I do not own Harry Potter. I don't own Voldemort in particular, because if I did, the
world have no hot pink cell phones. . Oh, I don't own Pepto Bismol or its song either.

(O)

"AHHHH!" Voldemort's scream brought Wormtail running to him reluctantly.

"What is it, my Lord?" asked Wormtail, thinking that his Master saw a roach or something.

"I had a horrible dream! I was playing Quidditch with Harry Potter and I lost!" You-Know-
Who cried. "I never lose at Quidditch!" He shook his fist at the ceiling. "I'll get you, Potter!"

"Calm down, Master." Wormtail comforted the panicky villain. "I'll go make you some
hot chocolate and you'll feel better."

While Wormtail was at the Riddle kitchen, Voldemort began fooling with his new cell phone.

Bored, he pressed random pale rose-colored buttons. To his surprise, an electronic version
of the "Titanic" theme began playing.

A male voice started talking. "Hey, Becky, what's up?"

"Who is this?" Voldemort demanded.

The voice became agitated. "You're the one calling me! You should tell me who you are!"

"I am the Dark Lord," Voldemort stated proudly.

"Well, that's a stupid name." Becky's boyfriend commented. "So why are you calling from

my girlfriend's cell phone?"

"THAT IS AN INGENIOUS NAME. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ANYWAY, YOU
FOOLISH MUGGLE?!" He shouted furiously.

You-Know-Who's lips curled cruelly into a smirk. "And why I'm calling from Becky's cell
phone...now THAT's a stupid name... is none of your business. Good-bye."

"Wait! Don't you hang up on me-"

Voldemort hung up just in time to drink his hot chocolate.

"Isn't tomorrow time for my seminar?" He asked Wormtail while giving him His
empty mug.

"Yes it is. Would you like some Pepto Bismol?" Wormtail took the mug and started down the
hallway.

''Sure, give me a liter. I think the hot chocolate is going to give me diarrhea..."

Wormtail shuddered at the thought of wiping his Master's diarrhea-covered behind. 'I think I'll
add an extra half-liter - just in case.'

Wormtail hummed the commercial jingle for Pepto Bismol as he walked into the kichen to
fufill his Master's wishes.

"...Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea... Yay, Pepto Bismol!"