That night, after Seifer fell asleep, I went out in the hall and sat
by the fountain. The first week Seifer and I dated was great before it
slowly went to hell. I remember when I began to notice the change. It was
around the time I started staying in Seifer's room. H was trying to get me
to sleep with him. By that I mean have sex with him. Anyway, I didn't want
to because I was kind of scared and at that time no one knew about the
scars hidden under my arm warmers. If I slept with him they'd be
discovered. I told him right off that I wasn't ready. He just said, "I knew
you'd say that. It's not that big of a deal, Rinoa."
"Seifer, we've been together a little over a week," I reminded him. "You act like we've been together months." Maybe it was the tone of my voice or maybe he felt rejected. Whatever it was made him angry and he grabbed a hold of my wrist, twisting my arm behind my back. I could feel the tears rising but I didn't want him to see he could make me cry so I sucked it up. "Please stop," I mumbled. "I'm not ready yet and nothing you do will change that." At that moment he hit me in the back of the head and threw me out. I slept on the floor in Selphie's room that night.
Seifer's temper has always scared me. It's hard to believe that those cold blue eyes could get colder, but they did. I can't honestly say he hasn't hit me. It's happened on more than one occasion. When he saw my scars, he went all out. It was one of the first times Squall rescued me from Seifer. Instead of being worried about me, Seifer was furious. And I remember being hit in the face. I was so surprised by it that I was knocked down. He started kicking me in the gut when I started screaming. I may have coughed up a little blood. Well, Squall came in and had a little quarrel with Seifer before dragging me out of there. I cried on him for a while as he cleaned me up. I made another mistake that I got slapped for in the morning. I slept in Squall's bed with him. It didn't matter that we hadn't even done anything. It was just the fact that we had been in the same bad together, but I think he was planning on hitting me for Squall did to him anyway.
It took a few months, a few beatings and a lot of convincing before I finally slept with Seifer. But through it I was off in my own world. I kept thinking about different things and different people. I thought about my mother and how much I missed her. I know that's a weird thing to be thinking about while you're supposed to be getting laid. That's just me I guess. Always thinking about weird things at odd times. Sometimes though, I wonder if any of this would have happened if my mother were still alive. Would I ever even have met these people? Probably not. If I wasn't thinking about that, I thought about what I might be doing right now if I was still at home. You know, I don't think there's ever been a time when I've actually concentrated on what Seifer did to me. I don't think he's ever noticed either. Oh well.
As I sit and look into the clear water of the fountain, I wonder what it's like to drown. Someone told me that you could live three minutes without air. Whether it's true or not, if I were to commit suicide I wouldn't choose to drown. I mean, for me, I'd be all determined to do it and then while I was waiting to die, I'd start to think. You know how if you want to do something, you think about it and back down? That's exactly what I would do so at the last minute, I'd chicken out. If I decided to kill myself it'd have to be quick, but I don't have plans for anything that drastic yet.
Selphie sat next to me. "Is there something wrong?" she asked.
I said, "Just couldn't sleep."
"How did things go with the psychiatrist, Dr. Christenson?"
"It went ... fine, I guess." I couldn't possibly say how much the subject of my dad had hurt. I've never told any of them about him and I choose to keep them clueless. "What did you do today?"
"Irvine took me to Deling for some shopping. It was fun, you should come next time."
"Okay maybe I will."
"Good." She patted my shoulder and changed the subject, "Are things okay with Seifer?" Her voice was in a whisper like she was afraid he'd hear her. I would be too. Seifer is not a force to be reckoned with.
"Fine. Why? Did someone say something about him?"
"No ... Never mind. I'm going back to bed. If you need anything I'll be there."
"Thanks Selphie."
"You bet." She waved and walked off. I don't remember doing so but I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up, I was on the bench by the fountain. The halls were empty so I thought it was early morning but then I saw Zell run by. He's always late for homeroom. Shit. I was still tired and for some reason my legs hurt as I made my way to the elevator. The glowing buttons weren't even bright but looking at them made my eyes sting. On the second floor, I leaned against the rail and looked over the edge. It wasn't that far to the bottom. I bet if I tried I could make it without a scratch. I stepped up on it, balanced myself and closed my eyes. Something wrapped around my waist.
"Rinoa," a soothing male voice started, "what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Squall. He's always worried about me. When I finally looked at him, I stared at the beautiful blue pools that made up his eyes. He looked kind of sad.
I sighed and said, "Why did you do that? I was trying to do something."
"What, exactly?"
"Forget it. You wouldn't understand," I told him in a snotty tone. A hurt look crossed his face. "Is homeroom over?"
"Yes," he practically whispered. He headed for the elevator.
"Squall, wait." The doors shut and I just stood there. I've never hurt Squall before. I've always made him smile. I feel so bad. Maybe I should go back and say something. But what? Well, no chance for that now, here comes Seifer. He whistles at me like I'm some kind of dog. I obey and follow him into the elevator. "Where are we going?" I asked.
He said, "Actually I have to go to Dollet. You don't need to come with me. I'll be back in a few days. You think you can handle being by yourself?"
"Yeah but why do you have to go?"
"Instructor Trepe asked me to run an errand there for her." He was gone half an hour later and for some reason I was a little mad. The first day he was gone, I was bored to death. I wanted to apologize to Squall but I couldn't find him anywhere. His room door was shut. When I knocked he didn't answer. Selphie spent a majority of her time with Irvine so I went to talk to Quistis. She didn't have a lot to say either. I asked her what errand she sent Seifer on. She just looked at me.
"I didn't send Seifer anywhere," she said.
"Oh," I said feeling dumber than ever. "I must've misunderstood him. I'm sorry." As soon as I apologized, I fled the room. I needed to find out why he left so I took the train from Balamb to Timber, from Timber to Dollet and wandered the streets aimlessly. If I wasn't up to anything important I'd go look at the lights and their beautiful reflection off the water. Somehow I ended up in the bar. From upstairs a familiar voice floated down to me. Slowly I crawled up the steps and took a peek of what was overhead. There was Seifer sitting at a table, having a drink as he swooned the girl next to him. But I knew it wasn't just some random woman because ...they were discussing when he was finally going to leave me for her.
I stumbled out of the bar lie a drunk even though I hadn't touched any alcohol. Everything seemed surreal. I couldn't feel my body moving. From somewhere nearby I watched myself make my way to the docks. I wrapped my arms around the railing and began to cry. My tears created tiny ripples in the water. Maybe this was my inspiration to finally make me take that fatal plunge. I climbed on the rail just like I did at Garden and let my body crash into the water. I was enveloped in the darkness of unfamiliar territory. I opened my eyes so I could try to see the bottom but it was just an endless pit of nothingness. Soon I would be just a memory to those who knew me. It was like a fairy tale with a spoiled ending. The princess leaves her evil house, finds love that turns out to be a lie and kills herself in the ocean.
- - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
That's the second chapter. Ready for the third?
"Seifer, we've been together a little over a week," I reminded him. "You act like we've been together months." Maybe it was the tone of my voice or maybe he felt rejected. Whatever it was made him angry and he grabbed a hold of my wrist, twisting my arm behind my back. I could feel the tears rising but I didn't want him to see he could make me cry so I sucked it up. "Please stop," I mumbled. "I'm not ready yet and nothing you do will change that." At that moment he hit me in the back of the head and threw me out. I slept on the floor in Selphie's room that night.
Seifer's temper has always scared me. It's hard to believe that those cold blue eyes could get colder, but they did. I can't honestly say he hasn't hit me. It's happened on more than one occasion. When he saw my scars, he went all out. It was one of the first times Squall rescued me from Seifer. Instead of being worried about me, Seifer was furious. And I remember being hit in the face. I was so surprised by it that I was knocked down. He started kicking me in the gut when I started screaming. I may have coughed up a little blood. Well, Squall came in and had a little quarrel with Seifer before dragging me out of there. I cried on him for a while as he cleaned me up. I made another mistake that I got slapped for in the morning. I slept in Squall's bed with him. It didn't matter that we hadn't even done anything. It was just the fact that we had been in the same bad together, but I think he was planning on hitting me for Squall did to him anyway.
It took a few months, a few beatings and a lot of convincing before I finally slept with Seifer. But through it I was off in my own world. I kept thinking about different things and different people. I thought about my mother and how much I missed her. I know that's a weird thing to be thinking about while you're supposed to be getting laid. That's just me I guess. Always thinking about weird things at odd times. Sometimes though, I wonder if any of this would have happened if my mother were still alive. Would I ever even have met these people? Probably not. If I wasn't thinking about that, I thought about what I might be doing right now if I was still at home. You know, I don't think there's ever been a time when I've actually concentrated on what Seifer did to me. I don't think he's ever noticed either. Oh well.
As I sit and look into the clear water of the fountain, I wonder what it's like to drown. Someone told me that you could live three minutes without air. Whether it's true or not, if I were to commit suicide I wouldn't choose to drown. I mean, for me, I'd be all determined to do it and then while I was waiting to die, I'd start to think. You know how if you want to do something, you think about it and back down? That's exactly what I would do so at the last minute, I'd chicken out. If I decided to kill myself it'd have to be quick, but I don't have plans for anything that drastic yet.
Selphie sat next to me. "Is there something wrong?" she asked.
I said, "Just couldn't sleep."
"How did things go with the psychiatrist, Dr. Christenson?"
"It went ... fine, I guess." I couldn't possibly say how much the subject of my dad had hurt. I've never told any of them about him and I choose to keep them clueless. "What did you do today?"
"Irvine took me to Deling for some shopping. It was fun, you should come next time."
"Okay maybe I will."
"Good." She patted my shoulder and changed the subject, "Are things okay with Seifer?" Her voice was in a whisper like she was afraid he'd hear her. I would be too. Seifer is not a force to be reckoned with.
"Fine. Why? Did someone say something about him?"
"No ... Never mind. I'm going back to bed. If you need anything I'll be there."
"Thanks Selphie."
"You bet." She waved and walked off. I don't remember doing so but I must have fallen asleep. When I woke up, I was on the bench by the fountain. The halls were empty so I thought it was early morning but then I saw Zell run by. He's always late for homeroom. Shit. I was still tired and for some reason my legs hurt as I made my way to the elevator. The glowing buttons weren't even bright but looking at them made my eyes sting. On the second floor, I leaned against the rail and looked over the edge. It wasn't that far to the bottom. I bet if I tried I could make it without a scratch. I stepped up on it, balanced myself and closed my eyes. Something wrapped around my waist.
"Rinoa," a soothing male voice started, "what in the hell do you think you're doing?" Squall. He's always worried about me. When I finally looked at him, I stared at the beautiful blue pools that made up his eyes. He looked kind of sad.
I sighed and said, "Why did you do that? I was trying to do something."
"What, exactly?"
"Forget it. You wouldn't understand," I told him in a snotty tone. A hurt look crossed his face. "Is homeroom over?"
"Yes," he practically whispered. He headed for the elevator.
"Squall, wait." The doors shut and I just stood there. I've never hurt Squall before. I've always made him smile. I feel so bad. Maybe I should go back and say something. But what? Well, no chance for that now, here comes Seifer. He whistles at me like I'm some kind of dog. I obey and follow him into the elevator. "Where are we going?" I asked.
He said, "Actually I have to go to Dollet. You don't need to come with me. I'll be back in a few days. You think you can handle being by yourself?"
"Yeah but why do you have to go?"
"Instructor Trepe asked me to run an errand there for her." He was gone half an hour later and for some reason I was a little mad. The first day he was gone, I was bored to death. I wanted to apologize to Squall but I couldn't find him anywhere. His room door was shut. When I knocked he didn't answer. Selphie spent a majority of her time with Irvine so I went to talk to Quistis. She didn't have a lot to say either. I asked her what errand she sent Seifer on. She just looked at me.
"I didn't send Seifer anywhere," she said.
"Oh," I said feeling dumber than ever. "I must've misunderstood him. I'm sorry." As soon as I apologized, I fled the room. I needed to find out why he left so I took the train from Balamb to Timber, from Timber to Dollet and wandered the streets aimlessly. If I wasn't up to anything important I'd go look at the lights and their beautiful reflection off the water. Somehow I ended up in the bar. From upstairs a familiar voice floated down to me. Slowly I crawled up the steps and took a peek of what was overhead. There was Seifer sitting at a table, having a drink as he swooned the girl next to him. But I knew it wasn't just some random woman because ...they were discussing when he was finally going to leave me for her.
I stumbled out of the bar lie a drunk even though I hadn't touched any alcohol. Everything seemed surreal. I couldn't feel my body moving. From somewhere nearby I watched myself make my way to the docks. I wrapped my arms around the railing and began to cry. My tears created tiny ripples in the water. Maybe this was my inspiration to finally make me take that fatal plunge. I climbed on the rail just like I did at Garden and let my body crash into the water. I was enveloped in the darkness of unfamiliar territory. I opened my eyes so I could try to see the bottom but it was just an endless pit of nothingness. Soon I would be just a memory to those who knew me. It was like a fairy tale with a spoiled ending. The princess leaves her evil house, finds love that turns out to be a lie and kills herself in the ocean.
- - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
That's the second chapter. Ready for the third?