What Really Happens to Mort Afterwards....
Hey People!! First of all, before, I begin, I would like to thank my first two reviewers (Esmeralda Sparrow and FunkyFries)!! I LOVE you guys!! LOL. You guys get a life's supply of corn and, as a bonus, 100 zillion gallons of Mountain Dew!!! Oh, no I bet all of you other people who haven't reviewed are jealous. Anywho, my point is, please ::gets down on her knees:: please review!! I'm begging you...........ok, I think I'll start now.........
Chapter Two: The Date
(the "camera" zooms into the cabin showing the forest and the lake to remind everyone that Mort lives in the middle of no where)
Mort: (asleep on the sofa)
2 HOURS LATER
Mort: (still asleep on the sofa, mumbles) RUM! I like rum. Do you like rum? Why is the rum gone?? Bloody pirates! They stole my preciousssss rum..... yes, my preciousssss........
Obsessed Fan Girls: Oh, we love The Lord of the Rings references!!! They have some hotties in there too. (sigh as they think if Legolas, Aragorn, etc...)
(Knock at the door)
Mort: (wakes up, slowly) (groans) Ugh!! Who could that be? (walks sleepishly up to the door and opens it)
SavvyKiwi: (to audience) Who is it folks?? If you said John Shooter, then you are.....
Mort: DONALD TUMP?!?!?!
SavvyKiwi: ........INCORRECT!!
Mort: What are you doing here?
Donald: You're fired! (he says as he does his famous hand gesture thingy, then, starts to exit)
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Since when did you work for him?
Mort: I didn't....... Wait! Donald, can I ask you something?
Donald: (turns around slowly) Uh, sure. (he replies hesitantly) Mort: Can I touch it?
Donald: (confused) Touch what?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Yeah, touch what?
Mort: Your hair. You know, to see if it is real.
Donald: (slaps Mort) Dammit Mort!! I thought you cared! (storms away and exits in his limo.)
Mort: I didn't deserve that!
SavvyKiwi: (to audience) Oh, Pirates of the Caribbean reference right there! (to Mort) Why didn't you ask him out? You were supposed to ask out the next person who knocks at your door!
Mort: I don't remember agreeing to that!
SavvyKiwi: Well, you did.
Mort: But, I don't wanna!! (goes outside, picks three ears of corn, places them into a pot of boiling water; goes to the refrigerator and pulls out a can of Mountain Dew) Do the Dew!
Obsessed Fan Girls: (squeal like little piglets, then rush to the local Wal-Mart to buy cases upon cases of Mountain Dew)
SavvyKiwi: I'm arranging for someone to be at the fancy restaurant downtown..... you better be there! Wait..... of course you'll be there, I have complete control over you! (evil laugh) Who is laughing? It's not me cuz my "evil" laugh is amusing.
Mort: Whatever! (bites into corn)
SavvyKiwi: Mort! You're going to ruin you appetite!!!
Mort: But I like corn........... and Dorito's.............. and Mountain Dew.......... and for some strange reason I've become obsessed with rum. And I don't know why!! I even dream about rum.........
SavvyKiwi: That's all fine and dandy, but you need to get dressed to go on your date!! NOW!! (shoves Mort into his bedroom)
Obsessed Fan Girls: Can we see him get dressed?? (as they sip their Mountain Dew)
ABOUT AN HOUR LATER (exterior: a fancy red brick building, with beautiful gardens covering the area, along with water fountains that change colors, blah, blah, blah........ it's fancy and lets just leave it at that)
(Mort sits at his booth waiting for his date to arrive)
5 MINUTES LATER
(Obsessed Fan Girl enters the restaurant with her boyfriend. She screams!)
Obsessed Fan Girl: Ahhhhh!!! Look! It's Johnny Depp!! Omg!! I'm your biggest fan! (rushes over to Mort leaving her boyfriend awkwardly standing at the front desk) Omg, I've seen all of your movies..... read all of your interviews (rambles on like this for a few minutes) Can I have your autograph? (pulls out Pirates of the Caribbean DVD and soundtrack, Secret Window DVD, T-shirts of him, ok, you get the idea....)
Mort: Who the hell is Johnny Depp?
Obsessed Fan Girl: (laughs hysterically)
Mort: What's so funny? (pulls out a random hammer)
Obsessed Fan Girl: (stops laughing) What's with the hammer?
Mort: It's the thing I'm going to kill you with!! (evil music starts playing in the background)
Obsessed Fan Girl: Why a hammer?
Mort: Because my screwdriver is in Chico1. (starts crying hysterically) WHY?? Why did I do that?? Why, why, why.........
Obsessed Fan Girl: (squeals) Omg! I'm going to be killed by Johnny Depp! I've gotta call my friends......... (takes out her cell phone to call other Obsessed Fan Girls)
Mort: (bangs hammer on top of her head) That felt good!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: You bet it did! Now, go write a story about it.
Mort: NO! I don't have to listen to you! You were the one who thought my inspirational story for religious people across the nation sucked!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Well, it did.
Mort: NO IT DIDN'T!!!! (he shouts as he stands up and knocks over a table)
(people in the restaurant stop eating and stare at him)
Mort: What? (slowly sinks back down into the seat) Where is my date anyway? (he mutters to himself)
SavvyKiwi: Mort, I think it's best that you leave.
Mort: (shouts again) WHAT? YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DRAGGED ME DOWN HERE AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE??
SavvyKiwi: Yes! And don't be getting an attitude with me, young man! (drags him by the ear out of the restaurant) Now, go home!
Mort: But......
SavvyKiwi: NOW!
Mort: (mutters) fine, fine...........
Ah, so did you like it? Hated it? Please let me know!! Also, if you have a suggestion on what the next chapter should be about, please let me know!! Extra corn for all who review!! LOL...... stay tuned to find out what happens next.......
Hey People!! First of all, before, I begin, I would like to thank my first two reviewers (Esmeralda Sparrow and FunkyFries)!! I LOVE you guys!! LOL. You guys get a life's supply of corn and, as a bonus, 100 zillion gallons of Mountain Dew!!! Oh, no I bet all of you other people who haven't reviewed are jealous. Anywho, my point is, please ::gets down on her knees:: please review!! I'm begging you...........ok, I think I'll start now.........
Chapter Two: The Date
(the "camera" zooms into the cabin showing the forest and the lake to remind everyone that Mort lives in the middle of no where)
Mort: (asleep on the sofa)
2 HOURS LATER
Mort: (still asleep on the sofa, mumbles) RUM! I like rum. Do you like rum? Why is the rum gone?? Bloody pirates! They stole my preciousssss rum..... yes, my preciousssss........
Obsessed Fan Girls: Oh, we love The Lord of the Rings references!!! They have some hotties in there too. (sigh as they think if Legolas, Aragorn, etc...)
(Knock at the door)
Mort: (wakes up, slowly) (groans) Ugh!! Who could that be? (walks sleepishly up to the door and opens it)
SavvyKiwi: (to audience) Who is it folks?? If you said John Shooter, then you are.....
Mort: DONALD TUMP?!?!?!
SavvyKiwi: ........INCORRECT!!
Mort: What are you doing here?
Donald: You're fired! (he says as he does his famous hand gesture thingy, then, starts to exit)
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Since when did you work for him?
Mort: I didn't....... Wait! Donald, can I ask you something?
Donald: (turns around slowly) Uh, sure. (he replies hesitantly) Mort: Can I touch it?
Donald: (confused) Touch what?
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Yeah, touch what?
Mort: Your hair. You know, to see if it is real.
Donald: (slaps Mort) Dammit Mort!! I thought you cared! (storms away and exits in his limo.)
Mort: I didn't deserve that!
SavvyKiwi: (to audience) Oh, Pirates of the Caribbean reference right there! (to Mort) Why didn't you ask him out? You were supposed to ask out the next person who knocks at your door!
Mort: I don't remember agreeing to that!
SavvyKiwi: Well, you did.
Mort: But, I don't wanna!! (goes outside, picks three ears of corn, places them into a pot of boiling water; goes to the refrigerator and pulls out a can of Mountain Dew) Do the Dew!
Obsessed Fan Girls: (squeal like little piglets, then rush to the local Wal-Mart to buy cases upon cases of Mountain Dew)
SavvyKiwi: I'm arranging for someone to be at the fancy restaurant downtown..... you better be there! Wait..... of course you'll be there, I have complete control over you! (evil laugh) Who is laughing? It's not me cuz my "evil" laugh is amusing.
Mort: Whatever! (bites into corn)
SavvyKiwi: Mort! You're going to ruin you appetite!!!
Mort: But I like corn........... and Dorito's.............. and Mountain Dew.......... and for some strange reason I've become obsessed with rum. And I don't know why!! I even dream about rum.........
SavvyKiwi: That's all fine and dandy, but you need to get dressed to go on your date!! NOW!! (shoves Mort into his bedroom)
Obsessed Fan Girls: Can we see him get dressed?? (as they sip their Mountain Dew)
ABOUT AN HOUR LATER (exterior: a fancy red brick building, with beautiful gardens covering the area, along with water fountains that change colors, blah, blah, blah........ it's fancy and lets just leave it at that)
(Mort sits at his booth waiting for his date to arrive)
5 MINUTES LATER
(Obsessed Fan Girl enters the restaurant with her boyfriend. She screams!)
Obsessed Fan Girl: Ahhhhh!!! Look! It's Johnny Depp!! Omg!! I'm your biggest fan! (rushes over to Mort leaving her boyfriend awkwardly standing at the front desk) Omg, I've seen all of your movies..... read all of your interviews (rambles on like this for a few minutes) Can I have your autograph? (pulls out Pirates of the Caribbean DVD and soundtrack, Secret Window DVD, T-shirts of him, ok, you get the idea....)
Mort: Who the hell is Johnny Depp?
Obsessed Fan Girl: (laughs hysterically)
Mort: What's so funny? (pulls out a random hammer)
Obsessed Fan Girl: (stops laughing) What's with the hammer?
Mort: It's the thing I'm going to kill you with!! (evil music starts playing in the background)
Obsessed Fan Girl: Why a hammer?
Mort: Because my screwdriver is in Chico1. (starts crying hysterically) WHY?? Why did I do that?? Why, why, why.........
Obsessed Fan Girl: (squeals) Omg! I'm going to be killed by Johnny Depp! I've gotta call my friends......... (takes out her cell phone to call other Obsessed Fan Girls)
Mort: (bangs hammer on top of her head) That felt good!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: You bet it did! Now, go write a story about it.
Mort: NO! I don't have to listen to you! You were the one who thought my inspirational story for religious people across the nation sucked!
Mort's Voice-Inside-His-Head: Well, it did.
Mort: NO IT DIDN'T!!!! (he shouts as he stands up and knocks over a table)
(people in the restaurant stop eating and stare at him)
Mort: What? (slowly sinks back down into the seat) Where is my date anyway? (he mutters to himself)
SavvyKiwi: Mort, I think it's best that you leave.
Mort: (shouts again) WHAT? YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DRAGGED ME DOWN HERE AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE??
SavvyKiwi: Yes! And don't be getting an attitude with me, young man! (drags him by the ear out of the restaurant) Now, go home!
Mort: But......
SavvyKiwi: NOW!
Mort: (mutters) fine, fine...........
Ah, so did you like it? Hated it? Please let me know!! Also, if you have a suggestion on what the next chapter should be about, please let me know!! Extra corn for all who review!! LOL...... stay tuned to find out what happens next.......