Hey. This is my first attempt at a fanfic so please review and tell me what
you think. I would really appreciate any feedback at all, good or bad.
DISCALIMER: I don't claim to own any of the characters or anything in the story. It all belongs to J K Rowling and I'm just borrowing them for my story!
Warning: This story contains adult themes that some people may find disturbing such as male/male relationships and also depression and cutting. Please do not flame if these themes offend you in anyway. Just don't read the story!
Thank you and on with the first chapter...
Chapter 2: Unexpected Revelations
Harry sat alone in a cabin on the Hogwart's Express staring out the window at the hills and valleys that were rushing by the window. Ron and Hermione had disappeared to find an empty cabin to have to themselves and then Harry knew they would be doing their prefect duties, so he doubted he would see them until they departed from the train.
Harry didn't mind being by himself. In fact he preferred it because it not only meant he had time alone to think but also he didn't have to endure countless questions about his summer and was he "alright". However much he hated lying to his friends Harry always tried to act happy and carefree around them. He didn't want them to worry about him. He knew that they had problems of their own to sort out and he didn't want them to waste their time worrying about him.
As he stared out the window he let his fingers travel lightly over the scars that had been left from the previous night and nights before that. They were mostly shallow cuts but they were still tender to touch. As his fingers travelled along the angry red marks he thought back to the feeling of relief he had experienced as the scissors had cut into him. It was this feeling that made him keep going. When he felt the blade cut into his skin he felt like he was getting just what he deserved and by doing this he was punishing himself for being so weak and letting Sirius go.
He often wondered what it would be like if he made the cuts a little deeper and a few times, when he was feeling particularly low, he had tried it and found that it still offered the same amount of relief but the scar had lasted a while longer. He ran his fingers over the two red scabs where he had cut deeper. The marks were still there even though it had been a week and a half since he made them.
In a way Harry was scared to cut much deeper because he didn't want to kill himself. He knew that he had to defeat Voldemort before he could do that. He knew that the fate of the wizarding world rested on his shoulders and he wasn't about to leave them all in the lurch because he was feeling depressed. Every night he thought about the inevitable final battle. He knew that Voldemort had to be defeated but what about after that? What would the wizarding world expect of him next? Harry dreamed of being able to live in the country somewhere in a little cottage and hopefully someday start his own family. But who would want to be with him?
Harry closed his eyes and leant his head back against the seat and took a few deep breaths, in and out. He would not let himself cry, not this time. He turned his line of thinking to the year ahead. It was his final year at Hogwarts. He was captain of the Quidditch team and the DA was set to take up a lot of his time. Dumbledore had encouraged the training and numbers had almost tripled. Harry continued to lead the group alone although the teachers did help now and again. He enjoyed running the DA. IT gave him time to focus his attention on something productive. He knew that he would have a busy year with all his extra curricular activities and the four NEWT's he would be sitting at the end of the year.
As Harry's thoughts drifted the cabin door slowly slid open and Draco Malfoy slipped in and sat opposite Harry.
"Potter"
"Malfoy"
They greeted each other with a nod. Towards the end of 6th year they had become quite good friends but they still refused to be on first name terms. Not everyone agreed with the friendship of the "Boy who Lived" and a Malfoy but no matter what was said to either of them they stayed civil to each other and sometimes even had a good laugh.
"Good summer Malfoy?"
"It was alright. Went to France with mother and visited father a few times but other than that mostly just stayed around the manor. What about you?"
"Same as usual really, just stayed in the house."
"I see. So where is the weasel and Granger?"
"Don't really know. They disappeared about an hour ago and I haven't seen them since. What about you? Not accompanied by the two great oafs today?"
"No they're down the front of the train stuffing their faces with sweets and I decided to go for a walk."
"Oh," said Harry quietly. He could feel his emotions welling up again at the mention of Ron and Hermione. They had hardly paid him any attention and over the summer he had hardly heard from them. Not that he blamed them. He wasn't exactly the best person to have as a friend. Normally all his friends ended up getting hurt in some way. He still felt lonely without them though but he knew better than to force himself upon them.
Harry sighed deeply and went back to staring absentmindedly out of the window.
Draco watched him intently. Harry hadn't been the same Harry he knew recently. They had made their truce in 6th year but even before that Harry hadn't responded to any jabs Draco had made towards him. He had also noticed that Harry spent more time alone now. He would hate to admit it but Harry had him worried.
Draco watched as Harry's fingers lightly ran over his arm. He wasn't sure what exactly Harry was doing but as he looked closer he saw red marks along his arm and what looked like a lot of dried blood.
'What on earth has Potter been doing?' he thought immediately becoming concerned for the boy opposite him.
"Potter?"
Harry looked up at him curiously, coming out of his daze. "Yeah Malfoy?"
"Ermm...what are you...what are those marks?" he asked quietly pointing to Harry's arm.
'Shit' Harry thought. He immediately pulled his robe over his arm.
"They're nothing, just...just fell over and scratched it. That's all."
Harry desperately hoped Draco would buy his lame excuse. He couldn't let him find out. Not the boy who had been his enemy, making his life hell up until last year. He turned back to the window hoping Draco would drop the subject.
Draco moved so that he was sitting next to Harry and grabbed his arm, making Harry wince in the process.
"Sorry."
Draco pulled up Harry's sleeve and gasped at what he saw. The angry red marks shocked him and the two large scabs almost made him want to vomit. He ran his finger along a shallow cut. Harry hung his head but refused to look Draco in the face. He was beyond ashamed. No-one was meant to find out.
"Potter, I think we need to talk about this"
Well there you go, chapter 2! Tell me what you think. It was originally going to be a bit longer but I thought they should have the conversation in a separate chapter. Please review with a good or bad response I don't mind. Just want to know if people are reading my story and what they think of it. Thank you to all the lovely people who reviewed the last chapter. Hope you enjoy this one aswell even though not a lot really happens. I am trying to put a bit give you all a bit of background before anything really happens. If you want me to continue I should probably get a beta because when it comes to dialogue I'm not very good at writing it so if anyone would like to volunteer for the job either send me an e-mail or a review and I shall get back to you. Thank you.
DISCALIMER: I don't claim to own any of the characters or anything in the story. It all belongs to J K Rowling and I'm just borrowing them for my story!
Warning: This story contains adult themes that some people may find disturbing such as male/male relationships and also depression and cutting. Please do not flame if these themes offend you in anyway. Just don't read the story!
Thank you and on with the first chapter...
Chapter 2: Unexpected Revelations
Harry sat alone in a cabin on the Hogwart's Express staring out the window at the hills and valleys that were rushing by the window. Ron and Hermione had disappeared to find an empty cabin to have to themselves and then Harry knew they would be doing their prefect duties, so he doubted he would see them until they departed from the train.
Harry didn't mind being by himself. In fact he preferred it because it not only meant he had time alone to think but also he didn't have to endure countless questions about his summer and was he "alright". However much he hated lying to his friends Harry always tried to act happy and carefree around them. He didn't want them to worry about him. He knew that they had problems of their own to sort out and he didn't want them to waste their time worrying about him.
As he stared out the window he let his fingers travel lightly over the scars that had been left from the previous night and nights before that. They were mostly shallow cuts but they were still tender to touch. As his fingers travelled along the angry red marks he thought back to the feeling of relief he had experienced as the scissors had cut into him. It was this feeling that made him keep going. When he felt the blade cut into his skin he felt like he was getting just what he deserved and by doing this he was punishing himself for being so weak and letting Sirius go.
He often wondered what it would be like if he made the cuts a little deeper and a few times, when he was feeling particularly low, he had tried it and found that it still offered the same amount of relief but the scar had lasted a while longer. He ran his fingers over the two red scabs where he had cut deeper. The marks were still there even though it had been a week and a half since he made them.
In a way Harry was scared to cut much deeper because he didn't want to kill himself. He knew that he had to defeat Voldemort before he could do that. He knew that the fate of the wizarding world rested on his shoulders and he wasn't about to leave them all in the lurch because he was feeling depressed. Every night he thought about the inevitable final battle. He knew that Voldemort had to be defeated but what about after that? What would the wizarding world expect of him next? Harry dreamed of being able to live in the country somewhere in a little cottage and hopefully someday start his own family. But who would want to be with him?
Harry closed his eyes and leant his head back against the seat and took a few deep breaths, in and out. He would not let himself cry, not this time. He turned his line of thinking to the year ahead. It was his final year at Hogwarts. He was captain of the Quidditch team and the DA was set to take up a lot of his time. Dumbledore had encouraged the training and numbers had almost tripled. Harry continued to lead the group alone although the teachers did help now and again. He enjoyed running the DA. IT gave him time to focus his attention on something productive. He knew that he would have a busy year with all his extra curricular activities and the four NEWT's he would be sitting at the end of the year.
As Harry's thoughts drifted the cabin door slowly slid open and Draco Malfoy slipped in and sat opposite Harry.
"Potter"
"Malfoy"
They greeted each other with a nod. Towards the end of 6th year they had become quite good friends but they still refused to be on first name terms. Not everyone agreed with the friendship of the "Boy who Lived" and a Malfoy but no matter what was said to either of them they stayed civil to each other and sometimes even had a good laugh.
"Good summer Malfoy?"
"It was alright. Went to France with mother and visited father a few times but other than that mostly just stayed around the manor. What about you?"
"Same as usual really, just stayed in the house."
"I see. So where is the weasel and Granger?"
"Don't really know. They disappeared about an hour ago and I haven't seen them since. What about you? Not accompanied by the two great oafs today?"
"No they're down the front of the train stuffing their faces with sweets and I decided to go for a walk."
"Oh," said Harry quietly. He could feel his emotions welling up again at the mention of Ron and Hermione. They had hardly paid him any attention and over the summer he had hardly heard from them. Not that he blamed them. He wasn't exactly the best person to have as a friend. Normally all his friends ended up getting hurt in some way. He still felt lonely without them though but he knew better than to force himself upon them.
Harry sighed deeply and went back to staring absentmindedly out of the window.
Draco watched him intently. Harry hadn't been the same Harry he knew recently. They had made their truce in 6th year but even before that Harry hadn't responded to any jabs Draco had made towards him. He had also noticed that Harry spent more time alone now. He would hate to admit it but Harry had him worried.
Draco watched as Harry's fingers lightly ran over his arm. He wasn't sure what exactly Harry was doing but as he looked closer he saw red marks along his arm and what looked like a lot of dried blood.
'What on earth has Potter been doing?' he thought immediately becoming concerned for the boy opposite him.
"Potter?"
Harry looked up at him curiously, coming out of his daze. "Yeah Malfoy?"
"Ermm...what are you...what are those marks?" he asked quietly pointing to Harry's arm.
'Shit' Harry thought. He immediately pulled his robe over his arm.
"They're nothing, just...just fell over and scratched it. That's all."
Harry desperately hoped Draco would buy his lame excuse. He couldn't let him find out. Not the boy who had been his enemy, making his life hell up until last year. He turned back to the window hoping Draco would drop the subject.
Draco moved so that he was sitting next to Harry and grabbed his arm, making Harry wince in the process.
"Sorry."
Draco pulled up Harry's sleeve and gasped at what he saw. The angry red marks shocked him and the two large scabs almost made him want to vomit. He ran his finger along a shallow cut. Harry hung his head but refused to look Draco in the face. He was beyond ashamed. No-one was meant to find out.
"Potter, I think we need to talk about this"
Well there you go, chapter 2! Tell me what you think. It was originally going to be a bit longer but I thought they should have the conversation in a separate chapter. Please review with a good or bad response I don't mind. Just want to know if people are reading my story and what they think of it. Thank you to all the lovely people who reviewed the last chapter. Hope you enjoy this one aswell even though not a lot really happens. I am trying to put a bit give you all a bit of background before anything really happens. If you want me to continue I should probably get a beta because when it comes to dialogue I'm not very good at writing it so if anyone would like to volunteer for the job either send me an e-mail or a review and I shall get back to you. Thank you.