Hey y'all! Welcome back to the story! This chapter is my personal
favorite. Writing in pidgin is fun! Woohoo!
Disclaimer: No hablo espanol. Y no owno Fushigi Yûgi. Comprende?
Warnings: Shameless bashing of Miaka. Shameless bashing of Waikiki surf. Shameless description of activities that the author really knows nothing about. Weird side notes about dreams. Heavy usage of Hawaiian pidgin English. For those of you who actually understand pidgin, I apologize if it sounds cheesey. I'm hauole; it can't be helped. Plus, it's harder to write pidgin than talk pidgin.
CHAPTER 6: IN WHICH OUR HEROES HANG TEN, DUDE
Tamahome was having pleasant dreams. Well, pleasant to him anyway. I'm not going to tell you about them, because they were about Miaka, and I really don't think you want to hear it.
Well anyway, the point is Tamahome was having very pleasant dreams, until Tasuki slapped him upside the head.
"Yo, wake up stupid'ead!"
"OOOWWW!!!! What the hell was that for?"
Tasuki frowned darkly at him, his arms crossed in front of him. "While the rest of the $^&*ing group was out lookin' for &*$%ing ice cream, they decided to sign us all up for &^#$ING SURFING LESSONS! Miaka thinks it's a great idea, and Hotohori says we all have to go an' that's an order! So we all hafta wake up &^&*ING EARLY IN THE %*#$ING MORNING to go learn how to !^@!ING SURF!!!!" Tasuki began to sulk.
Tamahome began to grumble about not getting enough sleep, but Miaka skipped into the room wearing a black bikini. (Why black? Why a bikini? I have no idea why, but at this point I had a flash memory to a certain dream involving a giant potato. LOL, DJ Fuminshou!)
("GET ON WITH THE FREAKING STORY!" shout the readers. "WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR GIANT POTATO!")
"Oooh, this is so exciting! Isn't this great Tamahome? I'm so thrilled! I get to wear my brand new bathing suit!"
Tamahome rapidly got out of bed, agreeing emphatically that this was definitely great.
Within an hour, the whole group was gathered on the sands of Waikiki in the shadow of the statue of Duke Kahanamoku. Tamahome was wearing red swim trunks and ogling Miaka, who was muttering something about a pervert. Chichiri was wearing swim trunks the same blue as his hair. Chiriko had found a white surfer's wet suit. Mitsukake was wearing black surf shorts with a green and gold chinese dragon on the side of each leg. He was also wearing neon pink goggles and slathering himself with SPF 50 sunscreen.
"Musn't burn," he was muttering. "Musn't get skin cancer."
Chiriko gazed up at him curiously. "Why the goggles, Mitsukake?"
Mitsukake stopped and stared at him. "You're kidding, right?" he asked after a pause. "The ocean is full of bacteria. I don't want to get an eye infection."
"Don't ya think yer gettin' kinda obsessive about the whole #$%^ing health thing, Mitsukake?" interjected Tasuki. "I mean, can't ya just heal yerself? Isn't that yer *!%%ING JOB!?"
Tasuki was in black surf shorts with red and orange flames (well, DUH!), and he was very pissed off.
"Awww, don't you look cute, Tasuki-chan!" exclaimed Nuriko. "But you're even cuter, Hotohori-sama!" Nuriko immediately latched onto his arm. Nuriko was wearing a black speedo (eek!). So was Hotohori (EEK!).
"Isn't it great how we match, Hotohori-sama?" gushed the cross- dresser, batting his long eyelashes at the emperor. "Do you think that means something?"
Hotohori tried to ignore him, and was busy fretting over what the salt water would do to his hair.
Tasuki was just considering sneaking off when the surfing instructor arrived. He was a tanned, cheerful looking man in his forties, Hawaiian- Japanese, with salt-and-pepper hair, faded black surf shorts, large white teeth, and a face creased and wrinkled by salt, sun, and smiles. (Precise enough for ya? I think he embodies the sterotypical Hawaiian surf instructor dude.)
"A - loha, bruddahs an' sistah! I apologize for my latefulness, but you touris' types should know dat hea in da Islands, we all on Hawaiian Time li' dat! My name is Kimo Kanahele, but please call me da kine, Bruddah Kimo."
"Kimo..." said Chiriko, eager to impress, "the Hawaiian language approximation of the English name 'James,' is it not?"
Kimo reached down and tousled his hair. "Ho, da akamai, yeah? Whas' yo name?"
"Chiriko, Kimo-san."
"'Chiriko,' huh? Well I goin' call you 'Menehune Man,' 'cause o' yo' smahts."
"Menehune..." mused Chiriko, "a race of mysterious night-people in Hawaiian myths and legends. Diminuative, yet intelligent, ingenious, and industrious." He smiled up at Kimo. "That is acceptable."
Kimo grinned, slapping him on the back. "Hokay den, brah. Les' get to da fun stuffs." He grinned even more widely, if possible, and addressed his crowd of disciples. "We's gathered hea today in da presence a' Da Duke," and he gestured at the statue, "to learn da sacred Hawaiian aht, das' known as he'enalu, or-" and here he took a deep breath, and breathed out the word, "-surfing." He clapped his hands together and gazed around at the group. "Hokay den, les' all go to my truck and get da kine."
Kimo led the way to his battered, rusted, and stained white pickup truck. He distributed surfboards amongst the Suzaku seishi (and Miko). First he taught them how to wax and care for the board. Then, still on the sand, he made them practice paddling to catch a wave, and how to stand up on the surfboard. He described to them how to choose a wave.
"Hokay den," he exclaimed, finally, "I tink you guys is as ready as you gonna get. Is time to go in da ocean. But first," and he held up a warning finger, "first we goin' pray. I no care who you pray to, wedda is Hina, or Kanaloa, or Da Duke, or da Great Akua, or da kine, but you betta' go pray or da ocean stay waitin' to chew you up and spit you out."
Everyone knelt in the sand. 'What are the chances Miaka's bikini top will come undone?' asked Tamahome.
Miaka was frowning. 'Tamahome's such a pervert, staring at me like that', she thought. 'I hope he eats sand, that oaf!'
'I pray that the #%^&ing water dries up, dammit!' thought Tasuki. 'Dammit, Suzaku! What'd I ever do ta deserve this!?!'
"Hokay!" exclaimed Kimo, standing up and dusting off his hands. "We's ready! Who goin' go first?"
Chichiri leapt to his feet, jumping up and down excitedly. "Ooh ooh ooh, me first no da!"
The local chuckled good naturedly. "Hokay den, brah, show us your stuffs."
Chichiri ran eagerly over to his board and splashed out into the waves (if you can call those puny Waikiki ripples "waves"). He paddled out to deeper water, turned to face the shore, and waited, floating gently. When a large- er, relatively large- set came, he expertly chose a wave and began paddling swiftly and smoothly toward shore. As the wave rose beneath him, he rose effortlessly to his feet, and within seconds he was surfing like a pro- if professional surfers surfed Waikiki. Which they don't.
The monk glided easily up to the shore, a huge grin on his face as he sprang briskly off of his board into the foot-deep water. "That was so cool no da! Can I do it again no da?"
"Maika'i, maika'i, very good!" exclaimed Kimo, clapping his hands. "Who's next?"
"I'll go," volunteered Tamahome. "It looks easier than I thought. This should be a piece of cake."
Thinking proudly of how impressed Miaka would be, the warrior paddled swiftly out from shore, cutting through the water like he was made for the ocean. He waited patiently, chose a wave, and headed for shore with strong, powerful strokes.
'Oooh, look at his muscles!' thought Miaka.
At the right moment, Tamahome stood up- just a tad too swiftly. The board shot out from under him immediately, dunking him ungracefully under the water. He came up spluttering amid roars of laughter from the shore. Miaka was rolling on the sand, and tears were coming from her eyes.
"Hey, give me a break!" he shouted, his face turning red. "It's only my first try!"
"Let a Priestess show you how it's done," said Miaka when Tamahome returned to the sand. She paddled out, blah blah blah, you get the picture, and stood up. She wobbled unsteadily, but she was surfing! A huge stupid grin lit up her otherwise dull face. She caught a colorful flash out of the corner of her eye. 'Oooh, a fish!' Her stomach growled loudly. With a sudden lurch, she fell with a kersplash! into the water, swallowing some in the process.
One by one, the Suzaku seishi gave it a try, with varied success. Besides Chichiri, only Hotohori and Chiriko managed not to get dunked. Eventually, everyone had gone once... except for Tasuki.
As a sodden, giggling Nuriko waded out of the water, everyone turned to the reluctant bandit expectantly. Tasuki was sitting on the sand, well away from the water, hugging his knees, his eyes tightly shut. Chiriko crept up to him and peered into his face, concerned.
"Tasuki-san," he said softly, "your face looks kind of green."
Mitsukake knelt next to him and touched his arm. "His skin is clammy." He shook Tasuki slightly. "Come on Tasuki, it's your turn."
"AH DON' WANNA GO!" wailed the outlaw. (Awwww....)
"He's shivering!" exclaimed Miaka, frowning with concern. She sat down next to him and put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "It's okay, Tasuki. You don't have to go if you really don't want to."
"Yeah," smirked Tamahome, "you can go wait for us at the hotel if you're too scared."
Tasuki opened his eyes and glared at Tamahome. "Go ta hell," he snarled.
"Tamahome, shut up!" snapped Miaka. "Tasuki, don't listen to him. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."
"Nah, I'll do it, I'll do it." He rose heavily to his feet, taking a deep breath. He shot a challenging scowl at Tamahome, then walked purposefully toward his board, like a man going into battle. Picking it up, he stood uncertainly at the tideline.
Kimo slapped him on the shoulder encouragingly. "Eh, no worries, brah. You'll do fine."
Tasuki looked unconvinced. 'Save me Suzaku....' He walked to the waters edge and stuck a toe in. "Eeeek!" he cried, jerking back.
"What's wrong?" shouted Nuriko. "The water's warm!"
"Exactly!"
"Well what did you expect?"
Tasuki closed his eyes in misery. "I don't know!" Before he could change his mind, he ran into the water and began to paddle.
"Eh, brah, try open yo' eyes! Stay kinda hard ta surf wen dey stay close'!"
Tasuki chose a wave and paddled towards shore. He stood up, teetered, and stood straight. 'Oh thank Suzaku!' he had time to think, before the board shot straight up in the air, dumping him. They say what goes up must come down, and the surfboard did... on Tasuki's head, knocking him unconscious.
"Eeeekkk!!! Somebody save him!" shrieked Miaka.
Kimo paddled out swiftly and hauled him to shore, his face now creased with worry. Tasuki's companions clustered about him anxiously.
"DO SOMETHING MITSUKAKE!!" screeched the Miko.
Mitsukake glanced at the prone form and shrugged. "There's nothing I can do."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO?!?!?! YOU'RE A HEALER!!!!!!"
"I can't heal him. There's nothing wrong with him."
"NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM?!?!?!? HE'S NOT BREATHING!!!!!"
"Wait, I have an idea," said Chiriko. He knelt by Tasuki's ear. "Mouth to mouth resuscitation..." he whispered.
No response.
"... Administered by Mitsukake..."
Tasuki lay still.
"... Administered by Miaka?"
Tasuki choked loudly, exploding into a fit of coughing. Chiriko looked pleased with himself. Miaka frowned darkly.
The bandit sat up, gasping for breath. "!#$%!!!!" he screamed. "THIS IS #%^$ING CRAZY!!! I COULD HAVE DIED!!!"
Miaka, who has a really short memory, was ecstatic. "TASUKI, YOU'RE ALIVE!" she shouted as she hugged him.
"No !*!@, it should be !%^*ing obvious," he grumbled.
Kimo looked relieved. "Eh, brah, thanks to goodness you stay okay. If you died, I woulda' had ta give yo' buddies one refund!" He winked at the soggy Warrior.
Tasuki rolled his eyes. "Ha ha, very funny. See how hard I laugh." He coughed a couple times and struggled to his feet.
"Well den," said the native, clapping his hands together, "one nuddah crisis averted. Now that I seen what each of yous can do, le's all get in da waddah togeddah an' practice some moa'.... Excep' maybe fo' you," he added, looking at Tasuki. "I no t'ink da waddah agrees wit' you."
Out of the corner of his eye, Tasuki saw Tamahome smirk and open his mouth to make another snide comment. "No!" he burst out. He crossed his arms and raised his chin, scowling darkly. "I ain't afraid a' nothin'! I ain't gonna let no stinkin' ocean beat me!" He stepped briskly toward the ocean to retrieve his board. (Ohhhhhh! He's so brave!)
Kimo grinned. "Eh, you heard da guy! Le's go surf!"
Everyone grabbed their boards and plunged into the ocean. As Tasuki waded through the shallows, Tamahome raced past him, splashing him with water and sand.
"Watch me, flameboy," he taunted, "I'll show you how to surf."
"Hello, meat head," retorted Tasuki, "you were th' first one dunked!"
The group practiced in the warm sunshine, catching waves sometimes, getting dunked more often than not. An unusually large swell came up (Say, three feet? This is Waikiki, remember?), and Tasuki and Tamahome both caught it.
"Hey, watch this!" shouted Tamahome. He made a quick movement, cutting across the wave. He reached down and touched the water for a moment, before he lost balance and plunged headfirst into the ocean.
Tasuki grinned evilly as an idea came to him. He shifted his weight so that his board shot into the air, dumping him. A moment after Tamahome surfaced, spluttering, the flying surfboard contacted his head.
"HEY!!" he yelled, after resurfacing, "Cut it out!"
"BWAHAHAHAHA- ! I mean, whoops, I'm sorry! I musta' slipped!"
"Hokay, everyone!" shouted Kimo after a couple hours of surfing. "You guys did awesome! I goin' go now; I gots to go teach some uddah peoples how ta surf. Maybe I see ya laters bumbye. Take care, a'ight?"
The group returned their surfboards to Kimo and headed to the shade. Miaka's stomach growled loudly. "Lunchtime!" she exclaimed, cheerfully.
Chiriko opened a cooler and passed out the sandwiches. He frowned at his. It appeared to consist only of two slices of bread. He lifted the top slice to find half of a slice of bologna. "This is not enough. I require more nourishment," he complained.
Nuriko eyed his own tiny portion with distaste and disbelief. "Yeah, who was in charge of making sandwiches?"
Tamahome blinked. "Umm, Miaka was."
Everyone turned to stare at Suzaku no Miko. Miaka was pulling her lunch out of her own cooler. Her sandwich was piled high with bologna, ham, turkey, chicken, pastrami, salami, lettuce, tomato, pickles, olives, cheddar, mozzarella, and Swiss. It was bigger than her head. The Priestess opened her mouth wide and was about to take a bite when she noticed everyone staring at her.
"Huh? What's wrong?"
Nuriko snorted. "Oh yeah, like you don't know."
Tasuki ground his teeth together. "Miaka-! What's with th' puny sandwiches?!"
The Miko blinked innocently. "I'm sorry. I made my sandwich first, and when I was done, there weren't enough ingredients left." She creased her brow seriously. "That was very irresponsible. Who was in charge of shopping?"
Everyone sweatdropped.
* * *
Notes: Whoo! That was a long chapter! Unfortunately, I think it calls for some long notes. Je suis vraiment dèsolé. I am truly sorry.
Potato Dream: Just so you know how weird I am, when I was trying to think of what Miaka's swimsuit looked like, I suddenly remembered a dream that a friend of mine, Arwen Alatariell, had a couple years ago and told me about. My friends and I were standing in a sewer, chest deep in icky brown water. Arwen wanted me to dive down and pull the plug to drain the water, but I was afraid to because of the Evil Garden Gnomes and the Giant Potato. DJ Fuminshou called to us from above, and asked what was going on. We looked up, and she was standing at the side of the sewer, dressed in a black bikini. Only those of you who know DJ Fuminshou know how truly bizarre this concept is. Later in the dream, I fought the Giant Potato, dressed as a knight in shining armor and stabbing it aggressively with a plastic knife.
Pronunciation of Hawaiian Words: In Hawaiian, each syllable ends with a vowel, and the vowels use the short sounds (like Spanish.) So, they're not pronounced "ay ee ai oh you," but "ah ay ee oh oo." Get it? The words are punctuated with little backwards apostrophes ('okina), denoting a glottal stop, as in the word "uh-oh." In the absence of an 'okina, vowels are combined ("a'e" is pronounced "ah-ay", but "ae" is pronounced like the word "I"). There's another mark called a kahako that lengthens certain vowels, but you can't find it on any keyboard, so you can ignore it. Also, the letter "W" can be pronounced like a "V," depending on your dialect. Get it? For the record, "Hawai'i" is pronounced "Ha-vai-ee."
Surfing: Okay, for those of you who surf at Waikiki, don't kill me. I don't actually surf at all. All of my surfing knowledge comes from watching others and from teaching myself to bodysurf. It's just that, being from a Neighbor Island, I have a contempt for Waikiki. Also, the waves *are* puny, aren't they? I like to swim in rougher water. Like Polihale. *Also*, it should be noted that there is no way in hell that anyone could possibly learn to surf in one day. Forget getting dunked, there's no way that you could even get close to standing up. For the purposes of the story, let's just say that Suzaku is the god of Love, Passion, and Magical Surfing Powers, and his seishi and miko are therefore endowed with the appropriate skills. 'Kay? Happy now, Kuro no Hoshi? So ya don't have to wallop me now, right?
Pidgin English: In Hawaii, people from many different countries worked together in the sugar cane fields, so pidgin was developed as a hybrid of all languages, so the workers could understand each other. If you pronounce it phonetically, you should be able to get most of it. Words like "to" and "it" are often deleted, and sometimes words are added where they aren't really needed, like "li' dat" or "bumbye." "One" is used in place of "a." "Stay" is used in place of "is," "are," or "it is."
Hawaiian/Pidgin Glossary:
li'dat - Literally, "like that." Basically, it's just added in there for no good reason. Kind of like "no da," right?
da kine - Literally, "the kind." This word is used when both parties know what is being talked about, so the actual word does not need to be said. For some reason, non-locals have trouble with this concept.
akamai - "Smart."
brah - Basically short for "braddah" or "brother." Everyone in Hawaii is "brah," "tita," "uncle," or "auntie."
maika'i - "Very good."
bumbye - Another useless word. Implies something that will happen in the future. Probably derived from "bye and bye."
hauole - Literally, "no breath." The Europeans who made first contact with Hawaiians ate different foods from the locals, so their breath smelled different. The word came to mean "foreigner," but now refers only to white people, like me. ^_^ It can be an insult, or just a simple adjective or noun.
he'enalu - Literally, "wave rider" or "wave riding." Surfing. Ya. Surfing was the sport of Hawaiian kings and queens, who rode big, heavy, wooden longboards. If you caught the same wave as a member of the royalty, you were killed. If you didn't know surfing was invented in Hawaii, shame on you.
Duke Kahanamoku - One of Hawaii's greatest heroes. He is a surf legend, a longboarder who traveled the world and taught people how to surf. I met a surfer in Tasmania who talked about him like he was a god. Duke was also an Olympic swimming champion. And yes, there is a statue of him in Waikiki. Also, commemorative stamps! If you are Hawaii born and/or a surfer, and you don't know who Duke is, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Hina - One of the Hawaiian goddesses. The gods and goddesses all had gazillions of names and different incarnations, but in this case I am referring to Hina of the Sea.
Kanaloa - One of the four principle Hawaiian gods, Ku, Kane, Kanaloa, and Lono. Kanaloa was associated with the ocean.
Great Akua - The local name for the Christian God. "Akua" is literally "ghost" or "spirit."
Hawaiian Time - In Hawaii, there is no such thing as "prompt" or "punctual." If you say, "Be there at 5," consider yourself lucky if 80% of your guests show up by 5:30.
Whew! That's a lot of explanations! The rest you should be able to figure out. Like "menehune." I'm not explaining that one twice.
Disclaimer: No hablo espanol. Y no owno Fushigi Yûgi. Comprende?
Warnings: Shameless bashing of Miaka. Shameless bashing of Waikiki surf. Shameless description of activities that the author really knows nothing about. Weird side notes about dreams. Heavy usage of Hawaiian pidgin English. For those of you who actually understand pidgin, I apologize if it sounds cheesey. I'm hauole; it can't be helped. Plus, it's harder to write pidgin than talk pidgin.
CHAPTER 6: IN WHICH OUR HEROES HANG TEN, DUDE
Tamahome was having pleasant dreams. Well, pleasant to him anyway. I'm not going to tell you about them, because they were about Miaka, and I really don't think you want to hear it.
Well anyway, the point is Tamahome was having very pleasant dreams, until Tasuki slapped him upside the head.
"Yo, wake up stupid'ead!"
"OOOWWW!!!! What the hell was that for?"
Tasuki frowned darkly at him, his arms crossed in front of him. "While the rest of the $^&*ing group was out lookin' for &*$%ing ice cream, they decided to sign us all up for &^#$ING SURFING LESSONS! Miaka thinks it's a great idea, and Hotohori says we all have to go an' that's an order! So we all hafta wake up &^&*ING EARLY IN THE %*#$ING MORNING to go learn how to !^@!ING SURF!!!!" Tasuki began to sulk.
Tamahome began to grumble about not getting enough sleep, but Miaka skipped into the room wearing a black bikini. (Why black? Why a bikini? I have no idea why, but at this point I had a flash memory to a certain dream involving a giant potato. LOL, DJ Fuminshou!)
("GET ON WITH THE FREAKING STORY!" shout the readers. "WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR GIANT POTATO!")
"Oooh, this is so exciting! Isn't this great Tamahome? I'm so thrilled! I get to wear my brand new bathing suit!"
Tamahome rapidly got out of bed, agreeing emphatically that this was definitely great.
Within an hour, the whole group was gathered on the sands of Waikiki in the shadow of the statue of Duke Kahanamoku. Tamahome was wearing red swim trunks and ogling Miaka, who was muttering something about a pervert. Chichiri was wearing swim trunks the same blue as his hair. Chiriko had found a white surfer's wet suit. Mitsukake was wearing black surf shorts with a green and gold chinese dragon on the side of each leg. He was also wearing neon pink goggles and slathering himself with SPF 50 sunscreen.
"Musn't burn," he was muttering. "Musn't get skin cancer."
Chiriko gazed up at him curiously. "Why the goggles, Mitsukake?"
Mitsukake stopped and stared at him. "You're kidding, right?" he asked after a pause. "The ocean is full of bacteria. I don't want to get an eye infection."
"Don't ya think yer gettin' kinda obsessive about the whole #$%^ing health thing, Mitsukake?" interjected Tasuki. "I mean, can't ya just heal yerself? Isn't that yer *!%%ING JOB!?"
Tasuki was in black surf shorts with red and orange flames (well, DUH!), and he was very pissed off.
"Awww, don't you look cute, Tasuki-chan!" exclaimed Nuriko. "But you're even cuter, Hotohori-sama!" Nuriko immediately latched onto his arm. Nuriko was wearing a black speedo (eek!). So was Hotohori (EEK!).
"Isn't it great how we match, Hotohori-sama?" gushed the cross- dresser, batting his long eyelashes at the emperor. "Do you think that means something?"
Hotohori tried to ignore him, and was busy fretting over what the salt water would do to his hair.
Tasuki was just considering sneaking off when the surfing instructor arrived. He was a tanned, cheerful looking man in his forties, Hawaiian- Japanese, with salt-and-pepper hair, faded black surf shorts, large white teeth, and a face creased and wrinkled by salt, sun, and smiles. (Precise enough for ya? I think he embodies the sterotypical Hawaiian surf instructor dude.)
"A - loha, bruddahs an' sistah! I apologize for my latefulness, but you touris' types should know dat hea in da Islands, we all on Hawaiian Time li' dat! My name is Kimo Kanahele, but please call me da kine, Bruddah Kimo."
"Kimo..." said Chiriko, eager to impress, "the Hawaiian language approximation of the English name 'James,' is it not?"
Kimo reached down and tousled his hair. "Ho, da akamai, yeah? Whas' yo name?"
"Chiriko, Kimo-san."
"'Chiriko,' huh? Well I goin' call you 'Menehune Man,' 'cause o' yo' smahts."
"Menehune..." mused Chiriko, "a race of mysterious night-people in Hawaiian myths and legends. Diminuative, yet intelligent, ingenious, and industrious." He smiled up at Kimo. "That is acceptable."
Kimo grinned, slapping him on the back. "Hokay den, brah. Les' get to da fun stuffs." He grinned even more widely, if possible, and addressed his crowd of disciples. "We's gathered hea today in da presence a' Da Duke," and he gestured at the statue, "to learn da sacred Hawaiian aht, das' known as he'enalu, or-" and here he took a deep breath, and breathed out the word, "-surfing." He clapped his hands together and gazed around at the group. "Hokay den, les' all go to my truck and get da kine."
Kimo led the way to his battered, rusted, and stained white pickup truck. He distributed surfboards amongst the Suzaku seishi (and Miko). First he taught them how to wax and care for the board. Then, still on the sand, he made them practice paddling to catch a wave, and how to stand up on the surfboard. He described to them how to choose a wave.
"Hokay den," he exclaimed, finally, "I tink you guys is as ready as you gonna get. Is time to go in da ocean. But first," and he held up a warning finger, "first we goin' pray. I no care who you pray to, wedda is Hina, or Kanaloa, or Da Duke, or da Great Akua, or da kine, but you betta' go pray or da ocean stay waitin' to chew you up and spit you out."
Everyone knelt in the sand. 'What are the chances Miaka's bikini top will come undone?' asked Tamahome.
Miaka was frowning. 'Tamahome's such a pervert, staring at me like that', she thought. 'I hope he eats sand, that oaf!'
'I pray that the #%^&ing water dries up, dammit!' thought Tasuki. 'Dammit, Suzaku! What'd I ever do ta deserve this!?!'
"Hokay!" exclaimed Kimo, standing up and dusting off his hands. "We's ready! Who goin' go first?"
Chichiri leapt to his feet, jumping up and down excitedly. "Ooh ooh ooh, me first no da!"
The local chuckled good naturedly. "Hokay den, brah, show us your stuffs."
Chichiri ran eagerly over to his board and splashed out into the waves (if you can call those puny Waikiki ripples "waves"). He paddled out to deeper water, turned to face the shore, and waited, floating gently. When a large- er, relatively large- set came, he expertly chose a wave and began paddling swiftly and smoothly toward shore. As the wave rose beneath him, he rose effortlessly to his feet, and within seconds he was surfing like a pro- if professional surfers surfed Waikiki. Which they don't.
The monk glided easily up to the shore, a huge grin on his face as he sprang briskly off of his board into the foot-deep water. "That was so cool no da! Can I do it again no da?"
"Maika'i, maika'i, very good!" exclaimed Kimo, clapping his hands. "Who's next?"
"I'll go," volunteered Tamahome. "It looks easier than I thought. This should be a piece of cake."
Thinking proudly of how impressed Miaka would be, the warrior paddled swiftly out from shore, cutting through the water like he was made for the ocean. He waited patiently, chose a wave, and headed for shore with strong, powerful strokes.
'Oooh, look at his muscles!' thought Miaka.
At the right moment, Tamahome stood up- just a tad too swiftly. The board shot out from under him immediately, dunking him ungracefully under the water. He came up spluttering amid roars of laughter from the shore. Miaka was rolling on the sand, and tears were coming from her eyes.
"Hey, give me a break!" he shouted, his face turning red. "It's only my first try!"
"Let a Priestess show you how it's done," said Miaka when Tamahome returned to the sand. She paddled out, blah blah blah, you get the picture, and stood up. She wobbled unsteadily, but she was surfing! A huge stupid grin lit up her otherwise dull face. She caught a colorful flash out of the corner of her eye. 'Oooh, a fish!' Her stomach growled loudly. With a sudden lurch, she fell with a kersplash! into the water, swallowing some in the process.
One by one, the Suzaku seishi gave it a try, with varied success. Besides Chichiri, only Hotohori and Chiriko managed not to get dunked. Eventually, everyone had gone once... except for Tasuki.
As a sodden, giggling Nuriko waded out of the water, everyone turned to the reluctant bandit expectantly. Tasuki was sitting on the sand, well away from the water, hugging his knees, his eyes tightly shut. Chiriko crept up to him and peered into his face, concerned.
"Tasuki-san," he said softly, "your face looks kind of green."
Mitsukake knelt next to him and touched his arm. "His skin is clammy." He shook Tasuki slightly. "Come on Tasuki, it's your turn."
"AH DON' WANNA GO!" wailed the outlaw. (Awwww....)
"He's shivering!" exclaimed Miaka, frowning with concern. She sat down next to him and put a comforting arm around his shoulders. "It's okay, Tasuki. You don't have to go if you really don't want to."
"Yeah," smirked Tamahome, "you can go wait for us at the hotel if you're too scared."
Tasuki opened his eyes and glared at Tamahome. "Go ta hell," he snarled.
"Tamahome, shut up!" snapped Miaka. "Tasuki, don't listen to him. You don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with."
"Nah, I'll do it, I'll do it." He rose heavily to his feet, taking a deep breath. He shot a challenging scowl at Tamahome, then walked purposefully toward his board, like a man going into battle. Picking it up, he stood uncertainly at the tideline.
Kimo slapped him on the shoulder encouragingly. "Eh, no worries, brah. You'll do fine."
Tasuki looked unconvinced. 'Save me Suzaku....' He walked to the waters edge and stuck a toe in. "Eeeek!" he cried, jerking back.
"What's wrong?" shouted Nuriko. "The water's warm!"
"Exactly!"
"Well what did you expect?"
Tasuki closed his eyes in misery. "I don't know!" Before he could change his mind, he ran into the water and began to paddle.
"Eh, brah, try open yo' eyes! Stay kinda hard ta surf wen dey stay close'!"
Tasuki chose a wave and paddled towards shore. He stood up, teetered, and stood straight. 'Oh thank Suzaku!' he had time to think, before the board shot straight up in the air, dumping him. They say what goes up must come down, and the surfboard did... on Tasuki's head, knocking him unconscious.
"Eeeekkk!!! Somebody save him!" shrieked Miaka.
Kimo paddled out swiftly and hauled him to shore, his face now creased with worry. Tasuki's companions clustered about him anxiously.
"DO SOMETHING MITSUKAKE!!" screeched the Miko.
Mitsukake glanced at the prone form and shrugged. "There's nothing I can do."
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO?!?!?! YOU'RE A HEALER!!!!!!"
"I can't heal him. There's nothing wrong with him."
"NOTHING WRONG WITH HIM?!?!?!? HE'S NOT BREATHING!!!!!"
"Wait, I have an idea," said Chiriko. He knelt by Tasuki's ear. "Mouth to mouth resuscitation..." he whispered.
No response.
"... Administered by Mitsukake..."
Tasuki lay still.
"... Administered by Miaka?"
Tasuki choked loudly, exploding into a fit of coughing. Chiriko looked pleased with himself. Miaka frowned darkly.
The bandit sat up, gasping for breath. "!#$%!!!!" he screamed. "THIS IS #%^$ING CRAZY!!! I COULD HAVE DIED!!!"
Miaka, who has a really short memory, was ecstatic. "TASUKI, YOU'RE ALIVE!" she shouted as she hugged him.
"No !*!@, it should be !%^*ing obvious," he grumbled.
Kimo looked relieved. "Eh, brah, thanks to goodness you stay okay. If you died, I woulda' had ta give yo' buddies one refund!" He winked at the soggy Warrior.
Tasuki rolled his eyes. "Ha ha, very funny. See how hard I laugh." He coughed a couple times and struggled to his feet.
"Well den," said the native, clapping his hands together, "one nuddah crisis averted. Now that I seen what each of yous can do, le's all get in da waddah togeddah an' practice some moa'.... Excep' maybe fo' you," he added, looking at Tasuki. "I no t'ink da waddah agrees wit' you."
Out of the corner of his eye, Tasuki saw Tamahome smirk and open his mouth to make another snide comment. "No!" he burst out. He crossed his arms and raised his chin, scowling darkly. "I ain't afraid a' nothin'! I ain't gonna let no stinkin' ocean beat me!" He stepped briskly toward the ocean to retrieve his board. (Ohhhhhh! He's so brave!)
Kimo grinned. "Eh, you heard da guy! Le's go surf!"
Everyone grabbed their boards and plunged into the ocean. As Tasuki waded through the shallows, Tamahome raced past him, splashing him with water and sand.
"Watch me, flameboy," he taunted, "I'll show you how to surf."
"Hello, meat head," retorted Tasuki, "you were th' first one dunked!"
The group practiced in the warm sunshine, catching waves sometimes, getting dunked more often than not. An unusually large swell came up (Say, three feet? This is Waikiki, remember?), and Tasuki and Tamahome both caught it.
"Hey, watch this!" shouted Tamahome. He made a quick movement, cutting across the wave. He reached down and touched the water for a moment, before he lost balance and plunged headfirst into the ocean.
Tasuki grinned evilly as an idea came to him. He shifted his weight so that his board shot into the air, dumping him. A moment after Tamahome surfaced, spluttering, the flying surfboard contacted his head.
"HEY!!" he yelled, after resurfacing, "Cut it out!"
"BWAHAHAHAHA- ! I mean, whoops, I'm sorry! I musta' slipped!"
"Hokay, everyone!" shouted Kimo after a couple hours of surfing. "You guys did awesome! I goin' go now; I gots to go teach some uddah peoples how ta surf. Maybe I see ya laters bumbye. Take care, a'ight?"
The group returned their surfboards to Kimo and headed to the shade. Miaka's stomach growled loudly. "Lunchtime!" she exclaimed, cheerfully.
Chiriko opened a cooler and passed out the sandwiches. He frowned at his. It appeared to consist only of two slices of bread. He lifted the top slice to find half of a slice of bologna. "This is not enough. I require more nourishment," he complained.
Nuriko eyed his own tiny portion with distaste and disbelief. "Yeah, who was in charge of making sandwiches?"
Tamahome blinked. "Umm, Miaka was."
Everyone turned to stare at Suzaku no Miko. Miaka was pulling her lunch out of her own cooler. Her sandwich was piled high with bologna, ham, turkey, chicken, pastrami, salami, lettuce, tomato, pickles, olives, cheddar, mozzarella, and Swiss. It was bigger than her head. The Priestess opened her mouth wide and was about to take a bite when she noticed everyone staring at her.
"Huh? What's wrong?"
Nuriko snorted. "Oh yeah, like you don't know."
Tasuki ground his teeth together. "Miaka-! What's with th' puny sandwiches?!"
The Miko blinked innocently. "I'm sorry. I made my sandwich first, and when I was done, there weren't enough ingredients left." She creased her brow seriously. "That was very irresponsible. Who was in charge of shopping?"
Everyone sweatdropped.
* * *
Notes: Whoo! That was a long chapter! Unfortunately, I think it calls for some long notes. Je suis vraiment dèsolé. I am truly sorry.
Potato Dream: Just so you know how weird I am, when I was trying to think of what Miaka's swimsuit looked like, I suddenly remembered a dream that a friend of mine, Arwen Alatariell, had a couple years ago and told me about. My friends and I were standing in a sewer, chest deep in icky brown water. Arwen wanted me to dive down and pull the plug to drain the water, but I was afraid to because of the Evil Garden Gnomes and the Giant Potato. DJ Fuminshou called to us from above, and asked what was going on. We looked up, and she was standing at the side of the sewer, dressed in a black bikini. Only those of you who know DJ Fuminshou know how truly bizarre this concept is. Later in the dream, I fought the Giant Potato, dressed as a knight in shining armor and stabbing it aggressively with a plastic knife.
Pronunciation of Hawaiian Words: In Hawaiian, each syllable ends with a vowel, and the vowels use the short sounds (like Spanish.) So, they're not pronounced "ay ee ai oh you," but "ah ay ee oh oo." Get it? The words are punctuated with little backwards apostrophes ('okina), denoting a glottal stop, as in the word "uh-oh." In the absence of an 'okina, vowels are combined ("a'e" is pronounced "ah-ay", but "ae" is pronounced like the word "I"). There's another mark called a kahako that lengthens certain vowels, but you can't find it on any keyboard, so you can ignore it. Also, the letter "W" can be pronounced like a "V," depending on your dialect. Get it? For the record, "Hawai'i" is pronounced "Ha-vai-ee."
Surfing: Okay, for those of you who surf at Waikiki, don't kill me. I don't actually surf at all. All of my surfing knowledge comes from watching others and from teaching myself to bodysurf. It's just that, being from a Neighbor Island, I have a contempt for Waikiki. Also, the waves *are* puny, aren't they? I like to swim in rougher water. Like Polihale. *Also*, it should be noted that there is no way in hell that anyone could possibly learn to surf in one day. Forget getting dunked, there's no way that you could even get close to standing up. For the purposes of the story, let's just say that Suzaku is the god of Love, Passion, and Magical Surfing Powers, and his seishi and miko are therefore endowed with the appropriate skills. 'Kay? Happy now, Kuro no Hoshi? So ya don't have to wallop me now, right?
Pidgin English: In Hawaii, people from many different countries worked together in the sugar cane fields, so pidgin was developed as a hybrid of all languages, so the workers could understand each other. If you pronounce it phonetically, you should be able to get most of it. Words like "to" and "it" are often deleted, and sometimes words are added where they aren't really needed, like "li' dat" or "bumbye." "One" is used in place of "a." "Stay" is used in place of "is," "are," or "it is."
Hawaiian/Pidgin Glossary:
li'dat - Literally, "like that." Basically, it's just added in there for no good reason. Kind of like "no da," right?
da kine - Literally, "the kind." This word is used when both parties know what is being talked about, so the actual word does not need to be said. For some reason, non-locals have trouble with this concept.
akamai - "Smart."
brah - Basically short for "braddah" or "brother." Everyone in Hawaii is "brah," "tita," "uncle," or "auntie."
maika'i - "Very good."
bumbye - Another useless word. Implies something that will happen in the future. Probably derived from "bye and bye."
hauole - Literally, "no breath." The Europeans who made first contact with Hawaiians ate different foods from the locals, so their breath smelled different. The word came to mean "foreigner," but now refers only to white people, like me. ^_^ It can be an insult, or just a simple adjective or noun.
he'enalu - Literally, "wave rider" or "wave riding." Surfing. Ya. Surfing was the sport of Hawaiian kings and queens, who rode big, heavy, wooden longboards. If you caught the same wave as a member of the royalty, you were killed. If you didn't know surfing was invented in Hawaii, shame on you.
Duke Kahanamoku - One of Hawaii's greatest heroes. He is a surf legend, a longboarder who traveled the world and taught people how to surf. I met a surfer in Tasmania who talked about him like he was a god. Duke was also an Olympic swimming champion. And yes, there is a statue of him in Waikiki. Also, commemorative stamps! If you are Hawaii born and/or a surfer, and you don't know who Duke is, you should be ashamed of yourself.
Hina - One of the Hawaiian goddesses. The gods and goddesses all had gazillions of names and different incarnations, but in this case I am referring to Hina of the Sea.
Kanaloa - One of the four principle Hawaiian gods, Ku, Kane, Kanaloa, and Lono. Kanaloa was associated with the ocean.
Great Akua - The local name for the Christian God. "Akua" is literally "ghost" or "spirit."
Hawaiian Time - In Hawaii, there is no such thing as "prompt" or "punctual." If you say, "Be there at 5," consider yourself lucky if 80% of your guests show up by 5:30.
Whew! That's a lot of explanations! The rest you should be able to figure out. Like "menehune." I'm not explaining that one twice.