A/N: This chapter is pretty long, mostly because I've put in some jokes. Hope you like it.
Chapter 22: JokesHarry woke up the morning after their train ride due to Parvati poking him in the ribs.
"What?" He said groggily, annoyed at being woken up.
"Don't take that tone on me, mister. Now get up; we're going downstairs to have breakfast," Parvati told him as she took his bedcovers and pulled them off the bed. Harry got up very grudgingly and began to dress while Parvati left his room to tell the others he was coming. Harry was done in less than a minute, there was no need to brush his hair, and the four took the elevator downstairs to grab a bite to eat. When they entered the large breakfast room they saw Ron and his group already sitting to their right by the window. They decided to head over and see if they could sit with them.
"Hey, Harry, mate!" Ron said when they walked over.
"Hey, mind if we sit?" Harry asked. Ron shook his head and Harry, Crabbe, Crystal-Rose and Parvati pulled up a chair and joined the other group. A loud chatter almost immediately broke out.
"Does anyone know what our task is, here in London?" Parvati asked the two groups.
"I do," Mandy said. Parvati turned to look at her, her expression hopeful.
"Really? What is it? Because I thought we might do it together."
"We have to see how Muggle London is different from Wizard London. I want to go with the whole group, too, but I think eight teenagers would attract a bit too much attention." Mandy said. Parvati thought this over for a second.
"We could split up into girls and boys." The others agreed to this idea.
After breakfast the two teams split up, the boys going one way, the girls another.
"I bet all they're going to do is shopping," Ron muttered to Harry, who nodded, as the two darkly watched Crystal-Rose, for she was the one who had once stolen Dean from Nora and broken her heart. The four boys turned a corner and walked into a busy street.
"So, what are we going to do now?" Harry asked.
"Well, I've always wanted to see what kind of sports Muggles play," Crabbe said, speaking up. Goyle, who was walking beside him, nodded.
"Yeah. Besides, there's nothing else to do, so we might as well check out what kind of food they have," said Goyle. Ron rolled his eyes.
"Is that really all you two do? Eat?" He asked. The two Slytherins nodded.
"I could take you to McDonalds, afterwards," Harry said.
"To McWhat?" asked Ron, turning to Harry.
"It's this fast food restaurant. I, personally, really like it. It's how Dudley got so fat, along with the junk Aunt Petunia buys for him."
"Sounds good," Goyle said. Crabbe nodded.
"You want to go in here?" Harry asked pointing to a large store called 'Perry Sport'. The others shrugged and nodded. They entered it and Ron, Crabbe and Goyle looked around amazed.
"Wow. Who knew Muggles could build things like this without magic," Goyle said.
"Yeah, how they get around without magic beats me," Crabbe told his friend as he walked further into the store.
"Would you guys act a bit more normal, people will get suspicious," Harry whispered urgently. The three boys immediately closed their mouths and strained their eyes hard, trying not to let them wander too much. "Over here," Harry said and he led them over to an area where basketballs, soccer balls, hockey pucks, and lot's of other stuff lay.
"What's this?" Ron asked. He picked up a basketball threw it on the ground and ducked quickly out of the way as it bounced back up, nearly hitting him in the face. "Whew, that was close," Ron told Harry as he wiped his forehead. Crabbe and Goyle sniggered. Ron shot them a nasty glare.
"That's a basketball," Harry told Ron and he began to describe the game. He explained everything that the three pureblood wizards asked about and it took quite a while before Harry could get them out of the store. It was already noon.
"Where to now?" Ron asked, looking around. Harry shrugged.
"Can we go to that food place now?" Goyle asked. Harry laughed, but nodded and he turned a corner. His aunt and uncle had sometimes dragged him to Muggle London, when Mrs. Figg couldn't take him, so he knew the city a bit. When he stopped it was in front of a large building that had a large yellow 'M' on it. Ron, Crabbe and Goyle stared at it. It smelled delicious. Harry could see they were on the verge of drooling.
"Do you all have your money?" he asked. The others nodded. "Let's go, then."
Fifteen minutes later they were sitting at a table by the window eating the delicious food. Harry and Ron had ordered a normal menu and Crabbe and Goyle several. They even managed to finish it all before Harry and Ron were done with their food.
Out on the street again they just walked around and entered several stores. Harry bought a new sweater and a comic book while Ron had purchased a new t-shirt, a six-pack of coca-cola and a bag full of Muggle candy, wondering what it would taste like. Crabbe and Goyle each had a bag of candy, too, a large bottle of coke, fanta and sprite and Goyle had a new shirt along while Crabbe had gotten some new…
"Socks?" Harry asked in disbelief, looking at the bundle that was being held in front of his nose.
"Yeah, I change my socks once a day, and I never seem to have enough," Crabbe told him. "Look, I also bought new underwear. Want to see?" he asked, rummaging through his bag.
"No, that's quite all ri…" Harry quickly said in terror, but before he could finish his sentence Crabbe was dangling a pair of black boxers in front of his nose.
"Look, it has a smiley face on it," he said cheerfully, turning his boxer around. And so it did.
"Er… great," Harry said, backing away. "Now could you put that away? You're attracting a crowd." Crabbe looked around and saw it was true. Passerby's slowed down to watch the group, amused and puzzled expressions on their faces. Crabbe quickly put the boxer back in his bag and blushed a very little bit.
They spent another hour in Muggle London before going to the Leaky Cauldron and checking out Diagon Alley, ready to see the difference between the two London's. They went into Flourish and Blotts and looked at some of the books. Then they went to Zonko's, Eyelops Owl Emporium, the Apothecary and lots of more places until they finally entered the Quidditch store, naturally saving the best for last. They looked around and conclusively decided on staring at the newest and fastest broom, the Lightning Flame, goggling at it.
When it was three o'clock the four boys decided to head back to the Hotel and have another bite to eat. On their way to the Leaky Cauldron, though, Harry saw a little magical jewelry store and he had to go in; he wanted to by something for Parvati. They entered and saw millions of items lying around, glittering. It'd be heaven for a Niffler. Harry and Ron looked around. Ron had decided to find something for Lavender, too, since they were in the shop anyway.
After a long search Ron had found something for Lavender. It was a silver bracelet with little beads that slowly changed colors. From red to orange, from orange to yellow, from yellow to light green, to dark green, to light blue, to dark blue, to purple, to pink and back to red. He bought it for ten sickles and was very proud of his purchase. He was confident Lavender would like it.
Harry, on the other hand, still hadn't found anything and the other three boys decided to help. They searched for what felt like hours before Harry had found something he remotely liked, but he decided it wasn't good enough and continued to search. At quarter past four he had finally bought a gift for Parvati. It was a silver ring that, if she touched the emerald stone on the top that had the exact same color as Harry's eyes, made her feel safe and warm.
They left the store and made there way back to Muggle London. It was very chilly now and snow began to fall. The four boys headed to the Hotel at a quick pace and met the girls along the way. Harry and Ron decided to give their presents now, before they'd forget, and the two girls squealed in excitement. They immediately wore the jewelry and stretched their arms out, admiring it from a distance. They gave their boyfriends a peck on the lips and then the whole group headed to the hotel. Harry and Ron put their arms around Parvati and Lavender who were telling their boyfriends animatedly about what they had done that day. Harry and Ron weren't really paying much attention, it didn't interest them much, but they said things like 'Oh, interesting," and "Uh-huh," whenever the two girls drew breath.
Back in the hotel everyone wrote on a piece of parchment what they had found different between the two London's. Then they changed into something nicer and headed downstairs for a large dinner. It was in a different room than the breakfast room and had small chandeliers hanging above every table and a large one above the dance floor. The two groups chatted animatedly during dinner and worried about nothing. When dinner was finished they remained seated, to rest for a while, and Harry turned to Parvati.
"Care to dance?" he asked, not knowing what he was doing: he couldn't dance. Parvati blushed, but nodded. The two walked over to the dance floor where a few other couples were dancing.
"First the ring, now this. When did you become so romantic?" Parvati asked Harry as they danced to a slow song being played on the piano by an old, little man.
"That… I do not know," he replied. Parvati chuckled. "But you deserve it. I don't think I've known anyone quite like you. You make me feel… special… I think I love you." Parvati gasped, partly in shock, partly in excitement. This was a very important moment… for her at least.
"Oh, I love you too!" she squealed quietly. Lavender and Ron had joined them on the dance floor, along with Crystal-Rose, who he loathed, and Crabbe and Mandy and Goyle. After a few more dances they headed back upstairs to watch a little television, which excited Ron almost more than anything, for Harry had told him so much about the square box with the antenna.
When all the food was gone, Nora, Padma, Justin and Draco sat for a while thinking of things they would do for the rest of the day.
"We could walk around Canberra for a bit," Justin suggested, but Padma shook her head.
"No, it's a little too late for that. How about we go for a nice relaxing swim?" she said, looking at her group members hopefully.
"I like that idea," said Nora softly. "Let's go swimming."
"I don't suppose we have a choice, do we?" Draco asked, perhaps a bit unenthused.
"No," Padma stated before joining Nora and entering their bedrooms to grab their swimsuits. They came back out in their normal clothes; having decided to change by the pool, hoping it had changing rooms. Justin and Draco had obviously decided to do the same thing, since they walked out of their room with their swim trunks wrapped in towels. Padma went into the bathroom and grabbed two more towels, one for her and one for Nora.
"Ready to go?" Justin asked. The other three nodded and they went out of their room and headed into the elevator.
"What floor?" Nora asked, holding her finger in front of the button panel.
"-1" Justin said, reading the small information board.
"No! I wanna push the button!" Draco said, and he batted Nora's hand away before quickly pressing the '-1' button, looking very smug with himself.
"Baby," Nora muttered. Padma was trying hard not to laugh out loud, but couldn't help herself. Draco just glared at her. The elevator gave a little 'bing', indicating that they had reached floor –1, and they stepped into a large hall with a few potted plants. On the left was a door with a pink woman on it and on the right was door with a blue man on it. That was all the information they needed. Draco and Justin walked to the left and were about to open the door when Padma stopped them.
"Where on earth are you two going?" she asked, frowning.
"The changing room," the two boys replied, with expressions that clearly said: 'Duh'.
"That's fine with me, but we prefer privacy," she said, walking over to them. Padma steered them to the right, saying: "Go change in the men's changing room." The two boys blushed as they saw the pictures of the pink woman and blue man.
"Oops," they muttered, and then walked into the right changing room. Nora and Padma entering the other one. When they were done changing they walked out of the room through a different door than the one they had entered through, and saw that the pool was empty except for Draco and Justin, who were sitting in two seats at the side. Justin, who was wearing a long swim trunk with a touristy Hawaiian print on it, nudged Draco, who's mouth fell open. He gazed at Nora in the same manner as Justin gaped at Padma. Both boys had to work hard to keep their mouths closed tight.
"Are you two going in, or what?" Padma asked them. They nodded and got up. The two girls dove into the water and felt the coolness of it rush passed their bodies. They swam to the surface and took a large gulp of air.
"I love water," Nora stated, trying to forget her worries so she could have a few hours of fun for once. Padma nodded.
"Me too. But wait, where are Justin and Draco?" They looked around but the two boys were nowhere to be seen. Just then they felt something tug at their legs and after giving a short shriek the two girls were pulled under water. They tried to free themselves but whatever it was that was holding them had a pretty tight grip, and a large air supply, because they were already running out. Of course, they hadn't even gotten time to take a breath before being pulled under. Finally they felt the cool air on their faces and the two girls gasped for breath. When they opened their eyes they were looking in the laughing faces of, whom other than… Justin and Draco.
"Boy you should have seen the way you two were thrashing about, you could have killed someone like that," Draco said. Justin laughed in agreement.
"I'll give you something to thrash about," Nora threatened menacingly. Draco gave a girlish little scream and started swimming towards the side as fast as he could, Nora chasing him.
"And what are you laughing at?" Padma asked Justin, one eyebrow raised. Justin's face fell, he gave an even girlier scream than Draco and was soon heading for the side as well, at breakneck speed, Padma following. As Justin climbed out of the pool he saw Draco being beat up by Nora, or well sort of: she was hitting his arms, which he held up to shield himself against her. Padma was about to grab Justin's legs and pull him back in the pool when he decided to try begging.
"Please don't hurt me. Come on, it was funny. Well at least for us," Padma glared at him. "If you don't hurt me I'll buy you loads of Muggle candy tomorrow." Padma stopped advancing on him and thought for a minute.
"All right," she said happily.
"Is it safe for me to enter the pool, then?" Justin asked. Padma nodded, and he dived in. Nora had stopped 'beating' up Draco now, and was instead being chased around by him, screaming at the top of her lungs.
"No! No! I'm very ticklish!" She cried, trying to outrun him, which was difficult, considering the floor was wet and she had to run carefully so as to avoid slipping and cracking her head open on the tiles. In the meantime Justin and Padma were having a contest in the pool: trying to see who could stay underwater the longest, which meant that they couldn't hear and rescue Nora. She looked behind her and stood still. Draco wasn't there anymore. She looked in the pool but he wasn't there either. A rustling sound made her snap her head to the left, and before she could do anything, Draco had charged at her, grabbed her in his arms and jumped into the pool, holding her tightly. Nora felt the cool water touch her skin again and loved it and just when she was beginning to feel the need of air again, she felt Draco pull her to the surface, his arms still around her waist. Nora looked at him, breathing heavily.
"Well, wasn't that fun?" Draco asked her, smiling evilly.
"For you. I suffered a heart attack when you hurtled towards me," she said, pouting.
"That was for all those bruises I'm going to get. There was no need in hitting me so hard," he said, rubbing his arms as if they still hurt.
"You deserved it, you wimp," she answered, looking at Padma and Justin who were swimming laps around the pool now.
"So… I heard you were very ticklish." Nora looked him in the eyes in horror. He had a devilish smirk on his face and she definitely didn't like it.
"Don't… you… dare," she slowly told him. The rest of the hour was spent with Nora and Draco chasing each other, Padma and Justin watching them amused. When the two were finally tired out, they dried off and went back upstairs, Padma and Justin staying behind. The two took turns taking quick showers, trying to get the smell of chlorine out of their hair and then they waited a short while for Padma and Justin to come up, too.
When everyone had had a nice shower and was dressed in some decent clothing they went downstairs to have a rather late dinner.
"Hey!" They heard a voice shout upon entering the beautiful large room. It was Susan Bones. Nora, Padma, Justin and Draco walked over to where she and her group were sitting and asked if they could join. It was a round table and space was easily made. Seamus was talking to Susan about the kangaroo's they had seen that day, and Nora started up a conversation with Padma, who was seated across from her. They had a delicious dinner and during dessert Seamus was talking quietly to Nora, who had sat down beside him. An atmosphere of seriousness hung around them.
"I'm sorry. You two were best friends, right?" Nora said, playing with her ice cream.
"Yeah. But you were his girlfriend. It's a lot harder on you, isn't it? I mean I can eventually make new friends, but finding a new love? That can't be easy," Seamus told her, poking at his pancake.
"I guess. But still, I hope you're not feeling too bad about it."
"I was at first, but it's slightly worn off now. I just feel… numb. You?" He asked.
"Same here. I really miss him," she replied, eyes brimming up with tears.
"Me too. You know, sometimes I even think he's still alive." Seamus' voice trembled.
"I know, and then you realize he isn't and you feel devastated all over again." He nodded.
"Nora?" She turned her head and looked at Draco, quickly wiping her silent tears away. "We're leaving now, are you going to join us?" he asked, almost looking a little pleadingly, as well as sorrowfully. She nodded and got up along with Seamus, who said goodbye to them and then walked off with his group, which had been waiting for him.
"Are we going back up to the room?" Nora asked, trying to sound normal, as she and Draco followed Padma and Justin out of the dining room. Draco nodded. When they entered their suite the four sat down on the sofa and chairs.
"So what shall we do now?" Justin asked.
"Oh! I know! We could tell jokes!" Padma shouted, excitedly. She glanced at Nora, but the two boys didn't notice. She knew what was troubling Nora, it was ever so obvious, and hoped that telling jokes would take the poor girl's mind off of things and maybe even get her to laugh a bit.
"All right," Justin said. "Who'll start?"
"I'll go," Nora said. She sniffed and then launched into the story. "It's a bit long: One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.
The pilot and co-pilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the centre aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The co-pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.
At first, the passengers do not react, thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.
Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.
When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.
Up in the cockpit, the co-pilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off."
The others laughed in hilarity, though Padma and Draco were a bit uneasy; this didn't really happen in real life, did it?
"I have one," Padma said, ignoring the uneasy feeling. "A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune-tellers tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, he went inside and sat down.
"Ah..." said the woman as she gazed into her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."
"That's what you think," the man laughed. "I'm the father of three children."
The woman grinned and said, "That's what you think!" Padma grinned as Nora chuckled about the joke. Her plan was beginning to work.
"Me now," said Draco. "A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.
The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.
After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No he didn't. He just walked in the door.""
Laughter.
"I've got one," Justin said. "A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He orders six shots of vodka. The bartender asks the man, "Have a rough day?"
The man replies, "Yeah, I found out my younger brother was gay!"
The bartender says, "Man, I'm sorry to hear that. That's awful." The man downs the shots and leaves.
The very next day the same man comes back into the bar and orders six more shots of vodka. Bartender asks the man, "What's wrong today?"
The man replies, "I just found out my older brother is gay."
The bartender says, "Man, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible." The man downs his shots and leaves.
He returns again on the third day and again orders six shots of vodka. The bartender asks the man, "Another rough day?"
The man says, "Yeah."
The bartender asks him, "Does anyone in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife.""
More laughter.
"Oh, I've got another one," Nora told them. "It's not that great, but, oh well: A new bar opened up in Chicago, and Bob had to go and try it."
"Wait, who's Bob?" asked Draco.
"He's the main character of this joke," Nora said, with a slight expression of 'duh' on her face, before continuing: "The bar was on the observation deck of the Sears Tower.
Bob rode the elevator up an entered the bar. It was very upscale, with the waitresses and waiters in fancy clothing, a real mahogany bar, and a comfortable decor and feel overall. Bob sat at the bar and ordered a beer.
"Hey, buddy," the man next to him said. "Have you heard about the trick of this bar?"
"No," Bob replied.
"Watch this," the other man said. He walked over to the window and stepped outside. Bob, totally aghast at this, ran over to the window, fully expecting to see the man plunging to his death. Instead, to Bob's utter surprise, the man was standing there, totally relaxed and unconcerned. "It's the updrafts," he explained. "They're really strong here. You should try it!"
Bob hastily gulped his beer and stepped out to join the man. Bob screamed as he fell the 104 stories to the ground. He landed in a pile of mattresses and got off without a scratch. But he was so angry that he ran the stairs back up to the bar. He got there, completely out of breath, just in time to hear the bartender say, "You know, you're really mean when you're drunk, Superman."" Her friends laughed and Nora couldn't help smiling.
"I've got another one, too," Draco said. "A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.
When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he's wearing a beautiful blue suit.
She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. He says, "Actually, it didn't cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads.""
"Aw, gross!" Padma and Nora shouted when Draco was done. He grinned. Justin laughed. To a stranger it looked like they had been friends for years.
"I've got one that isn't so revolting," Nora said, looking at Draco. "There's a man in the doctor's office and the doctor says: "I have good news and bad news."
The man thinks it over and then says: "Go with the good news first."
The doctor clears his throat uncomfortably and then tells him: "You have twenty-four hours to live."
The patient exclaims: "What! How about the bad news?"
Doctor: "Um... I forgot to tell you yesterday.""
Tears of hilarity actually rolled down Padma's cheeks as she laughed, clutching her stomach.
"I-I've got a g-g-good one t-too," she said, through laughs. When she'd calmed down she continued: "A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door.
One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror on my door, make my bust-line forty-four."
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened and in minutes they both returned.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!"
Again, there's a bright, blinding flash and… both his legs fall off."
Justin nearly fell out of his seat in hilarity, which made the others laugh even more. When he was finally seated properly again he told another joke:
"A guy is at a bar, laughing with friends when he goes over to watch the bar tender. The bar is nice and clean and the bartender is putting down the finishing touches.
The guy goes, "You seem like a bettin' man."
The bartender replies, "Everyday of the week except Sunday." The guy goes "I bet you $500 if I stood on the bar, and you pushed a bar glass under me, I could piss all in it, and not get a wince of it on the bar."
The bartender laughs and says "I'll take you on that bet." So he goes and gets a glass, while the guy is unzipping his pants. "Ready?" The bartender asks and the man replies "FIRE AWAY!" so the bartender pushes the glass and the guy pisses everywhere but in the glass. He zips his pants and the bartender starts laughing, and says, "See boy, it can't be done!" The guy pays him smiling all the way. The bartender asks, "Boy what are you so happy about? You just lost $500."
He replies, "I just bet that man over there $1000 I could piss all over your bar and make you laugh about it!""
Again laughter erupted in the cosy living room.
"Another one," Nora said. She was thoroughly enjoying this by now. "Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks for?"
Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."
"Whose clock is that?"
"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.
"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan.""
Justin fell out of his seat again. Draco and Padma were laughing too; apparently they knew who Hillary and Bill Clinton were.
"I've got one, again," Padma stated. "A local florist was having an extremely busy week. Slammed and not having enough help, the florist became flustered. He kept getting his orders mixed up, for one woman received flowers sent by her husband, who was at a business meeting in Florida. She was perplexed by the message on her card:
'Our deepest sympathy.' But she was not nearly as surprised as the woman whose husband had just passed away. Her card read:
'Hotter here than I expected. Too bad you didn't come too.'"
Luckily Justin had remained seated on the floor, because he was rolling all over it.
"I've got a simple one," Draco said after a while of though. "One man said to another, "I didn't sleep with my wife before I got married. How about you?" The other man replied, "I don't know. What was her maiden name?"" Padma snorted.
"Me now," said Justin. "Three friends die in a car crash and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" he asks.
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children."
The last guy replies. "I would like to hear them say... LOOK! HE'S MOVING!""
"Oh! I've got another one!" Padma shouted when the laughter had died down. "A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.""
The room rang with the merry sound of laughter. Outside it was gradually becoming darker as the sun vanished behind the horizon.
"I've got a question and answer one, but it's a bit lame," Nora said.
"Let's hear it."
"What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's boobs?"
"Dunno," Justin said, waiting to hear the answer.
"Silicon Valley." Justin was the only one who laughed.
"Who's Pamela Anderson?" Draco asked, frowning. Of course they didn't know; they had never lived in the Muggle World.
"Never mind," Nora told him. Suddenly there was a sharp tapping on the window. Draco got up and opened it to find a white owl fly in. It flew immediately to Nora and nipped at her fingers.
"Why hello there, Siberia. You got a letter for me?" The owl hooted and nipped at Nora's fingers again, a bit harder this time. "All right, all right, don't rush me." Siberia made a strange hoot and nipped at Nora's fingers even harder. She now understood that it was urgent. "I'll be back, you guys continue telling jokes, ok?" Her friends nodded and she got up and walked to the bedroom she shared with Padma. "Come, Siberia." The owl flew up and followed Nora into her room. She turned on the light, took a seat on her bed and opened the letter, as Siberia perched herself on her shoulder.
Dear Nora,
I'm sorry to bother you but I don't think I can take it any more! I have no one else to talk to about this; I don't think Hannah could help me with it. I tried telling Terry but I'm afraid he might overreact, like Harry and Ron do whenever we get a new boyfriend or something. Anyway I feel really miserable and I would rather not write this in a letter, but I don't really have a choice.
In the beginning the trip started out pretty well. Hannah and I had talked for hours and hours. But at the hotel… oh! I can't take it! I wish I could see you! At the hotel the other half of our group, you know 1a, was sitting with us and Pansy deliberately took a seat beside me and she kept whispering awful things to me so no one heard. It was horrible, I felt like a freak on display! Oh, please help me! She kept whispering how she was going to kill me and how I was nothing more than a stupid mudblood that was only ruining other people's lives! I don't know why, but I really believed it all! I wish you were here!
Love,
Hermione
P.S. Please don't tell Harry and Ron, or anyone else.
There were tear stains all over the letter, which made it a bit difficult to read, but Nora managed. She felt awful for Hermione and couldn't believe what a cow Pansy was. She immediately set out to write a response. When she was done she tied it to Siberia's leg, stroked her owl for a few seconds and then let her fly out of the window. She watched Siberia disappear into the darkness before returning to her friends.
"What was that about?" Padma asked.
"Oh, nothing much. Are we still telling jokes?"
"No, we're telling funny slogans now. I've got one," Justin said. "Some days you're the windshield, and some days you're the bug."
"Good one," Nora said, smiling, though inside she was worrying for Hermione. "I've got one that's better: So Many Pedestrians So Little Time."
"Me too," Draco stated. "Save Trees! Eat More Beavers."
"Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator," Padma told them. "Is that even possible?" she then asked, frowning.
"Home is where you park it," said Justin
"Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies," Nora said, smiling at the other three students surrounding her.
"Bad spellers of the world… UNTIE!" shared Draco.
"Who Are These Kids And Why Are They Calling Me Mom?" Padma told the others.
"I have used up all my sick days so I am calling in dead," said Justin.
"I am not spoiled, I am well taken care of," Draco said. The others snorted and he glared at them. It was just too ironic that he had said it.
"If you can't swim, get out of the gene pool!" said Justin. This continued until it was eleven o'clock and they finally decided to get some sleep. Tomorrow they would go and see where they would be able to draw a kangaroo, though they felt it was too stupid a task to waste their time on.
After dinner Hermione immediately ran up to her room and fell onto her bed. She was really upset about what Pansy had said. Hermione got up, took a piece of parchment and began to write a letter. When she was done she hesitated. She didn't have an owl to send it with. Just then she noticed Siberia sitting on the windowsill. Hermione smiled a little and gave the owl her letter.
"You take this to Nora now, and hurry up. Do anything so that she reads it right away, ok?" The owl hooted and flew off. Hermione stood and stared outside before deciding to take a long hot bath.
She got into the lovingly warm water and tears poured down her face. The bathtubs and showers were the only place she really cried. No one would notice here. She rinsed herself and hoped Siberia was going to do as she had instructed her too. Hermione really needed a fast reply. She didn't know what to do. Pansy was being such a stupid cow.
When she was done taking a bath and had finished crying, about an hour later, she got out of the tub and dried off before getting dressed and walking into the little living room. Terry stood there.
"Hi, I thought you'd drowned; you were in there for so long," he said. Hermione smiled and walked over to him.
"Where are Hannah and Timothy?" She asked.
"They're with the other group, I thought we might spend a little time together." Hermione smiled as Terry held out his arms. She walked into them and he gave her a comforting hug. He then picked her up and laid her on the couch, lying down beside her. Holding her tightly in his arms again, they stayed like that for the rest of the evening.
Terry had known something was wrong, for Hermione didn't stay in the bathroom that long unless there was something the matter, or she had to get herself ready for a Ball or something. He hadn't been able to think of anything to make her feel better except cuddle with her, but it had been enough. The two fell asleep on the sofa and Hannah and Timothy, who had come back a little late, didn't bother waking them up. Hannah did, however, put a blanket over the two, in case they got cold.
That morning Hermione woke up to a pair of soft lips on hers.
"Good morning," Terry said, smiling at the precious girl.
"Good morning," Hermione replied, stretching.
"I've got something for you," he told her. Hermione looked at him questioningly.
"What?" she asked. Terry held out his arms and Hermione saw Siberia sitting in his hands. She was shocked; how could the owl have come back so fast? Or maybe Siberia hadn't brought back a reply at all…
"Thanks," Hermione said, and she took Siberia in her room. Hannah wasn't there; she was visiting Ernie McMillan, who was in group 1a, again. Hermione quickly opened the piece of parchment.
Dear Hermione,
I sent this as fast as I could. Siberia wouldn't stop biting my fingers off, by the way. Seriously, you don't have to be sad just because that cow Pansy is jealous. Besides, I see no insult in being called a mudblood. In fact, I always take it as a compliment. Think about it, she's stuck in a rotten pureblood Death Eater family, when you've had two parents who loved you dearly, and one that still does.
You're also a whole lot smarter than all of the Slytherin purebloods put together. At least you know what electricity is and how a flashlight works. Really, don't be upset, it'll just satisfy her. And whenever she does get you down, just think how you have a loving father, a really huge brain and Terry. Oh and good looks. (Have you ever noticed how ugly Pansy is? It's almost unbelievable.) You've got very good friends too, three of 'em to be exact. Cheer up. I've got a little joke for you:
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, truck drivers, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said "OK," grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man: "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."
Hope you like it. Cheer up, please.
Love,
Nora
P.S. I'm sorry, but I think you should tell Dumbledore about Pansy. And I'm planning on telling Draco about her; maybe he can threaten her a bit, get her to shut up. If you really don't want anyone to know, I'll keep my mouth shut, but she can't go on like that, someone's got to stop her.
Hermione finished the letter and smiled, laughing at the joke. She wrote back a response, gave it to Siberia and absentmindedly stroked the snowy white bird for a while. This letter had no rush. After a while they headed down for breakfast. Today they would go shopping in Paris and do their task.
A/N: I got all of the jokes from Joke Genie. Hope you liked the chapter. R&R, please.