I don't know how things got this bad. This morning, after my session
with Dr. Christenson I was determined to break it off with Seifer. We just
weren't meant for each other. I found him packing when I came in our room.
He threw my bag full of clothes at me and told me we were leaving. He
didn't tell me where we were going exactly. In Balamb we boarded a train. I
got the opportunity to slip my knife out of the pocket hidden in my
backpack and under the cloth of my arm warmer. Eventually, we came to the
hotel in Dollet. The whole day was odd. Seifer was being nice and it was
great until I found out the reason behind it. He'd over heard me talking to
Dr. Christenson about leaving him. I have to admit when he finally told me;
I was a little scared he was going to pummel me. He didn't ... at first. He
was begging me not to leave. I spoke gently to him, "Seifer, I'm sorry. I
have to. We aren't meant for each other. You- you can do so much better,"
He can too. He kissed me but it wasn't out of love. His lips pressed
against mine like he was forcing himself to do it. It was an attempt to get
me to stay. It wasn't working. "Seifer, please don't make this anymore
difficult than it already is. Please."
Seifer said, "Why do you want to leave anyway?"
"Because you ... you obviously don't need me if you have someone else. If it makes you happy, we can tell everyone you left me. I just can't stay with you. Anyway, I think I might ... be..."
"This has to do with Squall doesn't it?" I didn't answer, it was hardly necessary. He guessed it. "Have you been fucking around with Squall, Rinoa?"
"No. Of course I haven't. I wouldn't do that to you. I couldn't." He just laughed. He doesn't believe me. "Seifer," I said firmly. "I did NOT do anything with Squall. I swear it to you. I would never do that." This just seemed to anger him. Why doesn't he believe me? What did I do? Oh no, I forgot to bring pepper spray. I have my knife but I don't want to hurt him. I decided I'd only use it if there were no other means of escape. He grabbed my hair.
"Rinoa," he said. "It's not smart to lie to me. I didn't lie to you, did I?"
"No but you never mentioned your other girlfriends either." He tugged on my hair. I blinked tears back and kept my voice calm, "Can't we just forget about it? You can easily find someone better, someone without scars all over their body. Someone with more respect for you." Oops. I didn't mean it like that. I thought maybe he'd listen to me then but he took it the wrong way. He threw me against the wall. I was trapped in a small corner.
"Is that what this is all about? You're trying to make a fool of me? You don't respect me?"
"No, no. I didn't mean it like that. I meant-" He hit me, cutting me off. I kept my mouth shut. He would kill me if I gave him a reason to. He started yelling at me, saying I ruined everything with my "little incident" in the Training Center. I didn't want to take that. "No," I said quietly. "I may have ruined everything but it was with YOUR help. That was the day I found out you were cheating on me. But I didn't ant to believe it so I pushed it out. I- I should've left sooner. We're no good for each other." I put my hands over my head in defense. He grabbed my arm and I yelped. As he dragged me across the floor, I must have reacted because the next thing I know, his arm was bleeding. It wasn't bad but it was enough to notice. He saw the knife in my hand. When he reached out to hit me, I got scared and acted on impulse. I was horrified when I realized I had stabbed him. He held his hand over the wound. I headed for the door but he threw me back down.
Seifer said, "Rinoa, give me the knife." I shook my head. "Give me the knife!" What would he do with the knife if I gave it to him? I was afraid to find out so I didn't. He tried to grab my hair again. I screamed and lashed out. I can't remember what happened after that really. I know I told the receptionist to call an ambulance. Not only did one arrive but so did the police. Now I sit in the chair, waiting to be questioned. I didn't want it to end up like this. If I could take it back...
One of the investigators approached me. He asked me what happened so I told him. He told another officer it was self-defense then he let me use the phone to call Squall. When he came to get me, he hugged me. I couldn't help but cry. I should've just run. It's all my fault. I'm such a horrible, stupid person. As soon as she saw me, Selphie hugged me. I didn't sleep that night; instead I sat on the balcony of the Training Center. I kept trying to tell myself it was a bad dream but I knew it wasn't. Squall sat down next to me. "Are you okay?" he asked me.
I forced myself to speak, "Yes I just wish- ... I didn't want that to happen. I wish I could change it. I'm the one who should be dead."
"No, Rinoa, don't say that. He attacked you, you had to defend yourself."
"I still killed him!" I hid my face in my hands. He put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me. Neither of us said anymore because we both knew it was best not to. We stayed out there all night. Squall fell asleep sitting against the wall but I didn't. I couldn't get to sleep.
Selphie found me in the morning and told me Quistis said I didn't have to come to homeroom. That made me feel better. I don't think I could've handled that. Everyone would've stared, whispered, and asked questions. Yeah, that'd been too much. Squall was waiting for me by the entrance of the Training Center. On the way to his room, he told me Dr. Christenson was planning on coming 'round to see me later tonight. Good. I need someone to gush out on. Someone called my name just as we reached Squall's room. The voice sounded familiar. It was that girl I heard in the library the day of my "episode". I never forgot her voice. Squall and I turned around. The girl came up to me, got in my face and said, "You'd better say goodbye to your friends because I'm going to see you put in jail for murder." Squall told her to leave. I need to find a lawyer. This'll be one hell of a fight.
Seifer said, "Why do you want to leave anyway?"
"Because you ... you obviously don't need me if you have someone else. If it makes you happy, we can tell everyone you left me. I just can't stay with you. Anyway, I think I might ... be..."
"This has to do with Squall doesn't it?" I didn't answer, it was hardly necessary. He guessed it. "Have you been fucking around with Squall, Rinoa?"
"No. Of course I haven't. I wouldn't do that to you. I couldn't." He just laughed. He doesn't believe me. "Seifer," I said firmly. "I did NOT do anything with Squall. I swear it to you. I would never do that." This just seemed to anger him. Why doesn't he believe me? What did I do? Oh no, I forgot to bring pepper spray. I have my knife but I don't want to hurt him. I decided I'd only use it if there were no other means of escape. He grabbed my hair.
"Rinoa," he said. "It's not smart to lie to me. I didn't lie to you, did I?"
"No but you never mentioned your other girlfriends either." He tugged on my hair. I blinked tears back and kept my voice calm, "Can't we just forget about it? You can easily find someone better, someone without scars all over their body. Someone with more respect for you." Oops. I didn't mean it like that. I thought maybe he'd listen to me then but he took it the wrong way. He threw me against the wall. I was trapped in a small corner.
"Is that what this is all about? You're trying to make a fool of me? You don't respect me?"
"No, no. I didn't mean it like that. I meant-" He hit me, cutting me off. I kept my mouth shut. He would kill me if I gave him a reason to. He started yelling at me, saying I ruined everything with my "little incident" in the Training Center. I didn't want to take that. "No," I said quietly. "I may have ruined everything but it was with YOUR help. That was the day I found out you were cheating on me. But I didn't ant to believe it so I pushed it out. I- I should've left sooner. We're no good for each other." I put my hands over my head in defense. He grabbed my arm and I yelped. As he dragged me across the floor, I must have reacted because the next thing I know, his arm was bleeding. It wasn't bad but it was enough to notice. He saw the knife in my hand. When he reached out to hit me, I got scared and acted on impulse. I was horrified when I realized I had stabbed him. He held his hand over the wound. I headed for the door but he threw me back down.
Seifer said, "Rinoa, give me the knife." I shook my head. "Give me the knife!" What would he do with the knife if I gave it to him? I was afraid to find out so I didn't. He tried to grab my hair again. I screamed and lashed out. I can't remember what happened after that really. I know I told the receptionist to call an ambulance. Not only did one arrive but so did the police. Now I sit in the chair, waiting to be questioned. I didn't want it to end up like this. If I could take it back...
One of the investigators approached me. He asked me what happened so I told him. He told another officer it was self-defense then he let me use the phone to call Squall. When he came to get me, he hugged me. I couldn't help but cry. I should've just run. It's all my fault. I'm such a horrible, stupid person. As soon as she saw me, Selphie hugged me. I didn't sleep that night; instead I sat on the balcony of the Training Center. I kept trying to tell myself it was a bad dream but I knew it wasn't. Squall sat down next to me. "Are you okay?" he asked me.
I forced myself to speak, "Yes I just wish- ... I didn't want that to happen. I wish I could change it. I'm the one who should be dead."
"No, Rinoa, don't say that. He attacked you, you had to defend yourself."
"I still killed him!" I hid my face in my hands. He put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me. Neither of us said anymore because we both knew it was best not to. We stayed out there all night. Squall fell asleep sitting against the wall but I didn't. I couldn't get to sleep.
Selphie found me in the morning and told me Quistis said I didn't have to come to homeroom. That made me feel better. I don't think I could've handled that. Everyone would've stared, whispered, and asked questions. Yeah, that'd been too much. Squall was waiting for me by the entrance of the Training Center. On the way to his room, he told me Dr. Christenson was planning on coming 'round to see me later tonight. Good. I need someone to gush out on. Someone called my name just as we reached Squall's room. The voice sounded familiar. It was that girl I heard in the library the day of my "episode". I never forgot her voice. Squall and I turned around. The girl came up to me, got in my face and said, "You'd better say goodbye to your friends because I'm going to see you put in jail for murder." Squall told her to leave. I need to find a lawyer. This'll be one hell of a fight.