Author's Note: I am such a dunce! I can't believe it. You guys probably missed it (not to take away credit where it's do) but Carly told Courtney Jason was gonna be there, and then I had Courtney say, "I didn't know you were going to be here." IDIOT! I, the author, the moron, take full responsibility for this oversight. And for the sentence I didn't finish. Have I mentioned how much I hate myself when I leave a sentence hanging? ARGH! I will do better. I will. Basically, if the thought were finished, Courtney would be wondering if she could ever feel comfortable in some place so big/fancy/extravagent/whatever. I couldn't think of the right word and I was gonna get a thesaurus, but I forgot about it and you got a hangin' chad...*smacks herself upside the head* Think I've smacked myself enough for one chapter? I agree. Does the length of this baby make up for the wait? Probably not, but you'll pretend for poor tortured me, won't you? [face_beggy]

starbright: Glad you like Carly's plan :D Believe it or not, I noticed you updated Through Think and Thin myself [face_shocked] And I started to read it too but Mommy is fond of interrupting me, lol! I'll read it real soon, and thanks for the reminder, I can't wait to find out why Courtney said "no" to Jason...

light*hope: *smack* That's me smacking myself, not you, for the above mentioned reason :p Thanks for pointing that out. Lol, there was two updates in one day, actually, because the other chapter was so short I didn't want to leave it alone. No, I'm not pleased with Carly right now either. She's totally off her rocker. I can't wait to hear what you thought of the movie Save the Last Dance...lol, sounds like your boyfriend has good taste in movies :D You get your dance (and then some ;) ) this chapter and next :D

tydavislover: Go Carly!! I agree. A good plan for once. Shocking! Thanks :D

Oreata: Thank you!

theblondeone07: You get almost everything you mentioned this chapter (except for the fast update, lol). Thanks a lot!

Samara: I'm glad you liked the alone time, as well as Carly's devilish plotting. Thanks for reading :)

Im2cool4skoolor4u: I love your screenname, especially the "or4u." Awesome! I'm glad you're liking it!

Once again I remind you I have no spellchecker on this computer anywhere, and I do all my own editing.

Reflection

Chapter Fifteen ~ Filling Up That Empty Space

"I'll just go check on dinner. You guys--you talk." As Carly said it, she moved the index fingers on each hand together, grinning wildly with that familiar glint in her eyes.

Jason didn't miss the glint, but something else caught his attention. "Carly..." he said slowly. "You're not cooking dinner." It wasn't an order or a question, just a statement that revealed how much he was hoping what he was thinking wasn't what was really going on.

Carly put a hand over her heart, faking being disgusted. "As a matter of fact, I am." And while Jason groaned, she stalked into the kitchen.

Courtney raised her eyebrows, but let the comments slide. They were friends; maybe it was some kind of inside joke. "It's good to see you again," she offered, trying to start a conversation.

She got a nod and a few words, and just a hint of a smile. "Yeah, yeah, you, too."

She was hoping for a little more. "Thanks for that other day in the park. It helped a lot."

"It wasn't, I mean, it was no problem."

"Okay. Well, if you say so." Ugh, it was completely crazy for her to be this nervous. What was there to be nervous about? This guy had seen her have multiple emotional breakdowns, for goodness sake! "Carly didn't tell you I was going to be here?"

Jason shook his head. "I think she has something planned."

Courtney smirked. "You sound wary."

"Well..." He sighed. "She's Carly."

Courtney frowned and was about to ask what exactly that meant, when the doorknob turned and her brother walked in. He nodded to Jason, but didn't seem to notice that Courtney was there. He did a double take when it suddenly hit him that a blonde woman that wasn't his wife was also in the living room. "What are you doing here?" he asked, sounding surprised, but not in a bad way.

She frowned. "Didn't Carly tell you?"

Sonny looked from Jason to Courtney and back again. "Tell me what?"

"Carly invited us over for dinner," Jason explained.

"She's in the kitchen," Courtney supplied helpfully, figuring he'd want to inquire as to why his wife hadn't informed him she was asking his sister and best friend over for dinner.

Sonny jerked a thumb in the direction of the kitchen. "She's in my kitchen?"

Jason nodded solemnly.

"How many times do I have to tell her..." Sonny trailed off, shaking his head.

What was with these two? They were acting like it was some high crime for Carly to enter the kitchen. Carly had to know what she was doing; she wouldn't be making them all dinner if she didn't. "I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, it's not like she's never cooked anything before."

"That's what scares me."

Courtney's eyebrows went up at this comment from her brother, and she turned them on Jason, looking for some sort of explanation.

Jason was secretly enjoying Courtney's reaction. She was cute when she didn't understand something. Not that she wasn't cute all the time anyway. "Carly can't cook."

The young woman rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on."

"No, he's right," Sonny offered his support, visions of the cooking attempts he'd suffered through running through his head. No one but Carly could make such a mess of everything...in all aspects of her life.

"She can't be that bad," Courtney insisted.

Sonny and Jason exchanged glances. Had to be a girl thing. Whether you knew the other chick well or not, come hell or high water, you defended her cooking to the men in her life.

Courtney saw their little exchange. She couldn't believe it. What was wrong with these guys? "This is horrible. Don't you have any faith in her at all?"

Silence stretched for awhile before Sonny said, "I'm going to go check on her," and moved to do just that.

As soon as he was gone, Courtney approached Jason, keeping her voice low so her family wouldn't hear. "Why would Carly invite us over to dinner without telling my brother?"

"Because she's Carly."

What was with these excuses? "That's it?"

"Yeah, she gets these ideas." Jason was tempted to smile. You had to really know Carly to get it, and he could see Courtney just didn't. "I told her something earlier, and I think it had something to do with it, but I don't know. It doesn't matter." Actually, it did matter. Admitting what he had to Carly in the park, intentionally or not, had meant a lot. Now if only he could admit it to Courtney. But how could he know she felt the same way? The last thing he wanted to do was pressure her into thinking she should feel something she didn't. Everyone else around her was doing that. She needed a constant, a relationship she didn't need to think about, that was just there. He'd been that constant for awhile now, and he didn't want it to change, as much for him as for her.

He could tell something was bothering Courtney. Her posture changed, and so did her expression, becoming more uncertain, a little scared. "Do you think she invited my dad?" she asked.

Jason felt his own eyebrows move a little. He wouldn't put it past Carly, but she couldn't be that stupid, could she? Well, actually, he knew she could. But he could only hope this time she hadn't been.

"Out!"

They both turned to see Carly shooing her husband into the living room, ignoring his protests. Just as fast, Carly disappeared again. And another two seconds later, she stuck her head out, "Okay, guys, dinner is ready!"

Courtney, Jason, and Sonny, all moved to the table. It seemed like the only thing there was to do.

~*~

The dinner was an odd combination of things, but it looked dilicious. There was a salad with homemade dressing, a pot of chile, mashed potatoes, gravy, and peas. Courtney shot her brother and Jason an "I told you so" look. They gave her glances which she interpretted to mean "taste it and find out for yourself." She rolled her eyes and delved in.

"This looks great!" she exclaimed enthusiastically.

Carly beamed. "It does, doesn't it?"

Jason couldn't bring himself to rain on her enthusiasm, and resignedly lifted the bowl of salad. He'd do it for Carly, and for Courtney, and for that girl-pact of cooking-defense. He picked out some vegetables and set a large portion on his plate. It was salad. You couldn't go wrong with salad. Then he passed the bowl along to Sonny. Eventually, it made its way all around the table, followed by the next bowl, and the next. A conversation started somehow, and while it wasn't by any means a deep discussion, it was good to talk. Courtney seemed completely comfortable with this group, joining in as if she'd been a part of it her whole life. It made Jason's heart smile, and it made a part of him wish she'd be a part of this little group for the rest of her life as well.

"Bowls, people," Carly ordered, standing up to ladle out chile.

Jason and Sonny hesitated, but Courtney held out hers right away, telling Carly it was enough after the older woman had put a decent serving into the bowl. The men said just fine with their vegetables and gravy. Carly let it go.

That made Courtney wonder. Only vegetables? Obviously this wasn't a vegetarian group, if the chile was any indication, so why no meat?

Whatever. She was thinking too much. She dug her spoon into the chile, bringing a heaping amount to her mouth. She chewed a little, swallowed...and a trail of fire burned down her throat. Wow, that stuff sure packed a punch. She reached for her water and took a dainty sip, not wanting to give away that anything was wrong. She didn't want to offend Carly. But the heat only seemed to grow. Tears sprung to her eyes. Oh God, she was going to start crying right in front of everyone over some stupid chile and hurt Carly's feelings and prove Sonny and Jason right and embarrass herself in front of a really, really hot guy. Life totally sucked! Sonny and Jason were already throwing glances her way, trying not to draw Carly's attention as well.

Just then, a noisy beeping began to come from the kitchen, followed by the smell of smoke. Carly leapt up, clamping a hand over my mouth. "Oh my god, I forgot the chicken!" she exclaimed. "It'll be fine, Sonny, don't worry." She hurried off.

Jason and Sonny we at Courtney's side in an instant, placing hands on her back and asking her if she was okay. She'd already finished off her own, so she pounced on Jason's glass of water and drained it. Sonny filled it for her twice before she was able to get some relief. She was going to be peeing all night long now, but she didn't care, as long as that searing heat wasn't eating its way through her insides.

"I think I'm okay now," she finally got out in a small voice. She felt the relief eminating from them.

Jason picked up her bowl and dumped the chile back in the pot. Her eyes went wide over this action. He returned the bowl to its place on the table, and sat down just as Carly returned, bearing with her a platter of charred boneless chicken breasts and a basket of rolls.

"Courtney, uh, really thought your chile was something," Jason said.

Courtney almost burst out laughing at how honest he was even when fibbing. She managed to keep a straight face. "Yeah, you really do have a Mexican touch."

Carly lit up like a Christmas tree. "Really?"

Courtney assured her she was telling the absolute truth. Sonny kept himself busy refilling the drained glasses.

"I forgot to set the timer on the chicken. I thought you didn't have to time when you were broiling?"

Sonny's mouth was set in a grim line. He did not comment. He set the water pitcher down, and then himself as well.

"Anyway, it should be find except for the black parts. I put the rolls in to warm. They're kind of crispy but I think they're fine." Carly brightly began to pass the new dishes around. This time Courtney selected the smallest items, and only enough of them to be polite.

And so the conversation restarted and everyone tried to eat. Jason sampled the salad he'd been so careful to take so much of. He nearly gagged. The salad itself he was sure was fine--how hard was it to rip up a head of lettuce and throw in a few veggies? But the salad dressing was putrid. It tasted like barf. He had to struggle to keep his face straight. He reached for his glass, still in front of Courtney's plate...

His fingers brushed warm flesh.

He looked up, startled, to meet Courtney's eyes. They'd reached for his glass at the same time, her forgetting she still had his, him not even realizing she had been reaching for it. With a slight blush, she dropped her hand. Jason took his glass, and raised it to his lips, unable to keep from thinking that she had taking many gulps from the very same glass.

Courtney concentrated very hard on her food--if it could be called that--after this incident. She hoped to God her brother and his wife hadn't noticed. It'd be mortifying to have her brother catch her going all school-girlish over his enforcer. And it'd be twice as mortifying to have Carly announce to the world--and to Jason--that she was going all school-girlish over her husband's enforcer.

Carly noticed. She didn't speak. Merely grinned. She didn't even taste what she was consuming, she ate so fast and was so intent on Jason and Courtney's awareness of each other. This was her best plan since storming in on the Five Families with her baseball bat.

Courtney tried the chicken breast. It was like chewing shoe leather, and it tasted like a used shoe too. She made a face. Lumpy mashed potatoes with gravy gone horribly wrong, she could take. Salad with dressing that tasted like throw up, she could take. But a whole impossible-to-chew chicken breast? She glanced across the table at Carly. The woman was focused entirely on something Jason was saying. She glanced at his brother. He was examining the table cloth in front of his plate, avoiding looking at the food, chewing miserably. She couldn't believe she was about to do this. It was wrong on too many levels to count.

She did it anyway. She speared the chicken and artfully flipped it onto her brother's plate. Then she shoveled mashed potatoes like nothing had happened, watching Sonny out of the corner of her eye.

It didn't seem to register with him at first. He stared at his plate, as if in disbelief about the second charred chicken breast that had magically appeared there. Then he looked at Courtney, eyes wide with shock and betrayal. How could you do this to me?! they screamed.

Courtney gave him her sweetest smile and said in her sweetest voice, "It's kind of nice to have a big brother."

She could have died laughing when his expression turned murderous.

~*~

The dinner passed painfully slowly. The eating part anyway. Aside from choking down such horrible food, it was one of the most enjoyable evenings of Courtney's life. When at last the plates were as clean as the eaters could bear to make them, they lay down their forks, and Carly tried to force more food on them.

"Oh, no, that's fine," Courtney said quickly.

"I'm good," Sonny offered just as fast.

"Couldn't eat another bite if I tried," Jason added. Truer words had never been spoken.

They all pitched in on clearing the table, ignoring Carly's objections. It turned out to be a big mistake. Courtney couldn't believe the state of the kitchen. There was gravy everywhere...the stovetop, the floor, the ceiling for goodness sake! Carly tried to apologize. Sonny, who appeared to be in an exorbanate amount of pain, did not respond. Shaking his head, he brought the dishes to the sink and turned the water on, drowning Carly out. Courtney could have sworn there were tears in his eyes. She figured the man was extremely attached to his kitchen.

Carly stood silent, helpless, in the middle of the room, trapped between so many silent people. One who was punishing her with it, two who were just as helpless as she. Finally Courtney said, "Oh, don't feel bad Carly. Jason and I will stay and help you clean up, how about that?"

Jason looked as if he would sooner stick a fork in his eyes, but he amiably said, "Yeah, yeah, we'll help. What do you want us to do first?"

"How about you get a mop, Carly," Courtney suggested, taking charge like she had at home, where if she hadn't done the housecleaning the place would have been a pit. "And Jason can take care of the stove while I do the ceiling. You, um...you don't happen to have a stepladder, do you?"

Some twenty minutes later, Courtney was perched on the next-to-top rung, running a spongle over the splotched ceiling, and totally over how impressed she'd been with the penthouse when she'd first walked in. Sure, it was big, but the messy kitchen and the people within it made it just like every home.

Jason tore himself away from the oven and stood at the bottom of the ladder. "You should be careful," he advised.

She rolled her eyes at him. "You are so overprotective. I've done this a zillion times, okay? Well, actually, I've never scrubbed a ceiling before, but I have climbed a ladder to hang a picture, you know?" She pointed to a rag. "Can you hand me that?"

He did, silenting watching her wipe the moisture away. She was so efficient, so willing to work. There was nothing in her posture or expression that indicated she was even the tiniest bit resentful about having to clean when she supposed to be just a guest. That impressed him.

All the spots were gone, and Courtney moved to get down from the ladder. She was going to show that Jason Morgan that she didn't need any guy like him who'd probably never scrubbed a ceiling in his life telling her she needed to be careful.

The ladder tipped under her weight, and she suddenly felt herself crashing through the air, with nothing there to catch her. She let out a little cry...and then felt a soft impact. She had fallen, landing safely in Jason's strong arms. It startled her, and she found herself captured by his eyes. She kind of liked the feeling of having her entire weight supported by him. She liked having his arms around her. She could get used to having him catching her when she fell. She could get used to it really, really fast. Her eyes strayed to his mouth. She thought maybe he had moved his face just a little closer to hers...

I really want to kiss him, she found herself thinking, and that thought was immediately followed by, Your brother is in the same room! Ew! The realization made her stiffen, and that made Jason do the same, putting her down.

"Everything okay?" Sonny called over.

Courtney straightened her clothes and swiped her hair behind her shoulders. "Oh, yeah. Everything's fine."

Everything was, in fact, quite fine, except for the rapid beating of her heart, which was not the result of her fall, but more the thumping that was the distinct soundtrack of falling in love. It freaked her out. She stuck close to Sonny after that, drying the dishes he was painstakingly picking every speck of sticky supposed-to-be gravy guck off of. Love definitely wasn't something she needed right now.

~*~

It took well over an hour to put everything back in order and get Sonny and Carly speaking to each other again. By the time they were finished, wife exited with her husband's arm slung around her shoulders.

"Well, I guess I should get going," Courtney said.

"I should walk you home." The offer sprang to Jason's lips before he even really thought about it. But after he said it, he got a chance to, and it made him realize he'd really like to do just that.

Courtney was still flustered about what had happened in the kitchen. "It's okay. I can go alone."

"No, no, I think it's a good idea for Jason to go with you," Sonny said.

"Look, I'm glad that you're concerned about me, but I'm a big girl, okay? I've been taking care of myself for years, and just because I have this big family that I never knew about and my brother knows all these dangerous people he probably won't even admit to having connections to doesn't change anything. I can walk myself home."

Everyone in the room looked as if they wanted to object, but no one actually said anything. It made Courtney smile. She impulsively gave her brother a hug, a thank-you for the wonderful evening, and for letting her have her little bit of independence. "Thank you, Sonny," she said, and meant it.

"Aw, that's sweet," he drawled, but she could tell he really liked it. She could read him already, and she'd know him, what? Three days? Not even.

She turned to the hostess next. "Thank for dinner, Carly. I've never had anything like it."

Carly sprang foreward and wrapped her arms around Courtney. It surprised her, but not in a bad way. She kind of liked Carly's impulsiveness. "I loved spending time with you! We'll have to do it again some time. Maybe Mike can come."

That set Sonny off. "Carly..."

She threw up her hands in defeat. "Okay, that's not my business. This is me officially butting out." She fake zipped her mouth shut for emphasis.

Jason had a hit of a smile playing across his mouth. "I don't know, Sonny. Do you think we should believe her?"

Carly's jaw dropped. "Jason!"

Sonny quickly took hold of her so she wouldn't assault their best friend. Courtney nearly burst out laughing. Her big tough mob boss brother, barely able to keep a grip on his enthusiastic wife. She loved it. Calling a good-night over her shoulder, she and Jason made their escape into the hall. She closed the door behind her and leaned back on it, burying her face in her hands.

Jason wondered what was wrong. She'd seemed okay a minute ago. Had this dinner been too much for her? Had Carly taken it too far? "Are you okay?"

Courtney dropped her hands, revealing eyes full of tears and a smile stretching all the way across her face. "I'm fine. It's just--you guys are too funny."

"Funny." What?

"Yeah, funny. You know, you make people laugh?"

"Most people don't think I'm very funny."

"Then they haven't seen the real you." She smiled up at him for a long time, and then finally dropped her eyes. "So, you headed home?"

"Yeah, I'm right across the hall."

Courtney couldn't help feeling disappointed. Sure, she'd given a speach about how grown-up she was, but if Jason was on his way home anyway and the route just happened to pass by Kelly's, she wouldn't mind walking with him. "Ok, well, I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Yeah, I guess you will. Good night."

"Good night."

~*~

Courtney let herself into the diner and shrugged out of her coat. She blew out a breath, still smiling. It was amazing what one dinner--even a terrible one!--could do. She didn't feel so torn up inside. She felt whole, happy, complete. For once that gaping hole in her heart where her mom used to be didn't feel so big.

A sudden impulse hit her. An impulse that had come naturally to her for almost her entire life. It was the impulse to dance.

~*~

Jason hadn't felt like just sitting down or going to sleep when he got back to his penthouse. He was restless. He couldn't get Courtney out of his head. Finally he gave up. Maybe a bike ride would help.

~*~

Courtney hadn't felt like it since her mom's death. How could she dance when her dancing had killed her mom? But it didn't seem wrong right now. It didn't seem wrong at all.

She began to move, in a sort of skip. She swung her feet slightly out. She wasn't really dancing yet, she was just moving to the rhythm she felt in her soul. It began to feel more natural, and before she knew it, she was adding more complicated moves, stepping on her toes, lifting herself up, gracefully lifting and dropping her arms. She began to spin and spin...

~*~

Somehow Jason had ended up at Kelly's. He couldn't get in; he knew it was locked. But he had just had the impulse to go to the window, look in. In some way he'd be closer to Courtney. He could imagine her serving customers, the grace with which she moved.

What he saw stole his breath. There was a beautiful angel dancing in the diner, her platinum locks floating through the air while she spun and spun...

~*~

...and spin and spin...

Until finally she came to a dizzy stop, having noticed someone staring through the window. Her heart stopped as her eyes met his and she realized Jason had caught her dancing.

~*~

P.S. Ah...the wonders of cliches :rolleyes: