I couldn't tell you
Why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
I couldn't help her
I just watch her make
The same mistakes again
What's wrong, what's wrong now
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs
She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside
No place to go, no place to go
To dry her eyes
Broken inside
Her feelings she hides
Her dream she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's losing her mind
She's falling behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place.
- Avril Lavinge "nobody's home"
She sat on the floor under her window as the light streamed into the room. Her knees were bent up towards her chest and her hands were wrapped around them. She looked down at her knees, but not a thought processed about anything to do with anything.
To her it was all just a game that no one could read her instructions on how to play. Through all of it she knew why she was. She knew why her parents hated her. She hated touching people, being in contact with anyone scared the shit out of her, and she couldn't even look into anyone's eyes for fear of being hurt.
Everyday, day after day she was hurt somehow; emotionally, physically, verbally, it never stopped. She didn't know why. She was having a kid and her parents STILL didn't give a shit about her. No one did. Weather she faced it or not she was going too have to take care of her kid all by herself. She knows that Lucas will leave her. She knows that once he knows how hard it is he will drop her just like everyone else did.
She was so afraid. Of being alone; of facing anyone. She couldn't even talk when she wanted to. If she tried to tell someone, the words didn't come out right and she just started saying stuff that didn't make any sense. So many times she has tried to tell Lucas how she feels. She can't and it kills her. She was so afraid that she would get hurt. She hated herself for that flaw that she had. How she was afraid to let her walls down, she hated herself because she knew that one day all of everything that you have could disappear and you will have to life with knowing you didn't do anything about it. You never did anything about how you feel.
Brooke thought to herself about her friend, His name was David.. He was a little bit alone. He was kinda a geek, and no one really liked him. She pretended she didn't either, for fear of people thinking she was stupid. He was the nicest kid ever. He had so much potential. He had so much going for him. She remembered how he used to call her. His parents were divorced and he didn't like it. People would push him into lockers. His dad gave him a shiny new watch. It was made of gold. Some kid pushed him into a locker one day and scratched the watch. Know one understood him. He had so much knowledge. One he confined in Brooke that he liked a girl named Chelsea. Chelsea was quiet. Never wore make up. She was a lot like David. It scared Brooke because Chelsea had no friends except for this boy. Brooke knew there was something wrong with Chelsea. Chelsea started wearing all black baggy clothes, and stopped talking to the David. One day she didn't show up to school. David called Brooke that day after school, spinning out crazy ideas of why she didn't show up at school. Brooke told him to calm down, after all she was human- she could have caught the common cold. A week later the girl was still not at school. And then after a month she was still not at school. David knew what had happened and so did Brooke.
"I should have told her how I felt." David said to Brooke. "Instead I kept quiet, I don't know what I was thinking. Now she's not here, she never will be again. I lost my chance. I'm a screw up and I can't do anything right. I finally fell in love and never even uttered a word about it and now she's gone!" David said. Brooke tried to talk him out of his awful way of thinking, reassuring him that it was all right. The next day the principle called Brooke down to the office and handed her a big envelope. When she got home she locked herself in the bathroom and opened it. Inside was the gold watch, with a scratch on it. And a letter from David, explaining why he had to do what he did. That afternoon Brooke sat in the bathroom and cried until it cried herself asleep and then a hour later got up to go to school, to start all over again.
There she was sitting on the floor, she grabbed the gold watch from the desk next to her and held it. She didn't understand. She never would. She didn't understand why the greatest people had to be the most unliked and misunderstood.
She gets up and walks over to her make up and mirror. She sings the melodies like pieces to a broken puzzle. She applies her make up gracefully. She's now become well known across school. She finishes applying her 'mask' and looks out the window to the trees. A leaf falls off one of them and glides down to the ground.
She goes downstairs and opens the pantry and takes out a pop tart and closes into the microwave. She leaned against the counter and placed her hand behind her and lifted herself up and sat down on the counter. It was cold.
She listened to the humming of the microwave. The house was empty as always. Nothing new. She hopped off the counter when the microwave beeped to signal that the pop-tarts were done.
She sat down and clicked on the TV.
"Hmm..." She said, wondering out loud.
It was now two months into her pregnancy. She clicked on the discovery channel... 'a baby story'.
"What are you watching?" Lucas said, slightly startling Brooke.
"I'm trying to learn how to be a good mom" Brooke said while taking a bite of her pop tart. It was to hot and she jumped when it burnt her tongue. "Ouch" she whispered.
Lucas got a drink of warm soda from the pantry and sat down on the couch next to Brooke. He watches the program for a few minutes and tilted his head "What the hell?" He said confused, raising a eyebrow..."Ewww!" He exclaimed while squinting his eyes at the showing of the baby being born on the television program.
She whipped her hand back and hit in him gently in the stomach.
"OH MY GOD!!!" Brooke shouted and flung her hands in the air and jumped up. She spun around and grabbed Lucas's shoulders.
"WE NEED TO NAME IT!" She shouted while shaking Lucas. His head was flinging all over the place.
"OK, OK STOP!" Lucas said grasping Brooke's arms. "Calm down".
"We are going to be horrible parents" Brooke said softly while sitting down again.
[Peyton enters the house]
"Does nobody knock anymore?" Brooke said turning her head back to look at Peyton.
"Oh, please, I've been walking into your house like that sense we were seven, anyway..." Peyton started. She sat down on the footrest in front of Brooke. She had a notebook and a pen. It looked like a checklist that was written on in the notebook. "PLANNING TIME!"
"For what?" Brooke said, attempting another bite of her pop tart.
"DUHH!!!!!!! BABY SHOWER!" Peyton said with a HUGE smile! "Hey let me have my time, your gonna be having a cute little baby, I need some glory, good thing I'm your best friend, it kinda comes along with the whole planning parties. And I get to baby-sit the kid!! So then it will be like I have a kid that leaves before me and it get sick of each other!" Peyton said while bouncing in her seat and sticking a 'thumbs up' sign to Brooke.
Brooke laughed at Peyton's enthusiasm. "Good you can watch shows where woman have babies, Jesus they like stick the camera right up there..." Lucas said immaturely.
"ANYWAY!!!" Peyton said while knocking Lucas over with a small playful push. As a way of saying 'don't be stupid Lucas', while her and Brooke giggled at Lucas. "Now, Brooke..." Peyton said, turning her body so it was facing Brooke. "A male stripper or a Male Exotic dancer?"
"Peyton it's a BABYSHOWER!" Brooke said, emphasizing the word 'baby'.
"Yeah and your point?" Peyton said confused.
"Its not a college party!!!" Brooke said laughing.
"Ok, OK so that idea is out. Hmmm... do we still get cake?" Peyton asked with the eyes she gave Brooke when she asked if She would like a icy pop.
"Of course we get cake." Brooke giggled and Peyton hugged Brooke. And left.
Later that day Lucas had left and Brooke was in her room sitting Indian style on her bed. She looked down at her stomach and started talking to her baby. She smiled.
"Lucas says that it's not going to be that bad. I suppose he's right. You could be kinda cute you know. Well I suppose every baby is cute, and it's amazing, you're LIVING inside of me, I guess I never really thought about the responsibility. I guess I should give you the talk like on those commercials. 'Someday people are going to pressure you, but smoking not cool!'" Brooke pointed a finger at her stomach. "Ah, what am I kidding? I'm gonna be a horrible mom, ...hey kid... will you help me out?? Like you know, give me some tips? Ill be your friend if you want..." Brooke's face loosened up. "Look I promise you, I might not know anything about taking care of a kid, but I am NOT going to treat you like my parents treat me, I'm going to love you, I'm going to take care of you, even if I end up along, we have each other right? I umm... I love you." She said while carefully and gently rubbing her stomach.