A/N: After a very long and much deserved vacation, I'm back in the world of fanfiction. breathes a sigh of relief It's really scary out in the real world... I much prefer being here. :) If all my readers haven't run away, thanks to you all! I've been an extremely lazy person, but I think it's about time that we find out what Nicole has been up to, so without further ado.... we continue! Morgaine
Disclaimer: it's obvious by now. Only the incredibly insane stuff is mine.
Home Sweet Home
Chapter Twenty-Six: The Two Toddlers
Nicole happily entered Rohan, grinning broadly even though the villagers were giving her stares again. No doubt they were wondering why the She-Elf had run from their town so quickly, and yet returned by herself and submitted to the will of her companions.
This time when Nicole approached the Shiny Building, there was no Door-Warden awaiting her arrival to take her weapons... there was nobody at all, in fact. So she just waltzed right in and headed for the front of the room, where a large table had been set up and sheaves of paper were scattered on the surface. Eowyn was there, along with several older women, and they were engaged in a discussion that lacked interest and motivation.
"Hey ya'll! What's up?" Nicole asked brightly. The women gave her blank stares. Eowyn looked up and sighed.
"Lady Nicole, if there was any time when I did not need another woman around to bother me, it is now. I am glad that you have returned, but perhaps we could speak together later?"
"Actually..." Nicole began, and Eowyn could tell that she wouldn't like this. "How about now? Now is a really good time. Really." Nicole stared at her, hoping that Eowyn would catch her meaning.
She didn't. But she did seem interested in whatever it was, so she replied, "I will speak with you shortly. If you would please return to the room you stayed in last time, I will come to visit you within the hour."
Nicole crossed her arms. This might be tricky... that would be a less formal situation, and then The Plan might not work. But it was her only choice so she nodded curtly, said good bye, and headed off to the room.
After a girl arrived at her room with some food, Nicole ate a bit and thought about her Plan.... If Eowyn didn't take her seriously, it would never work. But if Nicole didn't take Eowyn seriously, it wouldn't work either. So this was the dilemma: Nicole was unable to take anybody seriously unless threatened severely. Hmm... not much to do... unless I tried acting again... but Eowyn didn't believe me before. Although I did manage to convince Aragorn. That's saying something. Damn... this means I have to be serious again. And all Elf-y. Nicole sighed, stood up and began pacing... seriousness was not one of her strengths. At that moment, a soft knock was heard at the door. Here goes nothing... Nicole calmed herself. "Come in."
"Nicole, what was the point of leaving if you only came back with nothing to show for it?" Eowyn asked immediately.
"That's not important right now. What's important is that I have found out some bad news, and we need to get moving right away."
"What do you mean?"
Nicole paused... I hope I won't be pushing my luck when I say this... "The scouts for the Rohirrim have reported that the forces of Saruman plan to come to Edoras... and since all our protection has gone off to fight their own battle, we are not presently in a safe place." That wasn't entirely true... Saruman only planned to come to Edoras once he had wiped out the Rohirrim, but if Nicole made it seem like the two actions were simultaneous, then The Plan would be more effective.
Eowyn swallowed and sank into a chair. "He... he wants to attack... Edoras?" she whispered.
"Yes," Nicole replied. "And he plans to do it soon, so there is no chance that the Rohirrim will make it back here in time. We cannot stay here, Eowyn. It's like asking to be killed." Luckily, Nicole had heard a few of the Rohirrim talking about going to Helm's Deep while she was riding with them, and that's what had been a vital part of her Plan.
Eowyn's expression changed, and loyalty and love for her people kicked in. "I do not want to see the people of my country slain by him... and I know that we have to protect ourselves somehow. But how? You are right, it is not safe here..." her voice softened and she seemed distant. Nicole waited impatiently for Eowyn to think of going to Helm's Deep. Unfortunately, the two women didn't have quite the same brain waves. "Perhaps your people might help us!" Eowyn exclaimed with sudden inspiration.
Somewhere in the instant when Eowyn spoke the words and Nicole heard them, they changed to "let's go to Helm's Deep". So Nicole quickly and enthousiastically replied, "great idea! Let's go!... hang on, WHAT?"
"You are here, are you not? And your... companion, Legolas, he was here as well. It must mean that the Elves are willing to help us once again. That must be why you came," Eowyn said and blinked innocently.
Oh no... I can't help you, stupid Eowyn! I'm the same as you are, except I'm stupider, younger, and don't have nearly as much influence as you do. You humans have to start helping yourselves! ... dammit, I just thought of myself as an Elf again. I think I'm actually starting to believe it. What a shame, I liked using "I'm only human" as an excuse. This entire monologue passed in a split second, and then Nicole repeated a part of it in a soft voice to Eowyn. "I'm sorry, but that's not what I'm here for at all. I will personally help you in any way I can, but my people will not. Our time is over... we're trying to pass on what knowledge we can, to you, but it will not work if you do not learn to stand for yourselves. You must find your own methods," Nicole said, once more taking on a serious tone so that she could pretend to be wise.
Of course, Nicole hadn't paid attention to the whole "your... companion, Legolas" bit, since she was more focused on guiding Eowyn into making the suggestion for going to Helm's Deep. Perhaps paying attention to it might have been helpful, but how could our stupid (yet loveably) heroine look into the future? Nicole had no idea how she altered Eowyn's perception of her, but from that time onwards, Eowyn always believed that Nicole and Legolas were a couple. Poor Legolas.
Eowyn looked mightily disappointed. "What hope is there for us, if we do not have the Elven-kind to help us, as usual?"
Nicole cleared her throat in a manner that sounded suspiciously like 'Helm's Deep'.
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite hear you. What did you just say?" Eowyn asked.
"Who, me? Nothing, not a word!"
"Are you sure? I thought I heard... hmm.... no matter. In any case the defence in Edoras is too weak to withstand Saruman here."
"Indeed."
"So we will have to evacuate the city."
"Good idea."
"But where could we go, where would everybody fit, and where would we have a good defence?"
"Yes, where?"
"It would have to be some place where we have managed to defeat a foe previously."
"You have a point."
"Someplace strong... and perhaps someplace where the Rohirrim would know to find us, if they have time to find us."
"A big, safe place, and everyone knows about it."
"Perhaps... we would have enough room there, certainly... the Rohirrim would find us... but do we have time?"
"Always got time for..."
"Helm's Deep!"
"Bingo!" Nicole grinned broadly. It had taken forever, but Eowyn had at least said it herself and ignored Nicole's whispered comments, so at least it looked as though the Lady of Rohan had thought of it herself.
Eowyn dismissed Nicole's outburst, and quickly moved as though to leave the room. "Will you help me? There isn't much time, and organizing all these people... I would truly be grateful."
Nicole looked at her with a blank expression. "No, Eowyn. I just rode across half of Rohan so that I could not help you. Sorry." The shock on the other woman's face made her roll her eyes. "Of course, silly! Why else would I come? I mean, you do have a magnetic personality and all, but really, I just come here for the bed&bath service." She made a face. "My humor really sucks these days, doesn't it? I should really spend some time trying to think up new and witty comments. Although to be honest, I don't suppose I should be making jokes in such serious days. But isn't laughter the best medicine? And if we're all injured, we should laugh, and I should be more funnier--"
"You're rambling, Nicole," Eowyn said with a pat on the shoulder.
"Oops." She blushed. "Sorry."
"It happens to the strangest of us." Nicole opened her mouth to reply, then abruptly shut it and frowned. Did I just get shut down by Eowyn?? Things are weird in the land of Rohan, no doubt 'bout it. Eowyn grinned. "I am improving at manipulating your words, am I not? I practiced while you were gone." At Nicole's half-happy, half-scared glance, Eowyn just smiled and left the room, calling behind her, "your old clothes are in the trunk by the bed. Be in the main hall in half an hour!"
And with that, Nicole was left alone to wonder what ever happened to her sharp and clever remarks and the humor that annoyed everybody so much.
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"Excuse me, could I just... Ma'am, if I may... Please, sir... I'm sorry, pardon me..."
The constant high pitched voice begged for passage through the dense crowd that was moving through the gates of Edoras. Nicole, standing right at the doors to make sure that no one was bringing more than they absolutely needed, heard the tiresome noise and it assaulted her sensitive ears more than the noise of the crowd combined. That damn squeak is driving me INSANE... where is the little brat, I'm gonna get that pipsqueak and stuff it through that gate and make sure it never comes with THREE HUNDRED MILES OF ME!!! While inner turmoil raged, on the outside Nicole's eyebrow twitched slightly and her hands curled into tight fists.
"I'm sorry... could I just pass by... pardon me, excuse me..."
"OUTTA MY WAY!!!" With that tremendous yell, Nicole shoved through the riotous Rohan-ians, and found the source of all her misery. Two small children, both with sandy brown hair and blue eyes, were trying to make their way through the crowd and were being trampled in the process. One was a girl who looked about seven and the other (presumable her brother) was a boy of around three. Aha! I have apprehended you, evil little demons!!! Shit... they're just kids though, I can't beat them up. Hmm... What Would Eowyn Do? Oh right, they're citizens of Edoras. Serve and Protect. Swell.
"What is the matter, dear children?" Nicole asked in her sweetest voice through clenched teeth.
The little girl swallowed a bit nervously, but answered anyways. "We've got to get through the crowd, we've lost Mama." The boy clutched at his sister's skirt and nodded.
Eowyn advises you that in this instance, it would be best if you took care of the children until they find their mother. Twitch. I DONT WANNA!!!!!! Twitch. With a very large (and very fake) smile, Nicole took the hand of the little girl and forced herself to play nice.
"Don't worry, I'll help you find her," she said, all sweetness and sugar. With Nicole to guide them, the kids were able to get past the gates of the city easily and they stood outside on a grassy hill (then again, in Rohan what hill isn't grassy?), observing the people filing out.
When the entire column had passed by, the children claimed not to have seen their missing maternal unit. And then promptly decided that since they didn't have one at the moment, Nicole should fill that position immediately. Twitch. At least they aren't calling me mommy yet. Nicole had a plan though... since they were at the back of the long line of people, she would just have to walk twice as fast as everyone else so that they could go through the whole column in a matter of maybe fifteen minutes... alright, maybe half an hour... maybe an hour... maybe two... how long is this damn line??? And by the time they reach the head of the line, the mother would be found. Maybe I should just walk three times as fast... or I could run... Elves run pretty fast, don't we? I'd be able to find their mother in no ti-- ARGHHH!!!
Nicole's mental tirade turned verbal as the littlest brat somehow managed to jump on her back. The boy just giggled happily and gripped on to her shoulders all the more forcefully. A low growl started in Nicole's throat and threatened to break out. WHY THOSE LITTLE---!
"Nicole! How wonderful to see that you have found some new friends!" Fortunately for the children, and unfortunately for Nicole (who was so looking forward to strangling said children), Eowyn showed up at that moment, since she was also making her way up and down the traveling line of people.
Nicole plastered her happy-face on. "Indeed. It is quite pleasant to aid these young children. They have lost their mother, and I am substituting for her until we may find her once more," she replied. The strained voice and the twitching of her eye informed Eowyn better than Nicole's words: Nicole was in hell, but was too nice to let the kids see it.
Eowyn grinned. "Well, have fun... I'm sorry, I have to go check on the horses..." her excuse drifted off as she went away from them, moving farther up the line.
That wretched woman won't even help me.
"It's only about... four days, I think," she replied happily. "That means we get to spend three more days with you!" The girl gripped Nicole's hand tighter and swung their joined arms. "Let's skip!"
Nicole's eyes widened in horror... "Skip?? But... but... I'll drop your brother! We'll trip over rocks! You could get hurt!!" Excuses were flying off her tongue but it was already too late, the girl had pulled her into a lively skipping-run-dance thing. She shut her eyes tightly as the girl laughed and spun them 'round in circles. Thank Valar for Elvish gracefulness... and at that moment, of course, Nicole had to stumble over uneven ground. The "graceful" She-Elf lay sprawled on her back for a moment before even registering the insane giggling of the boy. She lifted her head from the ground and glanced at the boy who sat happily and uninjured on her abdomen.
"I'm not even gonna ask how you landed there from my back..." she said and let her head flop down again. She allowed herself a blissful moment of rest while the boy started bouncing on her ribs. Nicole winced. A tickling sensation on her face forced her to open her eyes to see the girl leaning over her and grinning broadly.
"Good. For a moment I thought Elves didn't know how to have fun."
"Fun is my Chinese neighbour's middle name," Nicole grunted. She pulled herself up, grabbed the smaller kid by the waist and held him awkwardly balanced on her hip. The girl looked puzzled for a moment, but shrugged and took Nicole's offered hand as they walked the short distance back to the more sane line of people.
"Sing a song."
"No way in hell, kid." At this point, she didn't care if she was setting a bad example by swearing, or if she had dropped her sunny disposition.
"Please..." she whined. Her brother joined in too and tugged on her hair incessantly. Twitch.
"No."
"Pleeeaassee?"
Nicole stuck her tongue out at the girl. "No, and you can't make me."
The girl pouted... her bottom lip trembled... those big blue eyes filled with moisture. Nicole sighed.
"Pulling a sad face is not going to work."
"You can sing in your language... Everybody says Elvish songs are the best ones."
Something in the back of Nicole's mind clicked and wheels churned as a new Plan was in the making.
"Pleeeaassee?"
A slow smile crept over her features. Her eyes glinted mischievously. "Alright.... I give. But just one song, and not in the Western tongue."
The girl nodded enthusiastically and the boy stopped tugging on Nicole's hair and both pairs of blue eyes turned immediate attention to her.
Nicole cleared her throat, and setting her mind up to thinking in the right language, began a horrible drinking song in Dwarvish.
A gallon or two,
filled to the brim,
With alcohol plenty,
To make my sight swim.
Some ale, some beer,
Nothing is clear!
Some gin, some whisky,
I think I'm getting tipsy!
Oh, no ale, no ale,
I'd rather lose my head.
Without ale, precious ale,
I'd rather be dead!
Drink with me,
Drink to nothing.
Three cheers for ale,
It's been a long time coming!
With a valued friend,
And a mug of ale.
With the happy songs,
And the finished tale.
Some ale, some beer,
Nothing is clear!
Some gin, some whisky,
I think I'm getting tipsy!
I'd rather be drunk,
And ignorant of all,
Than be missing my ale,
And ... not being drunk!
The last line didn't rhyme at all, but Nicole grinned anyways. Proof of my insanity... if only Gimli had been here, he would have laughed... Aragorn would have pretended to scold me but grinned... Nicole frowned. Legolas would have told me to stop being so immature and not Elf-like.
The boy giggled again. Twitch. I'm going to make that kid stop giggling permanently... somehow... The girl cocked her head to the side.
"Is that a real song?"
Nicole growled. "You wanted me to sing, I sang. You don't like it, deal. Sucks to be you." She stuck her tongue out again.
The girl raised an eyebrow. Even KIDS can do that, and I still can't!!! It's not FAIR!!!! It's supposed to be one of my "elvish-skills," Nicole thought in frustration. "It just didn't sound like Elvish to me..."
"Have you ever heard Elvish?"
"No."
"Then how do you know it wasn't Elvish?"
A pause... "It's not supposed to be so ... rough." Nicole grumbled something. "What?" the girl asked insistently.
"It's Dwarvish."
"You tricked us!" she exclaimed. The boy clambered from Nicole's waist to her shoulders and pulled on her hair. The girl frowned and pouted again.
"You wanted me to sing! So I did! Geez, chillax!"
"Ba' muma! Ba'! Ba'!" the boy perched on her shoulders started banging his small fists on her head.
"Ouch! What the--? STOP!!! Oh come on! Quit it! GET OFF ME!!!" Nicole was squirming, trying to reach the kid and grab hold of him. Stupid kid just called me his 'muma', I guess that's his version of mother. I'm gonna get him for that!!! Finally, she grabbed a flailing wrist, and hauled the toddler off her back, dangling him in the air by his arm.
"BA'!!!!"
"Shut it, kid. You're the bad one," Nicole replied harshly and deposited the boy on the ground. I. Hate. Children. She crossed her arms over her chest and gave them a strict look. "I'm going into retirement. I'm sure you two can find your mother by yourselves. Have a nice life," she said coldly, turned her back, and walked in the direction that the Rohan-ian people were traveling.
Before she could go four paces, a heavy weight attached itself to her waist and a lighter one clamped on to her left leg. Nicole stopped, closed her eyes, clenched her jaw, and tried to control her murderous urges. After a moment, she continued to move forward, albeit more laboriously. I. Hate. Children.
:
:
:
A/N: Not as splendid as I hoped it would be, but it'll do.
I know it took forever, but since it's summer, I'm hoping to update MUCH more frequently to make it up for the three months of silence. Oh, and disclaimers:
"Fun is my Chinese neighbour's middle name." -- that's from the movie "Rocketman"
Dwarvish Drinking Song -- all mine can't you tell?
Thanks SO much for reading and being patient with me!!! Please review!!!!
Morgaine of Ithil : out of retirement!