Disclaimer: I'm tired and I have a headache, so I'm not going to bother.
Just take a wild guess as to what I would say...
* Another Big Fat Warning* Sex, Sex, and even more sex for your imaginations to feast upon. One of my best lemons ever, in my opinion! ^_^ Oh, and there's a shit load of cussing in here too!!! Enjoy!
Chapter 13 I Understand
I retreat back into my room and close the door behind me. I worry about what I will see and hear when I open my wardrobe doors. I know he heard something-but how much? The wardrobe doors are not as thick as I'd like them to be. But will he be angry with me? Will he never come back to the Black Dove? Will he never wish to see me again? For the first time in my life, I care if I see a man again or not.
I have to take a few calming breaths before I reach for the wardrobe handles and pull open the doors. I watch in amusement as he gently untangles himself from my gowns so as not to leave a pile of them heaped on the floor. I know that he has heard. He is silent as he steps out. His demeanor is solemn, almost sorrowful. I would have expected him to be annoyed with me for shoving him in there, and would have been more than happy to hear his complaints and see the scowl on his face. But his eyes are fixed, and his mouth is drawn in a tight line. His body is rigid, and his lips are silent. I feel unnerved just being in his presence.
When he finally composes himself and shuts the doors, he looks at me with such an expression that I stop breathing. I feel my heart collapse in on itself, and I must struggle to regain my breath. Oh, dear gods, my mind cries out in horror, He heard it all.
I don't know whether or not I should speak. Thankfully, he speaks so that I don't have to.
"And here I thought that all whores did was make money by fucking strangers," he says coldly and emotionlessly, "I guess I was wrong. They play games, too." He steps around me, and all I can so is watch in silence. "I guess I should feel honored, huh?"
"Tasuki, please...don't," I begin. I try to say so much more, but my mind is spinning too wildly, trying to find a way of keeping him here. I have to make him understand. "Just listen..."
"What the hell do ya think I was doing in your closet?" he snaps at me, "Thinking about asking ya if I can borrow one of your goddamn dresses?!"
At first, I find myself recoiling at his unexpected harshness, but then I am annoyed with him and his foolishness.
"I didn't want the money!" I cry, "We decided on the game long before I even spoke to you, Tasuki!" He is only staring at me, silently. "Do you remember when I stole your coin out of your pocket when you were going to the latrines? It was right before that that we made the deal." I pause again when I see the coldness of his face finally begin to melt. I know that he's listening, and I know that in his heart he wants to believe every word I say. "They even know that I never wanted you as a customer...but still they gave me the money because that was the deal we had agreed on. You heard everything else...didn't you hear that?"
I suddenly feel exhausted. But I feel it is worth it. His eyes are no longer dark, and his face shows the deep lines of regret. Regret for speaking so harshly to me before.
"What do you mean, 'they know'?" he asks, crossing his arms. I smile even though I try not to.
"They are whores, Tasuki," I answer in an amazingly calm tone, "They have slept with a countless number of men for a countless number of years. They can tell when they or one like them wants something more from a man...than just his money..." I am silent. I let my words seep into his skin. I hope with all my being he understands their meaning.
When his eyes lock on mine, I know he does.
"On the veranda, when I told you I didn't want the gold coin...or anything...I meant it," I say, walking closer to him, "And I still don't." Slowly, just in case he still is angry with me, I lift my hand to his face and trace his hairline. "Please...believe me, Tasuki. I love money, but I love you more."
My breath rushes from my lungs when he wraps his arms around my shoulders and presses me to him. I return his hug generously and gratefully, slipping my arms under his and grabbing handfuls of his black coat. I feel his breath stir my hair as he breathes deeply, taking me in. He is more than grateful that I have expressed my love so openly. He is overwhelmed. Just as I am overwhelmed that I still have him here with me.
I almost begin to cry when I think of what might have happened. If he had not believed me and accepted me again. What would I have done? How would it have been possible to simply go on with my life as a harlot after being with him?
"You need to go," I say, pulling away to look up at him. He looks back at me, and I am relieved to see that all the emptiness and coldness in his eyes has been replaced with the warmth and humor that I know all too well. "There's a hidden door down the hall that will lead you out to the latrines. If you try to go downstairs to the tavern, Shingen will see you." I pull away and take his hand in mine, leading him to the door. "Come on," I whisper when I have looked down the balcony hall and over the banister. When I am certain that no one is within our vicinity, I pull him with me out the door and into the hall. "Stay quiet," I whisper.
We walk swiftly and silently to the door just beside mine. "Huh!" I whisper when we reach it and open it to reveal a narrow staircase. I am genuinely amazed to see such a thing here. I wonder if the women had it secretly built to smuggle their lovers out without Shingen knowing of them. Or perhaps the previous inhabitants of the building, whoever they might have been, used it. "And here I always thought it was a linen closet or something," I quietly reply.
I nudge him forward onto the first step, but grab his coat collar and pull him to me again before he sets foot on it. I give him a swift but whole kiss on his mouth, then nudge him again. "Promise to come back tonight?" I ask as he begins to descend. He grins at me then lifts his chin as if to look down upon me.
"As long as you don't shove me in your closet again in the morning," he smugly remarks.
I laugh under my breath and nod in agreement.
Then he is gone, and I return to my room, my heart free of all the things that once plagued me.
**************************************************************************** ******************
He keeps his promise. He is there again that night.
I have to hop around a bit on my supposedly injured ankle to get Shingen to believe that I have no need for a Healer and can resume work. He finally agrees to let me go out on the floor, but demands that I go back to my room earlier than the others so as not to strain myself. I reluctantly agree even though I am overjoyed at the thought of being free of my customers early.
Although it bothers me to no extent, I make rounds among my other clients before finally making my way to Tasuki's table near the back. He is alone.
"Where are your friends?" I ask as I hop up onto the table, my legs dangling over the side. I press my palms to the smooth wood and lean back, crossing my ankles like a child.
"They say I come here too often. They went to another tavern tonight," he answers. "But I like solitude. It's entertaining." He leans forward and lifts his eyebrows, telling me to lean towards him. I do so, and he whispers into my dark hair, "I made you a promise.and I feel I can better keep it if alone."
I smile, but then frown. I have to discuss something with him. I know before I even begin to speak that I shouldn't mention it just yet. It's too early. I should try to avoid it for as long as possible, but I can't help but wonder if that will make it worse when it is finally time to speak of it. I decide that I have no choice but to say it now.
"I have to tell you something," I begin, "And if we want to keep...doing this...then you have to understand this." He leans back in his chair, waiting patiently. "You know good and well what I do for a living, and you know that just because we're...you know...doesn't mean that I can just...stop." My mind scolds me for my childish mumbling, and I wish more than anything for the eloquent tongue of a scholar just now. I am surprised at how hard this really is.
"I would like to stop my obligations if I could," I continue, " But I am who I am...and I can't change that. You have to swear to me..." I look over my shoulder quickly, then lean down over the table in front of him. "Swear that you won't let yourself get out of control if...if I have to...you know," I explain. I want to tell him bluntly not to let his jealousy get out of control if I have to do what my job requires. If I have to sleep with other men to make my wages. Gods, how I wish I could tell him the truth about me. The truth about the Black Dove and me. Perhaps that would make it easier for us, him knowing that I truly have no other choice but to do what I do. But, like I thought before, surely he would try to save me. And then it would all be ruined.
At first he seems deaf to what I just said, but then he leans toward me and smiles a sad yet strangely meaningful smile. "I understand, Tansho," he says quietly. And that is all. He says nothing else to me, only those three words that fill the gaping hole inside of me that had been the very center of my fear. He understands.
For just a moment, I think he is lying. He seems so calm, so truly...understanding. But when he looks down at his feet, I know that he understands he has no other choice for the time being. And I know that he loves me, for he is allowing himself to be blind to the one thing a lover should never be blind to. I am relieved, and I jump down from the table to stand by him.
"Thank you," I whisper softly, leaning over to kiss his forehead. "I'll be back in moment." I turn and walk off to the bar to pick up a pitcher of sake that a table of men ordered earlier. I pour it and bring it to them with out speaking a word.
My perception of my occupation has altered forever with Tasuki's sad smile and simple words. I thought long ago, when I first came to this damned place of drunkenness and sex, that my life was over. But I lived. Somehow, I learned to survive; and, as the years went by, I found that my life here was indeed tragic, but not doomed. I have lived comfortably, and maybe even happily at some times. But now it has all vanished like a fog at noon, before my dark eyes. Perhaps I will leave some day. Perhaps I will walk away from this place, born from the devil's own seed, and be truly happy. Because I know that I truly hate this place now. When his words were so soft and untainted, calm and unangered, I knew that my eyes would never look at this place the same again. I am a stranger to it now. But only the gods know how much longer I will have to wander here, a stranger in this goddamned foreign land.
I am deaf to the vulgar calls of the men to whose table I deliver the sake. I will try to continue my job, for my own sake; but I know it will be difficult for me-now that I love a man. I have to try in order to keep surviving, but maybe my days here are numbered. Perhaps I have opened a door that leads away from this place.
I decide to give in and open my ears to the harsh voices and grunts of the drunken farmers and merchants before me. I flirt the best I can, but thankfully when I offer my services, they turn me down.
"Spent all my money on sake, m'dear," one moans pitifully. Inside, my soul is rejoicing, but my whore's body in not used to rejection. I am unable to decide what to do. Should I simply accept the good fortune I have been given, or follow the whore's instincts that have been embedded in me and try my best to secure a client. Soon, my mind is too tired to battle, so I shrug and turn back to Tasuki's table. But he is not there.
My mind reels. Did he lie when he told me he understood? Did he leave when he saw that I purposely and blatantly offered myself, looking for a customer? Oh, dear gods, did he lie to me? Did he leave me?!
In a daze, I shuffle toward the back of the tavern. I pause at the door leading to the latrines. Maybe he just went to use the latrines. Hopeful, I open the door and step out into the cool air. My eyes have to wait a moment to adjust to the darkness, but they are interrupted and never get the chance. Suddenly, an arm is wrapped around my waist and a hand is clamped forcefully over my mouth before I can utter even a gasp. As a reflex, my body spasms in shock and I begin to kick and throw my arms over my head to try to strike whoever it is that has captured me. My fingernails make contact with skin and I scrape them until my attacker's arms loosen, a wail escaping his lips. In a wild panic, I convulse my body until my mouth is released. I spread my lips wide and suck in a deep breath to catapult from my lungs. But the hand has sealed itself over my mouth again and suddenly I am turned in the opposite direction. I find myself staring into Tasuki's golden green eyes, and I gasp in utter shock.
"Would you calm the fuck down?!" he whispers madly, squeezing my cheeks with his fingers and letting my waist go. He sees that I've recognized him and takes his hand from my mouth to rub the scratch that I inflicted on his hand. "Damn it, Tansho," he says, "I didn't mean to scare ya' so damn bad! I just wanted to surprise ya!"
My breath is as wild as a lion's. I press a hand to my chest to try to slow my heart before it breaks free of my ribcage. I want to slap the hell out of him for scaring me. I want to curse at him until I can think of no more words. But all I can do is stare at him in disbelief that he is still here. He hasn't left. He hasn't left me.
"Oh, Tasuki," I breathe, moving into him and resting my forehead against his shoulder, "You scared the goddamned hell out of me." He wraps his arms around me and hugs me close to his body.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, laughter on his voice, "Do you forgive me?"
I grin into his shoulder and sneak a peek through the back door of the tavern. It had not closed all the way when I came out, and I can see a few people through the crack and hear their haughty laughter and drunken voices. I suddenly have a daring and absolutely exhilarating idea that makes my grin widen.
"Maybe..." I whisper alluringly, grabbing the teal blue collar of his coat and slowly spinning us around so that my back is pressed against the wall. I pull him against me until he is nearly crushing me. I yank hard on his collar with both hands to pull his face down to mine. I mold my lips to his eagerly and forcefully and let my arms swim around his neck and clasp together to prevent him from escaping.
Heat grows between our molded bodies. I feel my skin suddenly flush as Tasuki's hands find their courage and begin to explore me as they had done so eagerly the night before. It doesn't take long for his touch to charm me and my already enamored body.
My womanhood is already burning between my legs with such a force that I fear my insides will catch fire. He senses my desperateness and presses his body tighter to mine, revealing his own desire in the form of his hardening manhood. I laugh into his mouth as he curls one arm around my waist and another under my thigh. Suddenly, I am in the air and my feet are dangling beneath me. He wraps one of my legs tightly around his waist and the other I lock around his thigh, just under his hip. I take one of my hands away from his neck to begin work on his coat, unhooking it to gain access to his pants as his mouth runs wild over my throat and chest. When I have succeeded in unhooking his coat, I simply throw it open, not even bothering to take it off. I lower one foot onto the ground to release him from the strained fabric of his trousers. He lifts me again, helping me to resume my previous position, locked onto his body. His breath comes in excited labored gasps as I grab a handful of the hem of my gown and begin to frantically pull it up my thighs to my hips, exposing all of myself to the chilled air.
I let out a delighted sigh at the sensation of the chilled air on my bare skin. Tasuki suddenly presses his mouth to my open lips, taking advantage of their present condition.
I gasp in unbelief at the audacity of what we are doing, in full view of anyone who happens to walk out the back door. But the thought only makes me curl my arms tighter around Tasuki and arch my back, begging him to do as we both wish. Then, in a wondrously smooth and gentle thrust, I am full of him.
My mouth gapes open as he brings an arm up above my head to balance us against the wall. And as our mad and frantic rythm begins, I lean my head forward and press my cheek to his, wishing every part of us to have contact with each other. I kiss him wildly, then have to break it to breathe as he thrusts deeper than I expected. I press my chest to his and squeeze him with my thighs, holding on for my life as he moves within me. He leans forward, pressing my shoulder blades and the back of my head firmly to the wall. My shoulders scrape up and down against the rough wall as he thrusts again and again, but I don't notice anything save for the wonderful friction building and building between my legs. My back is arched, pressing my core firmly against him, giving his access to every part of me, making my mouth gape open in a silent moan. I squeeze my eyes closed and listen in amazement to the quiet, gentle noises we make, so different from the insane movements of our body. He begins to pant and gasp like a wild animal, exciting me beyond comprehension, and I soon find that my own voice is joining him. I hear his fingernails scraping the wood above my head in his ecstasy, and I reach one of my own hands over my head and tangle my fingers together with his. He squeezes my hand desperately, pushing it against the wall with his, palm to palm, trying to hold himself back for me, until I'm ready. And soon I am.
The building friction between my legs begins to quake slowly. It continues to build until suddenly my body is convulsing and trembling madly as my pleasure is released upon me in one long, powerful wave. And, before it is over, he joins me, quickened considerably by the tightening of my womanhood.
I hear both of our lungs take in monstrous breaths, and I know he hears too, for his eyes are staring at me in fear. I open my mouth anyway to release my voice along with my body, feeling that I will not be fully satisfied unless I can cry out as I so need and want to do. But thankfully, he lets go of my waist just in time and presses his hand firmly to my lips, keeping me from screaming into the night air. Then I see that he will be unable to stop his own cry, and I quickly seal my free hand over his mouth as well. And we stand there silently, our heaving voices and cries muffled by our palms pressed to each other's lips as our bodies tremble. His warmth fills me to my brim, and I arch my back further at the familiar and yet strangely alien sensation.
For what seems like hours, we stand in silence, our quaking voices already no more than sighs and heavy pants. The strength of my legs around him and my back pressed against the wall are the only things keeping me from falling to the ground. One of our hands is still pressed firmly to each other's mouths while the other two are intertwined tightly above my head. Our foreheads are pressed together, and the heat of our bodies continues to flow between us like an untamed force of nature.
Finally, when we are both sure that neither of us will cry out, we gently unseal each other's mouths. I let out a deep sigh as he tenderly disconnects our bodies and lowers me slowly to the ground, holding me tightly for a moment until I am steady on my feet. I then pull Tasuki to me and allow him to lean against me as his body rests and his strength returns. The character on his forearm is a bright, flaming red. Even though his heavy coat covers it, I can see its reddish light shining brightly out of the cuff. It brightens and dims with the fluctuation of his breathing, finally evening out when his breath becomes calmer. I continue to watch it is fascination.
Our hands are still tightly clenched together against the wall, and I have no desire to release him from my hold. I lower our hands from the wall to our sides and wrap his arm around me. He does the same with his remaining arm, and I lean into his chest.
I know without a doubt that we would have startled the entire city with our cries if we hadn't have been quick enough and smart enough to cover our mouths. My sex-drunken mind laughs at the thought of the people of the city running to the Black Dove tavern to see a redheaded man and a whore pressed against the wall by the latrines, fucking their brains out. I let a laugh escape my lips even though I try to hold it in.
"What's so funny?" Tasuki asks, his voice slow and drunken from our lovemaking.
"Nothing," I say. "You know. I think you've asked me that damn question at least a dozen times since I've met you." He straightens himself to look down at me. His eyes and skin are glowing in the dim light streaming from the crack in the back door. He smiles stupidly, but in obvious happiness. His tiny fangs gleam maliciously, and I am unable to resist the urge to kiss him again.
"That was fun," he says with a child-like grin on his face, apparently oblivious to what I just said to him, "Let's do it again."
I burst into a fit of soft laughter and hug him tightly, pressing my face into the warmth of his shoulder. "Maybe later," I reply, "Let's rest for a little while..."
A/N: Just to let you know...I really really really liked writing this part. I love to let my creativity get the best of me sometimes!! ^_^ And once again, I found that I'm much more of a tasteful lemon writer than I let myself believe. You may not think along the same lines as me, but compaired to other lemons out there.mine are just a little basket of limes and oranges. ^_^
Well, does Tasuki really not care about Tansho's profession, or is he having to hide his jealousy? Will Tansho's new perception of herself and what she does change her life? Just how long will she be able to continue being a whore? And what the hell is the deal with the poor woman's past??!! Ohhhh, the questions!!!
P.S. So very sorry for how late this update was!! I've been having to serious crack down on my college admissions lately, and so far things aren't going too good. I can't get into the college I want on my SAT scores, so I have to depend on my ACT scores to get me in!!! And I'm still waiting for them!!! I'm going crazy!
Thanks for all the great reviews!! I love all of you!! ^_^
* Another Big Fat Warning* Sex, Sex, and even more sex for your imaginations to feast upon. One of my best lemons ever, in my opinion! ^_^ Oh, and there's a shit load of cussing in here too!!! Enjoy!
Chapter 13 I Understand
I retreat back into my room and close the door behind me. I worry about what I will see and hear when I open my wardrobe doors. I know he heard something-but how much? The wardrobe doors are not as thick as I'd like them to be. But will he be angry with me? Will he never come back to the Black Dove? Will he never wish to see me again? For the first time in my life, I care if I see a man again or not.
I have to take a few calming breaths before I reach for the wardrobe handles and pull open the doors. I watch in amusement as he gently untangles himself from my gowns so as not to leave a pile of them heaped on the floor. I know that he has heard. He is silent as he steps out. His demeanor is solemn, almost sorrowful. I would have expected him to be annoyed with me for shoving him in there, and would have been more than happy to hear his complaints and see the scowl on his face. But his eyes are fixed, and his mouth is drawn in a tight line. His body is rigid, and his lips are silent. I feel unnerved just being in his presence.
When he finally composes himself and shuts the doors, he looks at me with such an expression that I stop breathing. I feel my heart collapse in on itself, and I must struggle to regain my breath. Oh, dear gods, my mind cries out in horror, He heard it all.
I don't know whether or not I should speak. Thankfully, he speaks so that I don't have to.
"And here I thought that all whores did was make money by fucking strangers," he says coldly and emotionlessly, "I guess I was wrong. They play games, too." He steps around me, and all I can so is watch in silence. "I guess I should feel honored, huh?"
"Tasuki, please...don't," I begin. I try to say so much more, but my mind is spinning too wildly, trying to find a way of keeping him here. I have to make him understand. "Just listen..."
"What the hell do ya think I was doing in your closet?" he snaps at me, "Thinking about asking ya if I can borrow one of your goddamn dresses?!"
At first, I find myself recoiling at his unexpected harshness, but then I am annoyed with him and his foolishness.
"I didn't want the money!" I cry, "We decided on the game long before I even spoke to you, Tasuki!" He is only staring at me, silently. "Do you remember when I stole your coin out of your pocket when you were going to the latrines? It was right before that that we made the deal." I pause again when I see the coldness of his face finally begin to melt. I know that he's listening, and I know that in his heart he wants to believe every word I say. "They even know that I never wanted you as a customer...but still they gave me the money because that was the deal we had agreed on. You heard everything else...didn't you hear that?"
I suddenly feel exhausted. But I feel it is worth it. His eyes are no longer dark, and his face shows the deep lines of regret. Regret for speaking so harshly to me before.
"What do you mean, 'they know'?" he asks, crossing his arms. I smile even though I try not to.
"They are whores, Tasuki," I answer in an amazingly calm tone, "They have slept with a countless number of men for a countless number of years. They can tell when they or one like them wants something more from a man...than just his money..." I am silent. I let my words seep into his skin. I hope with all my being he understands their meaning.
When his eyes lock on mine, I know he does.
"On the veranda, when I told you I didn't want the gold coin...or anything...I meant it," I say, walking closer to him, "And I still don't." Slowly, just in case he still is angry with me, I lift my hand to his face and trace his hairline. "Please...believe me, Tasuki. I love money, but I love you more."
My breath rushes from my lungs when he wraps his arms around my shoulders and presses me to him. I return his hug generously and gratefully, slipping my arms under his and grabbing handfuls of his black coat. I feel his breath stir my hair as he breathes deeply, taking me in. He is more than grateful that I have expressed my love so openly. He is overwhelmed. Just as I am overwhelmed that I still have him here with me.
I almost begin to cry when I think of what might have happened. If he had not believed me and accepted me again. What would I have done? How would it have been possible to simply go on with my life as a harlot after being with him?
"You need to go," I say, pulling away to look up at him. He looks back at me, and I am relieved to see that all the emptiness and coldness in his eyes has been replaced with the warmth and humor that I know all too well. "There's a hidden door down the hall that will lead you out to the latrines. If you try to go downstairs to the tavern, Shingen will see you." I pull away and take his hand in mine, leading him to the door. "Come on," I whisper when I have looked down the balcony hall and over the banister. When I am certain that no one is within our vicinity, I pull him with me out the door and into the hall. "Stay quiet," I whisper.
We walk swiftly and silently to the door just beside mine. "Huh!" I whisper when we reach it and open it to reveal a narrow staircase. I am genuinely amazed to see such a thing here. I wonder if the women had it secretly built to smuggle their lovers out without Shingen knowing of them. Or perhaps the previous inhabitants of the building, whoever they might have been, used it. "And here I always thought it was a linen closet or something," I quietly reply.
I nudge him forward onto the first step, but grab his coat collar and pull him to me again before he sets foot on it. I give him a swift but whole kiss on his mouth, then nudge him again. "Promise to come back tonight?" I ask as he begins to descend. He grins at me then lifts his chin as if to look down upon me.
"As long as you don't shove me in your closet again in the morning," he smugly remarks.
I laugh under my breath and nod in agreement.
Then he is gone, and I return to my room, my heart free of all the things that once plagued me.
**************************************************************************** ******************
He keeps his promise. He is there again that night.
I have to hop around a bit on my supposedly injured ankle to get Shingen to believe that I have no need for a Healer and can resume work. He finally agrees to let me go out on the floor, but demands that I go back to my room earlier than the others so as not to strain myself. I reluctantly agree even though I am overjoyed at the thought of being free of my customers early.
Although it bothers me to no extent, I make rounds among my other clients before finally making my way to Tasuki's table near the back. He is alone.
"Where are your friends?" I ask as I hop up onto the table, my legs dangling over the side. I press my palms to the smooth wood and lean back, crossing my ankles like a child.
"They say I come here too often. They went to another tavern tonight," he answers. "But I like solitude. It's entertaining." He leans forward and lifts his eyebrows, telling me to lean towards him. I do so, and he whispers into my dark hair, "I made you a promise.and I feel I can better keep it if alone."
I smile, but then frown. I have to discuss something with him. I know before I even begin to speak that I shouldn't mention it just yet. It's too early. I should try to avoid it for as long as possible, but I can't help but wonder if that will make it worse when it is finally time to speak of it. I decide that I have no choice but to say it now.
"I have to tell you something," I begin, "And if we want to keep...doing this...then you have to understand this." He leans back in his chair, waiting patiently. "You know good and well what I do for a living, and you know that just because we're...you know...doesn't mean that I can just...stop." My mind scolds me for my childish mumbling, and I wish more than anything for the eloquent tongue of a scholar just now. I am surprised at how hard this really is.
"I would like to stop my obligations if I could," I continue, " But I am who I am...and I can't change that. You have to swear to me..." I look over my shoulder quickly, then lean down over the table in front of him. "Swear that you won't let yourself get out of control if...if I have to...you know," I explain. I want to tell him bluntly not to let his jealousy get out of control if I have to do what my job requires. If I have to sleep with other men to make my wages. Gods, how I wish I could tell him the truth about me. The truth about the Black Dove and me. Perhaps that would make it easier for us, him knowing that I truly have no other choice but to do what I do. But, like I thought before, surely he would try to save me. And then it would all be ruined.
At first he seems deaf to what I just said, but then he leans toward me and smiles a sad yet strangely meaningful smile. "I understand, Tansho," he says quietly. And that is all. He says nothing else to me, only those three words that fill the gaping hole inside of me that had been the very center of my fear. He understands.
For just a moment, I think he is lying. He seems so calm, so truly...understanding. But when he looks down at his feet, I know that he understands he has no other choice for the time being. And I know that he loves me, for he is allowing himself to be blind to the one thing a lover should never be blind to. I am relieved, and I jump down from the table to stand by him.
"Thank you," I whisper softly, leaning over to kiss his forehead. "I'll be back in moment." I turn and walk off to the bar to pick up a pitcher of sake that a table of men ordered earlier. I pour it and bring it to them with out speaking a word.
My perception of my occupation has altered forever with Tasuki's sad smile and simple words. I thought long ago, when I first came to this damned place of drunkenness and sex, that my life was over. But I lived. Somehow, I learned to survive; and, as the years went by, I found that my life here was indeed tragic, but not doomed. I have lived comfortably, and maybe even happily at some times. But now it has all vanished like a fog at noon, before my dark eyes. Perhaps I will leave some day. Perhaps I will walk away from this place, born from the devil's own seed, and be truly happy. Because I know that I truly hate this place now. When his words were so soft and untainted, calm and unangered, I knew that my eyes would never look at this place the same again. I am a stranger to it now. But only the gods know how much longer I will have to wander here, a stranger in this goddamned foreign land.
I am deaf to the vulgar calls of the men to whose table I deliver the sake. I will try to continue my job, for my own sake; but I know it will be difficult for me-now that I love a man. I have to try in order to keep surviving, but maybe my days here are numbered. Perhaps I have opened a door that leads away from this place.
I decide to give in and open my ears to the harsh voices and grunts of the drunken farmers and merchants before me. I flirt the best I can, but thankfully when I offer my services, they turn me down.
"Spent all my money on sake, m'dear," one moans pitifully. Inside, my soul is rejoicing, but my whore's body in not used to rejection. I am unable to decide what to do. Should I simply accept the good fortune I have been given, or follow the whore's instincts that have been embedded in me and try my best to secure a client. Soon, my mind is too tired to battle, so I shrug and turn back to Tasuki's table. But he is not there.
My mind reels. Did he lie when he told me he understood? Did he leave when he saw that I purposely and blatantly offered myself, looking for a customer? Oh, dear gods, did he lie to me? Did he leave me?!
In a daze, I shuffle toward the back of the tavern. I pause at the door leading to the latrines. Maybe he just went to use the latrines. Hopeful, I open the door and step out into the cool air. My eyes have to wait a moment to adjust to the darkness, but they are interrupted and never get the chance. Suddenly, an arm is wrapped around my waist and a hand is clamped forcefully over my mouth before I can utter even a gasp. As a reflex, my body spasms in shock and I begin to kick and throw my arms over my head to try to strike whoever it is that has captured me. My fingernails make contact with skin and I scrape them until my attacker's arms loosen, a wail escaping his lips. In a wild panic, I convulse my body until my mouth is released. I spread my lips wide and suck in a deep breath to catapult from my lungs. But the hand has sealed itself over my mouth again and suddenly I am turned in the opposite direction. I find myself staring into Tasuki's golden green eyes, and I gasp in utter shock.
"Would you calm the fuck down?!" he whispers madly, squeezing my cheeks with his fingers and letting my waist go. He sees that I've recognized him and takes his hand from my mouth to rub the scratch that I inflicted on his hand. "Damn it, Tansho," he says, "I didn't mean to scare ya' so damn bad! I just wanted to surprise ya!"
My breath is as wild as a lion's. I press a hand to my chest to try to slow my heart before it breaks free of my ribcage. I want to slap the hell out of him for scaring me. I want to curse at him until I can think of no more words. But all I can do is stare at him in disbelief that he is still here. He hasn't left. He hasn't left me.
"Oh, Tasuki," I breathe, moving into him and resting my forehead against his shoulder, "You scared the goddamned hell out of me." He wraps his arms around me and hugs me close to his body.
"I'm sorry," he whispers, laughter on his voice, "Do you forgive me?"
I grin into his shoulder and sneak a peek through the back door of the tavern. It had not closed all the way when I came out, and I can see a few people through the crack and hear their haughty laughter and drunken voices. I suddenly have a daring and absolutely exhilarating idea that makes my grin widen.
"Maybe..." I whisper alluringly, grabbing the teal blue collar of his coat and slowly spinning us around so that my back is pressed against the wall. I pull him against me until he is nearly crushing me. I yank hard on his collar with both hands to pull his face down to mine. I mold my lips to his eagerly and forcefully and let my arms swim around his neck and clasp together to prevent him from escaping.
Heat grows between our molded bodies. I feel my skin suddenly flush as Tasuki's hands find their courage and begin to explore me as they had done so eagerly the night before. It doesn't take long for his touch to charm me and my already enamored body.
My womanhood is already burning between my legs with such a force that I fear my insides will catch fire. He senses my desperateness and presses his body tighter to mine, revealing his own desire in the form of his hardening manhood. I laugh into his mouth as he curls one arm around my waist and another under my thigh. Suddenly, I am in the air and my feet are dangling beneath me. He wraps one of my legs tightly around his waist and the other I lock around his thigh, just under his hip. I take one of my hands away from his neck to begin work on his coat, unhooking it to gain access to his pants as his mouth runs wild over my throat and chest. When I have succeeded in unhooking his coat, I simply throw it open, not even bothering to take it off. I lower one foot onto the ground to release him from the strained fabric of his trousers. He lifts me again, helping me to resume my previous position, locked onto his body. His breath comes in excited labored gasps as I grab a handful of the hem of my gown and begin to frantically pull it up my thighs to my hips, exposing all of myself to the chilled air.
I let out a delighted sigh at the sensation of the chilled air on my bare skin. Tasuki suddenly presses his mouth to my open lips, taking advantage of their present condition.
I gasp in unbelief at the audacity of what we are doing, in full view of anyone who happens to walk out the back door. But the thought only makes me curl my arms tighter around Tasuki and arch my back, begging him to do as we both wish. Then, in a wondrously smooth and gentle thrust, I am full of him.
My mouth gapes open as he brings an arm up above my head to balance us against the wall. And as our mad and frantic rythm begins, I lean my head forward and press my cheek to his, wishing every part of us to have contact with each other. I kiss him wildly, then have to break it to breathe as he thrusts deeper than I expected. I press my chest to his and squeeze him with my thighs, holding on for my life as he moves within me. He leans forward, pressing my shoulder blades and the back of my head firmly to the wall. My shoulders scrape up and down against the rough wall as he thrusts again and again, but I don't notice anything save for the wonderful friction building and building between my legs. My back is arched, pressing my core firmly against him, giving his access to every part of me, making my mouth gape open in a silent moan. I squeeze my eyes closed and listen in amazement to the quiet, gentle noises we make, so different from the insane movements of our body. He begins to pant and gasp like a wild animal, exciting me beyond comprehension, and I soon find that my own voice is joining him. I hear his fingernails scraping the wood above my head in his ecstasy, and I reach one of my own hands over my head and tangle my fingers together with his. He squeezes my hand desperately, pushing it against the wall with his, palm to palm, trying to hold himself back for me, until I'm ready. And soon I am.
The building friction between my legs begins to quake slowly. It continues to build until suddenly my body is convulsing and trembling madly as my pleasure is released upon me in one long, powerful wave. And, before it is over, he joins me, quickened considerably by the tightening of my womanhood.
I hear both of our lungs take in monstrous breaths, and I know he hears too, for his eyes are staring at me in fear. I open my mouth anyway to release my voice along with my body, feeling that I will not be fully satisfied unless I can cry out as I so need and want to do. But thankfully, he lets go of my waist just in time and presses his hand firmly to my lips, keeping me from screaming into the night air. Then I see that he will be unable to stop his own cry, and I quickly seal my free hand over his mouth as well. And we stand there silently, our heaving voices and cries muffled by our palms pressed to each other's lips as our bodies tremble. His warmth fills me to my brim, and I arch my back further at the familiar and yet strangely alien sensation.
For what seems like hours, we stand in silence, our quaking voices already no more than sighs and heavy pants. The strength of my legs around him and my back pressed against the wall are the only things keeping me from falling to the ground. One of our hands is still pressed firmly to each other's mouths while the other two are intertwined tightly above my head. Our foreheads are pressed together, and the heat of our bodies continues to flow between us like an untamed force of nature.
Finally, when we are both sure that neither of us will cry out, we gently unseal each other's mouths. I let out a deep sigh as he tenderly disconnects our bodies and lowers me slowly to the ground, holding me tightly for a moment until I am steady on my feet. I then pull Tasuki to me and allow him to lean against me as his body rests and his strength returns. The character on his forearm is a bright, flaming red. Even though his heavy coat covers it, I can see its reddish light shining brightly out of the cuff. It brightens and dims with the fluctuation of his breathing, finally evening out when his breath becomes calmer. I continue to watch it is fascination.
Our hands are still tightly clenched together against the wall, and I have no desire to release him from my hold. I lower our hands from the wall to our sides and wrap his arm around me. He does the same with his remaining arm, and I lean into his chest.
I know without a doubt that we would have startled the entire city with our cries if we hadn't have been quick enough and smart enough to cover our mouths. My sex-drunken mind laughs at the thought of the people of the city running to the Black Dove tavern to see a redheaded man and a whore pressed against the wall by the latrines, fucking their brains out. I let a laugh escape my lips even though I try to hold it in.
"What's so funny?" Tasuki asks, his voice slow and drunken from our lovemaking.
"Nothing," I say. "You know. I think you've asked me that damn question at least a dozen times since I've met you." He straightens himself to look down at me. His eyes and skin are glowing in the dim light streaming from the crack in the back door. He smiles stupidly, but in obvious happiness. His tiny fangs gleam maliciously, and I am unable to resist the urge to kiss him again.
"That was fun," he says with a child-like grin on his face, apparently oblivious to what I just said to him, "Let's do it again."
I burst into a fit of soft laughter and hug him tightly, pressing my face into the warmth of his shoulder. "Maybe later," I reply, "Let's rest for a little while..."
A/N: Just to let you know...I really really really liked writing this part. I love to let my creativity get the best of me sometimes!! ^_^ And once again, I found that I'm much more of a tasteful lemon writer than I let myself believe. You may not think along the same lines as me, but compaired to other lemons out there.mine are just a little basket of limes and oranges. ^_^
Well, does Tasuki really not care about Tansho's profession, or is he having to hide his jealousy? Will Tansho's new perception of herself and what she does change her life? Just how long will she be able to continue being a whore? And what the hell is the deal with the poor woman's past??!! Ohhhh, the questions!!!
P.S. So very sorry for how late this update was!! I've been having to serious crack down on my college admissions lately, and so far things aren't going too good. I can't get into the college I want on my SAT scores, so I have to depend on my ACT scores to get me in!!! And I'm still waiting for them!!! I'm going crazy!
Thanks for all the great reviews!! I love all of you!! ^_^