Mary Sue, Mary Sue

Mary Sue, Who are you?

I really wish I knew!

I need to know just whom you love

'cause I don't have a clue!

Are you the hero's sister

Or are you his 'twu wuv'?

Are you my future mother

Or a gremlin from a pub?

Mary Sue, What are you?

I have to think this through!

I need to know just why your eyes

Are periwinkle blue!

Or why your eyes aren't eyes at all

But 'oculars' instead,

Or why your hairs aren't hairs at all

But flames upon your head!

Mary Sue, Where are you?

On this I have to stew.

I need to know just where you're from

And where it is you flew!

Can you be from the USA

Where skanky hos aren't fools?

Can you be from Great Britain

Where you think you are so cool?

Mary Sue, When are you?

The timelines I must view!

I need to know just where you fit,

Your character is new!

Are you some unsung hero

From days of long gone by?

Are you some future bimbo

With star ships you can fly?

Mary Sue, Why are you?

And this is very true:

I think you wish you were this girl

Whom all the boys she screws.

Were you left out when all the kids

Chose teams at school today?

Were you the lazy teenager

Who didn't get her way?

Mary Sue, How are you?

I need to talk with you!

I need to know just why you sit

And talk about your shoes!

I need to know why all you do

Is try to rule the world

I need to know why all you say

Is "I'M A HOTT GURL!!1!"

Mary Sue, Mary Sue

I must say to you:

As much as you think you love yourself

IWe/I really don't like Iyou/I!