in an attempt to create some sort of reaction, but even though the chinks had refused to pink, she was definitely solid enough. She couldn't move on her own, think on her own, betray him on her own, unless she had a soul of her own. It was just different from what he was used to encountering. "You made me without feelings, as you well know."
"I did make you." Naraku verified. "But I made Kagura, and that did not stop her from exceeding her original purposes and creating her own sense of loyalty." He let the airs hang in the air, hoping to spot some sort of fear or anything on Kanna's face, but the youkai merely blinked at him as though she were very bored with his meandering questions and only standing there because she had nowhere else to be. "She was your sister."
"She still is." Kanna answered without thinking, and Naraku thought he spotted the briefest flash of defiance in her voice. Interesting.
"Yes, she is, I suppose." Naraku spoke lazily, as though they were talking about the weather. "You have been feeding her and the wolf, have you not?"
"I was not forbidden to do such a thing." Kanna answered again, and Naraku had to laugh aloud. Yes, very interesting indeed.
"I did not think I would have to forbid it." He told her. "You are supposed to be without your own feelings or objectives, Kanna. Why would you feed a youkai who had betrayed you? She was meant to die."
"She never betrayed me." Kanna spoke so easily, it was as though she didn't sense the danger of the situation, but Naraku refused to believe she could be so dull-witted as to think he wouldn't punish her.
"She betrayed me, Kanna, and as far as you are concerned, it is the same thing." Naraku informed her. "You are a part of me, if you had forgotten."
"I could not forget." Kanna told him shortly.
"Then why would you do that?" he wanted to know. She was trying his patience, and yet it was all very intriguing to see her so close to actual emotional expression.
"She is my sister." Kanna answered simply, as though this explained everything.
"That does not matter." Naraku told her. "You are a piece of me."
"I am just as much Kagura as I am you." Kanna informed him calmly. "I see no reason that you deserve more or less loyalty than her."
"I made you." Naraku told her, anger thinly veiled in his hard tone.
"I know." Kanna blinked at him. "But she is still my sister. Her betrayal to you means nothing to me. What is important is that she is my sister."
"I misjudged you, Kanna." Naraku told her, his voice grating. "I regret my error, but I do not wish to kill you. How can I be sure to trust you?"
"Since when have I earned your trust?" Kanna asked him. "I am a tool to you, nothing more."
"And now you will have to learn to be something more, Kanna." He told her, standing up and moving forward until she had to tilt her head back to look up at him. "I must have you under my control. This will never do." He shrugged out of his yukata with an evil grin on his lips. Kanna had no idea what was going on, and as such, she had no way of resisting him. She had never been one to openly resist, and he had been correct in assuming that this situation would be no different.
Later, when he was finished with her, he sent her away and was most gratified to see her limping as blood trickled down the pale skin of her leg, staining her white kimono a crimson color that was all the brighter next to the pallor of the girl wearing the white silk. It was nice to know that he had some sort of impact on her, even if she had yet to get the point. He had time, though. All the time in the world to train the little girl to obey him.
----------
"What are you doing over there?" Kouga stretched as he exited the cave the next morning, feeling refreshed and well fed for the first time in what seemed like forever. It wasn't that long since he'd been trapped with Kagura, but even before then, his little group of wolves hadn't exactly been living lavishly. He would hate to admit that Kanna's offerings had been so well received on his part, but he really had been hungry, and even the tea had tasted a lot better than he'd admitted. Not that he'd tell that to Miss Perfect Table Manners, but he had mostly complained at the taste because he noticed how much she liked it and was still very bitter about his chopstick failings.
"Wondering if she'll be back today." Kagura was fiddling with a pebble in one hand while sitting on an acceptably comfortable rock as near to the barrier as she could get without feeling crowded in by the threat of touching it by accident. She didn't bother to say who she meant.
"Never knew family was so important to someone like you." Kouga snorted, sitting on some rocks near her companionably.
"What else do I have to care about?" Kagura wanted to know, and he missed the bitter sadness in her tone.
"Your fingernails? Who knows," Kouga shrugged and picked up a pebble of his own, rubbing it between his fingers before tossing it at the barrier and watching the patterns of light his youki made.
"Who cares?" Kagura sighed, leaning back slightly and trying to figure out what time it was by judging how high the sun was in the sky through the trees blocking her vision. "Not you, I'm sure. Anyway, are those friends of yours coming back?"
"Ginta and Hakkaku?" Kouga asked, tossing another charged pebble. "As soon as they figure something out, they'll be back. Don't worry."
"Are they all that's left?" Kagura asked, looking at her pebble intently. "Those two and the dogs?"
"They're wolves." Kouga corrected her in a haughty tone. "It's completely different."
"I'm sorry." She told him, and Kouga jerked in surprise, causing his pebble to arc off the intended course and veering off to the side before it hit the barrier in a burst of light. There was a long silence as Kouga tried to think about what she was saying before deciding to go with the simplest solution and shrugging slightly.
"Just don't call us dogs, that's all." He told her, and she tossed her own pebble sharply. The burst of pink light caught his notice and he found himself facing her.
"That's not what I meant." She told him, her face determined as she stood up, brushing herself off. "I just wanted you to know."
"Know what?" he asked, his eyes going wide as he took in the strength in her gaze. Her eyes had never looked so powerful before, and it was striking to realize that this was sincerity. From Kagura, of all people.
"It wasn't against you." She told him, a bit uncomfortable with the explanation. "I didn't know any better then. I had only just been born, and I didn't know that you can't always trust someone just because they made you. I shouldn't have done it."
A vision flashed in Kouga's head. A nightmare that he'd seen many times before, while dreaming or awake. It was the sight of a battlefield covered with the blood of his kinsmen. His tribe, destroyed easily by the wicked sweep of Kagura's fan. It was this scene that reminded him of his purpose every day. He had to avenge them, his fallen kin who had fought so bravely without him there to protect them. He should have been there, but at least he could do them this small favor, taking back life for the life that had been so carelessly crushed by his enemies. By Kagura. His eyes hardened, and he stood as well.
"We're not talking about that." He told her, his voice final and wavering slightly with anger. He sounded like he wanted nothing more than to kill her right then, to rip her into pieces and make her feel the pain of his tribe a thousand times over. And he wouldn't be satisfied even then. Likely he'd carry this pain with him for the rest of his life, and it stung Kagura deep to know that she had done it so thoughtlessly.
"Please. You don't have to forgive me, I just wanted you to know that I know it was wrong." She told him, unable to meet his eyes anymore. They were so angry, like twin fires of vengeance burning a bright, unbelievable shade of blue. "And I am sorry. I wish I could undo it."
"You can't." his voice bit, and Kagura's hands clenched her fan defensively. Was he going to kill her? He sounded like he might.
"I know." She answered him lamely. What else could she say? She went back into the cave for no reason other than her sudden need to not feel those angry eyes burning into her. What was the point of feeling sorry if it didn't change anything? She felt so stupid. She should have never brought it up, then he wouldn't be so angry with her. He was someone she had learned to admire, in a way, and she didn't want him to be her enemy. It seemed like such a waste. She suddenly hoped that no one would come to save them. If she just died in that cave, then she wouldn't have to worry about the rest of the world and all the problems she faced out there.
The world is so full of pain. She thought to herself as she toyed with the clean dishes from the night before, thinking of her sister, of Kouga, and even of Naraku. What's the point of being here when nothing's true? Nobody will trust anyone else because this world's just some illusion. Everyone thinks that they can make it better, but how? By helping themselves, by following a path others give them, by deciding what they think is best and leading others toward it? It doesn't matter, because there will always be people who disagree and then they can't achieve anything. Nothing can happen because it's all a lie. I wish I could find something to believe in.
Dark eyes, white hair, sadness.
Family? If that's worth anything, then Naraku wouldn't throw us aside so carelessly. It's not really a good thing, is it? If family weren't a weakness, Naraku wouldn't use it against the youkai taijiya. Every time she sees Kohaku she loses herself. Kagura realized. And if Naraku catches Kanna helping me, she'll suffer too. This is what family is. Just another way to be hurt.
Flash of angry blue, sharp fangs and clenched fists.
I can't blame him for hating me, then. I killed so many of his own family, and even if I'm sorry it doesn't matter. They're still just as dead as they were before I thought it might be wrong to use people like that. Kagura sighed deeply. Naraku was the only one I had to teach me anything, and he doesn't see anything wrong with pain and suffering. He could care less what happened to the wolf tribe, but Kouga wants me dead just as much as Naraku. It must have hurt so much to lose so many for no reason like that.
"Hey," Kouga's voice woke her from her state of reflection, and when she looked to the mouth of the cave, she saw that it was twilight. How had so much time passed without her realizing? His eyes weren't as angry as she remembered, so at least there was that.
Maybe the anger isn't real, either. Nothing here is.
"I don't think she's coming." There was an odd tone to his voice, and Kagura narrowed her eyes at him in suspicion. Was he up to something? Kouga didn't seem like one for subterfuge, but nothing else made sense. He couldn't possibly be feeling sorry for her, and that was how it looked.
"What, did she send a letter?" Kagura didn't mean to sound so irritable, but she couldn't help it.
"It's getting late, that's all." He told the wind youkai as he sat down across the cave from her. "Maybe she just forgot about it."
"Kanna wouldn't forget something so easily." Kagura was now beginning to wonder at the reason for the youkai girl's lateness as well. She had assumed Kanna would come at the same time the next day and the day after, she was so systematic about everything. But she wasn't there. What could it mean?
"Whatever it is, Ginta and Hakkaku should be back soon, I'm sure." Kouga told her. "They may not seem too smart at first, but they're really reliable and they won't stop working until they find a way to get me out."
"What if they just don't come back?" Kagura asked idly.
"Why wouldn't they?" Kouga sounded as though the idea hadn't even occurred to him. "Of course they'll come back."
Because everything here is lies and more lies. Nothing is true, nothing is solid. It's all an illusion.
"Never mind." She answered him with a wave of her hand. "I was just thinking. What will you do when you get out of here, then?"
"Go after Naraku, of course." Kouga told her, his tone stating that there was simply no other course of action.
"What about me?" she wanted to know.
"What about you?" he asked.
"You wouldn't just leave me, would you?" she answered his question with one of her own. "Not when you could have a chance to kill me."
"I can do that later." Kouga snorted, waving a hand dismissively. "Naraku's pissing me off the most right now."
"So you're letting me go?" Kagura actually laughed at this. It was a funny thing to think of, if only because she knew that in a fight, Kouga stood very little chance of beating her.
"Is that funny?" he wanted to know, obviously a bit insulted by her levity. "I just don't feel like it right now!"
"Oh, well thanks a lot." She rolled her eyes. "Sparing my life so graciously, it's just so thoughtful of you."
"Don't piss me off, or I will kill you as soon as the barrier's down." Kouga grumbled. There was a long silence before he spoke up again. "What do you think you'll do when we get out?" Kagura closed her eyes to think about his question, and when she finally answered, the faintest smile graced her lips.
"Fly on the wind." She told him.
"That's it? You do that all the time." He snorted, apparently untouched by her answer.
"But I've never been free before." She pointed out. "I suppose that I'm not really free still. He holds my heart, and anytime he wants to, Naraku will kill me."
"So you'll just fly around pointlessly until he does?" Kouga shook his head. "If it were me, I'd kick his ass."
"Not that you're biased or anything." Kagura rolled her eyes. "Well, I've tried that, but it never seems to work out. I'll find my own path in time, and I'll hope that it leads to freedom."
"What about your sister?" Kouga asked. "You gonna free her too?"
"If I can." Kagura sighed, feeling tired all of the sudden. She hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. "She's my sister."
"And if someone killed her," he began, his voice hard. "Would you hate them?"
"I'd kill them." She spoke without having to think about it.
"Now you know what I feel." He told her, lying down on the hard cave floor to get some sleep. Kagura did the same where she had been sitting, but she found that sleep was a long time in coming.
This feeling…caring about what happens to Kanna is a weakness, and I know it. So why can't I make it go away?
And why do I want Kouga's forgiveness so badly? It won't change the way my life is only an illusion.
*****
The End (Of Part 5, That Is)