w i t h a s m i l e

c h a p t e r 3

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A/N: thanks to zee reviewers, I'm so glad you guys like it so much =) (especially to marlicat coz it's really nice of you to look at someones fic when they ask you to in their review. Mwah!)

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"It wasn't planned …"

The words clashed with the awkward silence, and Relena shuffled uncomfortably in her chair. Did she even want to hear this? Hadn't she been through enough? She chewed on her lip nervously, and stole a quick glance at the Shinigami. His face, unusually solemn, stared back at her. Unmoving, unnerving. She shivered, This is probably the way he looked at Heero before he killed him, her mind ventured, and her eyes closed in a pained grimace.

"Heero had told me to go, and he made it clear that I had no other choice," Duo continued, feeling another stab of guilt as he took in the clear display of emotions that played across the young woman's face. "I didn't want to leave …" His voice trailed off and he stared at the floor.

"Why," She hissed, her eyes full of pain, "Because if you left your thirst for blood wouldn't be satisfied??" Her tone was incredulous, forced out as if the words would stain her pretty pink lips. "I don't want your whole fucking account, Duo. You don't think I've relived that night enough for a lifetime?" Relena scoffed, "You have no idea."

"I do… I know. I do." His sincerity, at least, was pure. "I just thought –"

Relena sighed, "All I want is a reason. I don't care what kind of bullets you used, or what his last words were, or even how long it took for his heart to stop functioning." She lifted the cup of tea to her lips, her hands trembling slightly, "I just want to know why." She murmured into it, before taking a sip that burnt its way right down her throat.

"The reason?" Duo shook his head - how stupid would he sound to say it was all because he loved her. Because he wanted her to be free, to realise she could live without that bastard. A class act of idiocy … all he had done was ruin her life. How could he have thought that murdering the one person she loved left, that it would help her?

Stupid, selfish, jealous motherfucker, his mind cursed him, What did you expect her to do? Thank you?! He mentally groaned. Of all the people he had killed, of all the acts of rage and injustice he had committed, this would be the only one he had come out of scathed.

"Why didn't you turn me in, huh?" At the drastic subject change, Relena's eyebrows rose, and her posture stiffened. She hadn't expected that kind of question from him. Hell, she hadn't even asked herself that.

"I … I don't know." She fiddled with the hem of her dress, avoiding his gaze. "I was just in total shock. For weeks." The young woman took another unsteady sip of her tea, "I trusted you, Duo. As much as I did, Heero, I trusted you. And of all the things – Oh fuck." She jumped from her chair, avoiding the burning liquid she had spilt. It had landed on the carpet, a fact she scowled at. Carpet stains were always a bitch to get out.

The two stared at it for a moment, not sure of what to say, and wary of the affects their words – if said at all – might bring.

"I-"

"Maybe –"

They both began speaking at the same time, and then abruptly stopped. Duo chuckled nervously, "You first, princess."

Relena's eyes narrowed at his title for her, but she didn't dwell on it. "I think maybe we should get out of this house, if you want us to talk at all." She glanced through the floor length window that looked down to the gardens. "This is where it happened, after all."

{…}

"It's such a lovely party you've arranged, Relena," Cathy told me, inside the ballroom. We stood beside the buffet table, while the couples danced on the other side of the room. They looked so beautiful, spinning around so gracefully in time. But I was focused on the balcony, and also the garden below. There, things were dark, edgy. Heero stood, rigidly composed, staring out at Duo who was disappearing into the twilight.

"Thanks," I replied to Cathy, unable to tear my eyes away to look at her. He was leaving … Duo was leaving. I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness – I had been hoping the two could work it out. After all, Duo was always so much fun to have around. He had been as much of a friend to me as he had been to Heero.

"Hey, what's up?" I felt Cathy's hand on me, and I turned around with an apologetic smile.

"Oh, nothing." The lie came easily. "I'm just a bit exhausted after all this planning." I decided to redirect the conversation, "Where's Trowa?"

The red-head laughed, "You mean my dearest little brother? He's some place around here, although –" She halted herself, and laughed again. "Well, he's just been acting a bit strange, is all. But I suppose that's normal." She shrugged, and I nodded. Trowa always seemed quite odd to me, what with his continuous silence.

Unable to help myself, I sneaked another quick look at the garden. Duo was nowhere to be seen. I fought to keep the frown off my face. It may be his birthday, but Heero had no right to just send him off like that. He should've considered other people, such as his fiancé, who had been looking forward to see her old friend again. And the way he always made me laugh … Heero could never make me laugh like that. No one could. I sighed.

"Perhaps he knows something about what's going on between Heero and Duo?" I asked, absentmindedly, not really expecting an answer. It was more like thinking aloud. There had to be something there, something that had been simmering between the two for months now, and had finally reached boiling point.

Cathy smiled weakly, "Something's definitely wrong in that camp. But … Trowa? I don't know." She gave me an encouraging look, "Maybe. You should ask him."

I considered this, and decided for it. I mean, the worst Trowa could do was shake his head in that eternal silence of his, and then mentally curse me for being so stupid. And if he knew something … god, I was desperate. If I could do anything, anything at all to reconcile Heero and Duo's friendship I would.

"Yeah, I think I'll do that. Be back soon," I kept my tone cheerful and light, winking at her as I left. Maybe I was worrying for nothing… maybe it wasn't as serious as it looked …

{…}

"Vice Foreign Minister!"

Relena grimaced, and edged back into the darkness of her limo. Why? Why was it so hard to pretend now? Her hand unconsciously moved over to her scarred wrist, latching onto it tightly. She didn't want to be here. She didn't want to see Duo again … Not after what he had done.

"Pagan?" She murmured, sinking back into her seat and closing the door.

"Yes, Miss Peacecraft?"

"I …" She twirled a strand of blonde hair around in her fingers nervously, "I can't go through with this. "I can't see Duo now. Not unless i want to go totally insane" She pushed a hand through her hair, closing her eyes tightly. Behind them silent movies played out, and she only now realised that they had never really stopped. She had always been reliving that scene, since the moment she saw it a whole year ago. "What did I do to deserve this …" She moaned, her head sinking into her lap.

"Back home?" Pagan inquired, ignoring the young woman's questions.

"…No."

"No?" Her answer had surprised them both, but instead of smiling apologetically and changing her mind, this Relena just shrugged and gave into it. She wanted out? Then she was bloody well going to get out. And what better time than when a certain murderer insisted on having business with her.

Duo … if only you hadn't done it …

With one last look out at the café, then at the streets around the Sanc Kingdom, she turned back to Pagan, the familiar prick of tears stinging the back of her eyes. She pushed them down; she had nothing to cry for. She had nothing left.

"Just keep driving in the opposite direction of the Sanc Kingdom until I tell you to stop." She forced the words out, staring at her feet. She didn't want to risk seeing Duo outside the window, his gorgeous blue eyes staring at her in confusion. He would look so innocent … It was cruel how the harshest of murderers always did. As was the way he had reduced her to this. Fleeing from a past she had struggled with for so long, and from a man … from a man she wished she had met under different circumstances.

If only you hadn't …

It might have worked out between us …

{…}

"Trowa?" I could hear the shyness in my voice, and almost laughed at it. Of all the Gundam pilots Trowa was the only one I had never quite become accustomed to. He was always so silent, cool, and calculating. To me, he was more intimidating than Heero ever was. And that thought, I knew, was absurd because Trowa was so much gentler. Caring. Even so, it took a lot of mental work to remember that as he turned to look at me, his eyes as cold as ice.

"Hi." I smiled. "Want to take a walk? I want to show you around the grounds."

Trowa rose an eyebrow, but shrugged a yes, and I took his arm to lead him. Yeah, I didn't want to show him the grounds – I wouldn't subject anyone to that kind of torture. But I knew we were in the earshot of many, and figured that I'd have better luck getting him to tell me if there weren't people eavesdropping left right and centre.

"In actual fact," I began my act, walking out of the ballroom, "The garden is over a hundred years old. It's been in my family for generations," The butlers opened to doors for us and we walked into the hallway. Still not safe. Hope he's not too bored yet. "I believe the story goes that my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandmother started it off with only a few rose bushes! Can you believe –" I dragged him quickly into a deserted room.

Trowa cocked his head in question. My lip twitched, I must admit I do dislike it when he refuses to speak like this. "Sorry about that, but there's some information I need from you." I waited for the answer that I soon realised wasn't coming, and then charged on ahead.

"What is going on between Heero and Duo? Cathy said you might-"

"I don't know a thing about it." He stated without a trace of emotion. God, he could be such a good liar, I couldn't tell if he was for real for not. I decided to pretend he wasn't.

"Tell me everything." I replied, unable to keep the small pout off my face.

"I told you, I don't know what's going on."

"Yes, you do!" I persisted, "You have to!" I winced – I hadn't meant for my voice to come out so whiney. So … desperate. It doesn't suit me.

Why did I care so much anyway? I mean, I hate to admit it, but if it were Quatre or Wufei that Heero was casting aside, I doubt I'd be half as upset or frustrated. Bleh. I cast the thought aside; I didn't need to feel guilt on top of all this.

"They just have some issues they need to work out, Relena."

"What? What issues?" Tell me quick, before I am forced to scream.

Trowa made a small noise that appeared to be out of either impatience or at his own stupidity for telling me this much. I guess he had thought I would let it go. Funny, I had never picked him to be so optimistic. "Duo's feeling a bit," He paused, searching for the word. "A bit wrong done by. And Heero doesn't give a shit."

I frowned, "Care to tell me why?"

"Not particularly." He told me as he began to walk away.

How rude.

{…}

A/N: omg this is like, the shortest chapter XD sorry guys I was really pushing it for ideas this time. But not out of lack of motivation ;p I actually enjoy writing this one… wonder why… ;;;

Review? Purdy please? –bottom lip trembles-