I'm baaaaaaack! And I have some wonderful fun for all of you!
Chapter 2! Yay!
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of the Fushigi Yûgi manga, anime, characters, music, or other related merchandise. Nor do I own the Star Wars movies, books, characters, etc. And I don't own Natalie Portman. (Would I want to? ~_~() Now Hayden Christensen I wouldn't mind eheheheheh...) Let's see... what else? Hmmm... okay, nothing. All the other ideas are mine, so please don't steal them, okay?
Warnings: Ummmm... mild Miaka bashing? I love her, really I do, but it's sooooo easy! Plus... some shameless OOC-ness, I guess. Who cares? This is a parody, people!!!
CHAPTER 2: IN WHICH CHICHIRI FINALLY SNAPS
The eight weary travelers piled into a rental van.
"I call shot gun!" yelled Tasuki.
"Wait a minute," said a confused Tamahome as Chichiri slid into the driver's seat. "I'm the hero of the story. Shouldn't I be in the driver's seat?"
"Listen, Tamahome-kun," said Chichiri, "I didn't ask to be the chauffeur for all of you children no da. I'm on vacation for Suzaku's sake! It just so happens I'm the only one old enough to drive a rental legally. You are going to sit in the back with all the rest, and if you have a problem with it, I'll stuff you into my hat na no da! Do I make myself clear!?" he practically screamed.
Sweat drops all around.
"Gee, what's gotten into Chichiri?" whispered Chiriko to Mitsukake. "He's usually so calm and... benevolent."
Mitsukake shrugged. "Maybe he has some weird jet lag side effects."
"Is it even legal to drive with only one eye?" wondered Hotohori, concerned.
Meanwhile, in the back seat, Miaka had managed to end up sitting on Tamahome's lap. As he wrapped his arms around her, she went into a floating-bubbles-and-sparkling-lights blissful internal monologue sequence.
'He's so warm,' she mused. 'I can feel his heart beating. I wish I could stay in this moment forever, safe and warm in his arms. I'm so happy. I know he will always be there for me, even when one or the other of us decides we can't possibly be together and decides the least painful course of action is to totally ignore the other person's existence. Sigh. I wonder what our children will look like. Oh, how silly of me! How can I even think of marriage or children? Tamahome isn't real. He doesn't exist. He's just some stupid character in some stupid book. The fact that the only people who ever cared about me are just made up book characters doesn't mean diddly to me.'
Hotohori, sitting next to them, gazed upon them with sad eyes, lost in his own thoughts. 'How happy they look. Oh Tamahome, if only for one day you would let me protect her as you do...! But... it is not to be. Perhaps Miaka doesn't realize that inside the Emperor, there is a man, a foolish man that is in love with her! A man that has wanted to marry her since he was ten years old, when all the other kids were picking their noses. Ah! No one understands how I feel! Except maybe Anakin Skywalker. Granted, Natalie Portman is attractive....' (Amongst the readers, much confusion ensues.) 'But not as attractive as Miaka, the short, gluttonous, loud, obnoxious girl that I love! Her young face shines with innocence and stupidity!'
Next to Hotohori, Nuriko fell into his own reverie. 'Oh Hotohori- sama, how graceful and serene you look! Why must you love Miaka? Why won't you love me? I'm prettier than her anyway. Perhaps if I-'
Nuriko's thoughts were shattered by extremely loud music that suddenly issued through the van's speakers. "All right! They're playing my song!" shouted Tasuki. He began singing off key at the top of his lungs. "Hoo! Hah! Rekka-Shinen! BWAHAHAHA!!!"
"TURN OFF THAT HORRIBLE MUSIC NO DA!!" screamed Chichiri.
Tasuki quickly turned down the volume. "Ya know, Chichiri, your eye prob'ly shouldn't be, er, twitching like that."
"You people are driving me crazy no da! I can't take it anymore!" Chichiri closed his one good eye and took a deep breath. "I shall have to meditate until I feel better no da."
"Um, Chichiri," ventured Chiriko, "perhaps it would be wiser if, um, you didn't close your eyes until-"
"WATCH THE #$%*ING ROAD CHICHIRI!!" screamed Tasuki.
Without opening his eye, Chichiri turned the wheel sharply to the right, just in time to avoid the car in front of them. The van swerved crazily across several lanes of freeway traffic amidst much honking and inappropriate gestures from other drivers.
Nuriko clutched onto Hotohori's arm with a vise-like grip. "Save me, Hotohori-sama, I'm scared!" wailed the cross dresser.
"Nuriko-san, let go of our arm! We cannot feel our fingers!"
Tamahome held Miaka tighter, eyes wide. "D-don't worry, Miaka. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you!"
"Eww! You pervert! Get your hands off my chest!" she shrieked, punching his face in.
"I'm sorry! It was an accident! I swear I didn't mean to!"
Chiriko frantically recited the periodic table while Mitsukake used one of his medicines to knock himself unconscious.
Finally, Chichiri opened his eye with a sigh. "Well I really feel much better no da!" he said cheerily.
More sweat drops. Mitsukake started snoring.
"Tasuki, I hope you don't mind if I change the station no da!"
(Radio Announcer) "Welcome back to the 'Stars of Hawaii' Pageant. Contestants must recite an original poem, followed by an original song. The most talented individual will win a free lomilomi massage! Contestant #33... Nakago! Please describe yourself Nakago."
"Ahem. My name is Nakago. I am tall, blond, and blue-eyed. I am a Celestial Warrior of Seiryu. Actually, I am the one in charge. The others are just pawns. I like to manipulate people in order to achieve my goal of world domination. Now I would like to recite a haiku entitled 'Nakago is God.'
World domination.
Everything belongs to me.
I like how that sounds.
Ahem. Now I will sing one of my original songs that I wrote. It is called 'Blue Eyes Blue.'"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed all of the Suzaku. Mitsukake began drooling in his sleep.
* * *
Notes: Okay, let's see... the rental car thing... I think the age for renting a car in Hawaii is like, 25 or something. Which sucks! I mean, what good is a license if I can't rent a car and crash it? Ahem. So, Chichiri's actually too young to drive one, too, but he's the oldest, and someone had to drive. Just go with it, okay? Maybe he has a fake ID. Also, a quick explanation of lomilomi massage, for the Hawaiian language deprived (like I can talk!). "Lomilomi" basically means "to chop," so this Hawaiian massage form is based on a chopping motion of the hands. Now aren't you glad? You learned something today!
Well, now, wasn't that fun? Betcha can't wait til the next chapter, huh? ^_^
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to any of the Fushigi Yûgi manga, anime, characters, music, or other related merchandise. Nor do I own the Star Wars movies, books, characters, etc. And I don't own Natalie Portman. (Would I want to? ~_~() Now Hayden Christensen I wouldn't mind eheheheheh...) Let's see... what else? Hmmm... okay, nothing. All the other ideas are mine, so please don't steal them, okay?
Warnings: Ummmm... mild Miaka bashing? I love her, really I do, but it's sooooo easy! Plus... some shameless OOC-ness, I guess. Who cares? This is a parody, people!!!
CHAPTER 2: IN WHICH CHICHIRI FINALLY SNAPS
The eight weary travelers piled into a rental van.
"I call shot gun!" yelled Tasuki.
"Wait a minute," said a confused Tamahome as Chichiri slid into the driver's seat. "I'm the hero of the story. Shouldn't I be in the driver's seat?"
"Listen, Tamahome-kun," said Chichiri, "I didn't ask to be the chauffeur for all of you children no da. I'm on vacation for Suzaku's sake! It just so happens I'm the only one old enough to drive a rental legally. You are going to sit in the back with all the rest, and if you have a problem with it, I'll stuff you into my hat na no da! Do I make myself clear!?" he practically screamed.
Sweat drops all around.
"Gee, what's gotten into Chichiri?" whispered Chiriko to Mitsukake. "He's usually so calm and... benevolent."
Mitsukake shrugged. "Maybe he has some weird jet lag side effects."
"Is it even legal to drive with only one eye?" wondered Hotohori, concerned.
Meanwhile, in the back seat, Miaka had managed to end up sitting on Tamahome's lap. As he wrapped his arms around her, she went into a floating-bubbles-and-sparkling-lights blissful internal monologue sequence.
'He's so warm,' she mused. 'I can feel his heart beating. I wish I could stay in this moment forever, safe and warm in his arms. I'm so happy. I know he will always be there for me, even when one or the other of us decides we can't possibly be together and decides the least painful course of action is to totally ignore the other person's existence. Sigh. I wonder what our children will look like. Oh, how silly of me! How can I even think of marriage or children? Tamahome isn't real. He doesn't exist. He's just some stupid character in some stupid book. The fact that the only people who ever cared about me are just made up book characters doesn't mean diddly to me.'
Hotohori, sitting next to them, gazed upon them with sad eyes, lost in his own thoughts. 'How happy they look. Oh Tamahome, if only for one day you would let me protect her as you do...! But... it is not to be. Perhaps Miaka doesn't realize that inside the Emperor, there is a man, a foolish man that is in love with her! A man that has wanted to marry her since he was ten years old, when all the other kids were picking their noses. Ah! No one understands how I feel! Except maybe Anakin Skywalker. Granted, Natalie Portman is attractive....' (Amongst the readers, much confusion ensues.) 'But not as attractive as Miaka, the short, gluttonous, loud, obnoxious girl that I love! Her young face shines with innocence and stupidity!'
Next to Hotohori, Nuriko fell into his own reverie. 'Oh Hotohori- sama, how graceful and serene you look! Why must you love Miaka? Why won't you love me? I'm prettier than her anyway. Perhaps if I-'
Nuriko's thoughts were shattered by extremely loud music that suddenly issued through the van's speakers. "All right! They're playing my song!" shouted Tasuki. He began singing off key at the top of his lungs. "Hoo! Hah! Rekka-Shinen! BWAHAHAHA!!!"
"TURN OFF THAT HORRIBLE MUSIC NO DA!!" screamed Chichiri.
Tasuki quickly turned down the volume. "Ya know, Chichiri, your eye prob'ly shouldn't be, er, twitching like that."
"You people are driving me crazy no da! I can't take it anymore!" Chichiri closed his one good eye and took a deep breath. "I shall have to meditate until I feel better no da."
"Um, Chichiri," ventured Chiriko, "perhaps it would be wiser if, um, you didn't close your eyes until-"
"WATCH THE #$%*ING ROAD CHICHIRI!!" screamed Tasuki.
Without opening his eye, Chichiri turned the wheel sharply to the right, just in time to avoid the car in front of them. The van swerved crazily across several lanes of freeway traffic amidst much honking and inappropriate gestures from other drivers.
Nuriko clutched onto Hotohori's arm with a vise-like grip. "Save me, Hotohori-sama, I'm scared!" wailed the cross dresser.
"Nuriko-san, let go of our arm! We cannot feel our fingers!"
Tamahome held Miaka tighter, eyes wide. "D-don't worry, Miaka. I'll protect you. I'll always protect you!"
"Eww! You pervert! Get your hands off my chest!" she shrieked, punching his face in.
"I'm sorry! It was an accident! I swear I didn't mean to!"
Chiriko frantically recited the periodic table while Mitsukake used one of his medicines to knock himself unconscious.
Finally, Chichiri opened his eye with a sigh. "Well I really feel much better no da!" he said cheerily.
More sweat drops. Mitsukake started snoring.
"Tasuki, I hope you don't mind if I change the station no da!"
(Radio Announcer) "Welcome back to the 'Stars of Hawaii' Pageant. Contestants must recite an original poem, followed by an original song. The most talented individual will win a free lomilomi massage! Contestant #33... Nakago! Please describe yourself Nakago."
"Ahem. My name is Nakago. I am tall, blond, and blue-eyed. I am a Celestial Warrior of Seiryu. Actually, I am the one in charge. The others are just pawns. I like to manipulate people in order to achieve my goal of world domination. Now I would like to recite a haiku entitled 'Nakago is God.'
World domination.
Everything belongs to me.
I like how that sounds.
Ahem. Now I will sing one of my original songs that I wrote. It is called 'Blue Eyes Blue.'"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" screamed all of the Suzaku. Mitsukake began drooling in his sleep.
* * *
Notes: Okay, let's see... the rental car thing... I think the age for renting a car in Hawaii is like, 25 or something. Which sucks! I mean, what good is a license if I can't rent a car and crash it? Ahem. So, Chichiri's actually too young to drive one, too, but he's the oldest, and someone had to drive. Just go with it, okay? Maybe he has a fake ID. Also, a quick explanation of lomilomi massage, for the Hawaiian language deprived (like I can talk!). "Lomilomi" basically means "to chop," so this Hawaiian massage form is based on a chopping motion of the hands. Now aren't you glad? You learned something today!
Well, now, wasn't that fun? Betcha can't wait til the next chapter, huh? ^_^