I pulled into the school parking lot early. I slammed the door and headed
towards my dorm.
It wasn't until I reached just outside of my room that I remembered why I hated sharing a room. If I went in their Nick would naturally ask some question. Like why do you look like shit ran over sixty times?
Call me unsocial but I wasn't in the mood. After my little adventure with Varsity I'd spent the remainder of my weekend barricaded in my room. So that leaves me here an hour before classes, not willing to go in my room, and breakfast doesn't start for another half hour. I ended up pacing in front of the dorm building. Unfortunately when I'm left alone with my own thought I tend to obsess.
Dose my Father hate me, or is this all some sick backlash from not being able to live the dream? Will he get over it? Will I?
"Stop it Adam," I coached myself once I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.
"It's official boys the cake-eater has lost it." Great. Now I get to deal with the Ducks.
"Yeah Jess that's me. Just some psycho path standing out in the freezing cold talking him self." I said sniffling. I was freezing, and fighting back tears, today is not my day.
"Hey look," Charlie started but I cut him short.
"Uh, for Gods sake. All right you know how much I enjoy these little chats of ours. And I swear will set aside some special time so that I can diss you. But I really can't do this right now alright." I turned looking them in the eye for a split second before walking away.
Today should be fun.
By the end of the day I wanted nothing more than to go to my dorm room and fling myself out the window.
Instead I get to write a thousand words on why Hamlet is a great play. It would help if I'd ever read it.
I exhaled a puff of air, breath in breathe out.
"Banks," I stopped at the sound of my name. Not today, was all I could keep thinking but I turned around any way.
"What's up Coach?" I asked Coach Orion as he power walked the distance between us.
"You know our game tonight?" I nodded, no duh we only had a pep rally. "Change of plans were not playing the Devil, were going up against Blake."
I had the feeling that was suppose to mean something to me. "So?" I asked.
"Oh right, you weren't there. Um the Ducks well they have some problems with Blake in the past. I'm calling an emergency practice. Here is the list." He handed me a sheet of paper and turned to walk away.
"Wait wait, what?" I asked looking down the sheet. Every member of the team was listed as well as a number.
"You go to there rooms and tell them to get down to the rink now." Orion explained a slight tone of annoyance saturated his voice.
"But I have an English paper," I yelled as he walked away.
"Deal, you're a smart kid."
Uh, again not today. I trudged off to the boy's dormitories this should be fun, I thought sarcastically.
I decided to get Conway and make him do it, after all he is the captain. Conway, Conway I scanned the list. Room 136.
I bee lined my way to his room and knocked.
"What the hell do you want cake-eater?" Hall asked as soon as he opened the door.
"Touching sentiment, but aren't you going to invite me in before we start the pleasantries." I said literally pushing past him. Conway was on his bed books propped open headphones on.
I crossed the room in a couple short steps and pulled the plug connecting his headphones to the walkman.
"Hey," he said looking up at me mad. Poor baby. "What do you want."
"Snappy crowd or what?" I asked leaning against his bed. "Look as much as it pains me to be here, I have a message."
"From who?" he asked, looks like I'd sparked his interest.
"Coach, he said to tell you that were playing Blake tonight and not the Devils."
"Oh shit," I heard form the other side of the room.
"Relax coach already called an immediate practice get your team to the rink." I said before walking out.
I could feel my blood boiling over the moment the first needless goal went flying into the net. By the end of the first period we were down by six. My mood was horrible and my shitty day wasn't helping either, the last thing I need is this, the great and all mighty Duck have decided to fall apart mid game, fun. Everyone filled into the locker room silently.
"It's okay you guys," Charlie, are great and holy Captain started his speech.
Man he is annoying, not to mention wrong. Nothing about this is okay. You know I think the word okay is the biggest liar in the English lauange. I mean think about you say it's okay or I'm okay or Okay, okay I'll do it when you just saying to to make the other person happy. My brother is constantly telling me everything will be okay. We both know nothing between my and Father and me is going to change. How is that okay? How is this okay? We can't loose a game, why, because I don't loose.
I flexed my muscles let it go Adam he's just a moron a flaming moron, I kept telling myself over and over. Let it go, he's not worth it. But between everything, my weekend, earlier today, the shit they talk but don't back up. All my emotions just spiraled out of control.
"What the hell are you talking about? That period out there, nothing about it was okay. I thought you guys were the great and almighty Ducks, team USA, the ultimate triple threat. Out there all I saw was my Grandma on defense and some of the worst offence I've ever seen in my life. What the hell was that Conway, huh?" I backed him against the lockers, barley any space was left between us, "A disappointment that's what. You want to screw this over, do it on your time. Do you understand me?" Somewhere between the begging and the end of my spiel I'd started screaming. I was nearly shaking with the rage that was just bubbling over me.
Somewhere in my head a voice started nagging at me. Where did this come from? Since when do you lose your temper? Where have I heard that before? He let me down? It's not all his fault I'm out there too. A disappointment, that's what you are.
And all came back to one inevitable answer. I lowered my hand that had been hovering near his face.
That's what my Father said to me, just yesterday. After every game, he looks my in the eye and screams at me that I let him down, that I am a disappointment. A horrible feeling swept trough my gut.
I can't believe this; I mean where did in all my brooding and hating him did I become him? I took an unsure step back the entire team just stared. I felt their eyes on me, especially Coach, and Charlie's. I should apologize I know I should. Just open your mouth Adam and say hey look sorry about that, just turning into my psycho father no big deal. Instead I stripped off my outer layers and sat down with a water bottle. I could still feel his eyes on me, but I never met them.
Why do I hate them in the first place? Oh yeah because my Father told me they were scum, well add that with the egged locker thing. But I would have hated them with or with out that little incident.
I was just mad; I tried desperately to reason with myself. I poured some water onto my hair trying to cool down. I took a couple of deep breaths. Calm down Adam.
Of course I had to explode at the guy after this week. Since our little run in this weekend it seemed we'd reached a silent agreement. No pranks, no sneers, just traded insults. I just stuck to me and my own and they left me the hell alone. The only time they even registered on my radar was on the ice, and that was just to pass the puck not for some social hour.
Coach ended with some encouraging words before sending us back on the ice. Orion glared at me, signaling I'd been out of line but there was something more pressing at this moment, we had to pull this game out.
Somewhere in the game I was completely sucked in. I lost track of everything, the time on the clock how many goals we were up or down. All I could see all I could feel the only thing I heard was the puck, my teammates, and the pounding of my heart in my ears. If I had time to think about all that I wasn't really playing I wasn't really there. I just froze every moment and owned it. So when the final buzzer rang I was not only shocked but I had to look up at the scoreboard.
We lost, by one. I don't know if I'd ever felt so defeated.
We all filed in and changed in silence. Coach gave a few encouraging words trying to lift all of our dying sprits.
I dragged my feet while changing. Every moment of the game was replayed and picked apart in my mind. It wasn't any one's person fault; we just couldn't make up for that display during the first period. We never caught up. The locker room door flung open.
I didn't even half to turn around to know it was my Father. Shit, I'd forgotten this part. The reason I truly hate losing. I turned grabbing up my bag. It's scary when you turn around and can see yourself in him. The way he stood there, his own body nearly shaking. My mind flashed back to my outburst at Charlie.
I could see the fire in his eyes. I'd failed him, I'd disappointed him, I was sick of it.
"Adam," My Father started controlling his shaking voice. He didn't know Orion, he wouldn't yell at me in front of them. Riley yes, Orion no. I walked past not bothering to look at him. I knew what he looked like. He opened the door in front of me and I stepped through. "Adam," He repeated.
"Yeah Dad I know alright. I mean how many times do we have to do this. I screwed up, I'm failing you, and I've disappointed you. All I am is just one big embarrassment. All right I get it okay you can stop with the never- ending lecture. So what do you want Dad? How about I change my name, leave the state. Hell the country. That way no one will have to see the how big of a let down I really am." I stopped my pacing to look him in the eye. I couldn't do this. I don't know why, I mean he'd lectured me hundreds of times; he hadn't even said a word yet. But he'd already hurt me. Why today?
A/n alright that's it for tonight ladies and gentleman. Now that is one long chapter for me! YAY! I really hoped you liked this chapter; I had some issues writing it. I mean I knew what I wanted to happen but the I kept getting ready to post it and adding something or changing something. Whatever I'm just turning into a perfectionist, which really sucks seeing I have zero patience!
Lol, onto my shout-outs!
Gina: Sometimes I swear you are the reason I keep trying this whole writing thing. I'm really glad you like my story, I've worked on this one extremely hard! Later!
Hotshell99: Hey there, it was great hearing from you again! Even a short review is a review, even though I like nice long ones (hint hint : ) I'm glad you like it, I love you reviewers, you make it all worth it!
Hpoutsiderduck: I'll never tell!!!!!!! Lol!
Jess: Thanks so much for the feedback I really appreciate you guys! Awww group hug!
Natasha Hyatt: Thanks, a cookie for you for being such a great reviewer!
Shara2007: Thanks girl!
That's all, see ya in the next chapter, remember REVIEW!
It wasn't until I reached just outside of my room that I remembered why I hated sharing a room. If I went in their Nick would naturally ask some question. Like why do you look like shit ran over sixty times?
Call me unsocial but I wasn't in the mood. After my little adventure with Varsity I'd spent the remainder of my weekend barricaded in my room. So that leaves me here an hour before classes, not willing to go in my room, and breakfast doesn't start for another half hour. I ended up pacing in front of the dorm building. Unfortunately when I'm left alone with my own thought I tend to obsess.
Dose my Father hate me, or is this all some sick backlash from not being able to live the dream? Will he get over it? Will I?
"Stop it Adam," I coached myself once I felt the tears welling up in my eyes.
"It's official boys the cake-eater has lost it." Great. Now I get to deal with the Ducks.
"Yeah Jess that's me. Just some psycho path standing out in the freezing cold talking him self." I said sniffling. I was freezing, and fighting back tears, today is not my day.
"Hey look," Charlie started but I cut him short.
"Uh, for Gods sake. All right you know how much I enjoy these little chats of ours. And I swear will set aside some special time so that I can diss you. But I really can't do this right now alright." I turned looking them in the eye for a split second before walking away.
Today should be fun.
By the end of the day I wanted nothing more than to go to my dorm room and fling myself out the window.
Instead I get to write a thousand words on why Hamlet is a great play. It would help if I'd ever read it.
I exhaled a puff of air, breath in breathe out.
"Banks," I stopped at the sound of my name. Not today, was all I could keep thinking but I turned around any way.
"What's up Coach?" I asked Coach Orion as he power walked the distance between us.
"You know our game tonight?" I nodded, no duh we only had a pep rally. "Change of plans were not playing the Devil, were going up against Blake."
I had the feeling that was suppose to mean something to me. "So?" I asked.
"Oh right, you weren't there. Um the Ducks well they have some problems with Blake in the past. I'm calling an emergency practice. Here is the list." He handed me a sheet of paper and turned to walk away.
"Wait wait, what?" I asked looking down the sheet. Every member of the team was listed as well as a number.
"You go to there rooms and tell them to get down to the rink now." Orion explained a slight tone of annoyance saturated his voice.
"But I have an English paper," I yelled as he walked away.
"Deal, you're a smart kid."
Uh, again not today. I trudged off to the boy's dormitories this should be fun, I thought sarcastically.
I decided to get Conway and make him do it, after all he is the captain. Conway, Conway I scanned the list. Room 136.
I bee lined my way to his room and knocked.
"What the hell do you want cake-eater?" Hall asked as soon as he opened the door.
"Touching sentiment, but aren't you going to invite me in before we start the pleasantries." I said literally pushing past him. Conway was on his bed books propped open headphones on.
I crossed the room in a couple short steps and pulled the plug connecting his headphones to the walkman.
"Hey," he said looking up at me mad. Poor baby. "What do you want."
"Snappy crowd or what?" I asked leaning against his bed. "Look as much as it pains me to be here, I have a message."
"From who?" he asked, looks like I'd sparked his interest.
"Coach, he said to tell you that were playing Blake tonight and not the Devils."
"Oh shit," I heard form the other side of the room.
"Relax coach already called an immediate practice get your team to the rink." I said before walking out.
I could feel my blood boiling over the moment the first needless goal went flying into the net. By the end of the first period we were down by six. My mood was horrible and my shitty day wasn't helping either, the last thing I need is this, the great and all mighty Duck have decided to fall apart mid game, fun. Everyone filled into the locker room silently.
"It's okay you guys," Charlie, are great and holy Captain started his speech.
Man he is annoying, not to mention wrong. Nothing about this is okay. You know I think the word okay is the biggest liar in the English lauange. I mean think about you say it's okay or I'm okay or Okay, okay I'll do it when you just saying to to make the other person happy. My brother is constantly telling me everything will be okay. We both know nothing between my and Father and me is going to change. How is that okay? How is this okay? We can't loose a game, why, because I don't loose.
I flexed my muscles let it go Adam he's just a moron a flaming moron, I kept telling myself over and over. Let it go, he's not worth it. But between everything, my weekend, earlier today, the shit they talk but don't back up. All my emotions just spiraled out of control.
"What the hell are you talking about? That period out there, nothing about it was okay. I thought you guys were the great and almighty Ducks, team USA, the ultimate triple threat. Out there all I saw was my Grandma on defense and some of the worst offence I've ever seen in my life. What the hell was that Conway, huh?" I backed him against the lockers, barley any space was left between us, "A disappointment that's what. You want to screw this over, do it on your time. Do you understand me?" Somewhere between the begging and the end of my spiel I'd started screaming. I was nearly shaking with the rage that was just bubbling over me.
Somewhere in my head a voice started nagging at me. Where did this come from? Since when do you lose your temper? Where have I heard that before? He let me down? It's not all his fault I'm out there too. A disappointment, that's what you are.
And all came back to one inevitable answer. I lowered my hand that had been hovering near his face.
That's what my Father said to me, just yesterday. After every game, he looks my in the eye and screams at me that I let him down, that I am a disappointment. A horrible feeling swept trough my gut.
I can't believe this; I mean where did in all my brooding and hating him did I become him? I took an unsure step back the entire team just stared. I felt their eyes on me, especially Coach, and Charlie's. I should apologize I know I should. Just open your mouth Adam and say hey look sorry about that, just turning into my psycho father no big deal. Instead I stripped off my outer layers and sat down with a water bottle. I could still feel his eyes on me, but I never met them.
Why do I hate them in the first place? Oh yeah because my Father told me they were scum, well add that with the egged locker thing. But I would have hated them with or with out that little incident.
I was just mad; I tried desperately to reason with myself. I poured some water onto my hair trying to cool down. I took a couple of deep breaths. Calm down Adam.
Of course I had to explode at the guy after this week. Since our little run in this weekend it seemed we'd reached a silent agreement. No pranks, no sneers, just traded insults. I just stuck to me and my own and they left me the hell alone. The only time they even registered on my radar was on the ice, and that was just to pass the puck not for some social hour.
Coach ended with some encouraging words before sending us back on the ice. Orion glared at me, signaling I'd been out of line but there was something more pressing at this moment, we had to pull this game out.
Somewhere in the game I was completely sucked in. I lost track of everything, the time on the clock how many goals we were up or down. All I could see all I could feel the only thing I heard was the puck, my teammates, and the pounding of my heart in my ears. If I had time to think about all that I wasn't really playing I wasn't really there. I just froze every moment and owned it. So when the final buzzer rang I was not only shocked but I had to look up at the scoreboard.
We lost, by one. I don't know if I'd ever felt so defeated.
We all filed in and changed in silence. Coach gave a few encouraging words trying to lift all of our dying sprits.
I dragged my feet while changing. Every moment of the game was replayed and picked apart in my mind. It wasn't any one's person fault; we just couldn't make up for that display during the first period. We never caught up. The locker room door flung open.
I didn't even half to turn around to know it was my Father. Shit, I'd forgotten this part. The reason I truly hate losing. I turned grabbing up my bag. It's scary when you turn around and can see yourself in him. The way he stood there, his own body nearly shaking. My mind flashed back to my outburst at Charlie.
I could see the fire in his eyes. I'd failed him, I'd disappointed him, I was sick of it.
"Adam," My Father started controlling his shaking voice. He didn't know Orion, he wouldn't yell at me in front of them. Riley yes, Orion no. I walked past not bothering to look at him. I knew what he looked like. He opened the door in front of me and I stepped through. "Adam," He repeated.
"Yeah Dad I know alright. I mean how many times do we have to do this. I screwed up, I'm failing you, and I've disappointed you. All I am is just one big embarrassment. All right I get it okay you can stop with the never- ending lecture. So what do you want Dad? How about I change my name, leave the state. Hell the country. That way no one will have to see the how big of a let down I really am." I stopped my pacing to look him in the eye. I couldn't do this. I don't know why, I mean he'd lectured me hundreds of times; he hadn't even said a word yet. But he'd already hurt me. Why today?
A/n alright that's it for tonight ladies and gentleman. Now that is one long chapter for me! YAY! I really hoped you liked this chapter; I had some issues writing it. I mean I knew what I wanted to happen but the I kept getting ready to post it and adding something or changing something. Whatever I'm just turning into a perfectionist, which really sucks seeing I have zero patience!
Lol, onto my shout-outs!
Gina: Sometimes I swear you are the reason I keep trying this whole writing thing. I'm really glad you like my story, I've worked on this one extremely hard! Later!
Hotshell99: Hey there, it was great hearing from you again! Even a short review is a review, even though I like nice long ones (hint hint : ) I'm glad you like it, I love you reviewers, you make it all worth it!
Hpoutsiderduck: I'll never tell!!!!!!! Lol!
Jess: Thanks so much for the feedback I really appreciate you guys! Awww group hug!
Natasha Hyatt: Thanks, a cookie for you for being such a great reviewer!
Shara2007: Thanks girl!
That's all, see ya in the next chapter, remember REVIEW!