Disclaimer: I don't own shit...oh, I take that back...I do own Tansho...
A/N: I'm just going to tell you now that the number of days between Tasuki's fight with Tamahome and the summoning of Suzaku are a little different than I have written in this fic (you might not even notice though). I'll probably have to do another of these Author's Notes in later chapters as well to remind you of the subtle differences between the anime's actual storyline and "Tansho" 's
Chapter 16 Come With Me
I am still elated by our tumultuous lovemaking, but both my body and mind are still well aware of the bruise on my face. I think of what I will do. What is there to do? Do I return to working as a prostitute as I did before I began my affair with Tasuki, or do I continue to try to steer away from my clients? Do I dare to defy Shingen further? My mind is soon exhausted by my thoughts. I want to sleep for the simple reason of escaping myself.
Tasuki shifts and pulls a sheet up over our naked bodies, settling in beside me again. But he doesn't stay silent as I had expected him to.
"Tansho," he suddenly whispers to me, causing me to startle slightly, "I was telling you the truth, when I said I would take care of you. You believe me don't you?"
"Of course I believe you," I answer, turning my face to the side to look at him, "I know you'd never lie to me." I scowl to myself inside my mind. If he only knew the lies I had told him.
"And do you love me?" he asks, catching me off guard yet again. I know him to be somewhat blunt, yet still I am surprised by his unexpected question.
"Yes," I answer truthfully, "Yes, I do."
"Then would you do something if I asked you to? Something you can only do if you love me?"
"What is it?"
He sits up unexpectantly beside me and props his elbow on his bent knee, assuming the alluring position that he has a habit of doing. I roll over onto my side to face him, instantly captivated by his gorgeous body yet again. I fold my hands under my cheek as a pillow and simply allow myself to gaze at him in admiration. I wonder what it is he wishes to ask me.
"Well, you know that I am a warrior of Suzaku, right?" he begins. I nod, immediately interested in what he has to say. "Well, yesterday, I told you that I am living in the palace until we summon Suzaku, then I'll be going home..." He pauses to nervously scratch his head, then looks around the room as if searching for something. Disturbed by his strange actions, I sit up, pulling the sheet with me to cover my bare breasts. I urge him on with my questioning eyes. "Well, tomorrow...we're performing the ceremony to summon Suzaku," he finally blurts out.
"Tomorrow?" I cry out. My mind reels at the thought of him leaving me to return to Mount Reikaku so soon. "You're leaving?"
"Well, yes, after the ceremony. The priestess will make her wishes, she'll return to her world, Konan will be protected forever, and me and the others will all go home to our old lives...and..." He pauses again to look at me, a solemn expression painted over his bronzed features. "And when I go back to Mount Reikaku...I want you to come with me."
I have to repeat his words in my head again and again until I can process their meaning. And when I understand what he has just asked me, I want to collapse on the bed and vanish into nothingness. My eyes close in overwhelming sadness, and yet my heart is swelling with so much joy that I feel my ribs will crack. He wants me to come with him to his home. The mountain. My soul seems to gasp in terror. Mount Reikaku. My family; the family I was taken from. But then I am strangely relaxed by the realization of my circumstances. No, I can't go with him. Even though I want to desperately, I cannot. And I know it. But what can I tell him? How can my words explain to him without making him think I don't' care for him?
"I know that at first it would be kinda weird for ya', living with a bunch of men...bandits to make it even worse...but I swear they'd never hurt you. If they knew that you were mine, ya' know...they'd treat you like a queen..." He says, and continues to tell me how lovely the mountain is and how he'd get me all the things I had ever wanted. Gowns and jewelry, and how he'd let me decorate his place however I wanted, that he wouldn't mind if I turned everything upside down and covered it all in diamonds and silk. I have to force myself to retain a smile at his enthusiasm. But I cannot listen to him, even though his generosity and eagerness to please me makes my insides cry out in longing and pain.
All these thoughts and desires are so tangled together in my mind that I feel I will never be able to speak again. How can I explain to him my fierce desire to say "yes", but the reason for my inability to say it? How can I tell him why I cannot come with him? He thinks that I can, that I have the power to just walk away with him. He doesn't know the truth about me, because I lied to him when I had the chance to tell him everything. In blunt words.it is my own damn fault for bringing this upon myself.
My mind works desperately for an excuse, a way to say "no". But because I want more than anything to say "yes", I can say nothing. I feel honored and unbelievably lucky that such a man loves me so much as to ask me to return home with him. He is willing to be with me forever, and yet I cannot go. My mind weeps uncontrollably while my eyes drop to the linens of my bed to escape my lover's.
"Tansho?" he replies, leaning toward me, trying to see my eyes beneath my long, ruffled brown bangs.
"Please don't ask me to do that," I say as quietly and emotionlessly as possible. These are the only words that I am able to speak. I cannot explain or lie. I cannot do anything but avoid.
"What?" he asks, his voice sounding almost breathless.
"Please don't ask me to come with you, Tasuki," I repeat a little more assertively.
"But, why? I mean...why not?" he stutters, "What do you mean, Tansho?"
"I cannot explain to you just yet," I say, "Maybe I'll be able to before you leave..." I pause and lower my head even more when I feel his eyes bearing down on me. "But maybe I won't." I brush my hair from my face, still trying to avoid his eager stare. " Can you give me time?" I ask, finally lifting my head to peek into his eyes. I look at him as I would look at a god-like I don't deserve to even take a single glance at him "Just.some time?" I repeat. This is the only way I can avoid it. Stall. Stall and maybe he'll decide to stay in the capital instead of returning to Mount Reikaku. But is it possible to carry on an affair forever?
"Time," he says as if pronouncing a foreign word. "Time...of course, I guess. You need time."
I think to myself, Let him believe what he wants to believe.
He probably thinks that I have connections here, maybe with the other women. Connections that I am reluctant to break just so I can run off with a man I met a week ago.
Let him think what he will, I tell myself, It will keep him safe.
"Come here," I say, motioning to him with outstretched arms. He leans toward me and lets me hold him and pull him down to the bed. I wrap my arms around him, thinking I can protect him from the truth, from what he doesn't want to hear. He rests his face in the hollow of my neck and I hear him breathe in my scent greedily as if he'll never be able to again. He drapes his arm protectively around my waist and slips the other one under my back. And I think that perhaps I can hold onto him just a little longer. Just a little longer before he has to leave me forever.
**************************************************************************** ******************
I open my eyes and blink several times to try to get the blurriness of my injured eye to go away, and I sigh when at last I can see clearly again. I reach a hand up to touch my cheek and wince at the contact, slowly returning my hand to my side. The bruise probably ripened overnight, unfortunately for me.
I turn over sleepily to tell Tasuki good morning, but I meet only empty linens. Startled, I sit up and look around. His clothes are not scattered on the floor with my gown and sash. His scent does not linger in the air. There is no trace of him. He is gone. I gasp and look around again, hoping that I might have missed him, but my room is still empty. He is gone. He has left me.
At first I think that it was my reaction to his invitation to go with him back to the mountain that made him leave me in the middle of the night. But I reprimand myself quickly. He promised me. He promised me that he would take care of me. And today he and the other warriors and the priestess are summoning the god Suzaku. Perhaps that is why he left so early, to go to the ceremony. I pray that it is.
Suddenly a knock on my door awakens me from my thoughts, and I quickly get out of my bed and hastily wrap my rumpled gown around me. I run my fingers roughly through my hair to try to untangle it a little as I shuffle to the door in my bare feet.
I open the door to see Koi's pale, smooth face looking at me intently. She gasps loudly at the sight of my face and recoils, pressing her fingers to her mouth. "Oh, Tansho..." she moans sadly, and I think she will begin to cry.
"Come in," I say quickly, not wanting any on looking harlots to see her reaction to my obviously blemished face. She obeys and shuffles into my room in haste to sit on my bed. The bed where the man she had once lusted for as much as I did had laid only the night before--with me.
"Does it hurt much?" she asks quietly as if loud words would cause me more pain.
"Strangely, no," I answer, daring to take a look at myself in the mirror, "It's already looking better, actually. I had expected it to worsen." The once huge bruise that was spread nearly all over one side of my face is now just a barely visible black eye and a dark hued bruise on the round of my cheek. How strange. I had never had such a bruise begin to heal so quickly. I believe that if I press enough powder on, I could conceal most of it.
"I heard it all," Koi replies, "I thought I heard him hit you, but I was hoping that he didn't." She looks down into her lap and twirls her fingers. "Maybe its time you end it with that guy," she finally says, her voice wavering. She looks up at me and our eyes meet. "It's because of him, isn't it...that you've slowed your working down so much? You're trying to keep him from getting jealous. I should know-- I've tried one too many times."
I take a cloth and wet it in the basin of water I poured last night. I dab it on the corner of my black eye, then press it to my face to freshen my splotchy skin. My eyes wander back to the table on which the basin sits. There, beside it, is a small piece of paper folded in half. I grab it and unfold it to see a letter addressed to me from Tasuki. I exhale loudly as I read it, overwhelmed that he did, as I was hoping, have to leave early for the ceremony. It also says that he will visit me again as soon as he can. I return the letter to its place beside the basin, praying that Koi did not see it or my reaction to the words written on it.
"You've had fun with him, that's all that counts. And there'll be others, you know," Koi continues.
"I don't think so, Koi," I quickly answer before she can continue. "I think that he's my only chance." I am surprised at my own words, but pleased with them as well.
"What the hell are you talking about?" she asks, scowling at me. "You're young. Maybe you won't be here forever like you think. You might get out one day, get married, have babies...be a normal woman. How can you think that this guy is the only one who can give you that?"
"Because I love him and I know that I can never love anyone else, that's how," I say with startling firmness, but I still hear her snort in disgust. She thinks I am a fool. She thinks that love is for fools, and yet she has never experienced it. How dare she judge me? How dare she judge me concerning something she has never had? All that her life has ever known is what this brothel offered her. She hasn't been here much longer than I have and isn't much older. She still has a chance, just like I do.
I put down the cloth and move away from my vanity table to her. I kneel in front of her and grasp her knees tightly.
"It's not too late, Koi," I say, "You can leave. Unlike me, you can just go, just walk away. I know that you'll be scared for a while, on the streets, with nothing. I would too. But you can sew the most beautiful gowns and shawls. You could get a job as a seamstress and work your way up until you have your own shop. You could end up making gowns for the richest women in the city. You could be so wealthy." I stop momentarily to try to read her face. It is blank, obviously soaking up every word I say. "And--and you could get married, and have children, and be so happy that you don't know why in the world you ever stayed here for so long." I pause and stare hard at her again. "You could be so happy, Koi."
Her eyes are wide and full, shimmering like sapphires above me. Her mouth is slightly open, in awe of what I just said. Her small pink lips tremble and quiver like rose petals. And her eyes water uncontrollably. Her hands find mine and squeeze them desperately. At first, I thought her reaction would be disgust, or annoyance that I had turned her own words back upon her. But her eyes tell me that I got to her soul.
"I could?" she whispers quietly to me, her voice filled to the brim with hope.
I nod and stand up, pulling her up with me. "You could. You and Asako, and Misa, and Okichi. You all could. You all could just walk away from the Black Dove and never look back. You all have talents. Asako can cook, Misa can sew like you, and Okichi can make jewelry and weave baskets. You all can do so much more than you know."
They don't know it, but their years spent in this place have strengthened them beyond their comprehension.
Asako and her hard eyes, the black holes in her smile, her silver hair. She is the oldest, the hardest, the saddest. But she is also the wisest, and she is also strong, poised, and iron-willed--a true woman. Lovely little Okichi and her shiny, pearl-colored hair, soft words, and bright laugh. Her wisdom reaches so far beyond her young years. Misa and her vanity, her pride, her self-respect. She never lowers herself, never allows herself to be overwhelmed or over-run. And my darling Koi, my dearest friend. Her wit. Her beauty. Her honesty. Everything about her is perfect in my eyes. All of them. The whores of the Black Dove. All of them, callused and scarred by their life--but not beaten. Every time I see them, I see strength. They have survived the hardest life known to man, after all. But they deserve so much more than this life has given them, and yet they do not realize it.
"But what about you? Shingen would never let you leave, Tansho," Koi says fearfully.
"I know," I answer, "But I think I'll be alright."
I know that somehow I can continue to survive, knowing that I have planted this seed in Koi's mind. Maybe, if I am lucky, she will take my advice and leave this goddamned place behind her. Maybe she can save herself, and maybe she will tell the others what I have told her. And maybe they will all save themselves from this place and live on, happy and content forever in lives that they deserve.
A/N: So, as you can see, as each chapter goes by, I reveal more and more about Tansho's mysterious reason for being so connected to Shingen and the Black Dove. Exactly why can she never leave? She obviously wants to, but why does she think that she is forever doomed to spend the rest of her days in the brothel that she now obviously detests? It will finally be revealed very, very, very soon...I promise!!! And what will happen to Koi and the other women? Will they finally realize that the life of prostitution is not the one for them after all?!
A/N: I'm just going to tell you now that the number of days between Tasuki's fight with Tamahome and the summoning of Suzaku are a little different than I have written in this fic (you might not even notice though). I'll probably have to do another of these Author's Notes in later chapters as well to remind you of the subtle differences between the anime's actual storyline and "Tansho" 's
Chapter 16 Come With Me
I am still elated by our tumultuous lovemaking, but both my body and mind are still well aware of the bruise on my face. I think of what I will do. What is there to do? Do I return to working as a prostitute as I did before I began my affair with Tasuki, or do I continue to try to steer away from my clients? Do I dare to defy Shingen further? My mind is soon exhausted by my thoughts. I want to sleep for the simple reason of escaping myself.
Tasuki shifts and pulls a sheet up over our naked bodies, settling in beside me again. But he doesn't stay silent as I had expected him to.
"Tansho," he suddenly whispers to me, causing me to startle slightly, "I was telling you the truth, when I said I would take care of you. You believe me don't you?"
"Of course I believe you," I answer, turning my face to the side to look at him, "I know you'd never lie to me." I scowl to myself inside my mind. If he only knew the lies I had told him.
"And do you love me?" he asks, catching me off guard yet again. I know him to be somewhat blunt, yet still I am surprised by his unexpected question.
"Yes," I answer truthfully, "Yes, I do."
"Then would you do something if I asked you to? Something you can only do if you love me?"
"What is it?"
He sits up unexpectantly beside me and props his elbow on his bent knee, assuming the alluring position that he has a habit of doing. I roll over onto my side to face him, instantly captivated by his gorgeous body yet again. I fold my hands under my cheek as a pillow and simply allow myself to gaze at him in admiration. I wonder what it is he wishes to ask me.
"Well, you know that I am a warrior of Suzaku, right?" he begins. I nod, immediately interested in what he has to say. "Well, yesterday, I told you that I am living in the palace until we summon Suzaku, then I'll be going home..." He pauses to nervously scratch his head, then looks around the room as if searching for something. Disturbed by his strange actions, I sit up, pulling the sheet with me to cover my bare breasts. I urge him on with my questioning eyes. "Well, tomorrow...we're performing the ceremony to summon Suzaku," he finally blurts out.
"Tomorrow?" I cry out. My mind reels at the thought of him leaving me to return to Mount Reikaku so soon. "You're leaving?"
"Well, yes, after the ceremony. The priestess will make her wishes, she'll return to her world, Konan will be protected forever, and me and the others will all go home to our old lives...and..." He pauses again to look at me, a solemn expression painted over his bronzed features. "And when I go back to Mount Reikaku...I want you to come with me."
I have to repeat his words in my head again and again until I can process their meaning. And when I understand what he has just asked me, I want to collapse on the bed and vanish into nothingness. My eyes close in overwhelming sadness, and yet my heart is swelling with so much joy that I feel my ribs will crack. He wants me to come with him to his home. The mountain. My soul seems to gasp in terror. Mount Reikaku. My family; the family I was taken from. But then I am strangely relaxed by the realization of my circumstances. No, I can't go with him. Even though I want to desperately, I cannot. And I know it. But what can I tell him? How can my words explain to him without making him think I don't' care for him?
"I know that at first it would be kinda weird for ya', living with a bunch of men...bandits to make it even worse...but I swear they'd never hurt you. If they knew that you were mine, ya' know...they'd treat you like a queen..." He says, and continues to tell me how lovely the mountain is and how he'd get me all the things I had ever wanted. Gowns and jewelry, and how he'd let me decorate his place however I wanted, that he wouldn't mind if I turned everything upside down and covered it all in diamonds and silk. I have to force myself to retain a smile at his enthusiasm. But I cannot listen to him, even though his generosity and eagerness to please me makes my insides cry out in longing and pain.
All these thoughts and desires are so tangled together in my mind that I feel I will never be able to speak again. How can I explain to him my fierce desire to say "yes", but the reason for my inability to say it? How can I tell him why I cannot come with him? He thinks that I can, that I have the power to just walk away with him. He doesn't know the truth about me, because I lied to him when I had the chance to tell him everything. In blunt words.it is my own damn fault for bringing this upon myself.
My mind works desperately for an excuse, a way to say "no". But because I want more than anything to say "yes", I can say nothing. I feel honored and unbelievably lucky that such a man loves me so much as to ask me to return home with him. He is willing to be with me forever, and yet I cannot go. My mind weeps uncontrollably while my eyes drop to the linens of my bed to escape my lover's.
"Tansho?" he replies, leaning toward me, trying to see my eyes beneath my long, ruffled brown bangs.
"Please don't ask me to do that," I say as quietly and emotionlessly as possible. These are the only words that I am able to speak. I cannot explain or lie. I cannot do anything but avoid.
"What?" he asks, his voice sounding almost breathless.
"Please don't ask me to come with you, Tasuki," I repeat a little more assertively.
"But, why? I mean...why not?" he stutters, "What do you mean, Tansho?"
"I cannot explain to you just yet," I say, "Maybe I'll be able to before you leave..." I pause and lower my head even more when I feel his eyes bearing down on me. "But maybe I won't." I brush my hair from my face, still trying to avoid his eager stare. " Can you give me time?" I ask, finally lifting my head to peek into his eyes. I look at him as I would look at a god-like I don't deserve to even take a single glance at him "Just.some time?" I repeat. This is the only way I can avoid it. Stall. Stall and maybe he'll decide to stay in the capital instead of returning to Mount Reikaku. But is it possible to carry on an affair forever?
"Time," he says as if pronouncing a foreign word. "Time...of course, I guess. You need time."
I think to myself, Let him believe what he wants to believe.
He probably thinks that I have connections here, maybe with the other women. Connections that I am reluctant to break just so I can run off with a man I met a week ago.
Let him think what he will, I tell myself, It will keep him safe.
"Come here," I say, motioning to him with outstretched arms. He leans toward me and lets me hold him and pull him down to the bed. I wrap my arms around him, thinking I can protect him from the truth, from what he doesn't want to hear. He rests his face in the hollow of my neck and I hear him breathe in my scent greedily as if he'll never be able to again. He drapes his arm protectively around my waist and slips the other one under my back. And I think that perhaps I can hold onto him just a little longer. Just a little longer before he has to leave me forever.
**************************************************************************** ******************
I open my eyes and blink several times to try to get the blurriness of my injured eye to go away, and I sigh when at last I can see clearly again. I reach a hand up to touch my cheek and wince at the contact, slowly returning my hand to my side. The bruise probably ripened overnight, unfortunately for me.
I turn over sleepily to tell Tasuki good morning, but I meet only empty linens. Startled, I sit up and look around. His clothes are not scattered on the floor with my gown and sash. His scent does not linger in the air. There is no trace of him. He is gone. I gasp and look around again, hoping that I might have missed him, but my room is still empty. He is gone. He has left me.
At first I think that it was my reaction to his invitation to go with him back to the mountain that made him leave me in the middle of the night. But I reprimand myself quickly. He promised me. He promised me that he would take care of me. And today he and the other warriors and the priestess are summoning the god Suzaku. Perhaps that is why he left so early, to go to the ceremony. I pray that it is.
Suddenly a knock on my door awakens me from my thoughts, and I quickly get out of my bed and hastily wrap my rumpled gown around me. I run my fingers roughly through my hair to try to untangle it a little as I shuffle to the door in my bare feet.
I open the door to see Koi's pale, smooth face looking at me intently. She gasps loudly at the sight of my face and recoils, pressing her fingers to her mouth. "Oh, Tansho..." she moans sadly, and I think she will begin to cry.
"Come in," I say quickly, not wanting any on looking harlots to see her reaction to my obviously blemished face. She obeys and shuffles into my room in haste to sit on my bed. The bed where the man she had once lusted for as much as I did had laid only the night before--with me.
"Does it hurt much?" she asks quietly as if loud words would cause me more pain.
"Strangely, no," I answer, daring to take a look at myself in the mirror, "It's already looking better, actually. I had expected it to worsen." The once huge bruise that was spread nearly all over one side of my face is now just a barely visible black eye and a dark hued bruise on the round of my cheek. How strange. I had never had such a bruise begin to heal so quickly. I believe that if I press enough powder on, I could conceal most of it.
"I heard it all," Koi replies, "I thought I heard him hit you, but I was hoping that he didn't." She looks down into her lap and twirls her fingers. "Maybe its time you end it with that guy," she finally says, her voice wavering. She looks up at me and our eyes meet. "It's because of him, isn't it...that you've slowed your working down so much? You're trying to keep him from getting jealous. I should know-- I've tried one too many times."
I take a cloth and wet it in the basin of water I poured last night. I dab it on the corner of my black eye, then press it to my face to freshen my splotchy skin. My eyes wander back to the table on which the basin sits. There, beside it, is a small piece of paper folded in half. I grab it and unfold it to see a letter addressed to me from Tasuki. I exhale loudly as I read it, overwhelmed that he did, as I was hoping, have to leave early for the ceremony. It also says that he will visit me again as soon as he can. I return the letter to its place beside the basin, praying that Koi did not see it or my reaction to the words written on it.
"You've had fun with him, that's all that counts. And there'll be others, you know," Koi continues.
"I don't think so, Koi," I quickly answer before she can continue. "I think that he's my only chance." I am surprised at my own words, but pleased with them as well.
"What the hell are you talking about?" she asks, scowling at me. "You're young. Maybe you won't be here forever like you think. You might get out one day, get married, have babies...be a normal woman. How can you think that this guy is the only one who can give you that?"
"Because I love him and I know that I can never love anyone else, that's how," I say with startling firmness, but I still hear her snort in disgust. She thinks I am a fool. She thinks that love is for fools, and yet she has never experienced it. How dare she judge me? How dare she judge me concerning something she has never had? All that her life has ever known is what this brothel offered her. She hasn't been here much longer than I have and isn't much older. She still has a chance, just like I do.
I put down the cloth and move away from my vanity table to her. I kneel in front of her and grasp her knees tightly.
"It's not too late, Koi," I say, "You can leave. Unlike me, you can just go, just walk away. I know that you'll be scared for a while, on the streets, with nothing. I would too. But you can sew the most beautiful gowns and shawls. You could get a job as a seamstress and work your way up until you have your own shop. You could end up making gowns for the richest women in the city. You could be so wealthy." I stop momentarily to try to read her face. It is blank, obviously soaking up every word I say. "And--and you could get married, and have children, and be so happy that you don't know why in the world you ever stayed here for so long." I pause and stare hard at her again. "You could be so happy, Koi."
Her eyes are wide and full, shimmering like sapphires above me. Her mouth is slightly open, in awe of what I just said. Her small pink lips tremble and quiver like rose petals. And her eyes water uncontrollably. Her hands find mine and squeeze them desperately. At first, I thought her reaction would be disgust, or annoyance that I had turned her own words back upon her. But her eyes tell me that I got to her soul.
"I could?" she whispers quietly to me, her voice filled to the brim with hope.
I nod and stand up, pulling her up with me. "You could. You and Asako, and Misa, and Okichi. You all could. You all could just walk away from the Black Dove and never look back. You all have talents. Asako can cook, Misa can sew like you, and Okichi can make jewelry and weave baskets. You all can do so much more than you know."
They don't know it, but their years spent in this place have strengthened them beyond their comprehension.
Asako and her hard eyes, the black holes in her smile, her silver hair. She is the oldest, the hardest, the saddest. But she is also the wisest, and she is also strong, poised, and iron-willed--a true woman. Lovely little Okichi and her shiny, pearl-colored hair, soft words, and bright laugh. Her wisdom reaches so far beyond her young years. Misa and her vanity, her pride, her self-respect. She never lowers herself, never allows herself to be overwhelmed or over-run. And my darling Koi, my dearest friend. Her wit. Her beauty. Her honesty. Everything about her is perfect in my eyes. All of them. The whores of the Black Dove. All of them, callused and scarred by their life--but not beaten. Every time I see them, I see strength. They have survived the hardest life known to man, after all. But they deserve so much more than this life has given them, and yet they do not realize it.
"But what about you? Shingen would never let you leave, Tansho," Koi says fearfully.
"I know," I answer, "But I think I'll be alright."
I know that somehow I can continue to survive, knowing that I have planted this seed in Koi's mind. Maybe, if I am lucky, she will take my advice and leave this goddamned place behind her. Maybe she can save herself, and maybe she will tell the others what I have told her. And maybe they will all save themselves from this place and live on, happy and content forever in lives that they deserve.
A/N: So, as you can see, as each chapter goes by, I reveal more and more about Tansho's mysterious reason for being so connected to Shingen and the Black Dove. Exactly why can she never leave? She obviously wants to, but why does she think that she is forever doomed to spend the rest of her days in the brothel that she now obviously detests? It will finally be revealed very, very, very soon...I promise!!! And what will happen to Koi and the other women? Will they finally realize that the life of prostitution is not the one for them after all?!