Okay, here we go! (Settle in, this A/N is a doozy.)
Hippiechick was the first reviewer on my last chapter. You keep late nights, chickie, I posted that guy as I was about to fall over! I only posted it because I felt guilty about waiting so long, and your instant review made me glad I did. Lily, hand3, SaraC and Ed also reviewed like clockwork, making me incredibly happy as usual!!
And I had two reviews from new people (whose profiles I immediately explored). Joots, glad to meet you (sort of) and I'm really glad you like my stuff.
Deus-ex-Maria: Your review made me unreasonably happy. Talk about an ego boost. I'm glad you didn't notice too many errors—I don't have a beta, so they're all my mistakes if there are any. (And no one has noticed that in Potholes I blatantly contradict myself on a small detail. I keep forgetting to go back and change that but then again, I'm apparently the only one who noticed.)
Right, so there are two versions of this chapter, actually, and I eventually flipped a coin to decide which one to post. I only had two people give me feedback on whether I should get more into Callah or not. Hippiechick and Joots: thank you. Unfortunately, they voted opposite ways so it still ended up being my call.
I've decided to get into Callah just a teeny bit beyond her relationship to Snape and only because it puts Hermione in an interesting position—she likes Callah, but is that enough for her to overlook Callah's flaws? Callah wasn't too happy with my decision since in the original work she was created for, she's a bad guy and she's having way too much fun being a good guy but if I give her an inch… I also thought it would give me room to work and considering I only barely go outside what I've already discussed about her in other stories…well enough of that. This is the chapter you guys get.
Sorry, Joots, hope it doesn't put you off the story. It's really only this chapter, I promise.
--Aimes of the Really Long Author's Notes for an Already Ridiculously Long Chapter
One Month Later:
This morning, as with every morning for the last month, Hermione woke up around nine. Not late, to be sure, but Callah was one of those sick people who rose at the crack of dawn, making Hermione feel perpetually lazy. Of course, Callah slept a hell of a lot earlier than Hermione, but still—getting up that early was not natural in Hermione's view. Typical morning in the surreality that has become my life. Is surreality a word? It is in the Dictionary According to Me. Hermione rolled out of bed and dragged herself to the bathroom. When she was finished, she pulled on jeans and a t-shirt and tugged her riotous hair back into a ponytail. Breakfast…fooood….man, you're a pig, Mya. She headed straight for the kitchen, walking noiselessly, and stopped short at the door, watching curiously.
Callah sat at the table with a glass of orange juice, facing the window. Perpendicular to her sat Snape, holding a cup of coffee. They were both silently staring out the window. Not a bizarre scene, but there was something ever so slightly…off about it.
Wait, there it is. She handed him the sugar without him saying anything. And there again! He got up and gave her a bagel from the toaster. Are they communicating telepathically? No… Why is telepathy always my first assumption? It looks as though…well, it looks as though they've done this before. About a million times. Hermione raised an eyebrow. Callah took the bagel without comment, head turning towards him and her eyes flitting up towards him and her mouth beginning to quirk in a smile that was never realized. The smile vanished without being fully formed and Hermione suspected that the spark in her eyes faded ever so slightly. She wondered if Callah noticed the disappointed look that passed through Snape's eyes for just a microsecond. Almost positively not.
Hermione cleared her throat as she entered. "Morning," she said mildly.
"Morning, 'Mione. Sleep well, lazybones?" Callah teased.
"Very well, thank you," Hermione replied in as dignified a tone as she could manage. "I'm proud to count myself amongst the normal people who do not rise at the first hint of sunlight." Snape merely looked up at her and nodded once. "Good morning to you too, Sunshine," Hermione muttered under her breath.
Snape had moved to the counter and was graciously putting an English muffin in the toaster for Hermione. He stopped his activity at her comment and shot her a nonplussed look.
"Sorry," Hermione apologized sheepishly, ducking her head and pouring a cup of coffee. Snape nodded silently and began to put grape jelly on her muffin. He always uses just the right amount of spread…well, he did make them for me for three weeks or so, and he's been making them for me off and on since. She smiled at him as he set the plate at the table and sat down again and impulsively leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you."
"Control yourself," came the snarky response. Callah laughed and Hermione grinned.
"Well, nice to know some things will never change," Hermione noted. "So what are we doing today?"
"The same thing we do every day, Pinky. Trying to take over the world!" Callah joked. Snape looked at her as though she was crazy. "Pinky and the Brain? No? Muggle thing, I guess." Hermione chortled into her coffee cup.
"Narf!" Snape now shot odd looks at both of them as they laughed hysterically.
"If you're quite finished," he prodded.
"Sorry, sir," Hermione apologized, gasping for breath. "But really, what is the plan for today? We don't often see you around here." Not strictly true. You've been seeing him much more frequently since Voldemort and Lucius visited you two weeks ago in the cottage you and Callah were using and you had to come back to the Manor.
"We are working on the incursion to take back Hogwarts, as usual. That will be our task until the plan is complete. You have pored over enough books about the dark arts to be ready for just about anything, the plan must take shape. I cannot be here all the time as my duties require my return to Hogwarts, however I shall return as frequently as possible to help in the coming days."
Callah's expression was veiled as she spoke: "Don't risk yourself, Severus." Something's afoot. He's accelerating our schedule, meaning there's big stuff getting ready to go down.
"What is one more risky move in a worthless life already poised to crumble?" he sneered.
"If you fall, we all go down with you," Callah warned. "So keep walking the tightrope. We need you."
He looks almost…hurt? Nah…well, maybe.
"What's happening?" Hermione asked quietly, to change the subject.
"Voldemort's getting closer to moving openly in the wizarding world," Callah supplied. "We're stepping up the pace."
"I see," Hermione said softly. "Let's get to it then." Snape nodded and Callah pulled out her laptop. The work continued.
Later that Evening:
"Goodnight Severus," Hermione said distractedly as she finished planning where the centaurs, a surprise group of allies, would position their forces. She hummed along to the cd playing absently as she worked, but the activity at the door did not escape her. "In my nightmares I feel so alive; in my dreamscape escapades I make the grade, I save the day…" she sang along, trying to look as oblivious as possible.
Callah stood and stretched, walking Snape to the door. "Take care, Severus," she said sincerely as he opened the door. He paused for just a moment with his back to her before leaving without a response. Callah sighed slightly as she closed the door behind him.
Okay, enough of this bullshit. She's going to tell me what's going on or I'm going to strangle her.
Hermione stood abruptly and set about making herself some hot chocolate. "We need a break," she said to Callah's curious look. "Let's go to the living room and chill out for a minute." Callah shrugged, smiling, and Hermione poured a second cup of hot chocolate, handing it to Callah as she moved toward the living room. She took a seat on the sofa, curling her legs beneath her, and Callah sat opposite her, watching the fire. Callah pulled at her tank top.
"You know, I never used to wear sleeveless shirts till I met you," she noted. Silence reigned again for a few moments.
"Angel's food or Devil's food?" Hermione challenged.
"Angel's food. Missionary or on top?" Callah upped the ante.
"Whatever's most convenient," Hermione hedged.
"Oh no! Not acceptable! Pick one!" The argument began with no signs of abating in the near future.
An hour later there was a lull after Hermione snorted, "Yeah, well, as long as it's more than two minutes, who really cares?"
As Callah pondered this, Hermione pounced. "So, what 's the history with you and Hogwarts? You were never a student there."
""No…wow, it's been, what? Ten years? When I was fourteen, Albus found out about me from a mutual contact in the muggle world. I'd already been doing espionage work for years…just about as soon as my abilities had been identified, I started training to be a spy. Anyways, he set up a meeting where he offered to teach me and help me develop my gifts. I told him I couldn't give up seven years for school, so we compromised: one summer and we'd see where it went. I figured, why not? At the least, I'd become better at my job, right? I worked with all of the teachers the summer that I turned sixteen, and developed my powers considerably. Snape was the same as always…he and I argued a lot. I wasn't buying any bullshit about his authority and he wasn't buying any bullshit about me being 'special.' Remus Lupin was hanging around at the time, doing some cleanup work and recon. You must have been…ten. Two years or so shy of going to Hogwarts. Anyways, I got to know all of the teachers and Remus, and developed pretty close relationships with everyone."
"Even Snape?" Hermione teased. Hah, dodge that, spy girl!
"Ah. Severus. He and I were…different. He was in his late twenties or early thirties at the time, but same old Snape. I told you we conflicted. A lot. Eventually though, we started gaining a grudging respect for each other, I would say. He tolerated me and I pissed him off as frequently as possible. One day, when I was seventeen, it came to a head. I blame Albus. To this day I'm sure he sparked the argument between us, something about me shifting molecules in potions…effects and whatnot. We ended up in the dungeons screaming at each other, and I snapped and left. I went to muggle London to calm down, where I promptly managed to get shot by an old...friend."
"Do your friends frequently try to kill you?"
"You'd be amazed. Anyways, Severus had come after me in a momentary flash of guilt…and fear that Albus would slaughter him. He found me bleeding on the ground and he freaked out. He got me back to Pomfrey and spent every moment with me. Even slept on a chair next to me. I'm sure you can see where this is headed. We were, naturally, completely in love with each other, despite all rational evidence pushing for the contrary. It was the hardest thing in the world for me. The thing you've got to understand about me…I don't feel."
Hermione looked at her as though she were crazy. Callah shrugged and tried to elucidate. "I don't know if I was always this way or if I had emotion trained out of me but I don't feel. I kill without remorse and for me, that's fine. I don't know any other state of being. Severus feels. That's why he hates himself so much: he has kept a mental count of everyone he's ever hurt or killed. It's also why he hated me, at first. He hated that I slept every night without guilt."
Hermione hesitated. "That's a little…disturbing. I mean, no one's perfect, but I kinda had you pegged as a perpetual cool girl whose worst crime was snoring and not being able to hold her liquor."
"Well, both of those things are true, but…the most perfect packages hide the most horrible secrets, you know. I understand if the idea puts you off me. The word for people like me is 'sociopath.' No conscience."
"But you…seem like a good person," Hermione struggled.
"I am what I was trained to be and what I choose to be. Had it been terrorists that had taken me in and raised me, I'd have given Carlos the Jackal a run for his money. As it is, I'll admit to having done assassin work on the side. I set moral boundaries for myself out of respect for my deceased parents…or at least that's what I tell myself. In truth, who knows why I do what I do? I choose to be what is accepted as a 'good person.'"
"Gods. If Voldemort had gotten to you first…"
"I'd be plotting your death as we speak. Frightening, I know, but it's one of those things you either learn to deal with or use as a reason to never speak to me again. I like you Hermione, I really do, more than I've ever liked anyone, really, but don't fool yourself: I could kill you if the incentive was right. You're the closest thing I've ever had to a friend but I doubt I'd flinch as I pulled the trigger."
"Well…thanks for being honest?" About being totally fine with murdering me!
"No point in dancing around it, really. In any case, falling in love was chaos for me because of the emotion. It was almost painful. After that argument, though, I stopped fighting it. It was the scariest thing I've ever done.
"Everything was fine until my eighteenth birthday. No, scratch that, everything was blissfully perfect, which automatically worried me. He ended up being all I'd ever wanted in life. On my eighteenth birthday, however, I found out that a terrorist group I'd crossed paths with in the past had learned that I had a sister. They kidnapped her, and I got angry. I left immediately, but I got there too late. She was in so much pain when I found her she was begging to die."
"You killed her?" Hermione breathed. Would you have killed her, Mya? If she was dying and in that much pain?
"She couldn't have been saved; I could tell from looking at her. I killed everyone. It was remarkably bloody, even for me. By the time the anger abated, I was…empty. All I really wanted was to go home to the man I loved. But it had been almost four months since I'd left and I hadn't said a word to anyone except Albus. And him I swore to secrecy…I think, sometimes, that I sabotaged my own relationship because the goodness of it all was so nerve-wracking for me. Then I realize that I would have given anything to be with him, so it's more likely I was just incredibly stupid.
"I went back to Hogwarts shortly before the school term began and tried to find Severus, but…it all went to hell. One of the singular worst moments of my life. The problem with feeling things like love is that it opens you up to a whole new world of pain. I left again and didn't go back. I never stopped regretting what an idiot I had been, not telling him. It still aches when I see him, but now we just pretend it never happened. Only Remus really knows the whole story. I went to him and he provided me with a listening ear and a bottle of tequila. In retrospect I think that contributed to the extreme hate Severus used to bear Remus, but it wasn't something I considered at the time."
Callah and Hermione lapsed into another silence.
"Wow," Hermione finally said. Really wow. I've really got to think about this…
"Yeah, wow," Callah replied wryly.
"We should start a club. Chicks Who Choose Chumps."
Callah started laughing and within moments, both of them were collapsed, laughing so hard they could barely speak.
"No, I can't even blame him. Well, I can blame him for not hearing me out when I tried to tell him what had happened. He pretty much threw me out before I said a word. Didn't even manage a 'sorry' before my butt hit the ground outside his door. So maybe it is kinda his fault," she mused. "But Remus isn't a chump. He's an amazing guy…so you can't be in the club."
"Oh shut up," Hermione grumped. "I suppose I'm the chump, but still. Maybe we just need to rename it Chicks Who Choose the Wrong Guys…"
"Nah, not as catchy," Callah countered.
"Ooh, good point," Hermione conceded. Silence again. Well hell, Snape and Callah. And why not, Mya? Is he not allowed to have a love life? Of course he is, just not a sex life. Hermione shivered. Don't go there. She glanced over at Callah. Okay, you went there, now COME BACK. Although…she IS really flexible…
"Oh my god, I really didn't want to think about that!" Hermione yelped. Callah looked over at her bizarrely then cracked up, laughing so hard she started crying.
"You…us…" she gasped. And then, just to rub it in: "Handcuffs?" And more laughter.
Hermione cringed, as the new thought flitted through her psyche. Handcuffs? Oh lord, handcuffs. Well, his bed at his Manor did have places where you could—bloody hell, STOP!!!
Hermione stood quickly and fled for the kitchen, with Callah still collapsed on the sofa laughing. Wash cup, think of not gross thoughts. Butterflies, birds…bees? Ack, no! Sanity, Mya, sanity! Hermione washed the mug vigorously.
"You know, the cup's not getting any cleaner," came a voice from behind her. She dropped it instantly and it shattered in the sink.
"Shit!" Hermione cursed.
"Hermione, calm down," Remus ordered soothingly, placing his hands on her shoulders. "What's wrong?" Hermione took deep breaths and leaned back against him.
"Sorry," she apologized, embarrassed.
"She was in a scary mental place," called Callah from the doorway. "Told her about me and Severus." Hermione felt Remus shudder slightly. At least I'm not the only one!
"I'm fine," Hermione assured them. "Deeply creeped out, but fine nonetheless."
"Sorry, darling, I know it's kind of like finding out your parents have sex," Callah said mildly.
"Don't want to hear that!" Hermione said loudly. Callah laughed again.
"Okay, okay, I'm going to bed before I do too much more damage." She snickered as she went upstairs.
"Ugh, handcuffs," Hermione muttered.
"Okay, I didn't need to hear that," Remus protested.
"Just sharing the pain," Hermione said sweetly. She finished cleaning up the cup and tossed it in the bin before walking over to the cupboard and pulling out two wine glasses. She poured him one silently and handed it to him, taking his proffered arm as they strolled outside. They sat at the edge of the patio as they had every night since she'd returned to the Manor. At the cottage, they'd sat on the lawn. Hermione said nothing when his arm snaked around her waist as it tended to, and Remus remained silent as she rested her head on his shoulder, only smiling faintly at the lingering citrus smell of her hair.
"How was your mission?" Hermione asked quietly.
"Successful," he responded. "Which is more than enough for me. How goes the work with Callah and Severus?"
"Not bad. It's developed…I'd say we're about halfway done. And when it's finished…" she shrugged.
"When it's finished we take back what's ours," Remus said firmly.
"Sure," Hermione sighed.
"Hey, are you okay?" Remus rubbed her shoulders gently.
"It's just…Our projected casualties just hit three hundred. That's a lot Remus. We've minimized it as much as humanly possible, but three hundred. And that's a lowball estimate. I'm sending a lot of people to their deaths."
"No, Hermione, you're saving a lot of people from a fate worse than death," he retorted. "Trust me, I've seen it. I'd rather die than live in a world where he ruled."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Hermione muttered almost inaudibly. Remus stiffened in confusion. "I'm tired, Remus, I'm going to call it a night."
"Let me walk you to your room," he offered, rising and holding out his hand. He sent the dishes to the kitchen with a quick gesture and took her hand gently, leading her towards the house.
"My little girl, drive anywhere, do what you want, I don't care," Hermione sang under her breath, twining her fingers tightly with his. Now where did that song come from?
"Tonight, I'm in the hands of fate, I hand myself over on a plate, now," Remus picked up. And how does he know it? They walked inside, taking turns singing the song softly.
"Oh little girl, there are times when I feel, I would rather not be the one behind the wheel, come. Pull my strings, watch me move, I do anything, please. Sweet little girl, I prefer, you behind the wheel, and me the passenger, drive. I'm yours to keep, do what you want, I'm going cheap, tonight."
They reached Hermione and Callah's room and she turned to kiss him on the cheek.
"You're behind the wheel," he sang into her ear, nuzzling her almost imperceptibly before pulling away. Don't I know it.
"Goodnight Hermione."
"Goodnight Remus," she went into her room and abandoned herself to sleep. I'm behind the wheel. I hate driving.
A/N: The first song is Nightmare by Eve6 from the Horrorscope album. The second is Behind the Wheel by Depeche Mode, available on their Singles 86-98 album.