Title: Name

Author: AbayJ

Genre: Romance/Angst/Short/Songfic

Rating: NC-17

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the idea. The song belongs to the Goo Dolls

Summery: Jason watches as he hurts her, remembering another and better time. AU.

Key: Lyrics. Flashbacks.

A/N: Flames will be ignored!

He watched her as he hurts her. It is so sickening that she lets him do this, the she lets him play with her heart like this. She deserves better, always has. Even better than he could give her when she was his.

And even though the moment passed me by
I still can't turn away
'Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost and thrown away

Flashback

She was staring up at the night sky, seeing the star tinkle and the moon glow. Her gold blonde hair hitting her shoulder blades and looking radiant. The dress was tight and showed off every curve. Something that he loved, not a thin as a twig, all the women in Paris was either a twig or a bus but she was perfect. Standing behind her as she looked over the beautiful city from the Eiffel Tower. Deciding to speak he said the first thing that came to mind, "Beautiful isn't."

"Gorgeous," her smile came through her voice and made him smile. She always made him smile. Made him feel like he meant something to someone. He hadn't felt like that in a long time. Maybe that was the best, he wasn't ready for love, not after Keesha, not after she betrayed him. Not after she left him for Jax. Not yet. Neither was she, no matter what she said. Not after Brain left her. After he betrayed her like no other had, not even AJ.

Walking closer to her, he stood next to her and smiled, smelling her soft perfume. She was so fcking beautiful it wasn't fair. Letting his hand slide down her shoulder to her wrist, then bringing her hand to his lips and kiss each finger. Giving her a rare smile and she did the same thing, hers giving the shining stars to compete with.

Taking her hand and walking back to the hotel, they walked back up to the room. Their lips had started the fire in the elevator and now they were spreading it to the bedroom. Teasing, tasting, their tongues played a game of cat and mouse. Laying her down on the bed, he lips moved from her neck, to the opening in the neckline oh her dress. Letting his tongue dip down to touch the top of her pale mounds. Reaching behind her, he pulled down the zipper of her dress, and pulling down. Showing the black lace bra and G- string set she was wearing. His member rose in response and he kissing her neck again, leaving his mark.

She reached and undid the buttons on his shirt and pushed it away from his body, wanting to feel his skin, wanting to taste it. Running her hands up and down the flat planes of her stomach, feeling it contract in pleasure. Moaning as he ran a hand up and down her body, from left breast to left thigh and then doing the same with the right side. Soon he was going down the same path with his lips. Finally when she was writhing and moaning and shaking with pleasure he pulled away the small scrap of silk the hid her womanhood and slid into her slick walls. She contracted around his cock, his moan mingled in the air with hers. Moving slowly but forcefully, letting her reach to edge, then stop, pulling out.

She was screaming by the third or fourth time he did this, her fingernails biting into the flesh of his shoulder and he trust into her, fast and hard. Letting them go over the edge together.

End of Flashback

Watching the tears fall as she sat there, hearing the words said to her play over and over around in her head. Her sobs loud and heart wrenching. He knew buy the way her hands shook, he knew she was so deep in thought she didn't feel him watching her.

And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names
We don't belong to no one
That's a shame

Flashback

They walked up and down the beach, smiling at each other sometimes, and other's just looking at the water, watching the sun go down behind it. Her hair was up in a bun and she looked so damn gorgeous, it was hard now to put her down one the ground and ravish her. She had a purple string bikini, with cutoff jeans shorts on over the bottom. "I love it here, I would love to have a house, right in this spot. Look how far it is from everyone and not a soul is near. The sunset is so beautiful. It would be perfect for a family."

Walking ahead of him she kicked the sand and looked at the creatures that were crawling on it. "Hey, hey slow down," she just laugh and ran into the water, looking over at him with a smile.

"Why, all this is so beautiful," she dived under and swam, soon he drove after her and grabbed her waist. Bringing her up with him, kissing her when she go her breath, and then throwing her back in the water. Laughing harder she swam away and swam back to the shore laying on the sand. Coming up next to he, he kissed he again, undoing her bikini bra, when she shook her head no, he wonder what she meant.

"You think I am going to make love with you after you threw me in the water," laughing she stood up and ran back to the hotel, before he caught her around the waist. Both still laughing he turned her around.

"And do you think I am going to give up that easy."

End of Flashback

He still smiled about that, but he had given up the easy. Let her slip through her fingers, something that she always has regretted. Something he thought he would always regret. They, at one time, had meant so much to him. Had told each other everything. Never would he tell what she had told him, and he knew she would never him either. They have gotten through their broken hearts together, and had took the pain away. At one time, he thought her could never feel pain like he did when Keesha left him, but now, he knew he could.

You could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em' your name

Flashback

"You know, I have never told anyone about her. I loved her, I still do on some level, but she couldn't take my life, not that I expected her too. It is not every women that could take not knowing if I wasn't going to come home or if I was going to go to jail. Never new, if she was the one in danger, if.........if our child would be. But she took that away so I just tried to forget her and him, with you I can," he said as he drank the beer and sat on the floor of the terrace.

"I know what you mean, Brain, took everything I ever wanted with him, including my chance to have children. When.......when he stabbed me, I thought I could......I could never feel anything as painful as that but when they told me I lost my baby and the chace to have one, that was it. I knew there was a worst pain. He was so jealous, so controlling, so mean and hateful. Sometimes I think he was worse then AJ. I know AJ would never kill his own child or me. He loved me on some sick level but to Brain, I think I was a mean to an end, and when I couldn't give him that he was pissed so, he killed me, or tried," her eyes were shimmering now, and tears about to fall. She didn't let them and he thought more of her. Not one to give into her emotions.

Linking hands with her, making a bond never to repeat what had been told. This was to stay between them, no matter what. No matter what happened.

End of Flashback

That was on of the best moments of their relationship, they shared some of the hardest things about their lives.One of the last good moment though, too. When they had smiled and they had alughed. They didnt do it much after that. He knew why, he changed, he had been to cloes to the edge of falling in love with her. So he pushed her away and hurt her. Every night after that, they slept on the ends on the bed, and never touched. Never made love. If he had then maybe he would get it, then he would have knew he loved her, he couldnt risk that. Couldnt risk his heart, but right now, he wished her had instead of crushing both hers and his. Never again would he do that. But after one letter, one letter he wrote it all ended, he still remember every word of it.

Dear Courtney:

We have to end this, we have to be away from each other. For you. I dont want to hurt you. I dont want to put you in danger. I dont want to hurt you like I did Keesha. It has to be trhis way, I am sorry.

Jason.

He said those words over and over in his head. It wasnt fair, it wasnt fair that he did this to her and him, but he had. Guessing it was the time period, a lot of things going on but sometimes it had to be like that but goddammit he wished it hadnt been.

And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are

Flashback

Looking at her back that, it was tense and stiff and he knew why, the note he had left. It had took him an hour to write it but he didn't stop him from coming back. He had to do this face to face. no matter what. He had too. "I am sorry Courtney, but it has to be this way," his voice hitching as he said the words.

"WHY, WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS, ANSWER ME YOU FCKING BASTRD, ANSWER ME," she shouted at him. He saw the tears fall, fat and large. But he couldn't answer her question, he wasn't ure why he did it. Maybe it was the fact that he didn't want to hurt her in the long run, like he did Keesha.

"It is in the letter," trying to calm her, but he could she it didn't work, the pain and anger was there.

Throwing the paper in his face, he ran over the words on it, "SO YOU WERE GOING TO END IT LIKE THIS, HUH? LEAVE ME WITH A DAMN NOTE. GOD YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN AJ OR BRAIN. YOU MAY HAVE NOT HURT ME PHYSICALLY BUT YOU BROKE MY GODDAMN HEART," walking passed him. "I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU A CHANCE TO END IT, I, AM, BASTARD. BUT KNOW THIS, I LOVE YOU, I FCKING LOVED YOU, BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER NOW DOES IT," walking out, she slammed the door. He felt tears fall, strange when he didn't let them fall for Keesha, but now he was. For a women he didn'teven love.

End of Flashback

Now he knew why he shed the tears, because he loved her, putting his hand on the glass. "Courtney it did matter, even back then but I was to blind to see that," Jason looked one at her beautiful hands, with the ring on it, she knew who it belong too but it was time for Lorenzo to die. Walking to the pier, he hopped this didn't hurt her, but he knew it would and with every step he felt the regret.

We grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
Expands to insert a long sentence into your document.
Reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em' your name
I won't tell em' your name
Mmm, mmm, mmm,
I won't tell em' your name
Think about you all the time
And I don't need the same
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell em your name


A/N: Kind of bitter and angst, but I was in that kind of mood today, oh well, I still hopped you liked it. I love that song. Tell me what you thought please, and be honest. Love Always Ashley.