You've all been asking for Ryan, and who am I to say you can't have him. I wanted to write him first, but to me he's harder yo write. Yet, my favourite to write.
Onwards.
Dear Joshy, I know, Twas amazing. Now, hand me creator-ship and I'll leave you be.
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It's been problem after problem.
Sometimes when my mother stopped feeding herself into the ocean of a ragged brown, or clear poison my life was good.
I didn't mind living where I did. I didn't mind being stuck here.
I loved my life, I loved my family.
I only learned early on that those fairytales had two weeks maximum.
She's go back to the poison and do lines with her latest fling.
I started to learn early on that home wasn't where the heart was.
Because my heart didn't go out to yelling and beating.
I learned early on home was what killed a bit of me each day.
Trey used to tell me that I was better then the life we were given. I deserved more. He knew one day I'd be something.
Even Dawn said it when she wasn't drowned in her latest ocean.
She said how much she wanted to give us, how sorry she always was.
After the age of nine, I'd heard sorry so many times that it didn't really mean much.
They'd only do the same thing again.
I caught my first break when Sandy brought me to his place.
I started to think of it as my home after a while.
It even came equipped with a mother, father and brother. Ones that didn't beat me to show they cared. Ones that didn't yell if I spilt juice. People who were proud of me. They didn't judge.
They loved me, unconditionally.
It was the first time that the word 'home' was actually filled with love and a meaning. Not yelling and beatings.
Then, I left.
I left the people that loved me to go back.
I went back to where home was supposed to be.
Where I needed to get used to it again.
Seth called me. He'd left Newport to sail. Wouldn't tell me where he was, wouldn't let me ask him a thing. He only asked me something I didn't really know the answer to yet.
'How could you back there?'
I couldn't help but notice the emphasise on 'there'.
It filled me with something. I was so infuriated with him. I new he was characterizing where I went back to. That 'Chino' was no 'Newport'. To him, it was the slums of hell.
There was no sunshine in Chino. There was only darkness and despair..
'I came back home Seth.' He breathed heavily through his nose making a sound of the same anger that filled my veins.
My eyes started to tear as I listened to the click on the other end of the line.
The anger disappeared, so did a part of my heart.
That was the first time I had lied to Seth.
Home wasn't here. I was out of place now. I couldn't even wake up in the morning and be me, I could only sit and bed and dread what was going to come of my day. Hoping that this bad dream would just end.
The Cohens was the first place where I could be me and not feel like a reject. Unwanted. Unacceptable.
I had to get used to this life, this is where I needed to be. I had to support Teresa and my child.
Eddie's child.
Someone's child.
I couldn't get it out of my head though.
How could I leave to come here?
How could I come back to this hell?
I think it was one of the only times where Seth actually made sense.
I ended up calling Sandy later that day.
I was feeling a bit homesick.
Well, hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you for the wonderful reviews! I'll always except more!