It was a few days before we went back to Garden. Squall told me if I
ever needed something to just ask. Seifer was waiting in our room for me.
As soon as I entered the doorway, he grabbed a hold of my hair. I yelped in
surprise. Someone heard because footsteps rushed toward this room. Seifer
shut the door and locked it. Like a scared, beaten dog, I cowered in the
corner. Seifer approached me and struck me across the face. "You stupid
bitch!" he started yelling. "Are you against me now or something? Why
wouldn't you tell them to let me in?"
I decided to confront him. "I saw you with another girl," I said quietly. "I saw you at the bar with her. I know you're messing around with her."
"I wouldn't have to mess around if you didn't have those disgusting scars! Your stunt to get everyone to pay attention to you is just pathetic! Why doesn't Dr. Christenson just admit you to an asylum and get over it?! God knows you're going to end up there anyway." I tried to run but he grabbed a hold of my arm and twisted it behind my back. Someone was banging on the door. Seifer hit me hard enough to crack my lip open. The door flew open and Squall pulled me away from Seifer. Seifer grinned. "Go ahead and take her, Squall. She's probably the best you can get." Squall just growled and lead me out to the hall.
"Maybe you should find someone else to stay with tonight," Squall said.
I said, "No. I should go apologize to Seifer."
"Are you serious?" I nodded. "Rinoa, what the hell is wrong with you?! He just beat you up and you want to apologize?! You don't need to apologize to him."
"Squall, it's not necessary for you to get into this."
"I'm not going to stand back and watch him treat you like that! You may have been able to convince the others to do that but I wont."
I sighed, feeling like crying for some reason, "Why are you doing this?"
"I care about you, Rinoa. I really do. But I guess that doesn't matter because the only one you see is Seifer. And no offense but it's a little sad that you put all your love into someone that doesn't give a shit and you ignore the people who do." He hadn't been looking at me the whole time he talked. Then he left me by the fountain and I felt lonlier than ever. I stayed in Selphie's room that night.
The next day, sometime after I apologized to Seifer, Dr. Christenson paid me a visit. We started talking about my dad again. "So," Dr. Christenson said, "are you going to tell me what the worst thing he did to you was? Do you feel comfortable telling me?"
"It's fine," I told her. "It wasn't physical, i mean, he didn't hit me or anything. He got mad at me for something- I can't remember what. Anyway, all my mom's things were stored in the attic after she died. Sometimes I would go up there and look at it when I got upset. Then, like I said, my dad got mad at me. He found me in the attic going through mom's jewelry and started yelling at me. He was quiet for a few seconds then he smiled. I fought with him over the dresses. I guess he did hit me 'cause I remember falling backwards on the floor. Well, anyway, he had all the servants help him burn mom's things. A lot of them weren't happy about it but what could they do? I cried and watched the fire consume everything. I only have one thing left of her now. This." I held up my necklace with one of her rings on it. "It's just a plain ring. One of the girls I helped clean rooms gave it to me. She said she found it on the bottom of mom's jewelry box. I was happy when she gave it to me but I still can't believe all those memories of her are gone ... How could he do that?! That was his wife for God's sake! He's supposed to love her and miss her company. Instead he acts like he lost nothing more than garbage." At that moment I burst into tears. All these emotions just rushed out of me all at once. I felt Dr. Christenson's hand on mine.
When I was calmer, she said, "Rinoa, do you have any idea why you felt your dad held you responsible for your mother's death? Do you remember telling me that? You said he always blamed you." I nodded.
"I don't know why. He just needed someone to blame I guess and he hates me so it works. Can we talk about something else for a while? I wanna talk a little about my dream ... and Squall. He hasn't spoke to me since yesterday."
"What happened yesterday?"
"We sort of got in a fight." I explained everything to her, what Seifer had done, what Squall had said. "I don't understand why he was so mad. I really don't want to be on bad terms with Seifer. Something bad could happen, you know. Anyway I apologized to him this morning so everything's fine." I paused for a second, trying to think then said, "Oh. What about my dream? I still, uh, I'm still not sure what I wanted to tell him."
She said, "How close are you to Squall? How would you define your relationship with him?"
"He's my best friend. I feel like I can tell him just about anything. I don't like that he worries about me all the time. He shouldn't be bothering himself with my problems. It's a waste of his time. I'm never going to change and he'd be better off if I wasn't around. Everyone would. Then they wouldn't have stupid needy Rinoa to pull them down."
"You think you're pulling them down? Why?"
"What do you mean why? If they didn't have to worry about me, they could go on with their lives. They could be happy. Squall could be happy."
"They don't have to worry about you. They worry because you're their friend. They do care about you, Rinoa. I want you to think about it 'til our next session. Okay?"
After that, I went to the Training Center to blow off some steam. I wasn't really mad at anyone, in fact, I'm not mad at all. I'm just in the mood to fight. When I came in, I heard the familiar sound of bells swinging along to the beat of footsteps. Squall's here. I wasn't sure if I should go talk to him or not. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. "So what are you going to do?" Zell's voice rang out. I hid behind one of the rocks. Squall and Zell were finishing off some monsters together.
Squall sighed, "I have no idea. I'm sick of Seifer treating her like shit and getting away with it. Can't she see he doesn't care?"
Zell shrugged. "Hey, do you know why she tried to drown herself that one day?"
"Nope. She was going to tell me and then just didn't. I don't want to pester her about it though. She'll be pissed."
"Aren't you two already fighting?"
"Sort of. I kinda flipped out on her yesterday. She- she always acts like we don't care about her. Seifer's always beating her up and she thinks he loves her. God Zell, if hurting her is showing love then the rest of us must hate her."
Zell agreed, "I suppose if that's the way she pictures it. Let's go back to training. Try to relax a little."
So that was how Squall felt about me, about Seifer and I. In a way, he's right. I should treat them better and trust them more but lately things have been really weird. Suddenly I feel like a horrible person again. I wanted to do something for Squall to apologize. God I'm such an idiot! Seifer's right. It's pathetic that I always try to make people pay attention to me. Isn't that what I was trying to do? Seifer's usually right. An idea came to me. Squall's "sister". He was so sad when she disappeared. Maybe she was alive and maybe I could find her. Maybe then he wouldn't be so mad at me anymore. He might even forgive me completely. To start, maybe Edea could give me a few tips, hopefully.
I took the elevator up to Headmaster Cid's office. He was kind enough to let me speak to her in private. She smiled and asked, "What can I help you with, Rinoa?"
"I'm looking for someone," I told her. "A girl. I'm not sure of her name but Squall called her-"
"Sis?"
"Yes."
"Her real name is Ellone. She came to the orphanage when her mother died. She was five or six at the time. A baby came with her, a boy by the name of Squall. Ellone always looked after him."
"So, they're really related then?"
She said, "Yes. I'm not sure if he knows or not. All the kids looked up to her and called her 'sis'. Anyway a few years before I took the kids here, a man named Laguna Loire picked her up. I guess he'd been looking for her. She's probably with him now."
"Do you have any idea where they might be?"
"No. I think the man was part of the Galbadian Army if that's any help. I wish I could help you more."
"That's fine. You've helped me a lot actually." I decided I'd leave to check out Deling in the morning.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
PLEASE READ THIS: Here's the thing, I'm leaving Sunday morning for about four days for a short vacation. So I wont be able to update for a while. I'll try to get a new chapter up before I go but I can't promised anything.
I decided to confront him. "I saw you with another girl," I said quietly. "I saw you at the bar with her. I know you're messing around with her."
"I wouldn't have to mess around if you didn't have those disgusting scars! Your stunt to get everyone to pay attention to you is just pathetic! Why doesn't Dr. Christenson just admit you to an asylum and get over it?! God knows you're going to end up there anyway." I tried to run but he grabbed a hold of my arm and twisted it behind my back. Someone was banging on the door. Seifer hit me hard enough to crack my lip open. The door flew open and Squall pulled me away from Seifer. Seifer grinned. "Go ahead and take her, Squall. She's probably the best you can get." Squall just growled and lead me out to the hall.
"Maybe you should find someone else to stay with tonight," Squall said.
I said, "No. I should go apologize to Seifer."
"Are you serious?" I nodded. "Rinoa, what the hell is wrong with you?! He just beat you up and you want to apologize?! You don't need to apologize to him."
"Squall, it's not necessary for you to get into this."
"I'm not going to stand back and watch him treat you like that! You may have been able to convince the others to do that but I wont."
I sighed, feeling like crying for some reason, "Why are you doing this?"
"I care about you, Rinoa. I really do. But I guess that doesn't matter because the only one you see is Seifer. And no offense but it's a little sad that you put all your love into someone that doesn't give a shit and you ignore the people who do." He hadn't been looking at me the whole time he talked. Then he left me by the fountain and I felt lonlier than ever. I stayed in Selphie's room that night.
The next day, sometime after I apologized to Seifer, Dr. Christenson paid me a visit. We started talking about my dad again. "So," Dr. Christenson said, "are you going to tell me what the worst thing he did to you was? Do you feel comfortable telling me?"
"It's fine," I told her. "It wasn't physical, i mean, he didn't hit me or anything. He got mad at me for something- I can't remember what. Anyway, all my mom's things were stored in the attic after she died. Sometimes I would go up there and look at it when I got upset. Then, like I said, my dad got mad at me. He found me in the attic going through mom's jewelry and started yelling at me. He was quiet for a few seconds then he smiled. I fought with him over the dresses. I guess he did hit me 'cause I remember falling backwards on the floor. Well, anyway, he had all the servants help him burn mom's things. A lot of them weren't happy about it but what could they do? I cried and watched the fire consume everything. I only have one thing left of her now. This." I held up my necklace with one of her rings on it. "It's just a plain ring. One of the girls I helped clean rooms gave it to me. She said she found it on the bottom of mom's jewelry box. I was happy when she gave it to me but I still can't believe all those memories of her are gone ... How could he do that?! That was his wife for God's sake! He's supposed to love her and miss her company. Instead he acts like he lost nothing more than garbage." At that moment I burst into tears. All these emotions just rushed out of me all at once. I felt Dr. Christenson's hand on mine.
When I was calmer, she said, "Rinoa, do you have any idea why you felt your dad held you responsible for your mother's death? Do you remember telling me that? You said he always blamed you." I nodded.
"I don't know why. He just needed someone to blame I guess and he hates me so it works. Can we talk about something else for a while? I wanna talk a little about my dream ... and Squall. He hasn't spoke to me since yesterday."
"What happened yesterday?"
"We sort of got in a fight." I explained everything to her, what Seifer had done, what Squall had said. "I don't understand why he was so mad. I really don't want to be on bad terms with Seifer. Something bad could happen, you know. Anyway I apologized to him this morning so everything's fine." I paused for a second, trying to think then said, "Oh. What about my dream? I still, uh, I'm still not sure what I wanted to tell him."
She said, "How close are you to Squall? How would you define your relationship with him?"
"He's my best friend. I feel like I can tell him just about anything. I don't like that he worries about me all the time. He shouldn't be bothering himself with my problems. It's a waste of his time. I'm never going to change and he'd be better off if I wasn't around. Everyone would. Then they wouldn't have stupid needy Rinoa to pull them down."
"You think you're pulling them down? Why?"
"What do you mean why? If they didn't have to worry about me, they could go on with their lives. They could be happy. Squall could be happy."
"They don't have to worry about you. They worry because you're their friend. They do care about you, Rinoa. I want you to think about it 'til our next session. Okay?"
After that, I went to the Training Center to blow off some steam. I wasn't really mad at anyone, in fact, I'm not mad at all. I'm just in the mood to fight. When I came in, I heard the familiar sound of bells swinging along to the beat of footsteps. Squall's here. I wasn't sure if I should go talk to him or not. I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet. "So what are you going to do?" Zell's voice rang out. I hid behind one of the rocks. Squall and Zell were finishing off some monsters together.
Squall sighed, "I have no idea. I'm sick of Seifer treating her like shit and getting away with it. Can't she see he doesn't care?"
Zell shrugged. "Hey, do you know why she tried to drown herself that one day?"
"Nope. She was going to tell me and then just didn't. I don't want to pester her about it though. She'll be pissed."
"Aren't you two already fighting?"
"Sort of. I kinda flipped out on her yesterday. She- she always acts like we don't care about her. Seifer's always beating her up and she thinks he loves her. God Zell, if hurting her is showing love then the rest of us must hate her."
Zell agreed, "I suppose if that's the way she pictures it. Let's go back to training. Try to relax a little."
So that was how Squall felt about me, about Seifer and I. In a way, he's right. I should treat them better and trust them more but lately things have been really weird. Suddenly I feel like a horrible person again. I wanted to do something for Squall to apologize. God I'm such an idiot! Seifer's right. It's pathetic that I always try to make people pay attention to me. Isn't that what I was trying to do? Seifer's usually right. An idea came to me. Squall's "sister". He was so sad when she disappeared. Maybe she was alive and maybe I could find her. Maybe then he wouldn't be so mad at me anymore. He might even forgive me completely. To start, maybe Edea could give me a few tips, hopefully.
I took the elevator up to Headmaster Cid's office. He was kind enough to let me speak to her in private. She smiled and asked, "What can I help you with, Rinoa?"
"I'm looking for someone," I told her. "A girl. I'm not sure of her name but Squall called her-"
"Sis?"
"Yes."
"Her real name is Ellone. She came to the orphanage when her mother died. She was five or six at the time. A baby came with her, a boy by the name of Squall. Ellone always looked after him."
"So, they're really related then?"
She said, "Yes. I'm not sure if he knows or not. All the kids looked up to her and called her 'sis'. Anyway a few years before I took the kids here, a man named Laguna Loire picked her up. I guess he'd been looking for her. She's probably with him now."
"Do you have any idea where they might be?"
"No. I think the man was part of the Galbadian Army if that's any help. I wish I could help you more."
"That's fine. You've helped me a lot actually." I decided I'd leave to check out Deling in the morning.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
PLEASE READ THIS: Here's the thing, I'm leaving Sunday morning for about four days for a short vacation. So I wont be able to update for a while. I'll try to get a new chapter up before I go but I can't promised anything.