DISCLAIMER: Enterprise, Star Trek and all related characters are the property of Paramount Pictures, Inc. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The original characters and events are the sole property of the author and may not be used without permission.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: It's always been my contention that "Star Trek", no matter what series or movie you're talking about, has never been better than the pilot episode "The Cage". I had high hopes that "Enterprise" would be the one to break that pattern when I watched the First Season. Then I watched the Second Season, during which it almost turned into a Next Generation clone. I was hoping they'd get their act together when they foreshadowed the story arc for the Third Season. Now that the Third Season is mostly in the can, I feel I must comment.

Memo to the Writers of "Enterprise":

PEOPLE WHO DON'T KNOW JACK ABOUT WARFARE SHOULDN'T WRITE WAR STORIES!!!!

The purpose of this fic is to address some of the incredibly stupid things I've seen since this season started in relation to the Xindi Threat story arc. To set the stage, let's assume that one of those reality-warping nodule thingies alters reality around the ship just enough so that everybody grows a brain. The following is how some events this season might have looked after the transformation.

"REALITY CHECK" by DARRIN A. COLBOURNE

"Rank and Privilege"

"I can't believe I have to take time out to do this," Captain Jonathan Archer said in disgust as he paced in front of the two officers standing at attention in his quarters, "but apparently I haven't been paying enough attention to interactions among the crew." With that he stopped pacing and took a good long look into the faces of the other men, cataloging every bruise and scar he found there.

Lieutenant Malcolm Reed cleared his throat. "Permission to speak, Sir?"

"Make it good." Archer said.

"I understand that you're upset, Captain, but you may rest assured that this will never happen again."

"Oh, really? And just how do you plan to guarantee that?"

"By assuring you that we have settled our differences and as such there will be no further altercations of this nature between us."

"I see. Are you making the same guarantee, Major?"

Major Hayes, the ranking Military Assault Command officer aboard, straightened up even further and answered: "Yes, Sir. The lieutenant and I have settled our differences and will do nothing more to disrupt the operation of this ship or the successful completion of our mission."

Archer glared at Hayes for a moment. It was just the type of answer he expected from both of them, but they were both dancing around the crux of the problem. The Captain went back to pacing as he asked: "And just what were these 'differences' that you two settled with this little dust-up?"

Reed and Hayes hesitated, trying to come up with a suitable response. Finally Reed said: "It's really not worth mentioning, Sir..."

"I happen to think that a disagreement that inspires my chief Security officers to beat each other senseless is more than worth mentioning!" Archer fumed. "But since I knew neither of you would tell me what the problem was I decided to do a little investigating of my own. It's a small ship, and I was sure that I'd get the answers that I needed after I asked a few people some questions, starting with T'Pol. Apparently, what we have here is a failure to clearly spell out some boundaries." He stopped directly in front of Reed and looked the Tactical officer right in the eye. "Mister Reed, In the Royal Navy who outranks who: A Navy Leftenant or a Marine Major?"

Reed was taken aback by the question, but a family history of Royal Navy service made the answer automatic. "The Marine Major, Sir."

Without looking away from Reed, Archer asked: "Major Hayes, in the US Navy who outranks who: A Navy Lieutenant or a Marine Major?"

Hayes didn't miss a beat. "The Marine Major, Sir."

"Mister Reed," Archer said, "define your duties as the ship's Tactical officer."

"My duties are to defend the ship against enemy threats, maintain internal security and safeguard the crew."

"Major Hayes, define your duties as commander of the MACO detachment aboard."

"Sir, my mission is to deal with any hostile surface threats we may encounter during the course of this mission."

Archer took a deep breath at that, then stepped back just enough so that he could look at both officers at once. "Fine. So let's make those boundaries crystal clear. Lieutenant Reed will handle spaceborne threats, boarders and maintaining the peace aboard ship. Major Hayes will deal with Away Team security and planet-bound threats. Lieutenant Reed will provide any assistance Major Hayes requires to carry out his duties without hesitation. If he should need the Major to reciprocate, Reed will ask for Hayes's help."

"'Ask', Sir?" Reed said.

Archer got in the Brit's face. "Yes, Malcolm, ASK! And say 'Please', and 'Thank You', because Hayes OUTRANKS YOU! And there'll be no more pissing contests about who's in charge of Security around here. If the problem's on the ground Hayes is in charge! End of Story! If the problem's on the ship it's your call, but Hayes is well within his rights to suggest changes in your procedures! You may disagree - RESPECTFULLY - but if the Major feels at any time that the safety of the ship requires that you do as he wants, he may order you to make those changes, and you WILL follow that order, without any bitching, moaning, whining, equivocating, kvetching or flat out doing anything that gets on the Major's nerves! Do I make myself clear, LIEUTENANT Reed?"

"As crystal, Sir." Reed said, managing not to choke on the words.

Archer stepped back one final time. "NOW your differences are settled. Dis-missed!"

Hayes turned sharply on his heel and marched out of the cabin. He was followed a moment later by a chastened Reed, who proceeded without a word to the Bridge.

To his credit, the Major, ready to bust out laughing, didn't even smile until he got back to his quarters.

FINAL AUTHOR'S NOTE: This first chapter was inspired by something I saw Hayes do after the episode where he and Reed fought. Hayes called Reed "Sir".

This is pure B.S.! No matter what standard you use Hayes Outranks Reed, period, and as such there is no law on Earth that obligates him to call his subordinate "Sir," much less take all the crap Reed has been dishing out to him since the MACOs came aboard! The only reason this is an issue at all is that "Enterprise's" writers care more about dramatic conflict than they do about accurately depicting something as BASIC as rank structure, which is kind of a big technical shortcoming since they're writing a WAR STORY!