DISCLAIMER: Yes, I own Kurama and Hiei. They are tied up in my bedroom right now. Yeah, I wish… Hey, it's the last chapter, and I deserve something for making it this far, ne?
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To Look Upon a Rose: Epilogue
-Shiori's pov-
"You deserve an explanation."
I looked up from the flowers I'd been tending – Shuuichi had been resting for the past few days, recovering, and they'd begun to suffer under the neglect – and met the ashen green eyes of my son. The wintry violet that had blanketed them had never fully disappeared, almost as if some part of him was reluctant to let it go. Seeing them still startled me, for it reminded me that no matter how much I tried to deny it, my son belonged to a different world than I did, a world in which I had no place. A world in which I never would have a place, no matter how much I loved him.
Brushing the dirt from my hands to give myself a moment to wipe the sadness from my eyes, I stood and offered him a small smile. His face was still shadowed, his skin pale, but he no longer bore the marks of his ordeal, and the wound on his neck had disappeared. I took a step forward and brushed his cheek with my fingers. "Only if you are willing to give it," I said gently.
Shuuichi shook his head, sending his hair tumbling about his shoulders for the sunlight to dance along. "No. You've given me so much, and all I've offered in return are lies and secrets." He swallowed, then continued quietly. "I'm tired of hiding it from you."
I closed the distance between us, taking his arm lightly and guiding him to the hammock that hung between the tree and the house. Motioning him to sit beside me on it, I turned to face him and met his wary gaze. My chest tightened at the sadness in his eyes; as difficult as it had been for me, raising a child whose heart was forever closed to me, I couldn't imagine how it had been for Shuuichi, who'd had to hide himself since the moment he drew his first breath. And now, to lower all those masks…
"Shuuichi," I began, then paused and corrected myself. "Kurama."
His breath caught for a moment, his eyes wide, and then he exhaled almost sobbingly, the tension etching his features draining away as he lowered his gaze to the ground. "I – I never thought I'd hear you say that," he whispered. "Thank you."
He recovered quickly, smoothing the emotions from his face with one quick glance at me. I sensed this was Kurama I was facing now, the Kurama who had transcended from the other world to become Shuuichi, the ningen who was my son. And with his arrival, my confidence faltered; I was once again entering that world where light could kill and monsters were real and a mother's love meant nothing.
And then, Shuuichi wrapped my hand in his, and all was right again.
"I'm still Shuuichi, no matter which name you call me by," he reassured me quietly. "Part of me is human now." He paused, then smiled distractedly, his eyes focused on some distant memory. "The best part." Glancing down at me again, he continued. "But the other part…" He paused again to take a breath. "I was a demon, a spirit fox. I was Youko Kurama."
I blinked. "Youko Kurama? The demon who had a mountain named after him?" He smiled wryly. "And the mountain named Hiei?" He smiled again.
"I was fairly powerful," he said. "And it was that power that led me to grow arrogant and careless. A hunter caught me one day and mortally wounded me."
"You mean… you died?" I asked in disbelief. "But-"
"But, being a fox, I was not willing to be confined to the spirit world so soon, and so I crossed to the human world to preserve my freedom." He leaned back and let his gaze wander to the shadowy tree limbs above us. "I entered the body of your unborn child and became your son."
My hand went instinctively to cover my stomach, and Shuuichi's eyes followed it, pained. "You-"
"No," he said quickly, sitting up again. "I did not destroy your child's soul. I… merged with it, in a way. I was too weak to destroy it."
But would you have? I thought quietly. Would Kurama have? I knew nothing about this demon who had become my son, save for his name. And what good was a name, when it could be changed so easily?
"I had planned to return to my world in ten years, once my power had returned," he continued. "But… but you fell ill." He turned to give me a helpless look. "I couldn't leave you."
"Why?" I whispered. "Why me? Of all the human women, why choose me?"
Afraid of his answer, of hearing that it was mere chance, I looked away, regretting the question. But he reached for my hand and offered me a tentative smile. "Even a demon as old as I was remembers his mother's touch, and some part of me sensed the love within you. Your love was what drew me to you, and what kept me here." His smile turned wry. "It's not easy chaining down a fox, especially a thief."
"A thief?" I exclaimed.
Shuuichi nodded, grinning. "I was notorious in my world for my prowess at thievery and, ah, other things." A flush of crimson colored his cheeks as he lowered his eyes sheepishly. "That's how I became partners with Hiei. The former, I mean," he added hastily.
"Hiei?" I asked. "He was a thief, also?"
Grinning bitterly, Shuuichi shook his head. "No, he sought me out in hopes that I'd aid him in a venture his was planning. He wanted to steal the three sacred artifacts of the spirit world. Quite an daunting task for him, which was why he needed me."
"Why did Hiei want to steal them?" I asked, remembering the third eye and the tattoo on the boy I thought I knew so well, on the boy my son was in love with, and once again regretting my question.
Shuuichi frowned, his gaze lost in the shadows above us once more. "In order to take revenge for something that happened long ago," he replied. Sensing the darkness that eclipsed this particular memory, I didn't question him. He continued slowly, choosing his words carefully. "I agreed on one condition; I was to receive the Mirror of Utter Dark. It has the power to grant a wish, at the cost of your life." He met my gaze again, this time fiercely. "I was willing to do anything to see you happy again."
"Shuuichi," I murmured, uncertain. "I, I don't understand."
"You were dying," he said hoarsely. "And I was powerless to help you. The Mirror was my last hope."
"So when I was…" I squeezed his hand, then brought mine up to brush his cheek, wondering why I had ever doubted him. "You were willing to die again for me."
He nodded, then began again, finding something interesting to study in the garden. "But Yusuke intervened, and I was left alive to accept my punishment." I watched him strain against the emotions threatening to spill over, and thanked whatever gods were listening for bringing him to me. To have someone care so much for you, human or not…
The wind trailed invisible fingers through his hair, sending crimson strands flying across his face. He brushed them aside impatiently and glanced up somewhat derisively. "Hiei and I were forced to join him and Kuwabara as spirit detectives, servants of the ruler of spirit world," he continued. "One of our assignments," he frowned at the word, "was to compete in a tournament for apparitions. Our rivals were the demon Toguro and his team; Karasu was one of them, the one I faced in the final round. I killed him, but barely escaped with my life."
A shudder passed through him as a memory flashed across his eyes, the violet flecks in them growing larger and seeming to take on a light of their own. "He returned to carry out the threat he wasn't able to fulfill in life." He shrugged, obviously uncomfortable with the memory of the demon, and glanced up at me again. "And the rest you saw."
I blinked as he gazed over at me, realizing that he expected me to reply. "I-" I met his icy green eyes, saw the ghost of the wound on his neck, the gem that glittered darkly just below it. And the understanding crashed over me that this wasn't some story, that this was reality. My son had been a demon – still was a demon – and that other world I'd been so afraid of was overlapping mine, mixing and intertwining until I couldn't tell one from the other. I had been safe in my ignorance, but that ignorance was gone, dissipating with each breath my son took.
Smiling gently, he reached through the curtain of his hair to pull out a tiny seed. Cradled in the palm of his hand, it began to grow, slowly at first, then rapidly. Green sprouted from the brown, elongated, branched out, then finally blossomed into a brilliant scarlet. It was a rose, full and perfect and vibrant with life. And as Shuuichi placed it in my hand, I realized that it still hummed with energy, his energy, the energy of a demon – and that of a human.
I gasped. "Shuuichi-"
But he'd already disappeared into the house, and all that was left of his confession was the rose in my hand.
I dropped back onto the hammock, staring up at the dark leaves of the tree above me, drinking in the familiar sounds of life around me. A shadow shifted among the branches, then disappeared in a quiet rush of air. I squinted up at where it had been for a moment, then sighed.
So many questions left unanswered, Shuuichi. I closed my eyes, feeling the cool breeze and letting the hammock rock me gently. But it's a start. After so many years of secrets, it's a start.
I smiled and twirled the rose in my hand.
-owari-
A/N: Wow. Thank you all for the reviews last chapter. I didn't know so many of you cared… sniff... I can't believe I hit fifty reviews. Fifty! I never thought I'd make it this far. Thank you all so much! This definitely won't be my last fic, and I have a few others you can read if you liked this. Hopefully my next fic will be out soon.
Thanks again for staying with me through this! Sayonara!
