HARRY POTTER
AND THE AWFUL RANDOMNESS
CHAPTER 2
W'EVE SKIPPED ALL THAT STUFF ABOUT THAT HAGRID DUDE TAKIN' HARRY FROM THE DURSLEYS BUT INSTEAD WE'LL JUST SKIP TO THE TRAIN BUT FOR YOU SOFT HEARTED
TYPES.
HERE'S A SONG.
RON: TAKE A TRIP.
HERMIONE: BRITAIN EVER, EVER, EVER SHALL BE HIP.
FRED: HIP!
GEORGE: HIT ME!
Every one dances the can can.
Harry: Hey everyone and welcome to the Hogwarts Express. Today we've got Ron Weasley on saxophone. Hermione Granger on the keyboards. Neville Longbottom on Vibes. Draco Malfoy on the Maracas. And on the guitar and vocals it's, yes that's right you guessed it. DOBBY!!!!!
Dobby: MAKE IT FUNKY NOW.
Harry: it's been great, you've been great and we've been even better. GOODNIGHT DETROIT WE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The song finished and Harry, Ron and Hermione slumped into a compartment. "So Harry..." Hermione began to say but Harry interrupted her.
"How do you know my name?" He asked.
"I read the book." Hermione answered.
"What book?" Harry asked getting very confused.
"The Harry Potter books." Hermoine said wisely.
"Oh." Harry said. Then turned to Ron. "What's she on about?"
"I'unno." Ron said in a random voice that was randomly random in a random way.
Suddenly a stranger appeared at the door of the carriage and said. "Don't start that again."
"Sorry." Said the author. Harry jumped at this small boy who had appeared underneath his seat. "Get off and take you teeth out my arm."
"mmph mmph." Harry said through a mouth full of arm. Then he spat it out and said.
"Who are you?"
"I'm the author I'm writing what's happening right now."
"God." Suddenly Ron began confessing his sins. "And when I was nine I ate a squirrel." The author pushed him off.
"Ron I'm not god." Suddenly a man dressed all in black with sunglasses walked past singing.
"I'm the urban spaceman baby, now here's the twist." He stopped in front the door of the carriage. "I don't exist." And he disappeared.
"I was wondering when something random was gonna happen." Hermione said.
"PURPLE CHEESE PENGUIN." Harry shouted at the top of his voice. Everyone looked at him strangely. "I was just helping."
The train moved very slowly towards, oh bugger what's it called? You know that place. Where stuff happens. Ah now I remember Sussex. The train move very slowly towards Sussex and then went past it then it reached Hogwarts. A man in a long black coat and sunglasses took Harry and his friends to the school.
"Hey Ron, isn't that the guy who we saw on the train." Harry asked. The man began to sing.
"Tubas in the moonlight, will bring my true love HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME"
"Yup that's the guy." Said while licking a tootsie pop. "You want one?" He handed Harry a tootsie pop and Harry began licking it.
When they arrived in the hall Dumbledore stood up and said. "I like you run into walls while listening to Britney Spears and I also like to stab random people." Then he stabbed a random person. Everyone cheered. "I would also like to welcome back our defence against the dark arts teacher. Mr. Neo!" The singing man in the long black coat and sunglasses stood up and said.
"How y'all doin' dawg fo shizzle I tight to be back up here in this hisouse."
Professor McGonagall stood up and shouted. "HOLLA!"
Then Neo said "Now for my trademark song ya'll."
Neo began dancing and the teachers stamped their feet. "With big hungry tigers table manners have no place." The teachers stood up and sang.
"Dear Dear Dear No, Dear Dear Dear No, Dear No, Oh Dear No."
Then Snape stood up and sang. "After they have eaten you they never say their grace." And I went on like that for the next 4 hours or so and by the end Neo was the only one left in the hall.
Back in the dormitory Harry was talking to Ron. "You know I've got a sneaking suspicion that we'll see a 3 headed dog and find out that it's guarding a stone of some kind and we'll find out someone wants to steal it for the dark lord Whathisface..."
Then Ron interrupted. "Don't say his name." He hissed.
"Oh sorry. But anyway an when he has he'd use it to come and kill me and we'll think it's Snape but it'll turn out that it isn't."
"You're being paranoid." Ron said while sucking a tootsie pop. He handed one to Harry.
"Yeah you're probably right. Well night."
"Night."
That night Harry dreamt about small snails, Biffo The Bear, the queen of England and pointy things but in the morning he ate pixie sticks and forgot all about it, along with where he was, what he was doing and what the point of new age music was. (But he was oblivious to that already so it doesn't matter.
HOLLA!!!!!!
Just in case you were wondering all of the songs Neo sang were real and if you would like to hear them look up the bonzo dog doo dah band. They're real I swear.
Also i would like to say the if I do not get 5 new reviews I will never write fan fics again.
Everyone: HOORAY.
Please R&R
P.S. HOLLA!!