Slipped Away, a lord of the rings fanfic

Slipped Away

Disclaimer: characters belong to Tolkien, New Line Cinema, Peter Jackson (not the Huddersfield Town FC manager).

A/N: 14/5/05 song lyrics removed from body of text

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(10th March TA 3019)

Preparation. That was what he should be doing. Preparing to return to Osgiliath on the morrow, on what Faramir son of Denethor knew to be nothing but a suicide mission.

Yet he was in the bedroom of his brother Boromir. His late brother Boromir. For Boromir was dead, slain by orcs, fatally wounded.

Faramir knelt by the bed, forehead resting on the blankets of the neatly-made bed. A bed that Boromir had never had the time or inclination to make himself.

A hot tear slipped unheeded down Faramir's face. The pain he was experiencing was almost unbearable. The loss of his beloved older brother was nigh on incomprehensible, unimaginable, and a desperately cruel blow to one who had received little affection from any other. Boromir had been the only one Faramir had truly trusted with his heart.

Gripping the blankets desperately, as though they were a lifeline, Faramir felt the tears welling up and spilling over, the hot, salty liquid tumbling down his cheeks. "I miss you, Boromir," he whispered. "I miss you so much. I need you. I need you here."

It was less than a fortnight since Faramir had seen his brother's funeral boat, sailing down Anduin. The night he had learned of Boromir's cruel fate. The night Faramir knew that things would never, could never, be the same again.

He wept for the pain he knew Boromir must have suffered, the torment of a slow, agony-ridden death, for the grief of his companions at his death. He wept for their father, who had lost his eldest son, his heir, the only son he had ever held dear. For Boromir's soldiers, who had lived for their beloved leader, and died for him. Who loved him.

And he wept for himself. For the only one that had cared for him. The brother he had clung to desperately as a scared five-year-old, when their mother had died. The brother that had never let him down. The brother that had comforted him countless times, hugged him, kissed him, helped him, defended him, protected him. The brother that had loved him.

The brother whose death had torn a huge piece from Faramir's heart, a piece that could never be replaced, leaving a wound that ached terribly and could never be healed.

"I never had the chance to say goodbye to you," Faramir whispered through his tears. "I should have been there while you lay dying, comforted you, eased your pain, as you have so often done for me. If only I could see you again. I would give anything to do so." But in his heart Faramir knew that such a thing was not possible, save in dreams. "I hope you can hear me, wherever you are."

If only this were a dream. Were it a dream, I could wake from this nightmare, and Boromir would be here once again. Wake up! Faramir gripped the covers more tightly, weeping more desperately. "Why?" he whispered, not really knowing whom it was that he spoke to. "Why must you be taken from me? Why must my beloved brother have his life taken so cruelly? Why did you have to die? I cannot live like this, my soul torn to pieces. This must be a cruel dream sent to me. A dream from which I will eventually wake, to find you are there to comfort me and reassure me that you are still here and do not intend to leave me so!"

But in his shattered heart, Faramir knew that this was the reality. Boromir's death was real. His funeral boat had passed Faramir while the younger of the two was fully awake. And this caused pain that he could not describe.

Boromir was gone. Gone past Faramir down Anduin. Gone for ever. Gone somewhere Faramir could not follow. Not yet. Though I may follow soon if Father's suicide mission goes ill, thought Faramir bitterly. At this moment, death would be almost welcome, for it would release him from the overwhelming pain in his heart. Pain at the passing of his brother, and pain from his father's cruel rejection of him.

"Why did you have to go somewhere I cannot follow?"

Faramir knew his brother was never coming back; deep in his shattered heart he knew it. He did not want to accept it, but he knew he had to.

"Who will protect me now, Boromir?" he wept. "Who will guide me, defend me? Who will care about me or even love me now you are no longer here? Who will want me? For I can think of none. You were the only one after Mother's passing, and she is little more than a name to me. You were the only one." He almost choked on his tears. "I miss you, Boromir."

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le fin