If I owned Super Smash Brothers Melee, or even one of the characters from it, I'd be so rich, I wouldn't write a story about them! I'd make DVDs of them!

Chapter 03 - D&D, Pichu's Game

After Mr. Game & Watch tricked, beat, or whatever way you look at it, Bowser, tensions were growing. Everyone who didn't like Mr. Game & Watch knew they were left with the beeping guy for a long time. They didn't like it one bit, and their rage was growing. Growing so much, it snapped from many of them on one day.

It all began when Game & Watch, Fox, Captain Falcon, Yoshi, Pichu and Ness were playing Dungeons & Dragons.

"All right then, Ness!" Pichu, the dungeon master, exclaimed. "After the foul, green-sknned orc slashes out you with his crudely-made sword, your magic-user has had his cranium severed."

"His WHAT?" Ness shouted in frustration.

"His head, to be simple."

"Oh. ...That's not good, right?"

"Your character is lying on the dirt ground in an ever-growing pool of red blood. The orc lets out a bellowing triumph cry and turns towards Yoshi's cleric. His success gives him a +1 THAC0 bonus, for his adreniline is pumping."

"Great, so Ness's character is dead!" Falcon muttered.

"Yes, he has kicked the bucket, and isn't going to play the piano for some time now!" Pichu informed them. "When you get back to the town's temple, you can pay five thousand gold pieces to revive him!"

"Five thousand gold pieces?!" Fox exploded. "We don't even have fifty currently!"

"That's a real shame. You'll have to lug his decapitated body all over the place until you can get the money."

"You're enjoying making it hard for us, aren't you?" Mr. Game & Watch grumbled.

"Tremdously!" Pichu grinned wickedly. "It's one of those evil pleasures you get in life. Now Yoshi, the orc with Ness's wizard's blood smeared all over the edge is charging at you!"

"I blaze him with my Cause Light Wounds!" Yoshi chirped.

"...Okay!" Pichu rolled the dice. "You create light wounds on the orc's skin and he thinks he is a leper. He stabs himself with his blade and collaspes to the ground most dead."

"Cool!" Captain Falcon cheered. "I search his body!"

"You discover in your search around the corspe a potion of Revive Dead."

"...I thought you liked things hard for us!" Yoshi exclaimed.

Pichu smiled cutely at him and chirped, "Do I look like the kind of guy who can stay like that for long?"

"No!" they all said at once.

Ganondorf walked by them and scoffed loudly. "Why do you play that stupid game, you bunch of runts?" he jeered as he walked by.

"Ignore the half-orc, guys!" Mr. Game & Watch told his friends.

"I use the potion on Ness's wizard!" Captain Falcon told Pichu.

After straightening his goggles, Pichu cleared his throat and rolled the dice. "Okay, his head has been reattached to his shoulders and he stands up to his feet, requesting to play the piano now."

"Why did you roll the dice for that?" Yoshi asked.

"For fun. I love rolling these number-marked cubes, don't you?"

"HEY!" Ganondorf tried to shout over the six Smash Brothers saying how much they did love rolling dice. "I asked you bunch of freaks a question, and I want an answer!! WHY DO YOU PLAY THAT GAME?!"

"Do you guys hear something?" Ness asked the others innocently.

"Yes, your ears can pick up the vibrations of sound waves." Pichu informed them. "You can hear and see five more orcs coming after you."

"Oh, I see!" Fox exclaimed. "I let fly with an arrow at the nearest one!"

Pichu rolled the dice, then checked a few notes. "Your piercing arrow shoots forward and impales into the orc's head, but he only loses fifteen hit points."

"WHAT?" Fox shouted.

"He's also dead."

"Oh, well, that's good."

"I cast Burning Hands!" Ness exclaimed.

"You just came back from the dead!" Mr. Game & Watch exclaimed. "How can you react so fast?"

Ness thought about it. "Because these are orcs, and orcs are so stupid and weak, I could have killed them if I were still dead!"

The six cracked up, laughing at Ness's little joke. Ganondorf was getting very frustrated and angry.

"All right, all right!" Pichu chuckled. "You deploy the spell of Burning Hands! That isn't a good spell to cast for attacking, I hope you are aware of that! It is only really good against kobals!"

"EVERYTHING is good against kobals!" Fox pointed out.

"You could breathe on a kobal to kill it!" Mr. Game & Watch joked.

The six Smash Brothers cracked up again, and Ganondorf had it.

"SHUT UP!! ALL OF YOU!!" he bellowed.

They looked at him after they stopped laughing. "What's the matter, dude?" Mr. Game & Watch asked. "Ashamed that you can't beat kobals, or is it something else?"

Ganondorf deliberatly walked over to Mr. Game & Watch and pointed at him threatenly. "It is YOU that I am ashamed of. I am ashamed we are in the same team, the same place, and even on the same planet!"

"I could change that." Fox grumbled. "Ask me, and I'll take you to any planet you want. Maybe Zoness, Venom or Sector X...,"

"Sector X isn't a planet!" Captain Falcon reminded Fox. "It's just empty space. You'd dump him into empty space!"

Fox grinned wickedly. "Exactly!"

It took two seconds for the others to get the concept, and they cracked up for a third time. Ganondorf fumed angrily, then snapped.

SNAP! His fingers snapped loudly, and the others looked at him since he snapped. Why did he snap? They really had no clue why he snapped. It is a mystery to this day why he snapped.

"I want that 2-D freak out of here. Now." Ganondorf hissed threatenly.

"Too bad, dark boy!" Ness laughed. "He beat Bowser, and he gets to stay!"

"That's right!" Captain Falcon shouted, then stood up to Ganondorf. "You want to drive him out, you've got to get through all of us!"

"YOU are no threat, Captain Falcon!" Ganondorf scoffed.

"Then why did you copy my moves?"

Ganondorf suddenly looked nervous. He looked around, trying to find an excuse. "Errr...ummm...oh, Great Scott! It's a walking, talking doughnut!" Ganondorf pointed at the door, then opened it and ran out of the room.

As Captain Falcon laughed and sat down, Ness looked at him and asked, "So why DID he copy your moves?"

"You got me there."

"I have the same problem!" Fox moaned. "Falco copied me, mainly because the guy isn't creative enough to think of his own attacks!"

Pichu shrugged. "I just attack the same way that Pikachu does. After all, I am Pikachu in an infant stage, so how many changes should there really be? Except for the fact that my tail is not as long in length!"

"I can understand you!" Yoshi nodded, then rolled the dice. "But that orc I just bashed won't understand anything now, because I smushed his brains!"

"I...want...them...OUT!!" Ganondorf practically screamed to the others. "All six of them! We don't need them, we don't want them, and we already have far too many battlers!"

"Yes, that is true!" Bowser said, then glared at the doughnut in his hands. It had little feet that were kicking his fingers, and it was babbling wilding.

"Can't we talk about this before you eat me?!" the doughnut asked politely.

"I have no intention of hurting them!" Marth spoke up. "In fact, I must go into hiding now!"

"Whatever for?" Peach asked him.

"Ever since all of my female fans found out I was married, they seem to think that I betrayed them." Marth told her. "I'll have to hide from their murderous wrath for about...oh, three years. Bye now!" Marth took off running.

"I'm against getting rid of Fox...," Falco spoke up, after Marth left them. "He is my leader, and even if we do get rid of him, he is still the leader of Star Fox."

"I don't want Pichu to go!" Zelda complained.

"Neither do I!" Pikachu protested.

"Captain Falcon isn't that bad of a guy...," Samus spoke out.

"I don't want Yoshi to leave!" Mario exclaimed.

Suddenly, the five were lifted into the air by an incredible psychic force. Kicking and shouting, the five were thrown into a broom closet. A chair was also lifted by unseen forces and was wedged under the doorknob.

Mewtwo cackled and cracked his knuckles. "Anyone else want to stop us?"

No one else disagreed.

"You know, it is hard enough telling people all over the place that you're not really evil...," Jigglypuff said to Mewtwo. "How can I explain this?!"

"I did not kill them!"

"...Yeah, that works."

"Are we ready to go?" Donkey Kong asked the others.

"Yeah, one minute!" Bowser requested, then shoved the walking, talking doughnut into his mouth, chewed and swallowed. "So, where are they, Ganondorf?"

"...Oops. I forgot what room they are in!" Ganondorf admitted.

"Well, let's get going!" Luigi piped up, and they ran off to find the six Smash Brothers.

Inside the broom closet, Mario, Zelda, Falco, Samus and Pikachu were getting rather uncomfortable.

"Darn brooms are poking me hard!" Piakchu complained.

"Could you remove your elbow from my eye, Mario?!" Falco sqwaked.

"You better get your foot out of my stomach then!"

"This place is too cramped!" Zelda complained. "Can't someone just break the door down?!"

"I can!" Pikachu offered.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!!" the other four screamed, knowing what Pikachu was planning.

"...I meant that I would whack the door down with a broom!" the mouse Pokémon explained.

Okay, so they didn't know what he had planned.

Mario sniffed the air twice and gagged. "Samus, when have you last taken a bath?"

"I told you people, I forgot the code for my suit to come off!"

"When have you last taken a bath?" Mario repeated.

"...Two months."

"LET US OUT!!" Mario, Pikachu, Zelda and Falco screamed.

* * *

Ganondorf smashed down the door that led to the room the D & D players were in. It crashed to the ground with a nerve-gratting THUD'.

"Rearranging that back on its own hinges is going to be a task that will not be pleasureable!" Pichu groaned.

"ALL RIGHT, GAME AND WATCH!" Ganondorf roared.

"Jeez, not only are half-orcs ugly, but they're loud too!" Fox chuckled.

"SHUT UP, YOU DORK!" Ganondorf bellowed.

Pichu made a face. "If you actually knew the meaning to that specific insult you just exploded with with vocal cords, you would not use it!"

"What's it mean?" Ness asked.

" Dork' also means a whale's pe-"

"PICHU!!" Captain Falcon interrupted.

"Not exactly correct, but the sound is a bit similar!" Pichu pointed out.

"You shut up too, you twit!" Ganondorf snapped at Pichu.

"That word means a pregnant goldfish," pointed out the baby electric Pokémon. "I am not a pregnant goldfish."

"Quiet, you little twerp!" Ganondorf ordered him.

Pichu sniggered, but kept silent otherwise.

"We're here to throw all of you out by force!" Ganondorf shouted, pointing his thumb at the others.

"Where's Zelda?" Fox asked.

"Where's Samus?" Captain Falcon asked.

"Where's Falco?" Ness asked.

"Where's Mario?" Yoshi asked.

"Where's Waldo?" Mr. Game & Watch asked.

"Can one of you carbon-based life forms tell me the location of my friend Pikachu, for my eyeballs fail to see him?" Pichu asked.

"It doesn't matter where those losers are!" Ganondorf shouted. "We outpower you by far."

Pichu snickered. "You could not beat me if your life and soul depended on it, Ganondorf."

"WHAT?!" Ganondorf half-roared, half-laughed. "You beat me?! The stupid, self-damaging, two-foot, baby mouse that sounds like it is on helium?!"

"Yes, I do believe I can beat the buzz-haired, pole-nosed, tacky-dressed, alien-eyed, self-absorbed, King of Petty Criminals!" Pichu retorted.

"WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT!"

"BRING IT ON, YOU DORK!"

---

The fight took place on Final Destination. It was one stock, no time limit, and no items. It was also the shortest fight ever in the history Super Smash Brothers Melee. Here is how it went:

Ganondorf ran forward and used his Guerdo Dragon attack (Captain Falcon pointed out very clearly to Ness and Yoshi that his Raptor Boost attack is much better).

Pichu used Agility, zipping up and away from Ganondorf wrath. He landed right behind Ganondorf, and turned araound for more action.

Unfortuantly for Ganondorf, he forgot that Pichu was standing near the edge. He sailed right off and, unable to jump at all, plunged to his doom.

The fight lasted a little less than six seconds.

---

Pichu blew kisses to the audiences as he walked in front of them after the fight. "My most sincere thanks!" he called to them.

Ganondorf was once again enraged. "I AM ONCE AGAIN ENRAGED!!" he bellowed. "You lucked out."

"Your brain is simply unable to act at normal standards!" Pichu commented.

"What?" Ganondorf asked.

"He said you are stupid." Bowser translated.

Ganondorf glared at the little Pokémon. "Just because I accidentally lost doesn't mean you're a better battler."

"That statement has a chance of being factual, but the brawl did prove the fact that I am the more intelligent battler!" Pichu pointed out.

* * *

"So, you guys have arrived in the local drinking facility that is downright flithy, filled with drunk people, dirty people and people with a strong desire for sex, especially when they are drunk. In other words , the tavern!" Pichu told the others.

"I get drunk!" Ness joked.

"I get food!" Yoshi suggested.

"I go to my room." Mr. Game & Watch yawned.

"I ask the bartender if he has heard any good stories." Captain Falcon spoke.

"I will go-" Fox started, but then Ness accidentally knocked over his soda, spilling it all over the floor. "...get a mop."

"Could you get me another soda?" Ness called to him as he left.

"Sure!" Fox called to him. When he left the room, the others suddenly heard him exclaim, "Hey! I found Waldo!"

Fox approached the broom closet. Not much else can be said about that, except that he was very puzzled by the chair being wedged under the doorknob. Were the others afraid of the brooms escaping, or what? He yanked the cahir away, and set it aside.

When he reached for the door knob, he thought he heard voices from inside the closet! To his knowledge, broom closets don't talk. How strange. Did that orc magic-user place some kind of spell on him that would make him hallucinate? ...Oh wait, that was his game character, not him.

Fox opened the door, and was hit by a flood of bodies. He found himself on the floor, with Zelda right on top of him, Falco to his left, Pikachu to his right, and Mario in front of him. He was surrounded! He need back-up! He...had forgotten he wasn't in his Arwing anymore.

Zelda groaned from a slight amount of pain, then looked down to see Fox staring up at her. "Oh! Sorry, Fox!" she apologized.

"No problem!" Fox replied, blushing furiously.

Have you ever seen Fox blush? It looks quite weird, for the facial hair around his cheeks also turns red because the skin is glowing such a bright red. Yet to Zelda, it looked kind of cute.

"I for now on hate brooms!" Falco exclaimed.

"I hate closets!" Mario groaned.

Just then, Mr. Game & Watch, Captain Falcon and Pichu came walking up. They had been looking for Fox, who had to make the cruical decision of whether or not to get involved in the fight that Ness had started in a drunken fit. They saw Zelda lying on top of Fox, Falco, Mario and Pikachu lying on the floor, and Samus look down on all of them from the opened broom closet. Mr. Game & Watch summed it all up in three words.

"You're all weird."

Zelda pulled her self off of Fox, then stretched her cramped muscles. "Oh, that feels good!" she sighed. "We've been stuck in there with no leg room at all!"

"Not to mention Samus stunk to high to heaven!" Pikachu groaned.

"I TOLD you, I forgot the password!" Samus exclaimed.

"Is it Swordfish?" Mr. Game & Watch tried.

"That's it!" Samus exclaimed. "Swordfish!" she repeated, then there was a few clicking sounds and a loud hiss as steam escaped from her suit. She stepped out from the back of it, and everyone who male suddenly felt their eyeballs grow wide.

She was only wearing a red bikini.

"Wow-eee!" Falco exclaimed, no respect whatsoever.

Samus scowled at him. Samus's body was tanned from the heat that was trapped in her suit. She had long blond hair, and emerald eyes. Her legs and arms were muscular, yet slender too. She had a small, almost unnoticeable scar on the top of her right shoulder. She was also well-devoloped in the chest...level...err, WOW-MOMAAA!

Samus glared at the narrator with a look that said, I'll kill you later', then approached Captain Falcon. "Could you watch my suit while I go wash?"

"Sure!" the bounty hunter agreed, his voice filled with mixture of arousation from her current form and disgust for her smell.

"Thanks!" she kissed his cheek, then ran off as fast as she could.

"You lucky dude!" Mr. Game & Watch congradulated him.

"So THAT'S what Samus looks like!" Mario spoke up.

"Hey, guys!" Mr. Game & Watch spoke up. "I think the chapter is over!"

"Awwwww!" everyone but Pichu moaned.

"It is a shame and emotional time when the chapter ends." Pichu stated. "Yet it means that this story about us is doing fairly well by regular standards, for the story is continuing without being stopped by autorities! Also, we have many new subjects. Dungeons and Dragons for all the D&D nutcases out there, fighting for the action fans, comedy for people who love a good laugh, and romance for the romantics! There is Captain Falcon and Samus Aran, a couple that nobody has really seriously considered. And also, there are some carbon-based life forms out there who have already thought of Zelda and Fox, due to that little blushing' thing Fox did! Yet what about Zelda and Link? You may as well see in the next chapter!"

THE CHAPTER IS OVER, AS WELL AS PICHU'S LONG ENDING SPEECH. MAN, THAT LITTLE GUY SURE HAS A LOT TO SAY FOR A BABY, DOESN'T HE?