A/N: Hey. I'm NOT dead everybody!! I updated as soon as I could. I'm
totally sorry that it has taken so long, but the whole play in script form
is like 52 pages, I had to finish reading "Oliver Twist" in like one night
(I did, btw! [YaY fOr Me!]) AND I had to study for midterms! So my life has
been pretty hectic, to say the least. Okay, this chapter is gonna be the
first two scenes, because I was gonna write the entire play in this chappy
but it's too long! So anyway, on with the show.
Scene: #1; Setting: the Littlefield home, Alameda Falls; Time: Early next morning, Saturday
ANTOLINA: Eyes, look. Your last arms. Take your last arm-brace and lips. O, you-
CUCA: Stop, stop, stop! It's not: Eyes, look. Your last arms. It's: Eyes, look your last! .Stop! Then: Arms, take your last embrace! .Stop! Then: And, lips, o you(
ANTOLINA: Yes. Now it is I have it. Okay. Si, si, Senora.
CUCA: (She is wearing a simple skirt and blouse with a cardigan sweater. She now puts on a hooded monk's robe and ties an over-sized set of Rosary beads around her waist.) All right, now, try it again.
ANTOLINA: From the beginning?
CUCA: No! Heaven forbid! Take it from: Eyes, look your last!
ANTOLINA: Eyes, look your last. (Whispers Stop) Arms, take your last arm- brace. (Whispers Stop) And lips, O you, the claws of death(
CUCA: The doors of breath!
ANTOLINA: Si, si, the doors of breath seal with a righteous kiss(a dateless bargain to (engrossing death.
CUCA: (Prompting her) Come(
ANTOLINA: Oh! Come, bitter condom(
CUCA: Conduct!!
ANTOLINA: Come unsavory guide(what mean unsavory, Senora?
CUCA: Let's get through this scene and later I'll explain all the words you don't understand, shall we, Antolina?
ANTOLINA: Si, Senora. Come, unsavory guide(
CUCA: Cut to the end!
ANTOLINA: O true Apothecary! Thy drugs are quick, thus with a kiss. I die. (Remains standing, smiling, proudly)
CUCA: Antolina. Dear. What have you just done?
ANTOLINA: I drink the poison, Senora.
CUCA: And what did you just say?
ANTOLINA: I die, Senora.
CUCA: And is it the custom in your country to die standing up? (Antolina catches on and drops to the floor()
CUCA: Thank you, dear. (Makes the sign of the cross.) Saint Francis, be my speed! How oft tonight have my old feet stumbled at graves? Who's this? Romeo, Romeo! Alack, alack. Pale! Ah, what an unkind hour is guilty of this lamentable chance. The lady stirs. (Loretta sits up with sheet still covering her.)
LORETTA: O comfortable friar! Where is my lord? (Cuca snatches sheet off) I do remember well where I should be, and there I am. Where is my Romeo?
CUCA: Lady, come from that nest of death, contagion and unnatural sleep. A greater power than we can contradict hath thwarted out intents(
ANTOLINA: Swarted. That is another one, Senora. What means swarted?
CUCA: (Ignoring her) Come, come away. (Throws sheet at Antolina) Thy husband in thy bosom there lies dead. Stay not to question, for sun brings forth the day. Come, go good Juliet. I dare no longer stay.
LORETTA: Go; get thee hence, for I will not away. What's here? A cup closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end. O churl! Drunk all and left no friendly drop to help me after(
ARTHUR: (Offstage) Loretta!
LORETTA: I will kiss thy lips(
ARTHUR: Loretta! Have you seen my glasses?
LORETTA: Haply some poison yet doth(
ARTHUR: Loretta! Are you deaf of something? Loretta!
LORETTA: Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, to make me die with a(
ARTHUR: Loretta! (Arthur enters from bedroom. He rushes around, tying his tie, etc.) Loretta! Answer me when I'm talking to you! I swear, lately you are getting more and more impossible. Oh! Good morning, Cuca!
CUCA: Morning, Arthur.
ARTHUR: Loretta. Don't you hear me calling you?
LORETTA: Yes. I heard you, but I was right in the middle of rehearsing my death scene for the country club charity function and(
ARTHUR: (Hurries to get jacket, briefcase, etc.) I don't know why you insist on wasting your time and mine with this inane devotion of yours to massacre the great works of theater. I asked you if you've seen my glasses?
LORETTA: Which ones? Your reading glasses?
ARTHUR: No, my sunglasses! I'm taking the day off and going to the beach. (Crosses to french doors, looks out to check weather. Goes to umbrella stand at door, takes umbrella) Of course, my reading glasses! You know I can't read the prescriptions at the pharmacy without them. Have you seen them? (During this time, Antolina has been on the floor writing on a small notepad, unnoticed by Arthur.)
LORETTA: They're in the breast pocket of your jacket. (He starts back to bedroom)
ARTHUR: Which jacket?
LORETTA: The one you're wearing.
ARTHUR: You think you're clever, don't you? How do you expect me to find anything in here? It looks like a white sale at the public library. (He rips down sheets from bookcases along back wall.)
LORETTA: We were trying to make it look more like a burial chamber.
ARTHUR: Really? You should concentrate on looking more like thirteen. Honestly! How you could ever think that a woman of your age could pass for Juliet! (Starts toward kitchen) Would it be too much to presume that Antolina is making breakfast? (Sees Antolina on floor, writing. Steps over her.) Yes, I suppose it would.
LORETTA: We've already had breakfast. There's some coffee on the stove. (He goes into Kitchen) Maybe.
ANTOLINA: (Reads list to Cuca, then gives it to her.) Here, Senora. This is list of words I no do understand( Right-chews, en-grossing, unsavorry, and weary. Senora Littlefield say if I no do understand the words, I no can emoke. (Thinks. Takes back list. Writes) E.M.O.K.E. (Gives back to Cuca)
CUCA: (Correcting her) Tee. ! That's Tee-Ee!
ANTOLINA: Tea? Oh, si, Senora! Right away! Milk and sugar, si? (Goes to Kitchen. Arthur enters with cup.)
LORETTA: I think it went rather nicely, don't you? Of course Arthur doesn't realize that all the really great actresses didn't play Juliet until well after their thirtieth year.
ARTHUR: Well. In that case, you're still five years too late, Lady Mac- death!
LORETTA: Oh you funny man! The circus certainly lost a gem when you went into medicine. If you knew simply anything about the stage(
ARTHUR: I know enough to see you don't belong on it and what's more, I'm sick and tired of you turning this house into a(a(
CUCA: Now, listen, you tow. Why don't you save this for later?
LORETTA: You're absolutely right, dear! We have a lot of work to do. Now, as soon as Antolina gets your tea and Milton Berle here decides to get out of our way( didn't you say you were late for work?
ARTHUR: (At closet door) Oh, yes, my pet. I just need my rain-shoes. Besides, parting is such sweet sorrow(
LORETTA: Can it, Arthur! Now, get your galoshes and go! They're in your study. (Arthur goes into study.)
CUCA: Loretta, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but(In all my years teaching English and coaching the Drama Club I've never(
LORETTA: Yes?
CUCA: I don't quite know how to(Shakespeare is not an easy thing to(
LORETTA: It's Antolina, isn't it?
CUCA: Yes. No. Well, yes and no. It's not only her(I really didn't want to upset you. I suppose I should have said something sooner but(
LORETTA: Oh, my! I'm such a fool! I should have realized. It's you, isn't it? You're not comfortable playing such a small role, are you?
CUCA: No, no(it's not that, really(
LORETTA: My dear, just remember what Hamlet said: There are no small roles, just small(
CUCA: That's not from Hamlet, that's(Oh, never mind! Yes, that's it. I(I wouldn't feel(right being on that stage with you. And to be frank with you, Loretta, I don't feel that Antolina, as sweet as she is, the poor thing, is exactly the Romeo that the ladies of the Country Club are paying to see.
LORETTA: She is pretty dreadful, isn't she? But what can we do? The benefit is tomorrow. We can't cancel at this late date.
ARTHUR: (From Study) Are you sure they're in here, Loretta? I don't see them anywhere.
LORETTA: Try the bedroom closet! We have no choice, do we? You and I will have to make her look good. (Arthur runs in, mumbling, goes to bedroom)
CUCA: No, wait a minute! There is another way. Remember the Mac Dermott twins? I've spoken about them to you, before. They're the young men who do that performance seminar on Shakespeare. They're lecturing for my Honors class next Tuesday, but they arrived in town last night.
LORETTA: Yes, but how(?
CUCA: They're old friends of the family. My sister went to Yale with them and I'm sure they'd be willing to help us out if they don't already have plans They'd really be perfect!
LORETTA: Gee, I don't know(
CUCA: They know all the lines.
LORETTA: Well, I'm not sure(
CUCA: They're young and they're sexy. (Walks to phone and picks up receiver)
LORETTA: Do you know where they're staying?
CUCA: I thought you'd change your mind! At the Renaissance Plaza. Isn't that a propos? (Into phone) Yes. Good morning. Suite 704, please. Thank you.
ARTHUR: (From bedroom) Are you sure you didn't throw them out? I know how you love to throw my things out when you're in one of you're moods.
LORETTA: (Angry) I am NOT in one of my moods!!
CUCA: Hello, Marty? Oh, Luke! It's Cuca. Cuca Callaghan(Yes, fine, thankyou. Yes, very well(you know your voices sound more alike every day. Oh, she's fine too(It's nice to have you boys in town again. My students are looking forward to your talk this week(Oh, you're awfully nice to say that!(Luke, sweetheart, the reason that I'm calling is to ask you boys for a great big favor. My neighbor is performing a little scene for a charity luncheon tomorrow and she's in desperate need for two generous, kind0hearted guys to help her out. No, it's not a long scene at all. It's the final scene from Romeo and Juliet. Yes(Yes. Well, (I can't really say. No. I can't really say. No. I can't really say. (Cuca walks with phone so Loretta won't hear. Arthur returns form bedroom carrying one ski boot and one scuba diver's flipper. His dialogue with Loretta is spoken near the bar and at the same time as the remainder of Cuca's phone conversation)
CUCA: No! She's right here! Well, all right! Thirty-five. Now, wait! Wait a minute! She's a very(young-looking(thirty-five!(How's that? How young looking? Thirty-two! Oh it's just for one day. Please?(As a favor to me? Of course, you have to kiss her! Well, then, tell Marty to play Romeo and you can play Friar Lawrence. You will? Oh, thank you so much. Yes. Thank you( it's the Littlefield home on 23 Amanda Terrace(yes, it's Three-Oh-Four One Nine-Nine-oh. Call if you get lost. Thanks again! Give Marty a big hug for me. I owe you one! (Throws a big kiss over the phone, hangs up)
ARTHUR: I don't know what we have a cleaning girl for. Nothing is ever in the right place when I look for it. I don't ski and I don't swim! What do you suppose I should do with these? (Loretta starts to answer) If you want to live to see the morrow(
LORETTA: Oh, Arthur, pipe down! Cuca is on the phone trying to get some more suitable actors to play the scene with me.
ARTHUR: Oh, splendid! When did the Marx Brothers get into town?
LORETTA: (To Cuca) Well? What did they say? Are they free? Will they do it?
CUCA: They'll be over in an hour or two. Loretta, you'll simply love them. I've got to run. I have to drop the programs off at the printer's.
ARTHUR: That's right on my way. Come on, I'll give you a lift. It looks like rain. (Exits out front door)
CUCA: I'll be over later to drop off your costume. Say hello to the boys for me.
LORETTA: Thanks a million, dear. I'm going to lie down for a while. I'm coming down with one of my nervous headaches. (Cuca exits) Honestly, that Arthur really knows how to pluck my nerves. (To Antolina in Kitchen) Antolina, I'm going to take a little nap. When you're done in there, please call Mr. Littlefield and tell him to send me a bottle of that Hungary Water. Or better yet, be a dear, go down and pick it up for me. It's the only thing that eases my head. (She crosses to bar, pours a shot of Bourbon, then downs it. Exits to bedroom. Antolina comes with tea. Phone rings.)
ANTOLINA: Yes, hello(Littlefield residence. No, I'm very too sorry, Senora Littlefield no can be disturb(Yes, I give message. (Writes on pad) You are sorry. You no can come today. Si. Your brother and you have big tooth-ache. Si, Senor. I will tell to her. Si. Who is your name? Can you spell this? Mac.Der.Mott Yes! Gracias, I will. You are very too welcome. Goodbye. (Hangs up, puts pad back into waistband. Looks for Cuca. Goes to Patio. Comes back in. Remembers Hungary Water.) Oh, the head-ache water! (Goes to Kitchen, returns wearing yellow rain coat and hat, gets umbrella at door. Exits. Duke and Shorty are seen, still in tights and some elements of their costumes, through the French doors. Shorty is seen first, trying to jump over backyard fence. Then he helps Duke climb over. An argument can be seen but no heard. They approach the French doors. Shorty feels around the edges of the doors for a way to break in. He runs out of view. Duke simply tries the doorknob and walks in. Closes door, locks it, looks and walks around. Looks in Study, then goes to Kitchen(Shorty is seen again on Patio looking for Duke. Duke enters from Kitchen eating doughnut. Shorty sees him and signals frantically to be let in. Duke calmly walks to doors and lets Shorty in.)
DUKE: Wanna bite?
SHORTY: What are ya, crazy or somethin? What if somebody comes home? You don't just walk into somebody's house and help yourself to breakfast! You're gonna have us right back in the slammer if you don't watch your step, buddy-boy!
DUKE: Hey, Shorty. Relax! I was hungry! Besides, I already looked the place over. There's nobody home. And by the looks of it, there won't be for a long time. Whaddya say we hide out here?
SHORTY: For once, I think you're right, dimwit. At least until we get a better plan. By twelve o' clock, they'll have on the news. This whole town'll be lookin for us. We gotta get over the border into Canada and pronto, before the Feds can catch up!
DUKE: I know a guy who can take us as far as Manitoba if we(
SHORTY: Right! Like the guys you set us up with last night for the break?
DUKE: "Fingers" swore he had the perfect get-away car.
SHORTY: Yeah. Perfect for Bella Lugosi. Of all the hair-brained schemes you ever had(
DUKE: You thought it was a good idea at the time.
SHORTY: Somebody should' a told "Fingers" it takes more than a fin to fill a gas tank, nowadays( And what did "The Blade" think he was doin sendin up a flare out there?
DUKE: I told you already, Shorty. He was makin sure we found the car in the dark! I thought you were supposed to be the smart one?
SHORTY: Like we could miss a 1929 Silver Bullet hearse with blood-red chi- chi wings and the Star of David painted on the sides?
DUKE: So "The Blade" isn't as sharp as he used to be. (Duke laughs) And "Fingers" is losing his grip! Get it? Fingers? Grip? (He laughs again)
SHORTY: What I get is that we can't stay here forever. Those cops are gonna be all over us like sweat in the summertime as soon as they come across that junk-heap we drove last night. Shut up and let me think( (Duke walks around, sees a Tony Bennet album and plays it.) We need a car. And some clothes. We'll never get across the border in these get-ups. You check in that room. See if you find anything that fits. I'm gonna try to round us up some food. (Duke sees Friar Laurence robe and picks it up.)
DUKE: There's some doughnuts on the counter.
SHORTY: What kind?
DUKE: Jelly.
SHORTY: Figures. (Duke goes to Study. Shorty into kitchen. Loretta stumbles in from bedroom, wearing dressing gown and sleep-mask covering her eyes. She feels along the walls.)
LORETTA: Antolina, dearest! Can't you turn that thing down? I adore Tony Bennet as much as the next gal, but I told you I have a splitting headache. (Turns down music) Did you get the Hungary Water for my head? Where is that girl? (Goes into Kitchen. As soon as she exits, Duke pops his head around the corner of hallway. He is wearing the hooded robe. He sees no one in Living room and comes in, carrying some of Arthur's clothes. At the same time, Shorty runs in from Kitchen, eating a doughnut, followed by Loretta. The boys make a run for it: Duke to the front door and Shorty to the French doors. As Duke opens the front door, he runs into Antolina, who is carrying packages. They fall, and Duke helps her pick them up. Duke and Antolina are immediately attracted to each other. Loretta grabs Shorty at French doors.)
LORETTA: Well, well, how do you do? I'm so sorry to meet you like this. I must look such a mess. We weren't expecting you for another hour or so! Isn't that right, Antolina. (Duke and Shorty look at each other, confused. Duke starts to say something but Shorty jabs him in the ribs.) Did you get my Hungary Water, dear?
ANTOLINA: Si, Senora. I mean, no, Senora. I come back to give you a message but (
LORETTA: Please, have a seat. I see you found the doughnuts! Would you like some coffee? Antolina, these are the Macdermott twins. They're friends of Miss Callaghan. They're here to help us out with the scene for the club. Get them some coffee, would you, dear? And more doughnuts. I'm Mrs. Littlefield. Call me Loretta. Now don't tell me. (Points to DUKE) You must be Luke(and you must be Marty?
ANTOLINA: Mac Der Mott? But I think you call on phone and(
LORETTA: Aren't they just perfect, dear? Just look at them in those costumes! Cuca was right! (She tickles Shorty) You are adorable!
ANTOLINA: But, Senora, we have already three peoples. You, me, and Miss--
LORETTA: Yes, I know, dear, but I was thinking.the boys here are actors and Cuca says they know their lines already so I thought-
DUKE & SHORTY: Lines?!!
LORETTA: Yes! We're doing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet. Didn't she tell you?
DUKE: The death scene.? (Shorty nudges him) Oh, yes, that's right! Eyes look you last! Arms- (Antolina is staring dreamily at DUKE)
ANTOLINA: Oh, Senora! He is beautiful, no? He is a perfect Romeo. Look at his hair. Look at his eyes. Look at his-
LORETTA: (Looks approvingly at Shorty) Actually, dear.I think Marty, here, would be a better-
SHORTY: Shorty.
LORETTA: Shorty? Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I thought Cuca said.Oh, well, Shorty. How would you like to be Romeo to my Juliet?
DUKE: He's played with worse! (Shorty gives him a sharp look. Antolina laughs.)
LORETTA: I beg your pardon?
SHORTY: Nurse! He said he'll play the Nurse! (They all laugh.)
LORETTA: Oh, but he said he looks just perfect as Friar Laurence!
SHORTY: It would be a privilege, Mrs. Littlefield-
LORETTA: Loretta!
SHORTY: Loretta! - To try my hand at Romeo, especially with such an attractive and delicate blossom as you. (Kisses Loretta's hand)
ANTOLINA: But, Senora, what about me? (Duke makes a grand bow, takes Antolina's hand, and kisses it.)
ANTOLINA: Oooh, thank you very too much, but Senora, I mean if Zeke and Bertie are in the scene-
LORETTA: Luke and Marty!
DUKE: Duke and Shorty!!!
ANTOLINA: Si, si, but if they help you.can I be in the other scene? The one from Song of Bernadette? That one is very much easy for me. In my country I was in Convent school until my twelve years.
LORETTA: Yes, yes, Antolina. That will be fine! Now, why don't you take Lu- err, Duke in the kitchen and get him something to eat while I get better acquainted with.
SHORTY: Shorty!
LORETTA: Yes. Shorty. (She sits Shorty down on the couch)
ANTOLINA: This is very too exciting for me, Mr. Duke. I never think I meet a real actor before. How you can remember all the words?
DUKE: Oh, it's nothin for me. I got what they call an eidetic memory.
ANTOLINA: Oh, yes. Me too. Senor Littlefield say I have the most idiotic memory he ever see.
DUKE: No. It's eidetic. Photographic.
ANTOLINA: Do you hear this, Senora? Senor Duke had a pornographic memory.
LORETTA: Yes. Of course. Could you get is some tea, dear? (She motions for Antolina to leave them alone. Duke follows Antolina into kitchen.)
DUKE: No. Photographic. It means I can look at something and remember it right away. It really comes in handy. (They go to kitchen)
LORETTA: You'll really have to excuse her. She's not always reading from the right script, if you know what I mean.
SHORTY: Hey, that's okay! They'll get along well. Duke doesn't know where he's standin' half the time, either. (Loretta steps behind the bar, takes two shot glasses and pours Bourbon into both. Returns to couch, sets one on coffee table, sits. She is about to drink her shot.)
LORETTA: Would you like a little pick-me-up before we begin?
SHORTY: No.thanks. I don't drink hard liquor. Tea'll do me fine. (She puts down her glass.)
LORETTA: Err.neither do I. (Sound of teakettle whistle is heard.) So, then, Cuca tells me you both went to college with her sister, Fran, and that you boys travel around the-
SHORTY: Fran?
LORETTA: Why, yes! Or was it Dolly? I'm so bad with names.any way, those three Callaghan girls have gotten me out of more jams.I don't know what I'd do without Cuca, Fran, and Dolly! Thank heavens Cuca lives right next door. She's been an absolute dear about all of this. If she hadn't called Duke this morning, this benefit tomorrow would have probably- (Laughter from kitchen, and Antolina enters, followed by Duke, who carries tray for her with teapot, cups and cookies. He sets tray on coffee table, sits on couch next to Loretta. Antolina sits on armchair, gazing at Duke.) Ah, there you are! (She pours the tea.) We should begin to rehearse after we have out tea. Before you know it, Arthur will be home for lunch and begin to hound me again about all this. (She motions to the sheets on the furniture. Duke and Shorty glance at each other nervously.)
SHORTY & DUKE: Arthur? (Loretta sips tea, grimaces, puts it down)
LORETTA: This tea is so weak, Antolina. (To Shorty) Arthur is my husband. He really is an awful pest. Doesn't know the first thing about the theater. Or how to treat a lady. Cookie? (Duke goes to take one but Loretta picks up plate and offers them to Shorty, who takes plate, stands and walks to window looking out nervously. Duke follows and takes the last cookie.)
ANTOLINA: Oh, Senor Duke. I go to kitchen for more cookies. (Exits, Duke follows. Loretta pours her drink in her tea, then takes Shorty's shot and swallows in one gulp. She sips her tea, smiling.)
LORETTA: You might as well start lunch, Antolina. Mr. Littlefield will be here any minute and you know what a fuss he makes when it's late. (Antolina pops head in from kitchen.)
ANTOLINA: There is spaghettis with a marinara sauce, Senora, or we have the chickens vindaloo. Which one I do make?
LORETTA: Mr. Littlefield is allergic to marinara sauce. (To Shorty) He puffs up like a French pastry. (To Antolina) Make that!
ANTOLINA: Si, Senora. Spaghettis coming down. (Goes back in kitchen.)
SHORTY: You don't got much use for your husband, do ya'?
LORETTA: You could say the thrill is gone, yes. Arthur only married me because Daddy promised to set him up on his business. That's all he ever thinks about.That silly little pharmacy of his. To tell the truth, I'd leave him in a minute if I found another man who had the same interests I have. You know, someone romantic, who loves the theater. Someone like- (by this time, they are face to face, looking into each other's eyes.) Well, we'd better start. (Shorty helps her get up on the bar. She lies down. He covers her with sheet.)
LORETTA: Take it from: Eyes look your last! Do you know where that is?
SHORTY: Oh, yeah. Sure! (He goes to check at French doors first, then at window. Laughter is heard from kitchen.) Eyes look your last! Arms, take your last embrace. And lips.
(Black out)
Scene: # 2; Setting: The Littlefield Home, one hour later.
(All sheets are off the walls and furniture. Arthur sits in armchair. He is reading. There is an icepack on his head and his bare feet are up on a footstool. There is a cup on the table next to him. The radio is playing. Music from the Big Band Era is heard.)
VOICE OF RADIO ANNOUNCER: We interrupt this program of your favorite music to bring you this special announcement. The State Police is asking all residents in the vicinity of Alameda Falls to be on the lookout for two men who escaped from Alameda Falls State Prison last night. One is tall, slender, and fair and the other is short and dark. Both were last seen wearing theatrical costumes. They are believed to still be in this area. If anyone had any information as to their whereabouts, call your local precinct. We now return to our regular program. (Music resumes. Antolina enters from kitchen, carrying tray with coffee pot, cups, and lemon meringue pie. She goes towards patio.)
ANOTOLINA: The blowing up of your foots is no better, Senor?
ARTHUR: (Mocking her accent) No, Antolina! Ees no better!! How many times have I told you? No tomato sauce!! It makes my whole body swell!
ANTOLINA: Well, Senor. It maybe make your body swell, but it no do much good for your personality. It was Senora Littlefield. She tell me to the spaghettis. You no like?
ARTHUR: I should have known! Where is our Lucrecia Borgia, anyway? Is she still on the patio drooling over that midget Romeo of hers?
ANTOLINA: Si, Senor.I mean, they finish their lunch and then they go for ride to Country Club to show the boys the stage.
ARTHUR: The boys! Indeed! Turn that radio off, will you, Antolina? I have to memorize this speech for the benefit tomorrow.
ANTOLINA: Oh, Senor. You are in a scene of drama, also?
ARTHUR: Hardly! I'm receiving the Businessmen's Award from the Ladies of the Auxiliary, and I've prepared a little something to say. That's if there's awake to hear it, after Loretta's embarrassing display of thespianism!
ANTOLINA: Oh, Senor, please! That is a terrible thing to call Senora Littlefield. (She starts to go to patio.)
ARTHUR: Never mind that. Turn off that racket! (She turns it off.) And tell the fair Juliet that I'll be working late tonight. If she cares. (She goes out. He continues reading.) Now, let's see here. Esteemed Ladies of the Auxiliary. It is with great pleasure that I- (Phone begins to ring.) .That I accept- Antolina. Antolina! (She doesn't respond. He hobbles over to answer. He is angry.) Yes what is it?!! (Arthur recognizes the voice. He looks around. He smiles and becomes pleasant. He speaks in a hushed tone.) Oh, I'm sorry, my love. Yes, I'm alone. The old beast is out on the patio finishing her one o' clock feeding.No. She's out there, too. I can talk.Yes, my darling, I know.I know we can't go on like this. I want to be alone with you, too.I've tried! But the more miserable I am, the happier she seems to be. I tell you, I can't take much more of her.I'm almost tempted to do something desperate. (Duke enters from patio, with coffeepot, unnoticed by Arthur. He hears some of the conversation.) If there was only a way to make it look like an accident.With Loretta's insurance money, you and I could - (Arthur notices Duke.) Yes, Mr. Anderson. I'll send it out right away. Yes, sir, first thing Monday morning. Right. Thank you for calling. Goodbye. (Hangs up quickly.) Business, you know how it is -
DUKE: I was just comin' in for more Java. This pot is too heavy for a sweet little thing like Antolina to carry. By the way, she said somethin' about a speech you're havin' trouble with.?
ARTHUR: Oh, that. It's this right here. I can't quite seem to get it in my head.
DUKE: There's a trick to that, see? I've got a memory like a steel trap.
ARTHUR: Indeed?
DUKE: Sure! All you need to do is picture the words standin' all in a row. Kinda like in a police lineup-
ARTHUR: Would you mind coming into my study? I have a few notes I'd like to show you.
DUKE: (following Arthur into study.) And then you have them each step forward and call out their name-
ARTHUR: Fascinating.
(Blackout)
Scene: #1; Setting: the Littlefield home, Alameda Falls; Time: Early next morning, Saturday
ANTOLINA: Eyes, look. Your last arms. Take your last arm-brace and lips. O, you-
CUCA: Stop, stop, stop! It's not: Eyes, look. Your last arms. It's: Eyes, look your last! .Stop! Then: Arms, take your last embrace! .Stop! Then: And, lips, o you(
ANTOLINA: Yes. Now it is I have it. Okay. Si, si, Senora.
CUCA: (She is wearing a simple skirt and blouse with a cardigan sweater. She now puts on a hooded monk's robe and ties an over-sized set of Rosary beads around her waist.) All right, now, try it again.
ANTOLINA: From the beginning?
CUCA: No! Heaven forbid! Take it from: Eyes, look your last!
ANTOLINA: Eyes, look your last. (Whispers Stop) Arms, take your last arm- brace. (Whispers Stop) And lips, O you, the claws of death(
CUCA: The doors of breath!
ANTOLINA: Si, si, the doors of breath seal with a righteous kiss(a dateless bargain to (engrossing death.
CUCA: (Prompting her) Come(
ANTOLINA: Oh! Come, bitter condom(
CUCA: Conduct!!
ANTOLINA: Come unsavory guide(what mean unsavory, Senora?
CUCA: Let's get through this scene and later I'll explain all the words you don't understand, shall we, Antolina?
ANTOLINA: Si, Senora. Come, unsavory guide(
CUCA: Cut to the end!
ANTOLINA: O true Apothecary! Thy drugs are quick, thus with a kiss. I die. (Remains standing, smiling, proudly)
CUCA: Antolina. Dear. What have you just done?
ANTOLINA: I drink the poison, Senora.
CUCA: And what did you just say?
ANTOLINA: I die, Senora.
CUCA: And is it the custom in your country to die standing up? (Antolina catches on and drops to the floor()
CUCA: Thank you, dear. (Makes the sign of the cross.) Saint Francis, be my speed! How oft tonight have my old feet stumbled at graves? Who's this? Romeo, Romeo! Alack, alack. Pale! Ah, what an unkind hour is guilty of this lamentable chance. The lady stirs. (Loretta sits up with sheet still covering her.)
LORETTA: O comfortable friar! Where is my lord? (Cuca snatches sheet off) I do remember well where I should be, and there I am. Where is my Romeo?
CUCA: Lady, come from that nest of death, contagion and unnatural sleep. A greater power than we can contradict hath thwarted out intents(
ANTOLINA: Swarted. That is another one, Senora. What means swarted?
CUCA: (Ignoring her) Come, come away. (Throws sheet at Antolina) Thy husband in thy bosom there lies dead. Stay not to question, for sun brings forth the day. Come, go good Juliet. I dare no longer stay.
LORETTA: Go; get thee hence, for I will not away. What's here? A cup closed in my true love's hand? Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end. O churl! Drunk all and left no friendly drop to help me after(
ARTHUR: (Offstage) Loretta!
LORETTA: I will kiss thy lips(
ARTHUR: Loretta! Have you seen my glasses?
LORETTA: Haply some poison yet doth(
ARTHUR: Loretta! Are you deaf of something? Loretta!
LORETTA: Haply some poison yet doth hang on them, to make me die with a(
ARTHUR: Loretta! (Arthur enters from bedroom. He rushes around, tying his tie, etc.) Loretta! Answer me when I'm talking to you! I swear, lately you are getting more and more impossible. Oh! Good morning, Cuca!
CUCA: Morning, Arthur.
ARTHUR: Loretta. Don't you hear me calling you?
LORETTA: Yes. I heard you, but I was right in the middle of rehearsing my death scene for the country club charity function and(
ARTHUR: (Hurries to get jacket, briefcase, etc.) I don't know why you insist on wasting your time and mine with this inane devotion of yours to massacre the great works of theater. I asked you if you've seen my glasses?
LORETTA: Which ones? Your reading glasses?
ARTHUR: No, my sunglasses! I'm taking the day off and going to the beach. (Crosses to french doors, looks out to check weather. Goes to umbrella stand at door, takes umbrella) Of course, my reading glasses! You know I can't read the prescriptions at the pharmacy without them. Have you seen them? (During this time, Antolina has been on the floor writing on a small notepad, unnoticed by Arthur.)
LORETTA: They're in the breast pocket of your jacket. (He starts back to bedroom)
ARTHUR: Which jacket?
LORETTA: The one you're wearing.
ARTHUR: You think you're clever, don't you? How do you expect me to find anything in here? It looks like a white sale at the public library. (He rips down sheets from bookcases along back wall.)
LORETTA: We were trying to make it look more like a burial chamber.
ARTHUR: Really? You should concentrate on looking more like thirteen. Honestly! How you could ever think that a woman of your age could pass for Juliet! (Starts toward kitchen) Would it be too much to presume that Antolina is making breakfast? (Sees Antolina on floor, writing. Steps over her.) Yes, I suppose it would.
LORETTA: We've already had breakfast. There's some coffee on the stove. (He goes into Kitchen) Maybe.
ANTOLINA: (Reads list to Cuca, then gives it to her.) Here, Senora. This is list of words I no do understand( Right-chews, en-grossing, unsavorry, and weary. Senora Littlefield say if I no do understand the words, I no can emoke. (Thinks. Takes back list. Writes) E.M.O.K.E. (Gives back to Cuca)
CUCA: (Correcting her) Tee. ! That's Tee-Ee!
ANTOLINA: Tea? Oh, si, Senora! Right away! Milk and sugar, si? (Goes to Kitchen. Arthur enters with cup.)
LORETTA: I think it went rather nicely, don't you? Of course Arthur doesn't realize that all the really great actresses didn't play Juliet until well after their thirtieth year.
ARTHUR: Well. In that case, you're still five years too late, Lady Mac- death!
LORETTA: Oh you funny man! The circus certainly lost a gem when you went into medicine. If you knew simply anything about the stage(
ARTHUR: I know enough to see you don't belong on it and what's more, I'm sick and tired of you turning this house into a(a(
CUCA: Now, listen, you tow. Why don't you save this for later?
LORETTA: You're absolutely right, dear! We have a lot of work to do. Now, as soon as Antolina gets your tea and Milton Berle here decides to get out of our way( didn't you say you were late for work?
ARTHUR: (At closet door) Oh, yes, my pet. I just need my rain-shoes. Besides, parting is such sweet sorrow(
LORETTA: Can it, Arthur! Now, get your galoshes and go! They're in your study. (Arthur goes into study.)
CUCA: Loretta, I hope you don't take this the wrong way but(In all my years teaching English and coaching the Drama Club I've never(
LORETTA: Yes?
CUCA: I don't quite know how to(Shakespeare is not an easy thing to(
LORETTA: It's Antolina, isn't it?
CUCA: Yes. No. Well, yes and no. It's not only her(I really didn't want to upset you. I suppose I should have said something sooner but(
LORETTA: Oh, my! I'm such a fool! I should have realized. It's you, isn't it? You're not comfortable playing such a small role, are you?
CUCA: No, no(it's not that, really(
LORETTA: My dear, just remember what Hamlet said: There are no small roles, just small(
CUCA: That's not from Hamlet, that's(Oh, never mind! Yes, that's it. I(I wouldn't feel(right being on that stage with you. And to be frank with you, Loretta, I don't feel that Antolina, as sweet as she is, the poor thing, is exactly the Romeo that the ladies of the Country Club are paying to see.
LORETTA: She is pretty dreadful, isn't she? But what can we do? The benefit is tomorrow. We can't cancel at this late date.
ARTHUR: (From Study) Are you sure they're in here, Loretta? I don't see them anywhere.
LORETTA: Try the bedroom closet! We have no choice, do we? You and I will have to make her look good. (Arthur runs in, mumbling, goes to bedroom)
CUCA: No, wait a minute! There is another way. Remember the Mac Dermott twins? I've spoken about them to you, before. They're the young men who do that performance seminar on Shakespeare. They're lecturing for my Honors class next Tuesday, but they arrived in town last night.
LORETTA: Yes, but how(?
CUCA: They're old friends of the family. My sister went to Yale with them and I'm sure they'd be willing to help us out if they don't already have plans They'd really be perfect!
LORETTA: Gee, I don't know(
CUCA: They know all the lines.
LORETTA: Well, I'm not sure(
CUCA: They're young and they're sexy. (Walks to phone and picks up receiver)
LORETTA: Do you know where they're staying?
CUCA: I thought you'd change your mind! At the Renaissance Plaza. Isn't that a propos? (Into phone) Yes. Good morning. Suite 704, please. Thank you.
ARTHUR: (From bedroom) Are you sure you didn't throw them out? I know how you love to throw my things out when you're in one of you're moods.
LORETTA: (Angry) I am NOT in one of my moods!!
CUCA: Hello, Marty? Oh, Luke! It's Cuca. Cuca Callaghan(Yes, fine, thankyou. Yes, very well(you know your voices sound more alike every day. Oh, she's fine too(It's nice to have you boys in town again. My students are looking forward to your talk this week(Oh, you're awfully nice to say that!(Luke, sweetheart, the reason that I'm calling is to ask you boys for a great big favor. My neighbor is performing a little scene for a charity luncheon tomorrow and she's in desperate need for two generous, kind0hearted guys to help her out. No, it's not a long scene at all. It's the final scene from Romeo and Juliet. Yes(Yes. Well, (I can't really say. No. I can't really say. No. I can't really say. (Cuca walks with phone so Loretta won't hear. Arthur returns form bedroom carrying one ski boot and one scuba diver's flipper. His dialogue with Loretta is spoken near the bar and at the same time as the remainder of Cuca's phone conversation)
CUCA: No! She's right here! Well, all right! Thirty-five. Now, wait! Wait a minute! She's a very(young-looking(thirty-five!(How's that? How young looking? Thirty-two! Oh it's just for one day. Please?(As a favor to me? Of course, you have to kiss her! Well, then, tell Marty to play Romeo and you can play Friar Lawrence. You will? Oh, thank you so much. Yes. Thank you( it's the Littlefield home on 23 Amanda Terrace(yes, it's Three-Oh-Four One Nine-Nine-oh. Call if you get lost. Thanks again! Give Marty a big hug for me. I owe you one! (Throws a big kiss over the phone, hangs up)
ARTHUR: I don't know what we have a cleaning girl for. Nothing is ever in the right place when I look for it. I don't ski and I don't swim! What do you suppose I should do with these? (Loretta starts to answer) If you want to live to see the morrow(
LORETTA: Oh, Arthur, pipe down! Cuca is on the phone trying to get some more suitable actors to play the scene with me.
ARTHUR: Oh, splendid! When did the Marx Brothers get into town?
LORETTA: (To Cuca) Well? What did they say? Are they free? Will they do it?
CUCA: They'll be over in an hour or two. Loretta, you'll simply love them. I've got to run. I have to drop the programs off at the printer's.
ARTHUR: That's right on my way. Come on, I'll give you a lift. It looks like rain. (Exits out front door)
CUCA: I'll be over later to drop off your costume. Say hello to the boys for me.
LORETTA: Thanks a million, dear. I'm going to lie down for a while. I'm coming down with one of my nervous headaches. (Cuca exits) Honestly, that Arthur really knows how to pluck my nerves. (To Antolina in Kitchen) Antolina, I'm going to take a little nap. When you're done in there, please call Mr. Littlefield and tell him to send me a bottle of that Hungary Water. Or better yet, be a dear, go down and pick it up for me. It's the only thing that eases my head. (She crosses to bar, pours a shot of Bourbon, then downs it. Exits to bedroom. Antolina comes with tea. Phone rings.)
ANTOLINA: Yes, hello(Littlefield residence. No, I'm very too sorry, Senora Littlefield no can be disturb(Yes, I give message. (Writes on pad) You are sorry. You no can come today. Si. Your brother and you have big tooth-ache. Si, Senor. I will tell to her. Si. Who is your name? Can you spell this? Mac.Der.Mott Yes! Gracias, I will. You are very too welcome. Goodbye. (Hangs up, puts pad back into waistband. Looks for Cuca. Goes to Patio. Comes back in. Remembers Hungary Water.) Oh, the head-ache water! (Goes to Kitchen, returns wearing yellow rain coat and hat, gets umbrella at door. Exits. Duke and Shorty are seen, still in tights and some elements of their costumes, through the French doors. Shorty is seen first, trying to jump over backyard fence. Then he helps Duke climb over. An argument can be seen but no heard. They approach the French doors. Shorty feels around the edges of the doors for a way to break in. He runs out of view. Duke simply tries the doorknob and walks in. Closes door, locks it, looks and walks around. Looks in Study, then goes to Kitchen(Shorty is seen again on Patio looking for Duke. Duke enters from Kitchen eating doughnut. Shorty sees him and signals frantically to be let in. Duke calmly walks to doors and lets Shorty in.)
DUKE: Wanna bite?
SHORTY: What are ya, crazy or somethin? What if somebody comes home? You don't just walk into somebody's house and help yourself to breakfast! You're gonna have us right back in the slammer if you don't watch your step, buddy-boy!
DUKE: Hey, Shorty. Relax! I was hungry! Besides, I already looked the place over. There's nobody home. And by the looks of it, there won't be for a long time. Whaddya say we hide out here?
SHORTY: For once, I think you're right, dimwit. At least until we get a better plan. By twelve o' clock, they'll have on the news. This whole town'll be lookin for us. We gotta get over the border into Canada and pronto, before the Feds can catch up!
DUKE: I know a guy who can take us as far as Manitoba if we(
SHORTY: Right! Like the guys you set us up with last night for the break?
DUKE: "Fingers" swore he had the perfect get-away car.
SHORTY: Yeah. Perfect for Bella Lugosi. Of all the hair-brained schemes you ever had(
DUKE: You thought it was a good idea at the time.
SHORTY: Somebody should' a told "Fingers" it takes more than a fin to fill a gas tank, nowadays( And what did "The Blade" think he was doin sendin up a flare out there?
DUKE: I told you already, Shorty. He was makin sure we found the car in the dark! I thought you were supposed to be the smart one?
SHORTY: Like we could miss a 1929 Silver Bullet hearse with blood-red chi- chi wings and the Star of David painted on the sides?
DUKE: So "The Blade" isn't as sharp as he used to be. (Duke laughs) And "Fingers" is losing his grip! Get it? Fingers? Grip? (He laughs again)
SHORTY: What I get is that we can't stay here forever. Those cops are gonna be all over us like sweat in the summertime as soon as they come across that junk-heap we drove last night. Shut up and let me think( (Duke walks around, sees a Tony Bennet album and plays it.) We need a car. And some clothes. We'll never get across the border in these get-ups. You check in that room. See if you find anything that fits. I'm gonna try to round us up some food. (Duke sees Friar Laurence robe and picks it up.)
DUKE: There's some doughnuts on the counter.
SHORTY: What kind?
DUKE: Jelly.
SHORTY: Figures. (Duke goes to Study. Shorty into kitchen. Loretta stumbles in from bedroom, wearing dressing gown and sleep-mask covering her eyes. She feels along the walls.)
LORETTA: Antolina, dearest! Can't you turn that thing down? I adore Tony Bennet as much as the next gal, but I told you I have a splitting headache. (Turns down music) Did you get the Hungary Water for my head? Where is that girl? (Goes into Kitchen. As soon as she exits, Duke pops his head around the corner of hallway. He is wearing the hooded robe. He sees no one in Living room and comes in, carrying some of Arthur's clothes. At the same time, Shorty runs in from Kitchen, eating a doughnut, followed by Loretta. The boys make a run for it: Duke to the front door and Shorty to the French doors. As Duke opens the front door, he runs into Antolina, who is carrying packages. They fall, and Duke helps her pick them up. Duke and Antolina are immediately attracted to each other. Loretta grabs Shorty at French doors.)
LORETTA: Well, well, how do you do? I'm so sorry to meet you like this. I must look such a mess. We weren't expecting you for another hour or so! Isn't that right, Antolina. (Duke and Shorty look at each other, confused. Duke starts to say something but Shorty jabs him in the ribs.) Did you get my Hungary Water, dear?
ANTOLINA: Si, Senora. I mean, no, Senora. I come back to give you a message but (
LORETTA: Please, have a seat. I see you found the doughnuts! Would you like some coffee? Antolina, these are the Macdermott twins. They're friends of Miss Callaghan. They're here to help us out with the scene for the club. Get them some coffee, would you, dear? And more doughnuts. I'm Mrs. Littlefield. Call me Loretta. Now don't tell me. (Points to DUKE) You must be Luke(and you must be Marty?
ANTOLINA: Mac Der Mott? But I think you call on phone and(
LORETTA: Aren't they just perfect, dear? Just look at them in those costumes! Cuca was right! (She tickles Shorty) You are adorable!
ANTOLINA: But, Senora, we have already three peoples. You, me, and Miss--
LORETTA: Yes, I know, dear, but I was thinking.the boys here are actors and Cuca says they know their lines already so I thought-
DUKE & SHORTY: Lines?!!
LORETTA: Yes! We're doing the death scene from Romeo and Juliet. Didn't she tell you?
DUKE: The death scene.? (Shorty nudges him) Oh, yes, that's right! Eyes look you last! Arms- (Antolina is staring dreamily at DUKE)
ANTOLINA: Oh, Senora! He is beautiful, no? He is a perfect Romeo. Look at his hair. Look at his eyes. Look at his-
LORETTA: (Looks approvingly at Shorty) Actually, dear.I think Marty, here, would be a better-
SHORTY: Shorty.
LORETTA: Shorty? Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I thought Cuca said.Oh, well, Shorty. How would you like to be Romeo to my Juliet?
DUKE: He's played with worse! (Shorty gives him a sharp look. Antolina laughs.)
LORETTA: I beg your pardon?
SHORTY: Nurse! He said he'll play the Nurse! (They all laugh.)
LORETTA: Oh, but he said he looks just perfect as Friar Laurence!
SHORTY: It would be a privilege, Mrs. Littlefield-
LORETTA: Loretta!
SHORTY: Loretta! - To try my hand at Romeo, especially with such an attractive and delicate blossom as you. (Kisses Loretta's hand)
ANTOLINA: But, Senora, what about me? (Duke makes a grand bow, takes Antolina's hand, and kisses it.)
ANTOLINA: Oooh, thank you very too much, but Senora, I mean if Zeke and Bertie are in the scene-
LORETTA: Luke and Marty!
DUKE: Duke and Shorty!!!
ANTOLINA: Si, si, but if they help you.can I be in the other scene? The one from Song of Bernadette? That one is very much easy for me. In my country I was in Convent school until my twelve years.
LORETTA: Yes, yes, Antolina. That will be fine! Now, why don't you take Lu- err, Duke in the kitchen and get him something to eat while I get better acquainted with.
SHORTY: Shorty!
LORETTA: Yes. Shorty. (She sits Shorty down on the couch)
ANTOLINA: This is very too exciting for me, Mr. Duke. I never think I meet a real actor before. How you can remember all the words?
DUKE: Oh, it's nothin for me. I got what they call an eidetic memory.
ANTOLINA: Oh, yes. Me too. Senor Littlefield say I have the most idiotic memory he ever see.
DUKE: No. It's eidetic. Photographic.
ANTOLINA: Do you hear this, Senora? Senor Duke had a pornographic memory.
LORETTA: Yes. Of course. Could you get is some tea, dear? (She motions for Antolina to leave them alone. Duke follows Antolina into kitchen.)
DUKE: No. Photographic. It means I can look at something and remember it right away. It really comes in handy. (They go to kitchen)
LORETTA: You'll really have to excuse her. She's not always reading from the right script, if you know what I mean.
SHORTY: Hey, that's okay! They'll get along well. Duke doesn't know where he's standin' half the time, either. (Loretta steps behind the bar, takes two shot glasses and pours Bourbon into both. Returns to couch, sets one on coffee table, sits. She is about to drink her shot.)
LORETTA: Would you like a little pick-me-up before we begin?
SHORTY: No.thanks. I don't drink hard liquor. Tea'll do me fine. (She puts down her glass.)
LORETTA: Err.neither do I. (Sound of teakettle whistle is heard.) So, then, Cuca tells me you both went to college with her sister, Fran, and that you boys travel around the-
SHORTY: Fran?
LORETTA: Why, yes! Or was it Dolly? I'm so bad with names.any way, those three Callaghan girls have gotten me out of more jams.I don't know what I'd do without Cuca, Fran, and Dolly! Thank heavens Cuca lives right next door. She's been an absolute dear about all of this. If she hadn't called Duke this morning, this benefit tomorrow would have probably- (Laughter from kitchen, and Antolina enters, followed by Duke, who carries tray for her with teapot, cups and cookies. He sets tray on coffee table, sits on couch next to Loretta. Antolina sits on armchair, gazing at Duke.) Ah, there you are! (She pours the tea.) We should begin to rehearse after we have out tea. Before you know it, Arthur will be home for lunch and begin to hound me again about all this. (She motions to the sheets on the furniture. Duke and Shorty glance at each other nervously.)
SHORTY & DUKE: Arthur? (Loretta sips tea, grimaces, puts it down)
LORETTA: This tea is so weak, Antolina. (To Shorty) Arthur is my husband. He really is an awful pest. Doesn't know the first thing about the theater. Or how to treat a lady. Cookie? (Duke goes to take one but Loretta picks up plate and offers them to Shorty, who takes plate, stands and walks to window looking out nervously. Duke follows and takes the last cookie.)
ANTOLINA: Oh, Senor Duke. I go to kitchen for more cookies. (Exits, Duke follows. Loretta pours her drink in her tea, then takes Shorty's shot and swallows in one gulp. She sips her tea, smiling.)
LORETTA: You might as well start lunch, Antolina. Mr. Littlefield will be here any minute and you know what a fuss he makes when it's late. (Antolina pops head in from kitchen.)
ANTOLINA: There is spaghettis with a marinara sauce, Senora, or we have the chickens vindaloo. Which one I do make?
LORETTA: Mr. Littlefield is allergic to marinara sauce. (To Shorty) He puffs up like a French pastry. (To Antolina) Make that!
ANTOLINA: Si, Senora. Spaghettis coming down. (Goes back in kitchen.)
SHORTY: You don't got much use for your husband, do ya'?
LORETTA: You could say the thrill is gone, yes. Arthur only married me because Daddy promised to set him up on his business. That's all he ever thinks about.That silly little pharmacy of his. To tell the truth, I'd leave him in a minute if I found another man who had the same interests I have. You know, someone romantic, who loves the theater. Someone like- (by this time, they are face to face, looking into each other's eyes.) Well, we'd better start. (Shorty helps her get up on the bar. She lies down. He covers her with sheet.)
LORETTA: Take it from: Eyes look your last! Do you know where that is?
SHORTY: Oh, yeah. Sure! (He goes to check at French doors first, then at window. Laughter is heard from kitchen.) Eyes look your last! Arms, take your last embrace. And lips.
(Black out)
Scene: # 2; Setting: The Littlefield Home, one hour later.
(All sheets are off the walls and furniture. Arthur sits in armchair. He is reading. There is an icepack on his head and his bare feet are up on a footstool. There is a cup on the table next to him. The radio is playing. Music from the Big Band Era is heard.)
VOICE OF RADIO ANNOUNCER: We interrupt this program of your favorite music to bring you this special announcement. The State Police is asking all residents in the vicinity of Alameda Falls to be on the lookout for two men who escaped from Alameda Falls State Prison last night. One is tall, slender, and fair and the other is short and dark. Both were last seen wearing theatrical costumes. They are believed to still be in this area. If anyone had any information as to their whereabouts, call your local precinct. We now return to our regular program. (Music resumes. Antolina enters from kitchen, carrying tray with coffee pot, cups, and lemon meringue pie. She goes towards patio.)
ANOTOLINA: The blowing up of your foots is no better, Senor?
ARTHUR: (Mocking her accent) No, Antolina! Ees no better!! How many times have I told you? No tomato sauce!! It makes my whole body swell!
ANTOLINA: Well, Senor. It maybe make your body swell, but it no do much good for your personality. It was Senora Littlefield. She tell me to the spaghettis. You no like?
ARTHUR: I should have known! Where is our Lucrecia Borgia, anyway? Is she still on the patio drooling over that midget Romeo of hers?
ANTOLINA: Si, Senor.I mean, they finish their lunch and then they go for ride to Country Club to show the boys the stage.
ARTHUR: The boys! Indeed! Turn that radio off, will you, Antolina? I have to memorize this speech for the benefit tomorrow.
ANTOLINA: Oh, Senor. You are in a scene of drama, also?
ARTHUR: Hardly! I'm receiving the Businessmen's Award from the Ladies of the Auxiliary, and I've prepared a little something to say. That's if there's awake to hear it, after Loretta's embarrassing display of thespianism!
ANTOLINA: Oh, Senor, please! That is a terrible thing to call Senora Littlefield. (She starts to go to patio.)
ARTHUR: Never mind that. Turn off that racket! (She turns it off.) And tell the fair Juliet that I'll be working late tonight. If she cares. (She goes out. He continues reading.) Now, let's see here. Esteemed Ladies of the Auxiliary. It is with great pleasure that I- (Phone begins to ring.) .That I accept- Antolina. Antolina! (She doesn't respond. He hobbles over to answer. He is angry.) Yes what is it?!! (Arthur recognizes the voice. He looks around. He smiles and becomes pleasant. He speaks in a hushed tone.) Oh, I'm sorry, my love. Yes, I'm alone. The old beast is out on the patio finishing her one o' clock feeding.No. She's out there, too. I can talk.Yes, my darling, I know.I know we can't go on like this. I want to be alone with you, too.I've tried! But the more miserable I am, the happier she seems to be. I tell you, I can't take much more of her.I'm almost tempted to do something desperate. (Duke enters from patio, with coffeepot, unnoticed by Arthur. He hears some of the conversation.) If there was only a way to make it look like an accident.With Loretta's insurance money, you and I could - (Arthur notices Duke.) Yes, Mr. Anderson. I'll send it out right away. Yes, sir, first thing Monday morning. Right. Thank you for calling. Goodbye. (Hangs up quickly.) Business, you know how it is -
DUKE: I was just comin' in for more Java. This pot is too heavy for a sweet little thing like Antolina to carry. By the way, she said somethin' about a speech you're havin' trouble with.?
ARTHUR: Oh, that. It's this right here. I can't quite seem to get it in my head.
DUKE: There's a trick to that, see? I've got a memory like a steel trap.
ARTHUR: Indeed?
DUKE: Sure! All you need to do is picture the words standin' all in a row. Kinda like in a police lineup-
ARTHUR: Would you mind coming into my study? I have a few notes I'd like to show you.
DUKE: (following Arthur into study.) And then you have them each step forward and call out their name-
ARTHUR: Fascinating.
(Blackout)