Disclaimer: Ok, I'm really tired of typing all that I-don't-own-Fushigi
Yuugi shit. Both you and I know that I sure as hell don't!! ^-^
Chapter 9 The Last Part of Myself
I feel my head bob against his shoulder as he carries me back into the tavern. I don't even have the strength to hold my damn head up, and I begin to giggle. I sling one arm around his shoulder to help him hold me, but the other just dangles at my side. I'm oblivious to it.
As we ascend the stairs, I see Okichi's wide eyes staring at us. I want to tell her to go fuck herself and mind her own business, but my ankle hurts so much that it's affecting my mind--and I find that I'm a sudden mute. I also see Misa, but Koi and Asako are nowhere in sight.
Huh, probably fucking their brains out, I think to myself.
Tasuki kicks open the door to my room, steps in, then kicks it closed again. I pray that Okichi and Misa didn't see him take me to my room. We never take customers to our private rooms. They never even took their lovers to their private rooms. I've never had a lover; so I've never had the chance to take him to my room. But Tasuki's here. Tasuki. He could be a good lover by the look of him. By the feel of him.
I smile to myself as I feel him letting go of me. I feel the bed give under my weight as he lowers me gently, resting my head on the pillow before carefully arranging my feet so as not to hurt my ankle further. Then the bed gives again, and I open my eyes to see him sitting at the foot, my injured ankle in his lap.
"What the hell are you doing?" I say, my eyes squinting at the bright lamp light of the room.
"Your ankle's hurt...I'm just looking," he answers.
"No it's not!" I yell, jerking my foot from his hands. A sharp pain pierces my ankle, runs down into my heel, then jolts back up into my ankle.
"Ow!!!" I yell, "Oh, gods...owwww!!!"
"I told you," he says softly, "Don't move it."
"Oh," I moan, "Oh, fuck, fuck, it hurts...Tasuki it hurts!!!" I grab handfuls on my bed linens and begin whimpering pitifully.
"Then quit kicking damn it!"
I finally hold still and allow him to take my foot in his hands again. I sigh at the contact. His fingers are so hot; they almost feel like they're burning me. But I know that it's only due to the icy coldness of my foot. I was outside barefoot, after all.
I relax my body as he probes the muscles of my ankle with his fingers. Every now and then he touches something that causes me to jerk, pain splintering like a piece of wood in my ankle. But then he touches me again, and it vanishes.
"Thank you," I say.
"For what...I'm the one who nearly blew you away," he answers. "You're not hurt too bad though, probably just twisted it wrong when you landed. It's not broken."
He keeps talking softly, but I'm deaf to every word. My mind is whirling fiercely as I look at him. I can feel the heat of his hand burning through my skin and entering my bloodstream, traveling through my veins and into my heart. Then my body is afire as I feel it pumping through me mercilessly.
I rise up slowly and quietly, leaning on my elbows for help. When I reach a sitting position, I gingerly snake a hand down my leg to my injured foot. He jumps when I suddenly make contact with his hand and lifts his head to look at me.
"Thank you for carrying me up here," I whisper, clasping my fingers around his and pulling us closer together.
I keep my hurting ankle in mind when I scoot myself right in front of him, moving it over his legs and allowing the underside of my thigh to rest on his knees. His eyes shine in the flickering light of the lamp. I feel my lungs suck in a breath as the golden glow spreads up to his nose and down to his mouth until his entire face is bathed in the exotic color.
"I should tell you something," I say nonchalantly as he stares at me, his eyes asking me what I'm doing, "You're the only man I've ever met to have been in my room...in my bed...twice!" I pause to smile at him, wondering if I should continue. "You've been in my room and in my bed twice...and yet you've never so much as kissed me. I don't know if you should be proud...surprised...maybe pissed off..." I shut my mouth when I realize that the sake has taken over yet again. His eyes widen as I move closer to him. I can feel the heat of his body rise as I run my fingers from his hand further up his arm. I rest it on his shoulder momentarily as I lean into him.
"You wanted to...when we were on the porch... you wanted to kiss me didn't you?" I whisper, my mouth moving closer to his ear. "Didn't you?"
"Yes," he answers quickly. My heart pauses in my chest at his breathless reply.
"If you had," I say, "It would have been my first kiss."
I see his eyes widen in disbelief. "You mean you've never..." he pauses as if unsure of himself, "You've never kissed a man?"
I shake my head gently and slowly, my chin massaging his neck. I wrap my arms under his and press my palms to his shoulder blades. I lean my cheek against his shoulder, inviting him to hold me as well.
"They've tried...but I've never wanted to kiss a man..." I pause and lean back to look at him, "Until I saw you."
He doesn't speak. I don't want him to. I let my eyelids flutter when I feel his hands finally press gently onto my back, holding me to him. I've been waiting for him to hold me like this. I feel the tears coming like a flood, but I refuse to cry. I blink furiously at them, and stop only when my eyes are dry again. He suddenly tightens his grip on me as if I was trying to get away. I lean my head back and press my cheek to his for a moment before looking at his face. He's smiling, but sadly.
"You're telling me that...all the years you've been here...all the years you've been a..." his voice trails off. I know that he doesn't want to say it. I know that he wants to think of me as a normal woman. Not a whore. And I wonder what I want to think of myself. "All that time, and you've never kissed a man?"
I shake my head again. "I knew that one would come...one who was different. I knew that I should save at least one part of myself for love." Love. That word again. Love. Did I love him? Did I love a man? Did I care about four months' extra wages for bedding him, or did I care about him?
I feel him wanting to. I know that he wanted to do it desperately when we were on the porch, and he would have if I hadn't thought about all the things that were holding me back. If only I hadn't let the instincts of a harlot take over my mind.
Love. Love is different than sex. Love means something totally different. Sex means coupling, taking pleasure, and returning it if you wish. Nothing more. Love means giving happiness along with pleasure.
His mouth is so close that I feel his breath against my lips, heavy with the thick scent of sake. They brush mine, almost too softly to feel. But I do feel them. I feel them like I can feel his fingers pressing into my spine, like I feel his eyes on mine, like I feel the amorous warmth between my legs. I feel them when they finally crash against mine so fully that I feel I'll be swallowed. He moves them slowly and gently across mine, like moving two petals together so they won't be crushed. He's so soft. His face is so smooth, so cool; not like the thick, rough skin of the other men. The scent of his skin fills my nose and I lean harder into him to breathe him deeper.
Not really knowing what I'm doing, I open my mouth to him, hoping that he does know what he's doing. I feel his mouth open as well, and suddenly his tongue is against mine and I can feel the dull tips of his fangs. And I smile in my mind at the strange sensation his tongue and fangs create together. He begins a rhythm, and I follow. Our mouths move together in a synchronized dance so slow and deep that I soon find myself lost and gasping for him when we break apart.
I open my eyes to see that he's no longer kissing me. I open my mouth to call him back, but he places his hands on either side of my face and forces me to look at him.
"Tansho," he whispers, his voice too serious, too direct. I want to ask him what's wrong, but he only smiles at me even though I know he is trying to remain serious. I smile back and move closer to him, placing a small and gentle kiss on his lips. He moves away instantly. "Tansho, you're drunk," he protests. I smile again.
"So are you," I answer, "Kiss me again. Please..." He pauses for only a second before obeying me. It's slower than before, allowing me to taste more of him. Sake is still prominent on his lips, but I find it nice.
"Thank you," I whisper, breaking away from him slightly.
He pulls me back and kisses me again, harder and more desperate. I follow him, mimicking him, learning from him. He moves away from my mouth and to my jaw, following the path he took when we were on the porch together.
My hands come alive as his lips move over me, down my jaw to my throat--and beyond. I search for the coolness of his belt buckle and begin to unhook it. I toss it to the floor when I've succeeded in removing it. I then begin work on his heavy black overcoat, my fingers flying over the hooks like insects through the air. I work my hands into the opening and begin to pull it over his shoulders, feeling his shoulder blades helping me work it off him. It drops behind him silently, and I continue my work.
His lips never stop; even when I lift his cotton shirt over his head, his lips still find a way to be on my skin somehow. I'm fascinated with his chest, his shoulders, the muscles moving like waves of the ocean under the skin on his back. I run my hands over him, learning him. I lean away, and hook my arms around his back, pulling him with me, on top of me. I bring my injured foot up and rest it on his lower back. I feel my dress move upward on my leg until it is barely on my thigh. I nudge my heel against his boot.
"You need to take off your shoes," I whisper to him, patting his back to get his attention. He lifts his head from my neck and seals his lips over my mouth. I smile and begin to giggle against his lips as I feel him begin to kick his leg, loosening his boot's hold on his foot. It makes a load thump as it lands on the floor next to the bed, shortly followed by another loud thump as its twin lands beside it.
He breaks the kiss. But instead of resuming them somewhere else, he trails a hand down my shoulder to my ribs. He looks down at me with an almost pleading look as his hand lingers gently on my side. I know what he wants, though this is the subtlest way a man has ever told me.
I take his face in my hands and bring his mouth closer to mine. I give him the softest kiss that I can manage in my amorous state and squirm my way under him, trailing my lips hungrily along his neck and collarbone as I go. Soon, I'm at his chest. I trace his nipples with my fingertips, relishing his sudden intake of breath at the sensitive contact. I kiss them gently, then run my fingernails carefully down his sides, feeling his ribs under the skin. I reach his stomach, one of the first places I ever touched him. The skin there is so soft and smooth, so unknown to me. I believe that of all the men I've ever know, Tasuki is not the most beautiful-- I feel that he is the most perfect. The most unblemished. The most fascinating. I wrap my arms around his waist and hug his abdomen against my cheek, breathing in the scent of his skin as he continues to balance himself above me.
I then move out from beneath him, keeping my arms on his ribs, until I am at his side. I then carefully lift my injured ankle from his back and let it move with me as I push his back to the bed. Soon, we have changed positions, his back now pressed to the linens of my bed, my legs now straddling him. I make sure not to put too much pressure on my ankle as I lean forward onto his chest. He makes no objections to our new position, so I say nothing, only kiss him and allow him to pull me down on top of him. He crushes me to him momentarily, but I break away before he can turn me over onto my back again.
"No, no," I whisper in my most sultry voice. I press him harder to the bed and place my hands on the ties of my gown. He rests his hands on my thighs and squeezes them slightly as if he has to control them. I smile and begin to unwork the knot of the sash that holds my dress in place. It falls limply onto his stomach. I peel the thin gown from my shoulders and let it fall around me in a pool of satin. I remove it for Tasuki just as I've removed it for so many men before him. But his eyes look at me so differently. They aren't hungry. They don't even lust. I knit my brows as I try to discern the look on his face. It is almost like fear. Or amazement. Disbelief.
"What's wrong?" I ask in a concerned whisper, thinking my body revolts him. It has, after all, been beneath and on top of many men before him. He and I both know that my body is anything but pure.
His eyes wander over my nakedness. I take his hands and move them towards me. I press them to my breasts, encouraging him. I am unnerved by his strange reaction to me. I want him to return to the enamored state he was in when he first kissed me.
"It's alright..." I whisper to him, thinking that he is perhaps nervous, "What's wrong?"
"You're too beautiful," he finally manages to say. His voice wavers in uncertainty as the words emerge.
"Too beautiful?" I repeat, smiling as his hands move downwards shakily. "How can I be too beautiful?"
"You just are..." His eyes look to mine as if for permission. I fall gently on his chest and kiss his cheekbone.
"If I am too beautiful...does that mean you don't want me?" I ask, running my fingers across his brow and into his fiery hair. "Perhaps you should go..."
"No..." he answers hastily, causing me to laugh, " I just don't know why...I mean..." I feel his hands entangle in my dark hair as he tries to articulate to me what is obviously so heavy on his heart. "Why me...why did you kiss me...and no one else?"
"Because anyone can couple with another," I answer, leaning back again to look at him, "But a kiss is different. A kiss tells another that you love them-that you feel more for them than just lust. I never loved a man before...before you..." Our eyes only look. I saved the last part of myself for love. For him. Even though a man took my purity many years ago, I gave this man my love. I feel a surge within me that is much more powerful than the rush of coupling. I feel full of myself, full of him, full of life.
I wonder if I should say something else. I wonder if he will say something. But his hands only roam over me, moving like leaves floating on water. I let him touch me, for his hands are smooth and careful with me. He doesn't squeeze or pinch me like all the other men who have touched me. He touches my breasts, my shoulders, my stomach, my back, and my legs as if they were all something out of a dream, threatening to dissolve in his hands if he handles me too roughly. He touches my body as if it could vanish any moment, as if it could shatter to a million pieces in his hands. And my hands do the same to him, but I know that he is real. I know that he is with me at this moment, and I know that he is different. I know that he is different from all the others because I love him. I love a man. And because I love a man-- may the gods save my soul.
Sorry that I led you on so bad...but don't worry, the juicy lemon is coming soon. But this is a nice preview of what is to come, don't you think? In the meantime, why not review?!
Replies to reviewers:
Blah blah: In answer to your question about the part I deleted with Chichiri-uh.let's just say that I was venting my annoyance with him via a rather insensitive mention of his soprano voice by Tansho. She seemed to be annoyed by his voice as well ^_^. I deleted it because I can remember a few reviews that I had gotten for that chapter the first time I posted it where people didn't really flame me.just kinda complained a bit.
Chibi-Kaz: Thanks for the offer of hosting the un-edited version of "Tansho", but the only chapters that I'm planning on heavily editing are the lemon ones-and even on those I'm barely going to get rid of anything. I'm also planning on e-mailing the original lemon chapters to any readers who would want them (since I don't have "Tansho" posted anywhere else but FF).
Sorry I didn't reply to you other reviewers. I got up at the crack of dawn yesterday to go take the ACT.then like a dumbass I decided to do some Christmas shopping afterwards. I got home and wanted to stay awake to watch InuYasha on CN, but I fell asleep after editing this chapter. I promise that if you leave me some god reviews, I'll leave you some good replies!!! ^_^ Love all of ya!!!
Chapter 9 The Last Part of Myself
I feel my head bob against his shoulder as he carries me back into the tavern. I don't even have the strength to hold my damn head up, and I begin to giggle. I sling one arm around his shoulder to help him hold me, but the other just dangles at my side. I'm oblivious to it.
As we ascend the stairs, I see Okichi's wide eyes staring at us. I want to tell her to go fuck herself and mind her own business, but my ankle hurts so much that it's affecting my mind--and I find that I'm a sudden mute. I also see Misa, but Koi and Asako are nowhere in sight.
Huh, probably fucking their brains out, I think to myself.
Tasuki kicks open the door to my room, steps in, then kicks it closed again. I pray that Okichi and Misa didn't see him take me to my room. We never take customers to our private rooms. They never even took their lovers to their private rooms. I've never had a lover; so I've never had the chance to take him to my room. But Tasuki's here. Tasuki. He could be a good lover by the look of him. By the feel of him.
I smile to myself as I feel him letting go of me. I feel the bed give under my weight as he lowers me gently, resting my head on the pillow before carefully arranging my feet so as not to hurt my ankle further. Then the bed gives again, and I open my eyes to see him sitting at the foot, my injured ankle in his lap.
"What the hell are you doing?" I say, my eyes squinting at the bright lamp light of the room.
"Your ankle's hurt...I'm just looking," he answers.
"No it's not!" I yell, jerking my foot from his hands. A sharp pain pierces my ankle, runs down into my heel, then jolts back up into my ankle.
"Ow!!!" I yell, "Oh, gods...owwww!!!"
"I told you," he says softly, "Don't move it."
"Oh," I moan, "Oh, fuck, fuck, it hurts...Tasuki it hurts!!!" I grab handfuls on my bed linens and begin whimpering pitifully.
"Then quit kicking damn it!"
I finally hold still and allow him to take my foot in his hands again. I sigh at the contact. His fingers are so hot; they almost feel like they're burning me. But I know that it's only due to the icy coldness of my foot. I was outside barefoot, after all.
I relax my body as he probes the muscles of my ankle with his fingers. Every now and then he touches something that causes me to jerk, pain splintering like a piece of wood in my ankle. But then he touches me again, and it vanishes.
"Thank you," I say.
"For what...I'm the one who nearly blew you away," he answers. "You're not hurt too bad though, probably just twisted it wrong when you landed. It's not broken."
He keeps talking softly, but I'm deaf to every word. My mind is whirling fiercely as I look at him. I can feel the heat of his hand burning through my skin and entering my bloodstream, traveling through my veins and into my heart. Then my body is afire as I feel it pumping through me mercilessly.
I rise up slowly and quietly, leaning on my elbows for help. When I reach a sitting position, I gingerly snake a hand down my leg to my injured foot. He jumps when I suddenly make contact with his hand and lifts his head to look at me.
"Thank you for carrying me up here," I whisper, clasping my fingers around his and pulling us closer together.
I keep my hurting ankle in mind when I scoot myself right in front of him, moving it over his legs and allowing the underside of my thigh to rest on his knees. His eyes shine in the flickering light of the lamp. I feel my lungs suck in a breath as the golden glow spreads up to his nose and down to his mouth until his entire face is bathed in the exotic color.
"I should tell you something," I say nonchalantly as he stares at me, his eyes asking me what I'm doing, "You're the only man I've ever met to have been in my room...in my bed...twice!" I pause to smile at him, wondering if I should continue. "You've been in my room and in my bed twice...and yet you've never so much as kissed me. I don't know if you should be proud...surprised...maybe pissed off..." I shut my mouth when I realize that the sake has taken over yet again. His eyes widen as I move closer to him. I can feel the heat of his body rise as I run my fingers from his hand further up his arm. I rest it on his shoulder momentarily as I lean into him.
"You wanted to...when we were on the porch... you wanted to kiss me didn't you?" I whisper, my mouth moving closer to his ear. "Didn't you?"
"Yes," he answers quickly. My heart pauses in my chest at his breathless reply.
"If you had," I say, "It would have been my first kiss."
I see his eyes widen in disbelief. "You mean you've never..." he pauses as if unsure of himself, "You've never kissed a man?"
I shake my head gently and slowly, my chin massaging his neck. I wrap my arms under his and press my palms to his shoulder blades. I lean my cheek against his shoulder, inviting him to hold me as well.
"They've tried...but I've never wanted to kiss a man..." I pause and lean back to look at him, "Until I saw you."
He doesn't speak. I don't want him to. I let my eyelids flutter when I feel his hands finally press gently onto my back, holding me to him. I've been waiting for him to hold me like this. I feel the tears coming like a flood, but I refuse to cry. I blink furiously at them, and stop only when my eyes are dry again. He suddenly tightens his grip on me as if I was trying to get away. I lean my head back and press my cheek to his for a moment before looking at his face. He's smiling, but sadly.
"You're telling me that...all the years you've been here...all the years you've been a..." his voice trails off. I know that he doesn't want to say it. I know that he wants to think of me as a normal woman. Not a whore. And I wonder what I want to think of myself. "All that time, and you've never kissed a man?"
I shake my head again. "I knew that one would come...one who was different. I knew that I should save at least one part of myself for love." Love. That word again. Love. Did I love him? Did I love a man? Did I care about four months' extra wages for bedding him, or did I care about him?
I feel him wanting to. I know that he wanted to do it desperately when we were on the porch, and he would have if I hadn't thought about all the things that were holding me back. If only I hadn't let the instincts of a harlot take over my mind.
Love. Love is different than sex. Love means something totally different. Sex means coupling, taking pleasure, and returning it if you wish. Nothing more. Love means giving happiness along with pleasure.
His mouth is so close that I feel his breath against my lips, heavy with the thick scent of sake. They brush mine, almost too softly to feel. But I do feel them. I feel them like I can feel his fingers pressing into my spine, like I feel his eyes on mine, like I feel the amorous warmth between my legs. I feel them when they finally crash against mine so fully that I feel I'll be swallowed. He moves them slowly and gently across mine, like moving two petals together so they won't be crushed. He's so soft. His face is so smooth, so cool; not like the thick, rough skin of the other men. The scent of his skin fills my nose and I lean harder into him to breathe him deeper.
Not really knowing what I'm doing, I open my mouth to him, hoping that he does know what he's doing. I feel his mouth open as well, and suddenly his tongue is against mine and I can feel the dull tips of his fangs. And I smile in my mind at the strange sensation his tongue and fangs create together. He begins a rhythm, and I follow. Our mouths move together in a synchronized dance so slow and deep that I soon find myself lost and gasping for him when we break apart.
I open my eyes to see that he's no longer kissing me. I open my mouth to call him back, but he places his hands on either side of my face and forces me to look at him.
"Tansho," he whispers, his voice too serious, too direct. I want to ask him what's wrong, but he only smiles at me even though I know he is trying to remain serious. I smile back and move closer to him, placing a small and gentle kiss on his lips. He moves away instantly. "Tansho, you're drunk," he protests. I smile again.
"So are you," I answer, "Kiss me again. Please..." He pauses for only a second before obeying me. It's slower than before, allowing me to taste more of him. Sake is still prominent on his lips, but I find it nice.
"Thank you," I whisper, breaking away from him slightly.
He pulls me back and kisses me again, harder and more desperate. I follow him, mimicking him, learning from him. He moves away from my mouth and to my jaw, following the path he took when we were on the porch together.
My hands come alive as his lips move over me, down my jaw to my throat--and beyond. I search for the coolness of his belt buckle and begin to unhook it. I toss it to the floor when I've succeeded in removing it. I then begin work on his heavy black overcoat, my fingers flying over the hooks like insects through the air. I work my hands into the opening and begin to pull it over his shoulders, feeling his shoulder blades helping me work it off him. It drops behind him silently, and I continue my work.
His lips never stop; even when I lift his cotton shirt over his head, his lips still find a way to be on my skin somehow. I'm fascinated with his chest, his shoulders, the muscles moving like waves of the ocean under the skin on his back. I run my hands over him, learning him. I lean away, and hook my arms around his back, pulling him with me, on top of me. I bring my injured foot up and rest it on his lower back. I feel my dress move upward on my leg until it is barely on my thigh. I nudge my heel against his boot.
"You need to take off your shoes," I whisper to him, patting his back to get his attention. He lifts his head from my neck and seals his lips over my mouth. I smile and begin to giggle against his lips as I feel him begin to kick his leg, loosening his boot's hold on his foot. It makes a load thump as it lands on the floor next to the bed, shortly followed by another loud thump as its twin lands beside it.
He breaks the kiss. But instead of resuming them somewhere else, he trails a hand down my shoulder to my ribs. He looks down at me with an almost pleading look as his hand lingers gently on my side. I know what he wants, though this is the subtlest way a man has ever told me.
I take his face in my hands and bring his mouth closer to mine. I give him the softest kiss that I can manage in my amorous state and squirm my way under him, trailing my lips hungrily along his neck and collarbone as I go. Soon, I'm at his chest. I trace his nipples with my fingertips, relishing his sudden intake of breath at the sensitive contact. I kiss them gently, then run my fingernails carefully down his sides, feeling his ribs under the skin. I reach his stomach, one of the first places I ever touched him. The skin there is so soft and smooth, so unknown to me. I believe that of all the men I've ever know, Tasuki is not the most beautiful-- I feel that he is the most perfect. The most unblemished. The most fascinating. I wrap my arms around his waist and hug his abdomen against my cheek, breathing in the scent of his skin as he continues to balance himself above me.
I then move out from beneath him, keeping my arms on his ribs, until I am at his side. I then carefully lift my injured ankle from his back and let it move with me as I push his back to the bed. Soon, we have changed positions, his back now pressed to the linens of my bed, my legs now straddling him. I make sure not to put too much pressure on my ankle as I lean forward onto his chest. He makes no objections to our new position, so I say nothing, only kiss him and allow him to pull me down on top of him. He crushes me to him momentarily, but I break away before he can turn me over onto my back again.
"No, no," I whisper in my most sultry voice. I press him harder to the bed and place my hands on the ties of my gown. He rests his hands on my thighs and squeezes them slightly as if he has to control them. I smile and begin to unwork the knot of the sash that holds my dress in place. It falls limply onto his stomach. I peel the thin gown from my shoulders and let it fall around me in a pool of satin. I remove it for Tasuki just as I've removed it for so many men before him. But his eyes look at me so differently. They aren't hungry. They don't even lust. I knit my brows as I try to discern the look on his face. It is almost like fear. Or amazement. Disbelief.
"What's wrong?" I ask in a concerned whisper, thinking my body revolts him. It has, after all, been beneath and on top of many men before him. He and I both know that my body is anything but pure.
His eyes wander over my nakedness. I take his hands and move them towards me. I press them to my breasts, encouraging him. I am unnerved by his strange reaction to me. I want him to return to the enamored state he was in when he first kissed me.
"It's alright..." I whisper to him, thinking that he is perhaps nervous, "What's wrong?"
"You're too beautiful," he finally manages to say. His voice wavers in uncertainty as the words emerge.
"Too beautiful?" I repeat, smiling as his hands move downwards shakily. "How can I be too beautiful?"
"You just are..." His eyes look to mine as if for permission. I fall gently on his chest and kiss his cheekbone.
"If I am too beautiful...does that mean you don't want me?" I ask, running my fingers across his brow and into his fiery hair. "Perhaps you should go..."
"No..." he answers hastily, causing me to laugh, " I just don't know why...I mean..." I feel his hands entangle in my dark hair as he tries to articulate to me what is obviously so heavy on his heart. "Why me...why did you kiss me...and no one else?"
"Because anyone can couple with another," I answer, leaning back again to look at him, "But a kiss is different. A kiss tells another that you love them-that you feel more for them than just lust. I never loved a man before...before you..." Our eyes only look. I saved the last part of myself for love. For him. Even though a man took my purity many years ago, I gave this man my love. I feel a surge within me that is much more powerful than the rush of coupling. I feel full of myself, full of him, full of life.
I wonder if I should say something else. I wonder if he will say something. But his hands only roam over me, moving like leaves floating on water. I let him touch me, for his hands are smooth and careful with me. He doesn't squeeze or pinch me like all the other men who have touched me. He touches my breasts, my shoulders, my stomach, my back, and my legs as if they were all something out of a dream, threatening to dissolve in his hands if he handles me too roughly. He touches my body as if it could vanish any moment, as if it could shatter to a million pieces in his hands. And my hands do the same to him, but I know that he is real. I know that he is with me at this moment, and I know that he is different. I know that he is different from all the others because I love him. I love a man. And because I love a man-- may the gods save my soul.
Sorry that I led you on so bad...but don't worry, the juicy lemon is coming soon. But this is a nice preview of what is to come, don't you think? In the meantime, why not review?!
Replies to reviewers:
Blah blah: In answer to your question about the part I deleted with Chichiri-uh.let's just say that I was venting my annoyance with him via a rather insensitive mention of his soprano voice by Tansho. She seemed to be annoyed by his voice as well ^_^. I deleted it because I can remember a few reviews that I had gotten for that chapter the first time I posted it where people didn't really flame me.just kinda complained a bit.
Chibi-Kaz: Thanks for the offer of hosting the un-edited version of "Tansho", but the only chapters that I'm planning on heavily editing are the lemon ones-and even on those I'm barely going to get rid of anything. I'm also planning on e-mailing the original lemon chapters to any readers who would want them (since I don't have "Tansho" posted anywhere else but FF).
Sorry I didn't reply to you other reviewers. I got up at the crack of dawn yesterday to go take the ACT.then like a dumbass I decided to do some Christmas shopping afterwards. I got home and wanted to stay awake to watch InuYasha on CN, but I fell asleep after editing this chapter. I promise that if you leave me some god reviews, I'll leave you some good replies!!! ^_^ Love all of ya!!!