Chapter 6: You're All I've Got Tonight

I don't care if you hurt me some more, I don't care if you even the score

"Stephen, I can't see my feet!"

Being pregnant made Jackie happy, being married made her even happier. She planned the whole wedding, with Donna's help of course, afterwards she had maternity clothes to buy and that meant shopping. She was in heaven. And so was I. The scary part was she wasn't bitchy at all and I was worried that she'd somehow been swapped with a Stepford Wife in Paris…not that I was complaining. I wasn't scared to be tied to her for the rest of my life, I found it comforting. Like I'd always be needed.

When Eric and Donna decided to crash at our place during summer break we welcomed their company. We had a spare room and they didn't have to stay with Red and Kitty while they visited and worry about "smoke breaks" and nighttime noises. The latter being my only reservation.

Not only, that's a lie.

I secretly hoped that Forman knew all about what had happened. That Donna had been completely honest with him like always and told him about the wonderful thing we had done and how we were so free. But of course she hadn't, I didn't have to ask her to know. This treasure we had found, this burden.

It was ours.

They way they looked at each other during dinner reminded of how Donna had looked at me, out on the porch. Jackie was obsessing over baby names with our company. After we (except Jackie) smoked up it started to finally sink in. I hadn't needed marijuana since I'd slept with Donna and now that I'd had some, everything was clearer, everything was sinking in.

My God, what had we done?

"How about Hildegarde if it's a girl, Willoughby if it's a boy." Jackie suggested, I had no idea why.

"My god Jackie, those are hideous. What have you been reading?" Eric was nearly going into convulsions.

"Nothing, I just thought it would be good to have original names for once and not Sarah or John."

"Yeah, there were eight Sarahs in Point Place high, remember, there was Fat Sarah, Ugly Sarah, Hot Sarah, Sara with no H..." Donna said.

"What about Eric if it's a girl, Donna if it's a boy. That way we don't get confused." Eric suggested .

And it hurt to hear him talk. My best friend. I was an evil monster.

I took another hit.

"Brandel if it's a boy, Mirabelle if it's a girl." Jackie said. This time reading from a dime store baby name book.

"Better." I mustered with my lungs full of smoke.

I wasn't the only one involved, after all. Donna practically started it.

"I like Johan." Donna said.

She was an angel, her red hair in her eyes, her sideways glances at me, eyes full of light. I couldn't blame her. I was evil.

"What if it's a girl?" Jackie asked her.

"It's not." Donna replied, like she had some sort of sixth sense about child bearing.

Donna, the angel, named our child.

you're all I've got tonight, I need you, tonight

But she's a devil in disguise, my Donna, our Donna.

I was an idiot.

"I've tried to forget you." I told her when we were cleaning up the kitchen after making two batches of brownies, one special for us, one regular for Jackie's cravings.

"Yeah." was all Donna could muster over the dishes.

"It was wrong, right? Donna?"

"It wasn't wrong Steve. Don't ever say it was wrong." she was whispering in a harsh tone that sounded both hurt and diabolical.

"Donna?" I couldn't argue when she looked at me like that. Like a hurt puppy and a sex fiend at the same time. She put her still damp hands on my shoulders from behind and I shivered. She returned to putting the dishes away and I jumped at Eric's voice.

"Donna, are you coming with me to Mom and Dad's?"

Please go, I begged her silently

"Tomorrow Eric, I'm not feeling too good right now." Donna lied.

"Alright then, love you." Eric said.

"Love you too." She replied, but her eyes never left mine. Eric left her with me.

We finished the dishes in silence. Then we made love on the kitchen counter with Jackie sleeping in the other room. The brownies burnt. Afterwards when she straightened her skirt and shirt she looked at me with a revelation.

"Sometimes I hate him." she said.

"Really? How could you hate him?"

"It's not even him that I hate, it's myself. I hate me when I'm with him. I feel like I'm nothing."

"Donna, You are everything to him."

"But I don't want to be. I want to leave, I can't stand being with him and still being alone.

"You don't mean that." I told her, but I knew she meant every word. She ate two burnt brownies and started kissing me again. It was hard to kiss her back and she felt it. I held her head on my shoulder while she cried soft heavy sobs.

"Leave with me." Donna said.

"I can't." And every part of me wanted to.

"I know."

The next morning she was gone.