Chapter 07 - The Stock Producer
"Die, you freaky thing, you! Why don't you die!?"
Ganondorf was desperately trying to destroy a freaky monster that had come after him. It was definetly a giant spider, because of its many legs. Ganondorf pummeled it madly, but it didn't seem to die or even bleed.
Mewtwo hovered behind him. It looked at the King of Thieves, then rolled its eyes. "Ganondorf," it spoke slowly, "why are you attacking that potted plant?"
Ganondorf stopped his pummeling quite suddenly, and chuckled nervously. "Err...it owes me money?"
"Threaten to give it a root canal," was Mewtwo's sarcastic reply. It started to hover away, and then it saw several giant spiders swarm into the room.
Now spiders aren't very bright creatures, as we know and have learned. But they could tell that Ganondorf had been beating up the plant, and they burst into laughter.
You stupid Smashers! one spider guaffed.
"This is humilating," muttered Mewtwo. "And it's not that funny either."
Then, using its psychic powers, the purple cat brought the potted plant to its hands, and it started beating the spiders to death with it.
HA HA HA HAAA!! Do you want us to beat it up for you- SPLAT!!
Hee hee hee! That is fun- SPLAT!!
Hey, that was rude and uncalled for! SPLAT!!
Don't kill us with a potted plant! It's...too silly? SPLAT!!
Can we talk about this? Maybe over a cup of coffee? SPLAT!!
DON'T KILL ME!! I have a wife and seven thousand kids! SPLAT!!
You're a jerk, you know that? SPLAT!!
Please don't kill me, sir! Err...sir or miss? Which gender are you- SPLAT!!
No, don't! I'll get a lawyer! SPLAT!!
Could you kill me another way? I'm allergic to that kind of plant. SPLAT!!
Only girlie Pokémon kill with plants! Are you a girlie- SPLAT!!
Speaking as the last spider standing, I would like to point out that this joke is stupid and overused and you should be ashamed of yourself for carrying on with it! SPLAT!!
Mewtwo then looked at the mushy remains of the twelve giant spiders, and then tossed the potted plant back to Ganondorf. "Here," it muttered. "Maybe now it'll pay you!"
Suddenly, a giant black spider ran by, clicking and beeping in fear. Mr. Game & Watch, dressed just like Gimli, Son of Gloin, was chasing after it with a giant battle-axe. Pichu, dressed as Guybrush Threepwood, was close behind, shouting, "Why do you not slice that arachnid with your extremely large cutting weapon, Game & Watch? Do you take great delight in pursuing it all over our enormous mansion?"
Mewtwo blinked, then added, "I'm almost certain I didn't see that!"
Then a school girl screamed behind it! Mewtwo whipped around to see the school girl, who was dressed in chain mail. Mewtwo raised an eyebrow as it watched the screaming school girl known as Ganondorf run from the room. "School girls wear the dumbest outfits these days," it muttered.
"I'll bloody well say!" hissed a voice from where Ganondorf was. Mewtwo looked around to see a spider, roughly the size of a car. It was Mewtwo's clone spider, each eye glowing a very creepy, very evil-looking cyan. And since the spider had many eyes, it was enough to make a cold shiver run down Mewtwo's spine. In fact, that shiver didn't just run, it sprinted!
"What do you want, spider?" Mewtwo asked the evil freak.
"Do you know what you Smashers contain in this mansion?" the spider asked Mewtwo.
"Furniture, a battle stadium, Peach's wardrobe, Pichu's complete set of dictionaries, extra overalls for the Mario brothers-"
It was suddenly interupted by a spine-chilling chopping sound! Mr. Game & Watch walked in the room, grinning proudly; his axe was now coated in spider guts and blood. Pichu followed him, adding, "Well done, my good friend! You've expunged that over-sized pest with a mighty chop of your trusty weapon! He recieved a bit more than a splitting headache from your punishment!"
Strangely enough, Mewtwo Spider laughed wickedly. "Do you think it matters how many of us you kill? Your mansion contains the greatest source of power ever! And when we find it, all of our fallen comrades will be revived and we spiders will rule the world!"
"Why stop there?" asked Mr. Game & Watch. "The galaxy is nice to rule too, and this world has a pollution problem! I'm sure many other worlds are nicer and pollutant-free!"
Pichu was more curious as to what the bloody heck the darn Mewtwo Spider was babbling about. "What is this power you speak of? If you are reffering to my dictionaries, then you will be quite downcast when you become aware that they do not contain any power except knowledge, a power no spider is going to be a master of."
"No, you fools! It's the Stock Producer! When we find it, we will become invincible and rule the world!" shouted Mewtwo Spider.
"The Stock Producer?" asked Mewtwo. "You mean the giant glowing device in the basement of our mansion? I always thought the whole damn thing was a rip-off of a science fiction movie, with everything glowing like Broadway and that giant power core in the center!"
"Yeah, but it looks pretty cool!" added Mr. Game & Watch.
"My original hypothesis was the same, and that the basement's sci-fi look was for doing just that," commented Pichu. "After all, the only function that the whole machine can process is extra stock in battles."
"That is the point!" hissed Mewtwo Spider. "Us spiders have invaded your mansion to earn these extra stock! We will become invincible, and then we will rule the world!"
"Those stock are for while battling only!" the psychic cat pointed out to its spider clone. "You cannot control the world while in the Melee Arena!"
"You would know about trying to control the world, wouldn't you, Mewtwo?" joked Mr. Game & Watch. Pichu snickered, as Mewtwo rolled its eyes.
"You fools!" shouted the psychic spider. "Any one of us special spiders can work the computers to our needs. It might take some time, but we will mold the machine to download stock into each and every one of us spiders! Then we will be invincible and rule the world!"
"That sounds tricky!" Mr. Game & Watch commented. "Are you sure you spiders can do that?"
"Yes, we are! We took Windows computer training classes!"
"So why aren't you all running for the Stock Producer? All I do is see you weirdos coming after us!"
"We shall get rid of every single one of you to assure our victory! So what if some of the members of Supreme Spiders Bringing Madness have perished? My psychic powers sense that many still live, and they will be revived!"
"Well," said Mewtwo. "My psychic powers tell me that all of the Super Smash Brothers are alive! How do you like those apples?"
"I don't like apples. I prefer blood and flesh. But it doesn't matter, for I have now sent a psychic message to all of the spiders to look for the Stock Producer, and to attack any Smashers they see on the way! Thank you for sharing that data with me, Mewtwo!" it added with a cackle.
"Thank you for telling us every detail of your plan!" Mr. Game & Watch pointed out. "Without you, we would've just thought that you spiders were hungry and all that icky-eating stuff! Now we know everything there is to know about your evil plans! You have what it takes to be a James Bond villian!"
Mewtwo Spider muttered some flithy words ("Ah, Cow Cakes,"). "At least I didn't tell you that if all of the special spiders die, then all of the minor spiders die. ...WHOOPS!!"
Then his eyes started extra-glowing with power! Mewtwo tensed up its psychic powers, Mr. Game & Watch gripped his axe, and Pichu tightened his grasp on his mighty pirate scimitar.
"Well, it's been lovely chatting with you guys, but I have a plan to follow!" Mewtwo Spider shouted evilly. "And when we spiders have accomplished what we set out for, we will become invincible, and we-"
"Will rule the world!" Mewtwo, Mr. Game & Watch and Pichu interrupted. "We know, we know!"
"Fine then! Now I must say good-bye!" With that, Mewtwo Spider teleported out of the room.
"Coward," muttered Mewtwo, calming down.
"We must find the Stock Producer before they do!" exclaimed Mr. Game & Watch, putting on a heroic pose and speech because he thought it made things seem much more like a cool action movie. "Even us Smashers do not know where the basement door is! ...And may I remind you guys that we are on the third floor?"
"I've overheard the people who built this place that an anti-teleport ring has been constructed around the Stock Producer," added Mewtwo. "That way, no idiot who somehow learned to teleport accidentally teleports right into the core. That'd result in a huge lawsuit! Although this provents me from getting in there right away, it keeps that wanna-be me out too."
"If we're going to stop these monstrous arachnids who have planned this all out," rambled Pichu, "then we must begin the process of either killing all of the special spiders, or sealing off the way to the basement! Mr. Game & Watch and I will go together to find the basement! Mewtwo, spread the word to the other Smashers of what we have learned here! We must make haste!"
The two small Smashers dashed out of the room, and Mewtwo rolled its eyes yet again. "I'm taking orders from Pichu. Someone up there must hate me."
***
Up there was the fourth floor, and on it were Captain Falcon, Yoshi and Ness. They didn't hate Mewtwo, they just were not that fond of him. Right now, however, they were now surronded by spiders, and it didn't look good.
Yoshi lashed out his tongue, snaring a spider by its leg. "Hmmm! I've never had spiders before!" the dinosaur babbled, speaking with his mouth still open. Captain Falcon, Ness and all the other giant spiders who were there watched in total disgust as the spider was dragged kicking and screaming into Yoshi's mouth.
Yoshi was somehow able to fit the large spider in his smaller mouth, except for a couple of the legs that stuck out. Ness felt like hurling as he watched the legs kick from Yoshi's mouth. With a few chomps and a swallow, the spider was now floating in the dino's digestive system.
"So...," Captain Falcon was the first to speak. "what's it taste like?"
"Chicken."
The others spiders roared in anger; how dare Yoshi claim that they taste like chicken! They had no clue what a chicken was, but they hated it nevertheless. Charging at the heroes, Ness, Captain Falcon and Yoshi took them out one by one.
After the squashing, Ness had killed seven in total with his bat, Falcon took out six, and Yoshi had eaten eight. The dino cheered his victory, until one of the doors was smashed down! The Yoshi Spider charged in, along with twelve body guards.
"Ewwww!" Yoshi squealed. "That thing has green hair!"
"Look well, my clone father!" Yoshi Spider cackled. "It will be the last thing you see before I eat you alive!" Then the monster spider lashed out its long tongue, catching Yoshi by his leg.
"Ewww!" exclaimed Yoshi. "Bad tongue!" he added, then hit the tongue. Most people have never been hit on the tongue, but it does hurt, like when you bite your tongue.
"OWWIIEEE!" shrieked Yoshi Spider, letting go of Yoshi. His tongue whipped back and somehow wrapped around one its henchmen's legs. He noticed this, then said, "Hey, you know, I've never tried one of our own!"
So the cannibal dragged the spider, kicking and screaming, into his mouth, then chewed violently. With a swallow, Yoshi Spider burped and said, "Hey, we taste like chicken!"
Ness, Yoshi and Captain Falcon all raised an eyebrow. The minion spiders grumbled their dissaproval, and this resulted in another of them being eaten by their leader!
"You spiders will never get anything done if you eat yourselves!" exclaimed Ness.
"There's more than five million of these minor spiders pouring into your mansion at every minute!" Yoshi Spider proudly exclaimed. Falcon, Yoshi and Ness turned quite pale at that fact. "And besides, we'll revive them all when we find what we are looking for!"
"What's that?" Falcon asked him.
To make a long story short, the stupid spider told the three Smashers every last detail about their evil spider plans.
"You got that, fools?" Yoshi Spider snapped at them.
Captain Falcon finished writing his notes on his pad of paper, then nodded. "Yeah, pretty much!"
"No need to repeat yourself, dude!" Ness commented, then added, "Except for the part about becoming invincible and ruling the world; you said that plently of times!"
"Now you all shall die painful deaths! Kill them, my minions!" Yoshi Spider exclaimed. The ten minor, giant spiders rushed towards their opponents, and Yoshi Spider lashed out its tongue at Ness; however, he snared another of his minions, and ate him while the remaining nine attacked the Smashers.
The battle sounded something like this:
"FALCON...PUNCH!!" POW!!
OW! SPLAT!
"Yummy spiders!"
Help, Yoshi's got my leg! Save me! AAAAA-
Chew, chew, chew, gulp!
"PK FIRE!!"
Ow, it burns! ...Then again, fire always burns! ...Oh, wait, I'm dead now!
"Falcon Kick!" POW!!
Ow, that burns! SPLAT!!
"Time for seconds!"
No, don't eat me! I have a wife and four thousand children! Eat them!
Chew, chew, chew, gulp!
"PK Thunder!"
Ow, it shocks! Oh, my brain exploded! I'm dead too!
"Eat my Raptor Boost!" POW!!
I prefer blood and fle- SPLAT!!!
"Now I'll have thirds!"
I'll sic PETA on you!
Chew, chew, chew, gulp!
"PK Flash!"
Hey, look at the pretty green light! Cool, it's coming closer! Oh no, I'm dead.
BOOM!! SPLAT!!!!
Yoshi Spider looked at his nine dead spiders; actually, he was looking at his nine dead spiders' remains. One also happened to be splattered all over the ceiling, due to Falcon's Raptor Boost.
"Well, now you will be eaten alive!" Yoshi Spider roared. "For my minions are dead, and will no longer distract me with their chicken flavor!"
Yoshi thought fast. "Look behind you! It's Colonel Sanders with a bucket of extra crispy legs!"
"CHICKEN! WHERE?!" Yoshi Spider whipped around, looking for the man with the chicken plan. Using this advantage, Yoshi lashed his chameleon-like tongue out and snared one of his spider clone's back legs.
"Hey, no fair!" Yoshi Spider growled, but that didn't help him. Yoshi dragged the car-sized spider to his mouth.
Ness swallowed hard, then whimpered, "You're not going to eat him, are you?"
Captain Falcon nodded. "Yeah, man, you don't know where that spider's been!"
But with his marvolous tongue muscles and incredible size-altering mouth, Yoshi brought the foul spider into his mouth, chewed several times and then swallowed. "Hey, that was kind of extra crispy! Yummy!"
Ness and Captain Falcon fought the incredible urge to barf, hurl and also puke. Yoshi looked at their green faces, and then the normally green faced dinosaur said, "Hey guys, we should tell the others about these spiders' plan! Time is now our enemy, allied with the five million spiders!"
Falcon and Ness nodded weakly, and the three ran to find their companions.
***
Above them was the fifth floor, since they were on the fourth floor. Above the fifth floor was the roof, and above that was the sky. And since the sky is the limit, nothing goes above that. But let's go back down to the fifth floor, where things are not limited.
"This plot is getting old!" Samus Aran shouted as she fired a missile and blew up a giant spider. "I mean, how long can this damned plot go on? We kill spiders, then tell a joke. Spiders kill other spiders, then tell a joke. We kill those spiders, then tell more jokes. For crying out loud, I'm bored as hell, and I'm running low on missiles!"
The Ice Climbers nodded in agreement. "It's boring! Even these jokes are boring!" Popo exclaimed.
"I want some plot here!" Young Link agreed. "More than just slashing and killing spiders!" he said as he slashed a spider in half with his sword, killing it.
"Also, the guts and blood stuff is really getting old!" Doctor Mario added.
Nana nodded, then crushed a nearby spider with her mallet, spilling its guts and blood all over the floor. "It's getting too gross!"
"I'll say!" added the good doctor, as he juggled a few spider eyeballs. He threw them at another spider, who ate them and choked to death.
Samus, bored out of her skull and even her helmet, fired another missile at another spider. When it blew up in a ball of energy, fire, blood and guts, Nana summed up the event, and all of the spider-involved chapters in one word:
"Eww."
Suddenly, the door opened, and Falco came running in! "Guys!" he exclaimed as he saw the five Smashers in front of him. "You wouldn't believe what one of those freaky spiders told me!"
"They talked to you?!" Samus shouted increduously.
"Yeah! This one with blue feathers told me all their evil, spider plans! The thing was freaky, about the size of a car and kept on calling me his clone father!" Falco then pulled out a notepad of his from his jacket pocket.
"Did you break the thing's legs to make it talk?" asked Doctor Mario.
"No, in fact!" Falco chuckled as he flipped through the pages to find his notes. "He told me everything after I shot his twelve bodyguards dead with my laser gun! Then I broke his legs when he finished."
Finding the page, he then said, "I summed it all up in one sentence. The spiders are planning to find the Stock Producer to give every spider infinite lives and to revive their fallen companions, then they will be invincible and rule the world, bua ha ha ha.' That's basically it."
The five Smashers then, much to Falco's surpirse, cheered loudly. "We have a plot!" exclaimed Young Link joyfully.
"No more of this crushing giant spiders and spilling blood and guts for humor!" laughed Doctor Mario. He then noticed a stray giant spider, picked up a nearby table, and chucked it at the giant spider, crushing it and spilling its blood and guts all over the floor.
"We must stop them, you fools!" shouted Falco. "Don't cheer them on!"
Just then, a humongous spider limped through the door behind Falco. It moaned in pain as it dragged its broken legs. "Damn bird," it moaned, the blue feathers on its face fluttering with every word it spoke. "Who would think that my clone father would be such a violent bird?!"
Samus noticed the freak, and said calmly, "Falco, would you mind stepping to the side?"
Falco looked behind him, looked back at Samus, nodded, and stepped to the side. Samus pointed her arm cannon at Falco Spider, and fired her last missile.
Falco Spider saw the approaching missile, and was only able to shout, "I REGRETT NOTHING!!" as his last words before dying in a explosion of fire and power, and his own blood, guts, broken legs and intestines.
Grinning a wicked grin, Falco cracked his knuckles and said, "Thanks, Samus. Now, shall we get going to the first floor and then to the basement before we are killed by those dreaded spiders?!"
"You bet!" Samus nodded, then they all left the room, leaving it stained with blood and guts.
***
Kirby and Pikachu had met on the third floor. They were now battling for their lives, with spiders swarming from both sides of the hallways.
"We're not going to live through this!" Pikachu told his friend as he blasted five spiders with a Thunderbolt, knocking them back.
"I know, but we'll go down fighting!" Kirby exclaimed. He swung his mallet at an approaching spider, knocking it away.
Suddenly, gun fire filled the air, and the spiders stopped to listen. Then about six of them had their ears blown off (as well as the rest of their face), as Mario came in with his hand-held machine gun, wearing shades.
AIIIEEE! some of the spiders shrieked. Mario's gone postal! RUN!!
And so they did. Though twenty more spiders were blown to pieces by Mario's sharp-shooting. Pikachu and Kirby sighed in relief as the spiders left them alone.
"Mario!" Kirby approached him. "Thanks for saving us! And your Terminator get-up is really cool!"
"You're welcome!" the plumber replied, blowing the smoke away from his gun. "That was pretty enjoyable, if I do say so myself!"
Behind Mario were Luigi, Daisy and Jigglypuff. They all had scratches and cuts from the spiders, but looked fine otherwise. "We can't go on like this, Mario!" spoke up Luigi. "It's-a helpless!"
"That maybe-a true, but we must fight on!" Mario exclaimed, adjusting his sunglasses.
"Maybe it's just me," spoke up Jigglypuff, "but I wouldn't want to travel with a guy wearing shades and holding a machine gun in his hands."
"I can second that!" Daisy agreed.
Before any more words or agreements or really bad jokes could be said, Mewtwo then approached them. "Hey guys," it said. "Glad to see you're still alive!"
"The feeling's mutual," piped up Pikachu.
To make a long story very short, Mewtwo told then the spiders' evil plans.
"So they plan on being invincible and ruling the world, mua ha ha ha?" Jigglypuff repeated what Mewtwo had said.
"Yep. We had better split up and go down to the first floor. I prefer to work alone, so good-bye!" With that, Mewtwo teleported to the first floor.
"I wish I could do that!" Mario muttered.
"No, you don't," Luigi spoke up. "Terminaters travel through time and space naked."
"Well, I'm going with my friends here!" Jigglypuff exclaimed, standing next to her fellow Pokémon Pikachu and her fellow puffball Kirby.
"All right then! We must hurry!" With that, the two groups went their seperate ways.
***
Donkey Kong, who was on the second floor and holding the Samus Spider's helmet still, grinned at the giant spider in front of him. "DONKEY KONG SQUASH SPIDER!!"
Oh-no! the spider moaned as Donkey Kong lifted his foot. Not that stupid joke again! If I hear it one more time, I'll die!
SPLAT!!
***
Mr. Game & Watch and Pichu sat in the elevator, Pichu humming along with the elevator. "This musical score is not really all that terrible," Pichu said to his friend. "I actually quite enjoy it. I find it very relaxing to my shaken and stirred nerves."
"Ya got that right, dude!" Mr. Game & Watch agreed, then noted their floor. "But this elevator's really slow. I don't think we'll make it down to the first floor before the chapter's over!"
"But now the plot has settled and the race is on!" pointed out Pichu. "And ever though the chapter is over, I believe the audience may be satisfied now! The spider casulties are climbing high, all of our heroes are still alive, and things can only get more action-paced, gory and fun, fun, fun! So seeing that we leave the readers with one of the most intense cliffhangers ever, I think we may have assauged the pain that we have had been dealing out earlier with our plotless pile paragraphs with puns!"
THE CHAPTER-
"You forgot about us!" Marth exclaimed.
"Yeah!" agreed Link.
"We've been gyped," grumbled Roy.
They all shrugged and each sliced a giant spider in half.
"You forgot us, too!" Peach, Fox and Zelda exclaimed. Then they all shrugged and shot a spider dead each.
EWW. THE CHAPTER IS OVER.
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SSBM Characters
They're all here!
Mr. Game & Watch - Allied with Pichu. Dressed as Gimli. On first floor. Knows of plans.
Pichu - Allied with G&W. Dressed as Guybrush Threepwood. On first floor. Knows of plans.
Peach - Allied with Fox and Zelda. Dressed as Claire Redfield. On first floor.
Daisy - Allied with Mario and Luigi. On third floor. Knows of plans.
Mario - Allied with Daisy and Luigi. Dressed as Terminator. On third floor. Knows of plans.
Luigi - Allied with Daisy and Mario. On third floor. Knows of plans.
Falco - Allied with Ice Climbers, Samus, Dr. Mario and Young Link. On fifth floor. Knows of plans.
Fox - Allied with Peach and Zelda. Dressed as Chris Redfield. On first floor.
Captain Falcon - Allied with Ness and Yoshi. On fourth floor. Knows of plans.
Link - Allied with Marth and Roy. Dressed as Legolas. On second floor.
Zelda - Allied with Fox and Peach. Dressed as Jill Valentine. On first floor.
Jigglypuff - Allied with Pikachu and Kirby. On third floor. Knows of plans.
Marth - Allied with Roy and Link. On second floor.
Roy - Allied with Marth and Link. On second floor.
Bowser - Running in terror from creepy spiders. On first floor.
Mewtwo - On first floor. Knows of plans.
Ganondorf - Running in terror from creepy spiders. On third floor.
Yoshi - Allied with Captain Falcon and Ness. On fourth floor. Knows of plans.
Ness - Allied with Captain Falcon and Yoshi. On fourth floor. Knows of plans.
Donkey Kong - On second floor.
Ice Climbers (Popo) - Allied with Nana, Samus, Dr. Mario and Young Link. On fifth floor. Knows of plans.
Ice Climbers (Nana) - Allied with Popo, Samus, Dr. Mario and Young Link. On fifth floor. Knows of plans.
Kirby - Allied with Pikachu and Jigglypuff. On third floor. Knows of plans.
Doctor Mario - Allied with Ice Climbers, Samus, and Young Link. On fifth floor. Knows of plans.
Young Link - Allied with Samus, Dr. Mario and Ice Slimbers. On fifth floor. Knows of plans.
Samus Aran - Allied with Ice Climbers, Dr. Mario and Young Link. On fifth floor. Knows of plans.
Pikachu - Allied with Kirby and Jigglypuff. On third floor. Knows of plans.
Spider Characters
Kirby Spider - Blown to pieces, with its blood and guts all over the kitchen walls and floor!
Donkey Kong Spider - Blood oozing out from where his head should be.
Marth Spider - Sliced in half, blood and guts all over the floor.
Samus Spider - Blood flowing out from its where its misplaced cranium should be. Its helmeted head is right now being used by DK.
Mr. Game & Watch Spider - Cleaved in half by Mr. Game & Watch. Blood, guts and intestines spill all over the floor!
Falco Spider - Blown up by Samus's missile. Now just a bloody mess of guts and intestines.
Yoshi Spider - Eaten by Yoshi. Currently digesting and flowing through Yoshi's guts and intestines.
Peach Spider - Two left legs blown off by Peach/Claire's Magnum, looking for the Stock Producer. Blood is oozing from those open wounds.
Mewtwo Spider - Trying to find the Stock Producer.
Bowser Spider - Also trying to find the Stock Producer.
Pikachu Spider -Also also trying to find the Stock Producer.
Other Spider Leaders - We still have yet to see Pichu, Daisy, Mario and Luigi, Fox, Captain Falcon, Link and Zelda, Jigglypuff, Roy, Ganondorf, Ness, Popo and Nana, Doctor Mario, and Young Link. Now all of them and the five million spiders are swarming for the Stock Producer, and if they are able to use it for their plans, then they will become invincible and rule the world, bwa ha ha ha ha!
Minor Spider Death Count:
Slashed To Pieces - 52.
Gunned Down - 1.
Laser Gunned Down - 213.
Machine Gunned Down - 27.
Magnum Gunned Down - 2.
Assault Shotgun Gunned Down - 12.
Captain Falcon's Gun Gunned Down - 2.
(REALLY) Bad Food Gun Down The Hatch - 16.
Had Foot Put Down On - 12.
Flamed To The Point Of Incineration - 37.
Frying Panned But Not Burned - 2.
Donkey Kong Squashed Spider - 7.
Flung And Splattered On The Wall - 2.
Crushed With Samus Helmet - 1.
Crushed By Angry Door (...Weird) - 2.
Axed - 2.
Arrowed - 8.
Crushed With A Potted Plant (...Really Weird) - 12
Eaten By Yoshi - 12
Eaten By Yoshi Spider - 3
Pounded By Captain Falcon's Moves - 9
SMAAAAAASHED By Ness's Bat - 7
Burned Alive By PK Fire - 1
Zapped By PK Thunder - 1
Blown Apart By PK Flash - 1
Blow Up By Samus Missile - 2
Crushed By Ice Climber Mallet - 1
Crushed With A Table - 1
Choked To Death On Food - 1
All In All - 449...and that's for starters, for now the battle for the world is about to begin!