Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters, places, etc., or the related indicia; they belong to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., Inc., Scholastic, and the numerous other publishing companies with which JKR has trusted her great works. I also do not own Katy Rose's song "Teachin' Myself to Dream"; it belongs to Katy Rose as well as her band, record producers, label, etc. No copyright infringement on any of these people or companies is intended.
Summary: Lily Evans and James Potter are stressed seventh years at Hogwarts. What is the outcome when they are involved in yet another argument? Surely not their falling in love! One-shot, songfic to "Teachin' Myself to Dream" by Katy Rose.Read and review, folks!
Rating: PG, just to be safe.
Category: Romance/Drama
Author's Notes: Font Key is as follows:
Bold print = title or header (I think you figured that one out)
Italics = flashback or thoughts, depending on context
Underlined type = song lyrics
Enjoy the show!
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Teachin' Myself to Dream
I throw myself into the rain
as we run down these old train
tracks again
Lily Evans threw open the great oak doors to the entrance hall and hurled outside as fast as her legs could carry her. She didn't care about the large raindrops pelting down from the storm-blackened night sky, soaking through her clothes and chilling her to the bone. Nor did she care much about the wintry temperature as it numbed her body, clad only in indoor robes and no cloak. Indeed, the tumultuous weather suited her angry, confused mood quite well.
The doors had barely shut behind her when they were pushed open again, only to slam twice as hard after another figure had passed through them, this time a male. James Potter ran after Lily with as little care about the weather as she had shown, though he had had the sense to grab a cloak on his way out.
For the other students at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, it was an ordinary November evening—dreary, rainy, and consumed by homework. Lily and James, however, were having anything but an ordinary day. Schoolwork lay forgotten in the Gryffindor common room, the site of their latest quarrel. For this was not the first time the two had argued in the past year. But the afternoon's events had been too much for Lily to handle this time. She just wished they would stop fighting; she was sick and tired of it. Only three months into her seventh year, she wanted the eternal turmoil of its beginning to end.
The moon is naked in the sky
so maybe you and I could fly
or pretend
Somehow, the dark gray clouds had parted to encircle the crescent moon that had risen only recently. A number of tiny stars bejeweled the small area in which they were allowed to shine. Lily would have liked nothing more than to soar to those great heights and join them in their twinkling dance, the joys and, moreover, sorrows of her earthly life forgotten.
As the stars fall from grace
and light your glowing face
I'm teachin' myself to dream
I'm holding my breath to scream
I;m teachin' myself to believe in the world
and it goes around in the sky so blue
That's what dreamers do
But as she glanced backwards at James, who continued to chase her, she could not forget the afternoon's events. As they flooded back to her, she reached the edge of the lake and crumpled there, sobbing and ready to scream.
On the way back from dinner, Lily had been frazzled enough, what with countless Head Girl duties and the nearly unbearable loads of homework the teachers had decided to pile on during her last year at Hogwarts. Plus, the times were Dark outside of Hogwarts, and… She shuddered to think about it. This was all without mentioning that she was forced to complete Head duties with James Potter, of all people. At least it was one of the few evenings when she and James were not involved in a row. All that was about to change, however, as events took a surprising but decided turn for the worse.
Suddenly a hand grabbed Lily's shoulder, roughly turned her around, and pushed her against the wall. She didn't even have time to see who the person was before he forced her in a kiss. Before she realized what she was doing, she gave in.
It was at this moment that James made an unwelcome entrance. The sight of her, the girl he'd loved subconsciously (or at least liked; he was never certain about his feelings when it came to Lily) since he-didn't-remember-when, kissing another man stopped him dead in his tracks. Slowly, he backed away, suddenly turning and fleeing back up the corridor, still unnoticed by the couple. All this happened extremely quickly, and those few seconds were all it took for it to dawn on Lily—she was kissing a boy she didn't even know! She abruptly stopped moving her mouth and tried to pull away. So immersed had he been in their… activities was the boy that he didn't seem to notice that she'd broken them off; she forced herself from between him and the stone wall before he realized that she'd stopped kissing him. Breaking into a run, she fled from the spot. She didn't care who he'd been, she just needed to get away, it was all too much. She couldn't handle it anymore.
Lily only stopped sprinting when she'd entered the common room and collapsed into an empty chair, tossing her book bag carelessly aside. She attempted to slow her breathing—attempted to calm down—but failed; soon she was crying softly into the soft fabric of her chair, oblivious to her surroundings.
But her tears went unnoticed by James, who was rounding on her mercilessly.
"Evans," he barked.
Lily didn't need to look up to identify the cold voice's owner. He'd used that tone with her too many times before.
"What do you want?" came her muffled reply.
"Well, first off I want you to look at me. Then I want you to tell me why you were snogging that bloke in the hallway."
In her disbelief, Lily lifted her face, just to make sure that James was really angry at her about this. She quickly saw that he was not joking. Rage began to boil within her.
"What do you care? Last I checked, I can kiss whomever I want. I don't need your permission. Or has your arrogance reached the point that you think you own me?"
For a moment, James was unable to speak. Then he blundered furiously, "I as good as do!"
Lily gasped. For a moment, she too was speechless. When she finally found her voice again, she cried, "Well, here's a reality check for you! We aren't even dating! Which means that you have no right to tell me who to kiss! 'We' doesn't exist! I hate you!"
With that she stomped out of the room, fleeing. She couldn't even find refuge in the common room, the living room of her home away from home.
Can't say what day it is or year
but thou shalt have no fear
for I know your name
You can't believe what I did
and maybe I'm just a kid
but then we're both the same
Forcing herself back to the present, Lily found herself thoroughly soaked, clothes clinging to her body, drenched hair plastered to her face, her tears mixing with the rain as it poured over her. And damn, was it cold, she realized for the first time. Sobbing harder than ever, she cursed herself, James, and every object imaginable. She tried to thrust thoughts of him out of her mind, but his voice just kept ringing through her head; she couldn't think of anything else. Potter's such an insufferable prat… So immature, acting as if he owns me—he's not even my friend, let alone my boyfriend! And if he was, he certainly shouldn't consider me his property! He seemed to think I was immature, too… I didn't have any control over that prat in the hallway… Even if I did… How did he see us, anyway? She felt like an eternity had passed already… She just wished time would fly, that everything would disappear.
I watch the hours through the glass
and know the time will finally pass
James had stopped two or three yards away from Lily, halted by the sight of her crumpled, crying form. After awhile of just watching her, he walked closer and spoke.
"Listen to me, Lily--"
"Get away from me, you great, awful prat! …You stupid…" Her words became incoherent as she flailed her arms about, trying to get herself as far away from him as possible. Through her tears she finally began to form complete, if stuttered, sentences. "You don't understand… I d-didn't ask that guy to kiss me, he j-just p-p-pushed me against the wall, and I d-didn't even know who he was! C-come to think of it, I d-d-don't know who he is now, either… And then you immature arse, actually m-mad at me for that, acting as if you own me… Get away from me!"
James's expression had softened considerably by the end of Lily's speech. Sitting beside her, he gathered her in his arms and stared out at the opaque gray, stormy lake, feeling that nothing could better show their confusion at the moment. Lily was too befuddled, weakened by what had happened so catastrophically and so quickly, to struggle against his grasp. After a moment, she found that in fact, it felt quite… good… to be in his arms… protected…
I'm teachin' myself to dream
I'm learning what love can be
I'm teachin' myself to
believe in the things I don't understand
I don't even know if they're true
That's what dreamers do
No, Lily thought, realizing what she was feeling as her sobs began to slow. You can't have feelings for him, don't you do that… Remember him, Lily! Remember all those lies? The times when he's been nothing but awful to you? The rows?!
Stapled eyes can't open until waking
and all your lies will be your undertaking
Despite their rocky past, she felt something awakening in herself. Could it be that they were meant to be? That maybe James had changed a little since the days of his almighty immaturity, and maybe he was a bit nicer now? That all along she had been ignoring what had been in front of her face? Without even realizing it, Lily decided that she had to go with the flow. She had blocked herself off from the world—and more specifically, certain people in it—for too long. She had to open up, open her eyes to what was all around. No more what ifs, no more struggling with her feelings because of occurrences in the past. She had to teach herself to believe, for some things were out of her hands.
I let my mind dance and flow
we'll make magic and I'll know
as the lilacs slowly grow
all my dreams are true
So, finally succumbing to greater powers and trusting her instincts, Lily turned her head toward James and tilted her face upwards. As he bent his head to meet hers lips, hardly daring to believe in this so suddenly, something clicked between them. They could no longer struggle against each other so uselessly. For once, they just let go, letting their feelings blossom without restraint.
I'm teachin' myself to dream
I'm learnin' what love can be
I'm teachin' myself to
believe in the things I don't understand
I don't even know if they're true
That's what dreamers do
And as the kiss deepened and Lily embraced James as fully as he now held her, they began to teach themselves—they could learn what love was, and to go by instinct. Before all thought process dissolved within their minds, one thought crossed both of their minds:
Maybe…
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A/N: Well, how d'ya like it? Let me know! I'm well aware that the song isn't a completely perfect fit, but it was too close for me to give it up. I also know that the story could be greatly elaborated, but I'm not ready for the commitment of writing a chaptered fic. (Geez, that sounds weird…) I may, however, later expand this into a separate chapter story. By the way, another note: All the song lines are of correct length; it is not a mistake that fragments such as "or pretend" make up entire lines. And of course, I couldn't forget—everyone thank my wonderful beta-reader, DarkFlower2113. Thanks a million, Sede! Drop me a note, and be kind—this is my first piece fanfiction. Whatever your opinion, click the lovely purple button—if you review, you get a cookie!
:.:.:Music.Sage:.:.:
(AKA Laura)
P.S. Perhaps I should make a "cookie" equal a review reply… I could add them to the story, you know, or post them in my profile… :::winks::: I really would!