Chapter 4 - Eight Legged Weirdos

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Mr. Game & Watch and Pichu sat in comfy chairs, just being bored.

"I'm bored." Mr. Game & Watch factually stated.

"I regret to inform you that my current status for fun and glee is quite minimal, and the situation is not as cheery and active as I would like for it be!" Pichu rambled.

Mr. Game & Watch cocked his head, causing a beep. "You never say anything short, do you?"

"There is no point in me saying anything short, for I need to tell you exactly how I feel-"

"Pichu! Just say no'!"

"...No."

"Okay then! We're getting somewhere!"

Pichu nodded back, his floppy ears and loose goggles bouncing with every nod. "I really would like for there to be something to do in this bleak state of depression and slowness!"

Suddenly, the floor exploded! Claws shot up and punctured the floor, startling Pichu and Mr. Game & Watch! They jumped up as the floor five feet from them was destroyed, and a spider the size of a donkey burst out from under the floor.

The spider looked around with its many glittering eyes, its giant fangs, each the size of Gamecube controller, twitching menacingly. It then saw the flat man and his yellow rodent friend, and shrieked a cry that means in Spiderish, DINNER!'

"I think the answer to my state of dullness has been unreasonably answered quite suddenly!" Pichu exclaimed.

Mr. Game & Watch quickly whipped out his torch and swung it in front of the spider. "Back! Back, you eight legged ding bat, back!"

The spider hissed angrily, stepping backwards. It crawled behind the hole, and made another loud hissing sound. Another spider its size climbed out of the hole, and then another! They were flowing out of the hole like people flow out of a building when someone asks where their pet cobra went off to.

Pichu immediately grabbed Mr. Game & Watch's arm and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The spider slashed and poked at the door, shouting in Spiderish, Where dinner go?' and Come back, dinner!' and DINNER!'

"Thanks, little dude!" Mr. Game & Watch exclaimed.

"Your thanks is taken into consideration and is excepted. For now, we take a extreme course of action. Our mansion is being invaded by spiders of an abnormal size. We must warn the others souls and our dearest friends!"

"Call me crazy, but this seems like another story where all of us get killed off one by one."

"Uh-oh! Is that your hypothesis?"

"Yep."

"My goodness. Then that would bring us to...,"

"Bingo."

"Oh dear."

"Captain Falcon, Marth and Pikachu had better not look appetizing to spiders."

Suddenly, the door was obliterated! Spiders swarmed through the broken doorway and eyed Mr. Game & Watch and Pichu. "DINNER!! DINNER!!" they exclaimed, along with, "Oh, that where dinner go!" and "Guys, where's my pet cobra?"

"Disgusting eight legged morons!" Mr. Game & Watch exclaimed, pulling out his air pump and blasting gusts of air at them. They hissed and feel back a little. This gave Pichu and Mr. Game & Watch the chance to turn around and run like-

"HELP!" Mr. Game & Watch exclaimed as he and Pichu ran away. "We're being attacked by eight legged boneheads!"

* * *

"Marth, quit being paranoid. You're not going to die!" Roy told his friend.

"Easy for you to say!" Marth shouted from under his bed. "If my girl fans don't kill me for being married, everyone else will kill me in those stupid stories where we all get killed!"

"Well, my friend, hiding under the bed isn't exactly the greatest place to hide from them."

"I'm fine. Just quit rubbing your head against my arm."

"I'm not under the bed!"

"Well, something hairy is rubbing my arm!"

"No one's under there but you!"

Suddenly, there was a high-pitched scream and then many sounds of sharp objects slashing through flesh. There were screams of agony and horror, coming from both Marth and the unknown creature. Roy backed in fear, then saw a huge pool of red blood came spilling out from under the bed.

"Ohhhh...oh, Marth...uuuuugh...," Roy moaned, feeling vomit coming up from his mouth.

Marth then crawled out from under the bed, stained in red blood. "Stupid monster," he grumbled. His sword was caked in fresh blood.

"MARTH!!" Roy exclaimed. "I thought you had died under your bed!"

"A great warrior like me dying under the bed? No, siree!" Marth replied.

"What WAS that?!" Roy exclaimed, pointing at the ever-growing pool of red blood.

"I don't kno-" Marth started, but stopped as the mutilated form of the giant spider crawled out from under the bed. It was yellow with green stripes, and half of its hairy legs had been lopped off. Marth had done a good job at stabbing it, for its red blood leaked out everywhere.

"YE GODS! It's a spider!!!" Roy swore.

"You think?" Marth replied, then, with one swift slash, cut the spider in two.

Roy looked at Marth, then smirked. "I TOLD you to clean out under your bed, but did you listen? Noooooo!"

"Oh, knock it off."

Suddenly, two more spiders, these brown and hairy, crawled out from under the bed! They saw Marth and Roy, and screamed in Spiderish, "DINNER!"

"Uh-oh!" Marth let out, then grabbed Roy by the arm and pulled them out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

* * *

Peach Toadstool ran out from the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. The doors were getting awfully tired of being slammed, but since they were just wood, a metal doorknob and two hinges, there was no way for them to complain.

"MARIO!!!" Peach shrieked for her hero.

Mario, along with Luigi, Link, Zelda, Falco and Jigglypuff, were sitting down chairs, chatting. Daisy had come to visit, and all of them were interested in what she had to say. Especially Luigi.

"What is it?!" Mario asked, worried by her intense fear.

"There's a huge spider in the bathtub!"

The five humans, one bird man and one Pokémon all started cracking up.

"I'm serious! It's huge! It's not normal!" Peach screamed.

"All right, all right!" Mario chuckled. "I'll go stomp it!"

"But Mario-" Peach started, but Mario already walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Peach closed her eyes, waiting for something horrible to happen. She heard the door open, and a very pale Mario walk out calmly and close the door behind him.

"That's-a big spider!" Mario exclaimed. He ran to a nearby closet that was labeled, Melee Weapon Rejects'. He rummaged through it, then pulled out a hand-held machine gun. He quickly ran back to the bathroom and opened fire on the spider, splattering green blood all over the bathroom.

Peach was relieved. The other six, who had not seen the spider, were down-right horrified (which is ironic, because they DIDN'T see the spider, and are the scared ones).

"Mario...," Luigi asked very slowly. "Please tell me you're not one of those extreme arachniphobics!"

"That spider was-a HUGE!!" Mario exclaimed, waving the hand-held machine gun dangerously. The other ducked to the floor very quickly.

"What spider could be big enough to bring a freaking machine gun against it?!" Falco exclaimed.

Suddenly, another of the spiders fell down from the ceiling. It landed on its feet, and saw Falco right in front of it. It shrieked in Spiderish, "DINNER!!"

"AAAAAAAAH!!" Falco Lombardi screamed.

"AAAAAAAAH!!" Peach Toadstool screamed.

"AAAAAAAAH!!" Daisy agreed.

"AAAAAAAAH!!" Luigi spoke his piece.

"AAAAAAAAH!!" Link replied.

"AAAAAAAAH!!" Zelda commented.

"AAAAAAAAH!!" Jigglypuff said with a degree of panic in her voice.

"AAAAAAAAH!!" Mario repeated.

"DINNNNNER!!" the spider exclaimed again, in his language.

Falco acted quickly. He reached out with his foot and stomped viciously on the spider's head. He kept stomping even when the spider stopped moving. He kept stomping even when the head was nothing but a smashed mess. He kept stomping even after Link pulled him away from the spider.

"YUCK!!" Falco exclaimed. "I've got spider brains on my shoes!"

"Where did these spiders come from?" Zelda whimpered.

* * *

Fox McCloud rolled the dice and then looked at Captain Falcon. "You hit the giant spider. Roll for damage!"

Captain Falcon smirked cockily at Yoshi and Ness, who had both missed the giant spider. He shook the two dice in his hand and then rolled them on the table. Yet he threw them too hard and they bounced into the air and off the table.

Suddenly, a giant spider with brown skin and glitter eyes sprung up! It shrieked at them, and then saw the dice coming at him. They both hit an eye each, and each one had a one on them. The spider shrieked again, this time in pain.

"You hit the spider, but you only did two hit points of damage!" Fox exclaimed as he, Falcon, Ness and Yoshi sprang up from their seats and scattered back.

The spider shook the dice out of its eyes, then noticed the four scared creatures in front of it. It shrieked in Spiderish, "DINNER!!" and charged at them.

Captain Falcon pulled his gun out and pointed it at the spider. Ness looked at him and exclaimed, "That little pistol's not going to do much against that huge spi-"

BA-ROOOOOM!! An explosion shook the air, and the spider burst into many spider pieces. Green blood and bits of spider went shooting everywhere.

Fox, Yoshi and Ness looked at Captain Falcon, who blew the smoke from his gun's barrel, and then wiped the green blood from it.

"Is that why...," Yoshi asked slowly. "...you DIDN'T use that gun for Melee?"

"Yep. Too strong. I wanted to give you guys a chance, so I just used my combat moves!"

"You still don't give us much of a chance," Ness grumbled under his breath.

"What?" Falcon asked.

"Nothing!"

Suddenly, another spider dropped down from the ceiling! Falcon took aim, and the spider exploded like a balloon that was stomped onto a pile of needles.

"We've got to find the others!" Captain Falcon exclaimed as he wiped the blood off his gun once again.

"Yes, Falco and Zelda are in danger!" Fox exclaimed.

"What's with the sudden interest in Zelda?" Falcon asked him.

Fox glared at him, blushing at the same time. "We're being attacked by giant spiders, and want me to discuss my love life?!"

"He's right! Let's go!" Yoshi and Ness shouted, and headed for the door.

"Who said anything about your love life?" Falcon asked Fox suspiciously.

"COME ON!!"

* * *

"Aren't you sick of them?" Bowser roared at Mewtwo, who looked back at Ganondorf, then Turtle-Butt.

"Yes, in some ways."

"Well, why don't you join up with us and help take them out?"

"No."

"What?" Ganondorf bellowed. "Why not?!"

"Your membership fee is too high."

"But Mewtwo-"

"And you have a stupid gang name. You name is Bad Undefeatable Tyrants Terrorizing Females And Cute Elves!"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, butt face."

"HEY!"

Before any more words could be said, a giant spider dropped down from the ceiling and looked at the three hungrily.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!" Bowser and Ganondorf screamed like frightened school girls and bolted out of the room.

Mewtwo shook its head and groaned. "Darn arachniphobics," it muttered, then saw the spider looking at him hungrily. "I taste like ^*#&. School girls taste delicious."

The spider thanked Mewtwo, then scurried after Bowser and Ganondorf. Mewtwo chuckled to itself, then said, "You just have to know to reason with them."

* * *

(For those of you with a short vocabulary, not much knowledge about the SSBM characters and/or are incredibly dense, then this next scene will be displayed in Simple version. It is only available on the DVD, not the video, so we suggest you get the DVD. We also have deleted scenes on the DVD! How's that for good stuff?)

The gorilla, the sibling eskimos, the one man whose profession is what Bugs Bunny always assumes everyone is, the young guy who girls swoon over, the pink puffball with the munchies, and the pretty lady in the unflattering metal get-up were all training in the training room.

A giant spider appeared. Nana screamed. Popo screamed. Young Link screamed. Kirby screamed. Samus did not scream, but was nervous. Doctor Mario screamed. Donkey Kong thought it would be cool to step on spider. He did. Spider guts ran all over the nice, clean floor. Samus was jealous she didn't get to do that. Nana felt like hurling.

More spiders came. The beings in the gym ran like %#$!, man!

* * *

Deleted Scenes:

Young Link felt like hurling.

Donkey Kong looked at foot with disgust at spider blood on his nice, clean foot.

* * *

Pikachu was in his room, listening to music. He heard funky noise, and turned off the funk music. And no, I'm not changing the rating to R now. Funk is NOT a bad word!

The noise turned out to be a spider! The spider turned out to be bigger than normal! The size of the spider made Pikachu even more nervous! The nervousness made the spider happy, but if only it knew that Pikachu did not fear it for being a spider.

Pikachu feared it because the spider looked somewhat like Pikachu.

The spider had two yellow ears with black points at the top. It had red cheeks, and a yellowish hue to its hair. Three brown stripes ran across its back.

"What are you anti-Pokémon freaks trying to prove now?!" Pikachu asked angrily.

"Oh, I am not just an anti-Pokémon freak, Pikachu!" the spider laughed in perfect English. Strangely enough, it sounded like an evil, sci-fi villain voice with a dash of helium.

"What are you then?"

"I am one of the twenty-seven Supreme Spiders Bringing Madness!" Stating this, the spider laughed menacingly.

"Lousy copy cat!"

"Listen to me, for these will be the last words you hear! The Supreme Spi...oh, darn. I've forgotten my line!"

"Ah, now we are at the outtakes for the DVD!" Pikachu commented merrily.

"SILENCE!! I am the Pikachu-Spider, the one who will replace you once the Super Smash Brothers Melee have been all destroyed!"

"We're not exactly called the Super Smash-"

"Stop interrupting me! Anyways, there are twenty-six of us, one for each Super Smash Brothers Melee member!"

"There are twenty-six of us, with the Ice Climbers apart!"

"We counted Daisy."

"She's not really in the game."

"We consider her to be, because anything we say goes."

"Can't you just be a judge or a lawyer?"

"Enough! I shall kill you, and my comrades and Supreme Spiders Bringing Madness comrades will kill your comrades! And then, the first thing we will do is create more merchandise than any company the world has ever seen! BUA HA HA HA HA HAAAAA!"

Pikachu raised an eyebrow. "Oooooooooh, fraid I got you there, pal."

"DOH!" Pikachu-Spider exclaimed, then glared at Pikachu. "You will die now."

"No, I don't...," Pikachu charged up electricity, then blasted Pikachu-Spider with a huge jolt. "THINK SO!!"

Pikachu-Spider took the hit and collapsed to the ground, smoking and hurt. "Oweeee. I wish I could have a real electric characteristic, rather than just these ears and cheeks."

"Bye, dude!" Pikachu called to the freaky spider, then ran out of his room!

* * *

So, that is the plot! Spiders who have no imagination plan to rule the Smashers! But how do each of them look like, these Supreme Spiders Bringing Madness? Here's a description:

Mr. Game & Watch - A pure black spider without eyes.

Pichu - A smaller spider with yellow hair and pink cheeks.

Peach - A very disturbing spider, for it is wearing a pink dress and a golden crown.

Daisy - An equally disturbing spider, for it is wearing a yellow dress and a pink crown.

Mario - It wears a hat similar to Mario's. Weird, isn't it?

Luigi - It wears a hat similar to Luigi's. Weird, isn't it? I could've sworn I had a feeling of deja vü there!

Falco - Blue feathers sprout out from its face.

Fox - It wears a head-set like Fox does.

Captain Falcon - It wears a red helmet.

Link - He wears a green tunic. NOT a skirt, a tunic! Link paid me ten bucks to say that.

Zelda - It wears that nifty head piece that Kirby gets when he copies Zelda. It looks cute on him, disturbing on the spider.

Jigglypuff - Its eyes are all big and blue. Disturbing.

Marth - It wears a blue cape. Not disturbing, but weird.

Roy - Wears a headband similar to Roy's. Also weird.

Bowser - Has horns, spikes on its back, red hair and is bigger than the others.

Mewtwo - Its eyes all glow cyan, like Mewtwo's. Scary, huh?

Ganondorf - It wears chain mail armor fit for a spider. Scary, disturbing AND weird, huh?

Yoshi - It has green hair. Yuck.

Ness - It wears a red baseball cap. Boy, that's weird.

Donkey Kong - It wears a DK tie. Thank goodness its hair isn't brown.

Ice Climbers - There are two of them, each wearing an eskimo outfit. Scary, weird and you-know-what, huh?

Doctor Mario - It has a stephiscope around its neck.

Young Link - It wears that green hat the little dude wears.

Kirby - It has no legs, so that it looks like Kirby more. Yet how does the bloody thing move?

Samus - It wears a helmet similar to Samus's.

Pikachu - You just heard how disturbing that thing looks like, what do you want?! A repeat? Fat chance!

That concludes not only the descriptions of the Supreme Spiders Bringing Madness, but one of the many features of the DVD! We hope you enjoyed it, and all of the other features!

Now, in the next chapter, the Smashers will fight for their lives to keep the world safe from these mutant spiders. You may now vote for which of those disturbing spiders gets killed, but don't get too violent, please. We recall the last guy who requested in too violent of a way, but we will leave out who it was that the voter was referring to:

Quote: "KILL HIM! SPILL HIS BLOOD!! SMEAR HIS GUTS ALL OVER THE PLACE!! ROB HIM, KILL HIM, MURDER HIM! BURN HIS HOUSE DOWN AND DANCE ON HIS GRAVE!!" End of quote.

We didn't like this, for we were only asking who should get the last jelly donut.

Anyways, you'll have to wait and see how our Smasher heroes deal with the eight legged freak-

"SSSSSSSSSH!!" Mr. Game & Watch hissed. "Do you want to get sued, you moron?"

Oh, sorry.

"Aw, great. It is the conclusion of the passage!" Pichu groaned. "Now we bear arachnids swarming our residence, and to add salt to injury, there are ones capable of verbalization, and are also clothed in the most ghastly ways! No mansion, no haunted building can bring forth the nausea and terror that those spiders do! ...A giant spider in a pink dress. I will be having nightmares, while I hope the rest of you do not."

THE CHAPTER (AND THE DVD) IS OVER. YOU CAN EJECT IT AND PUT IT BACK IN ITS CONTAINER.