Most days I love having an accurate, precise internal clock. Today is not
one of those days. Ever since the phone call last night, I've been
anxiously awaiting Ryleigh's arrival. It's a miracle that I managed to get
through my closing statement for the Marks court martial. Just goes to
show that I need new material. Most of them are starting to sound the
same. All I have to do is change the names and details and voila. Harm
always has wonderful and impassioned arguments. Maybe I should ask him
what his secret is. I wonder if he could give classes on that. He'd be
really good at it.
I'm saved from that rather disturbing line of thought by the peal of the doorbell. I pull open the door without bothering with the peephole. Ryleigh, two large paper grocery sacks balanced precariously in her arms, smiles in greeting and patiently waits for me to move. I step aside and allow her to quickly rush by me to drop her bags on the kitchen counter.
I lean against the counter as she pulls a frozen pie out of one of the sacks. "Betty Crocker I am not, no surprise there. Can't go wrong with Marie, though. Besides, you know me, I completely forgot until about twenty minutes ago," she laughs. A ceramic pie dish appears from the bag. She removes the pie from its box and places it into the dish then leaves the pie in the refrigerator to cool. Noticing my raised eyebrow she winces and puts a finger over her lips. "It'll be our little secret, okay?"
Unable to remain still any longer I quickly move forward and pull her in for a crushing hug. She's acting so much like the woman I love and have missed terribly. I pull back slightly and carefully inspect her appearance. Her eyes are clear and bright and there's no trace of pain or anguish on her pixie face. A touch of color brightens her complexion. If there's any weight gain it's minimal, but hey, I wasn't expecting a miracle.
"Hey, hey, I'll have you know this is a very expensive sweatshirt. It's a one of a kind. If you get any mascara on it, I'll..." she breaks off when I playfully slap her across the back of the head. She grins sheepishly and rubs at her skull. I know she has three more just like it.
Obviously whatever decision she's reached has helped relieve the burden that's been weighing her down. I haven't seen her this carefree since just before the wedding. I offer her a drink and the two of us retreat to the back porch. She opts to sit on the porch rail while I slowly rock back and forth in the swing.
"I told Harm this morning," she confesses, her smile fading slightly.
This surprises me. There was no change in his behavior, nothing to indicate that anything was wrong. Either he really is that good at hiding his emotions or he's still living in the land of denial. I'm voting for the last one. He's the uncontested king of Denial.
I inquire as to how he took the news. She shakes her head, indicating that it was less-than-pleasant and takes a sip of her water. I wonder if she told him that this is not a recent discovery. Odds are she has not and has no intention to do so. If not for the strain it would place on my relationship with Ryleigh, I would tell him myself.
"He promised that we would deal with this together, but I couldn't help but feel like it was all such an imposition. I know he's got a full plate, but it's not like I asked for this to happen. I mean, come on, give me a break. So what if he's not madly in love with me? Can't he at least pretend to give a damn?" She stops abruptly and blinks several times, shocked by the ferocity of her own anger.
How can she so flippantly comment on the fact that her husband is not in love with her? Is this the same woman who cried on my shoulder because her husband was in love with someone else? I must have spoken aloud because she answers, explaining that she was not upset simply because Harm is in love with someone else. That realization combined with the cancer and her increasing unhappiness with her life was just more than she could handle.
"I thought it was me, you know. Figured something was wrong with me because I couldn't love him the way I was supposed to. I could handle Mom, Dad and everything else as long as there was one part of my life that wasn't a complete sham. Of course I should have realized I was wrong." She looks up at me, brow furrowed in contemplation. "Have I mentioned lately how very sorry I am for dumping on you like I did? Sometimes I can be Ms. Insensitive."
I brush off her apology. I've already forgiven her for everything and hope she's done the same for me. Had I been honest with my feelings about Harm from the very beginning things would be drastically different. We discuss treatment options and how she's going to break the news to her family. I can feel her tension at the thought of her parents' reaction. Mrs. Devlin is a bit of a drama queen. I'm certain that "her" crisis will be shared with the rest of the nation. I notice that William's name is decidedly absent from the conversation and tell her as much.
Ryleigh blushes furiously and I know that something's up. She's not the adulterous type, no matter what marital problems she's having, so I'm not too worried. Instead of answering she switches the topic to my dinner with Harm. Allowing the evasive maneuver, I chide her for setting me up with a married man but the look on her face is completely unrepentant. What is her plan? We've already discussed the possibility of divorce and she reluctantly dismissed that idea. Their wedding was a highly publicized affair. There's no doubt that their divorce would be as well, only this time with negative results. Our current C.O. is retiring and Harm is up for the position. Though technically a divorce has nothing to do with his career, with a powerful and short-tempered father-in-law like Edward Devlin, who knows what could happen.
The rest of our friends will be arriving shortly and I still haven't started cooking. At least now I'll have an extra set of hands to help. I turn to ask Ryleigh if she'd rather make the sauce or toss the salad and notice that she's swaying slightly with one hand pressed against her temple. Her nose is scrunched up and her eyes are shut tightly.
"You alright, sweetie?" I kneel down beside her and press a hand to her warm forehead.
She manages a tight smile and opens one emerald eye. "Headache. Side effect." I take this to mean that headaches are a side effect of whatever medication they've got her on. I make a mental note to do some research on the 'net later. If I'm going to be of any assistance, I want to know what we're up against. At least then I'll feel like I'm actually helping. She stood by me when I fell off the wagon and kept me from retreating behind my carefully constructed walls during a mini-meltdown last fall. Now it's my turn to be there for her. Despite it's impending collapse, Harm's marriage managed to accomplish something. It's given me the best friend a person could ever ask for.
After a moment the pain passes and she allows me to help her stand. Together we walk in the house, leaning on each other. But isn't that the way it's supposed to be?
I'm saved from that rather disturbing line of thought by the peal of the doorbell. I pull open the door without bothering with the peephole. Ryleigh, two large paper grocery sacks balanced precariously in her arms, smiles in greeting and patiently waits for me to move. I step aside and allow her to quickly rush by me to drop her bags on the kitchen counter.
I lean against the counter as she pulls a frozen pie out of one of the sacks. "Betty Crocker I am not, no surprise there. Can't go wrong with Marie, though. Besides, you know me, I completely forgot until about twenty minutes ago," she laughs. A ceramic pie dish appears from the bag. She removes the pie from its box and places it into the dish then leaves the pie in the refrigerator to cool. Noticing my raised eyebrow she winces and puts a finger over her lips. "It'll be our little secret, okay?"
Unable to remain still any longer I quickly move forward and pull her in for a crushing hug. She's acting so much like the woman I love and have missed terribly. I pull back slightly and carefully inspect her appearance. Her eyes are clear and bright and there's no trace of pain or anguish on her pixie face. A touch of color brightens her complexion. If there's any weight gain it's minimal, but hey, I wasn't expecting a miracle.
"Hey, hey, I'll have you know this is a very expensive sweatshirt. It's a one of a kind. If you get any mascara on it, I'll..." she breaks off when I playfully slap her across the back of the head. She grins sheepishly and rubs at her skull. I know she has three more just like it.
Obviously whatever decision she's reached has helped relieve the burden that's been weighing her down. I haven't seen her this carefree since just before the wedding. I offer her a drink and the two of us retreat to the back porch. She opts to sit on the porch rail while I slowly rock back and forth in the swing.
"I told Harm this morning," she confesses, her smile fading slightly.
This surprises me. There was no change in his behavior, nothing to indicate that anything was wrong. Either he really is that good at hiding his emotions or he's still living in the land of denial. I'm voting for the last one. He's the uncontested king of Denial.
I inquire as to how he took the news. She shakes her head, indicating that it was less-than-pleasant and takes a sip of her water. I wonder if she told him that this is not a recent discovery. Odds are she has not and has no intention to do so. If not for the strain it would place on my relationship with Ryleigh, I would tell him myself.
"He promised that we would deal with this together, but I couldn't help but feel like it was all such an imposition. I know he's got a full plate, but it's not like I asked for this to happen. I mean, come on, give me a break. So what if he's not madly in love with me? Can't he at least pretend to give a damn?" She stops abruptly and blinks several times, shocked by the ferocity of her own anger.
How can she so flippantly comment on the fact that her husband is not in love with her? Is this the same woman who cried on my shoulder because her husband was in love with someone else? I must have spoken aloud because she answers, explaining that she was not upset simply because Harm is in love with someone else. That realization combined with the cancer and her increasing unhappiness with her life was just more than she could handle.
"I thought it was me, you know. Figured something was wrong with me because I couldn't love him the way I was supposed to. I could handle Mom, Dad and everything else as long as there was one part of my life that wasn't a complete sham. Of course I should have realized I was wrong." She looks up at me, brow furrowed in contemplation. "Have I mentioned lately how very sorry I am for dumping on you like I did? Sometimes I can be Ms. Insensitive."
I brush off her apology. I've already forgiven her for everything and hope she's done the same for me. Had I been honest with my feelings about Harm from the very beginning things would be drastically different. We discuss treatment options and how she's going to break the news to her family. I can feel her tension at the thought of her parents' reaction. Mrs. Devlin is a bit of a drama queen. I'm certain that "her" crisis will be shared with the rest of the nation. I notice that William's name is decidedly absent from the conversation and tell her as much.
Ryleigh blushes furiously and I know that something's up. She's not the adulterous type, no matter what marital problems she's having, so I'm not too worried. Instead of answering she switches the topic to my dinner with Harm. Allowing the evasive maneuver, I chide her for setting me up with a married man but the look on her face is completely unrepentant. What is her plan? We've already discussed the possibility of divorce and she reluctantly dismissed that idea. Their wedding was a highly publicized affair. There's no doubt that their divorce would be as well, only this time with negative results. Our current C.O. is retiring and Harm is up for the position. Though technically a divorce has nothing to do with his career, with a powerful and short-tempered father-in-law like Edward Devlin, who knows what could happen.
The rest of our friends will be arriving shortly and I still haven't started cooking. At least now I'll have an extra set of hands to help. I turn to ask Ryleigh if she'd rather make the sauce or toss the salad and notice that she's swaying slightly with one hand pressed against her temple. Her nose is scrunched up and her eyes are shut tightly.
"You alright, sweetie?" I kneel down beside her and press a hand to her warm forehead.
She manages a tight smile and opens one emerald eye. "Headache. Side effect." I take this to mean that headaches are a side effect of whatever medication they've got her on. I make a mental note to do some research on the 'net later. If I'm going to be of any assistance, I want to know what we're up against. At least then I'll feel like I'm actually helping. She stood by me when I fell off the wagon and kept me from retreating behind my carefully constructed walls during a mini-meltdown last fall. Now it's my turn to be there for her. Despite it's impending collapse, Harm's marriage managed to accomplish something. It's given me the best friend a person could ever ask for.
After a moment the pain passes and she allows me to help her stand. Together we walk in the house, leaning on each other. But isn't that the way it's supposed to be?