"The Shadow Learns"
Samuel found, to his surprise, that he was avoiding Combeferre. There was no reasonable reason for it--it was just that, while he was trying to grow up and stop acting so much of a child, he didn't want Combeferre to *see* him trying. He wanted Combeferre to see him again when he was perfect, and to observe Combeferre's stunned congratulations.
So, when he wasn't at school or holding a meeting as Dimitri in Musain or the Corinthe, he haunted Feuilly's house. Feuilly was oddly tolerant of this, apart from a few sideways looks, and Manon chattered amiably while she went about her Routine. He grew to understand, over the course of two weeks, that Feuilly and Manon had a Routine, and that they always did the same things on the same days throughout the week. They hardly ever changed it.
The child, Justin, didn't speak. He only watched with his black Druid eyes. It bothered Samuel considerably, but as Feuilly and Manon were putting up with him so well, he didn't even think about saying anything. He just gave Justin exasperated glances when he went past him.
It made him truly happy to be there, however. He felt useful, and Feuilly's family made him unafraid of himself. He *enjoyed* being himself.
Manon had him fetch things occasionally, and Feuilly once sent him to the bakery for bread for supper. Samuel had discovered that they were equals. They shared everything and they were everything. Sometimes Feuilly was a wife as well as a husband, making supper himself and setting the table; sometimes Manon was a father as well as a mother and taught her son how to hold a brush for painting silk fans. But the difference was in that in their family, nothing was really something that 'the husband' would do or 'the mother' would do. They were so equal that sometimes it made Samuel's head hurt.
But it taught him what equality really was.
They never really left their Routines in all the time he was there, and it struck him that they must lead a rather boring life. He wondered how one could survive in a life so predictable. They always knew what would happen next. Then he realised they didn't always know what would happen. He realised that their odd, imperfect life made them *happy*. They loved one another and their son and they respected one another. He knew, of course, that they weren't always happy. He had seen Manon's thin face look thinner in worry, and Feuilly's black eyes go blank in disappointment. But they understood that to live one cannot dwell on the bad things. They knew how to live and not just stay alive, but to love living.
It taught him what freedom really was.
And he knew he was growing up, at last.
Samuel found, to his surprise, that he was avoiding Combeferre. There was no reasonable reason for it--it was just that, while he was trying to grow up and stop acting so much of a child, he didn't want Combeferre to *see* him trying. He wanted Combeferre to see him again when he was perfect, and to observe Combeferre's stunned congratulations.
So, when he wasn't at school or holding a meeting as Dimitri in Musain or the Corinthe, he haunted Feuilly's house. Feuilly was oddly tolerant of this, apart from a few sideways looks, and Manon chattered amiably while she went about her Routine. He grew to understand, over the course of two weeks, that Feuilly and Manon had a Routine, and that they always did the same things on the same days throughout the week. They hardly ever changed it.
The child, Justin, didn't speak. He only watched with his black Druid eyes. It bothered Samuel considerably, but as Feuilly and Manon were putting up with him so well, he didn't even think about saying anything. He just gave Justin exasperated glances when he went past him.
It made him truly happy to be there, however. He felt useful, and Feuilly's family made him unafraid of himself. He *enjoyed* being himself.
Manon had him fetch things occasionally, and Feuilly once sent him to the bakery for bread for supper. Samuel had discovered that they were equals. They shared everything and they were everything. Sometimes Feuilly was a wife as well as a husband, making supper himself and setting the table; sometimes Manon was a father as well as a mother and taught her son how to hold a brush for painting silk fans. But the difference was in that in their family, nothing was really something that 'the husband' would do or 'the mother' would do. They were so equal that sometimes it made Samuel's head hurt.
But it taught him what equality really was.
They never really left their Routines in all the time he was there, and it struck him that they must lead a rather boring life. He wondered how one could survive in a life so predictable. They always knew what would happen next. Then he realised they didn't always know what would happen. He realised that their odd, imperfect life made them *happy*. They loved one another and their son and they respected one another. He knew, of course, that they weren't always happy. He had seen Manon's thin face look thinner in worry, and Feuilly's black eyes go blank in disappointment. But they understood that to live one cannot dwell on the bad things. They knew how to live and not just stay alive, but to love living.
It taught him what freedom really was.
And he knew he was growing up, at last.