Disclaimer: I own Tansho and all my other OC's, but not FY.
A/N: In the Fushigi Yuugi TV series, the time period between Tamahome's returning from Kouto and the failed summoning of Suzaku (followed by the mission to Hokkan) is actually only a little less than a week. But I have turned it into a little over a week to accommodate my storyline. Just a warning that I changed it a wee bit! ^_^
Warning: A shit-load of cussing and an even bigger shit-load of violence. Beware! Beware, I say!!! Beware!!!
Chapter 17 She's Nothing
I float through the days like dust on the wind. Koi says that I should avoid the tavern for a while until my eye and cheek heal a little; but, like I thought, I am able to cover most of the damage with enough layers of powder. A light blue hue still blemishes my face, and I still have an obvious black eye, but I look far better than I did the night before.
I am desperate to show Shingen that I am working just as hard as I did a week ago, but I find myself to be like a child among the men of the tavern. I feel like I am twelve again, lost in a sea of burly, sweat- stained bodies that grope me and pinch me and hoot at me ruthlessly. I find that I am inarticulate around them, when I was once able to retort witty comments and comebacks that made their mouths howl with laughter and their lower halves swell with excitement. Now, all I can do is mumble my price and walk silently up the stairs in front of them, feeling their eyes roaming over me. And while they take what they want from me, I lie still and quiet, waiting for them to finish so that I can return to the tavern and bring another to the rooms. Before, I would have enjoyed my time with the more handsome farmers or merchants, pleasing them as I have learned to please men. But now they all look the same to me. I don't even try to discern the disgusting old men from the strapping young stable boys. I try not to listen to them as they grunt their revolting pleasure in my ear. I ignore the smothering heat of their bodies on top of me after they collapse from exhaustion. I seal my mind away and think of anything else that I can conjure up. And when they finish with me, I numbly take my coins and stuff them between my breasts, where they will remain until Shingen takes half of them at the end of the night.
I hope he will not strike me again, that instead he will be pleased that I have returned to making the amount of money I was making a week ago-- nearly thirty gold coins a night. And he will pat my head like I am a child, the child I was when he took me, instead of slapping me across the face. And I will do the same thing the next night, and the night after that, and the night after that, until I am as broken and gray as Asako, who should still be in her prime.
Tasuki does not come back tonight, or the next night, or the night after that. And I find myself panicking inside. I think he and the others have succeeded in summoning the god, and he has gone home. He has lied to me and left me. But then I slap myself mentally, telling myself that he would never lie to me. He never has. I know there must be some reason why he hasn't come back, and I wait patiently for him.
On the fourth night, I feel I will go mad. He is not here tonight either. I do not know how much longer I can simply wait. I pray he will come tonight. I pray again and again.
I lose track of how many men I lead to the rooms. And when I realize that I have no idea of how many I have lain with, I find I don't care. I feel like I am attached to nothing, just air and wind. I feel like I am swimming in the middle of the ocean, unsure of which way to tread, in which direction is the nearest land. And I find that I wish I were in the ocean, away from anything that can save me, so that I can just sink and fall until darkness is all around me, crushing me, taking me away. And what pains me is know that Tasuki wants to do that-- he wants to take me away. He wants to love me, and take care of me. And I want to love him, be with him, have a home and children with him. I want what I can't have, just like everybody else in this goddamned world.
Soon, the night is growing darker and darker and the men begin to file out, hanging onto each other as they stumble and sway from their drunkenness. Quite a few are left though, so drunk they can't even lift their bodies to stand. I walk over to a small group of them and lay a hand on the shoulder of one of the younger ones, a regular who comes just about every night.
"Isamu," I say, "We're about to close, darling. Can you get up?"
He ignores me and turns to his friend, who regards me for a moment, but then returns his attention to the almost-empty sake bottle on the table.
"Isamu," I repeat, "You have to leave, we're closing."
Suddenly, he grabs me by the wrist and I try to wiggle away out of reflex, but he yanks me toward him, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist. "You little bitch!" he slurs in my face, "You go off with every other goddamn guy in here...and don't pay a stitch of attention to me until you're closing. And even now, you just wanna get rid of me!"
"Isamu," I say calmly, "You're hurting me. Let me go."
"No!" he yells, "You've fucked all your other customers, and it's my turn!!! A month ago, I was always first on your list! You even told me that I was your favorite, you little whore!"
"We're closing," I say, still trying to remain calm, "I can't take you upstairs tonight, but come back tomorrow and."
"I don't want to!" he howls at me before I can finish speaking, "I want it now, goddamn it!"
Suddenly, the hand he had wrapped around my waist is now behind my head, clutching a handful of my hair. I feel it rip from my scalp and try to reach my hands around to pry his fingers away, but he throws my head down onto the table he's sitting at. My forehead smashes into the edge of the wooden table with such force I immediately fall on my back at Isamu's feet. Blood seeps into my eye, making it sting unbearably. I try to reach my hand up to wipe it away, but I am hauled to my feet again my Isamu, his hand still wound tightly into my hair. He backhands me across the face and I fly to the ground again, this time sprawling on my stomach and hitting my chin on the hard floor. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth, and I press my fingers to my lips and draw them away to see them covered in red.
"Tansho!" I hear Okichi screech. I look up to see her pearly-white hair flail around her head as she rushes toward me. But she doesn't reach me. Isasmu has grabbed me from behind, this time by both of my arms. He pulls me up until my back is pressed into his chest, then swings me around and pushes me face-first to the wooden table so that I am bent over it. I feel the weight of his hand on the back of my head as he presses my face down harder and harder. I struggle, kicking at him and flailing my arms, finally landing my heel between his legs. He releases me and I turn to face him, just in time to be backhanded by him again and thrown to the floor.
"Stop it!!!" I hear Okichi's terrified howls as Isamu rears his foot back and plunges it into my stomach, making me gag and gasp for air.
"You whore!" I hear him spit at me, "You do as you're goddamned told, you hear me?!!"
I have to open my mouth to breath, for blood is spilling from my nose so forcefully that it's running over my lips. When I open my mouth to take a breath, I have to spit out a mouthful of blood before I can inhale. My stomach feels as if it is being attacked by a million cramps, and I clutch it and curl into a ball, pressing my cheek the ground.
"You fucking bitch, get the hell up the stairs!" I hear Isamu scream at me. I see him come for me again and I wonder if he will kick me in my head and maybe render me unconscious so that I don't have to feel whatever else he does to me. I wonder where Shingen is as one of his best whores is being beaten to death in his tavern. I wonder where Tasuki is. He hasn't come yet tonight to see me. I wonder if the ceremony to summon the god was successful. I wonder if he has already gone home to Mount Reikaku and left me here, on the tavern floor to be killed.
"Tasuki," I moan as I feel Isamu's hand close around my throat. He brings his other hand to my neck as well and begins to squeeze, calling me by what I am, again and again. And all I hear is Okichi screaming and Koi yelling at Asako and Misa to go find Shingen...and the word "whore" bellowing over and over in my ears. But my vision is blurring from the pressure around my throat, and all I can see is blackness. But I can still hear things faintly, as if they were far away. I hear something slamming against the wall and something heavy falling on the floor, echoing again and again inside my head since my ear is so close to the tiled floor. And then I hear a voice that makes me suck in a breath and kick with all my might at the man above me. But I am too weak and I fall limp before my feet even rise off the ground.
"Get your fucking hands off of her!!!" Tasuki's unmistakable voice thunders through the tavern, reverberating across the walls and into my ears. I open my mouth to call for him, but I can't breathe. Only now do I realize that I am being strangled.
"Get the hell away from her! Get your goddamned hands off of her!!" I hear him scream again. It is the first time I have seen him in four days, and I am in awe of him as if I had never before laid eyes on him. I feel Isamu's grip on my neck loosen and I immediately turn my head to the entrance of the tavern. And he's there. He's standing there, the double doors thrown open wide. Tables and chairs that once rested where Tasuki is standing are now heaped up upon themselves in great piles on either side of him. His magnificence is almost blinding as my blurred vision clears.
"Now!!!" I hear his voice grow louder and louder, and I feel Isamu's hands grow weaker and weaker. He lets me go and I try to move away, but I can only lie there and watch as he stands to face Tasuki.
"And just who the fuck are you?" he says, slurring his words horribly.
"It doesn't matter," Tasuki answers, "Just leave."
"No!" comes Isamu's reply, "I've paid for her before, and I'm gonna do it again, damn it!!"
"No you're not. Leave now and I won't touch you."
"Fuck you!"
Suddenly, Isamu is rushing toward Tasuki, and I find the strength to scramble backwards to get away from the fight I know is inevitable. I feel someone's arms encircle me from behind and turn painfully to see Okichi's hair fluttering around me. She hooks her arms under mine and hauls me to my feet, helping me move to the side of the tavern where all of the other whores have gathered. The many remaining customers just sit and watch, waiting with their money pouches out to make bets as soon as the two men in the center of the tavern begin to fight.
Isamu suddenly swings at Tasuki, but he easily ducks the drunken man's fist and delivers one to his gut, causing Isamu to grunt. I know that Tasuki could easily defeat Isamu with one swing, but I feel him holding himself back. He knows his opponent is drunk and not thinking straight. But Isamu is tenacious and recovers faster than I thought he would. He takes another swing, but his time Tasuki grabs his balled fist, holding it in mid-air, and moves beside Isamu, twisting his arm as he goes. Isamu struggles and brings his other fist around trying to hit Tasuki when he's distracted, but he sees and delivers a swift kick to the back of Isamu's head.
He falls at Tasuki's feet and lies still for a moment, gaining his bearings before staggering to his feet yet again. Tasuki's eyes are cold and unmoved. His rage is nowhere near where it could be if he were not holding his strength back. But I am thankful that he merely wants to disarm Isamu, not kill him. He could kill him if he wanted, very easily, with his iron fan.
I watch on as Isamu studies his opponent, finally realizing that Tasuki is very skilled and experienced. I see his eyes flicker, and I know he wants to just give it up. But his pride is fueled by his drunkenness, and I know this fight will not end until he is lying still on the floor.
He lunges, screaming wildly, at Tasuki. But, almost amusingly, Tasuki averts his footing out of Isamu's way and gives him another quick hit on the back of his neck, and the drunken man ends up sprawled on the tavern floor yet again.
"You're drunk," Tasuki says nonchalantly, "You can't fight. Leave."
I realize that my respect for Tasuki has grown immensely. He fights fairly and is beyond merciful. And I am ashamed of Isamu, for his foolishness and arrogance. His pride will kill him.
I clutch Okichi's sleeve, wondering if Isamu will accept Tasuki's clemency, or keep on attacking him until Tasuki is forced to injure him further only to make him give up what he obviously has no chance of winning.
Isamu stares over his shoulder at the red-haired man standing unscathed behind him. "Fuck you," he says finally, gathering himself together and walking past Tasuki proudly. "You can have the little bitch!" He turns to face me, his drunken eyes seeming to swim in his head. He scowls, then smirks as he turns back to face Tasuki. "She's nothing. Heh!- -nothing but a dirty little whore, that is."
My heart sinks deep into my bowels as Isamu utters those words. I scramble away from Okichi's hold as she tries desperately to hold onto me. Although I know it appears as if I am about to try to uphold what little dignity I have-my intentions are far from being for my own sake.
"Tansho, stop!" Okichi screams at me. But I ignore her desperate cries and bolt at Tasuki's exposed back. I grab the handle of his fan in my trembling fingers just as he is reaching for it. I rip it from its sheath and clutch it tightly to my breasts as he turns to look at me in shock.
I knew he would. Goddamn him. I knew the moment Isamu spoke those words that he would reach for his fan, his anger finally peeking and erupting at the sound of Isamu insulting my honor. But I don't give a shit about my honor. It was diminished long ago before I even became a woman to honor. Tasuki stares at me with an expression of unbelief on his face- almost bordering on betrayal.
"Tansho," he says, his voice painfully hard, "What are doing? Give it to me!" I shake my head like a child refusing to return what I have stolen. I can't let him have it. He could care less about mercy now. I see it in his eyes. They want to kill, and so do his hands. And if he holds this fan, he won't think twice before doing what he demonstrated for me in front of the latrines. I know he'll kill Isamu for what he said, and I can't let him.
"You can't Tasuki," I say, "You can't kill him. He's drunk! He can't even fight you!"
"I don't give a fuck!" he howls, startling me. I stare at him, my bloody lips trembling from his harshness. "Give it to me now, Tansho!" He yells, the tone of his voice still crazed. He thrusts his open hand out at me, demanding that I return his weapon.
I am not afraid of him, but I am afraid of his anger. Even so... I will not back away from him. "No, Tasuki," I repeat, "I'm not giving it to you."
He rushes toward me, but I hold my ground when I know he thinks I will falter. His face is in front of mine, so close I can feel the warmth of his breath on my lips. His eyes are wild pools of anger, desperation, rage, and infinite hate. I stare into them, facing all of him. The look of those deranged eyes burns the very insides of my soul.
He grabs my wrist with one hand and the folded part of his fan with the other. He pulls hard but carefully, trying to dislodge the fan from me without hurting my hands. But I pull back furiously and connect my elbow with his shoulder, pushing him back with more force than I intended. He stumbles slightly, dazed at my strength, but only comes at me again after regaining his composure. But this time, he stops short at the sound of my voice rising above the tense air.
"So you want it that bad, do you? Are you willing to kill me for it?" I ask coldly, narrowing my dark eyes at him, "I never thought you to turn out a coward."
I stare hard at him with my cold eyes, with my demolished, bloody face. He finally notices the cuts and the blood still seeping from my nose, and his rigid body staggers noticeably. Upon studying my face further with his wide, confused eyes, he slowly brings a shaking hand up to try to touch me. His finger grazes my lip slightly and I jerk my head violently out of his reach, backing farther away from him.
The bastard! How fucking dare he?! How dare he think he can touch me?! My mind is enraged, whirling and cursing at him. How dare he?! The son of a bitch!
"Tansho," Koi's soft voice suddenly interrupts my furious thoughts. I feel my lungs suck in air, desperate to calm my frenzied mind and enraged emotions. "You'd better get him out of here," she whispers just loud enough for Tasuki and I to hear. "Shingen's coming."
I hear what she said, but I never take my eyes off Tasuki. "Go outside and wait on the veranda," I tell him, my voice blank, showing nothing of the hurt and fury mixed inside of me, "I'll be there in a minute." He doesn't move and I close my eyes is surrender, finally releasing my grasp on his weapon and holding his fan out to him. "Just go," I beg, "Please!"
He takes the fan, sheathes it violently onto his back, and turns away from me without a word. He walks past a stunned Isamu, not even regarding him. I look at Isamu and coldly tell him to leave through the back door unless he wants me to tell Shingen what he did to me. He stares for a moment, then runs like a madman to escape. I don't care. I don't care about anything. I feel defeated. I feel torn apart and scattered. At this moment, I feel more degraded and used than all of my years of whoredom. I fall to my knees and kneel there on the filthy floor of the tavern until Koi and Okichi come to my sides and gently lift me.
"Tell him to leave, Tansho," Koi whispers into my hair as she holds me against her gently, "He can't ever come back here. Neither him nor Isamu...so you'll never have to see..." I don't let her finish. I break away from them and stand on my own, facing them as if facing an army.
"I don't give a shit about Isamu, Koi!" I spit at her, "Goddamn it all!! If Tasuki hadn't come when he did, I'd be a bloody corpse on the fucking floor!!! And you think that I can just tell him to leave?!" I feel so betrayed by them. And yet I know in the corners of my heart that they speak the truth. I know that they speak only to help me. I know that he can never come here again. Shingen will find out sooner or later who he is, and then--I don't know what will happen. I cradle my bleeding face in my trembling palms, furious and overcome with hatred and sorrow. I feel Okichi try to take hold of me again to comfort me, but I twist out of her gentle hands and turn towards the front door of the tavern.
I stumble towards the veranda, hoping that he did what I asked and is waiting for me. What will I say? What can I say that will explain it all? What can I do to make it all better again? If only it were as simple as mother kissing her child's scraped knee? What will he do? Yell at me, tell me that it was a mistake to ever ask me to come with him? Tell me that it was a mistake that he ever spoke to me...slept with me? What will we do?
And what will I do?
A/N: Yes, what will they do? Will it all end in the next chapter? Or will Tasuki and Tansho's short-lived love continue despite the unfortunate circumstances? Suspenseful, isn't it? You want to murder me don't you? ^_^
And just to let you in on something that might confuse the hell out of you later..This chapter on up to the end of chapter 25 takes place in only * one night *..if you can even try to fathom that. I know, I know, it seems absolutely insane that I wrote nine chapters encompassed into only one night. But, hey, you must remember that this is the night before Tasuki leaves for Hokkan with the rest of the Suzaku warriors and Miaka. So, obviously, there is going to be quite a lot of drama going on. ^_^
A/N: In the Fushigi Yuugi TV series, the time period between Tamahome's returning from Kouto and the failed summoning of Suzaku (followed by the mission to Hokkan) is actually only a little less than a week. But I have turned it into a little over a week to accommodate my storyline. Just a warning that I changed it a wee bit! ^_^
Warning: A shit-load of cussing and an even bigger shit-load of violence. Beware! Beware, I say!!! Beware!!!
Chapter 17 She's Nothing
I float through the days like dust on the wind. Koi says that I should avoid the tavern for a while until my eye and cheek heal a little; but, like I thought, I am able to cover most of the damage with enough layers of powder. A light blue hue still blemishes my face, and I still have an obvious black eye, but I look far better than I did the night before.
I am desperate to show Shingen that I am working just as hard as I did a week ago, but I find myself to be like a child among the men of the tavern. I feel like I am twelve again, lost in a sea of burly, sweat- stained bodies that grope me and pinch me and hoot at me ruthlessly. I find that I am inarticulate around them, when I was once able to retort witty comments and comebacks that made their mouths howl with laughter and their lower halves swell with excitement. Now, all I can do is mumble my price and walk silently up the stairs in front of them, feeling their eyes roaming over me. And while they take what they want from me, I lie still and quiet, waiting for them to finish so that I can return to the tavern and bring another to the rooms. Before, I would have enjoyed my time with the more handsome farmers or merchants, pleasing them as I have learned to please men. But now they all look the same to me. I don't even try to discern the disgusting old men from the strapping young stable boys. I try not to listen to them as they grunt their revolting pleasure in my ear. I ignore the smothering heat of their bodies on top of me after they collapse from exhaustion. I seal my mind away and think of anything else that I can conjure up. And when they finish with me, I numbly take my coins and stuff them between my breasts, where they will remain until Shingen takes half of them at the end of the night.
I hope he will not strike me again, that instead he will be pleased that I have returned to making the amount of money I was making a week ago-- nearly thirty gold coins a night. And he will pat my head like I am a child, the child I was when he took me, instead of slapping me across the face. And I will do the same thing the next night, and the night after that, and the night after that, until I am as broken and gray as Asako, who should still be in her prime.
Tasuki does not come back tonight, or the next night, or the night after that. And I find myself panicking inside. I think he and the others have succeeded in summoning the god, and he has gone home. He has lied to me and left me. But then I slap myself mentally, telling myself that he would never lie to me. He never has. I know there must be some reason why he hasn't come back, and I wait patiently for him.
On the fourth night, I feel I will go mad. He is not here tonight either. I do not know how much longer I can simply wait. I pray he will come tonight. I pray again and again.
I lose track of how many men I lead to the rooms. And when I realize that I have no idea of how many I have lain with, I find I don't care. I feel like I am attached to nothing, just air and wind. I feel like I am swimming in the middle of the ocean, unsure of which way to tread, in which direction is the nearest land. And I find that I wish I were in the ocean, away from anything that can save me, so that I can just sink and fall until darkness is all around me, crushing me, taking me away. And what pains me is know that Tasuki wants to do that-- he wants to take me away. He wants to love me, and take care of me. And I want to love him, be with him, have a home and children with him. I want what I can't have, just like everybody else in this goddamned world.
Soon, the night is growing darker and darker and the men begin to file out, hanging onto each other as they stumble and sway from their drunkenness. Quite a few are left though, so drunk they can't even lift their bodies to stand. I walk over to a small group of them and lay a hand on the shoulder of one of the younger ones, a regular who comes just about every night.
"Isamu," I say, "We're about to close, darling. Can you get up?"
He ignores me and turns to his friend, who regards me for a moment, but then returns his attention to the almost-empty sake bottle on the table.
"Isamu," I repeat, "You have to leave, we're closing."
Suddenly, he grabs me by the wrist and I try to wiggle away out of reflex, but he yanks me toward him, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist. "You little bitch!" he slurs in my face, "You go off with every other goddamn guy in here...and don't pay a stitch of attention to me until you're closing. And even now, you just wanna get rid of me!"
"Isamu," I say calmly, "You're hurting me. Let me go."
"No!" he yells, "You've fucked all your other customers, and it's my turn!!! A month ago, I was always first on your list! You even told me that I was your favorite, you little whore!"
"We're closing," I say, still trying to remain calm, "I can't take you upstairs tonight, but come back tomorrow and."
"I don't want to!" he howls at me before I can finish speaking, "I want it now, goddamn it!"
Suddenly, the hand he had wrapped around my waist is now behind my head, clutching a handful of my hair. I feel it rip from my scalp and try to reach my hands around to pry his fingers away, but he throws my head down onto the table he's sitting at. My forehead smashes into the edge of the wooden table with such force I immediately fall on my back at Isamu's feet. Blood seeps into my eye, making it sting unbearably. I try to reach my hand up to wipe it away, but I am hauled to my feet again my Isamu, his hand still wound tightly into my hair. He backhands me across the face and I fly to the ground again, this time sprawling on my stomach and hitting my chin on the hard floor. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth, and I press my fingers to my lips and draw them away to see them covered in red.
"Tansho!" I hear Okichi screech. I look up to see her pearly-white hair flail around her head as she rushes toward me. But she doesn't reach me. Isasmu has grabbed me from behind, this time by both of my arms. He pulls me up until my back is pressed into his chest, then swings me around and pushes me face-first to the wooden table so that I am bent over it. I feel the weight of his hand on the back of my head as he presses my face down harder and harder. I struggle, kicking at him and flailing my arms, finally landing my heel between his legs. He releases me and I turn to face him, just in time to be backhanded by him again and thrown to the floor.
"Stop it!!!" I hear Okichi's terrified howls as Isamu rears his foot back and plunges it into my stomach, making me gag and gasp for air.
"You whore!" I hear him spit at me, "You do as you're goddamned told, you hear me?!!"
I have to open my mouth to breath, for blood is spilling from my nose so forcefully that it's running over my lips. When I open my mouth to take a breath, I have to spit out a mouthful of blood before I can inhale. My stomach feels as if it is being attacked by a million cramps, and I clutch it and curl into a ball, pressing my cheek the ground.
"You fucking bitch, get the hell up the stairs!" I hear Isamu scream at me. I see him come for me again and I wonder if he will kick me in my head and maybe render me unconscious so that I don't have to feel whatever else he does to me. I wonder where Shingen is as one of his best whores is being beaten to death in his tavern. I wonder where Tasuki is. He hasn't come yet tonight to see me. I wonder if the ceremony to summon the god was successful. I wonder if he has already gone home to Mount Reikaku and left me here, on the tavern floor to be killed.
"Tasuki," I moan as I feel Isamu's hand close around my throat. He brings his other hand to my neck as well and begins to squeeze, calling me by what I am, again and again. And all I hear is Okichi screaming and Koi yelling at Asako and Misa to go find Shingen...and the word "whore" bellowing over and over in my ears. But my vision is blurring from the pressure around my throat, and all I can see is blackness. But I can still hear things faintly, as if they were far away. I hear something slamming against the wall and something heavy falling on the floor, echoing again and again inside my head since my ear is so close to the tiled floor. And then I hear a voice that makes me suck in a breath and kick with all my might at the man above me. But I am too weak and I fall limp before my feet even rise off the ground.
"Get your fucking hands off of her!!!" Tasuki's unmistakable voice thunders through the tavern, reverberating across the walls and into my ears. I open my mouth to call for him, but I can't breathe. Only now do I realize that I am being strangled.
"Get the hell away from her! Get your goddamned hands off of her!!" I hear him scream again. It is the first time I have seen him in four days, and I am in awe of him as if I had never before laid eyes on him. I feel Isamu's grip on my neck loosen and I immediately turn my head to the entrance of the tavern. And he's there. He's standing there, the double doors thrown open wide. Tables and chairs that once rested where Tasuki is standing are now heaped up upon themselves in great piles on either side of him. His magnificence is almost blinding as my blurred vision clears.
"Now!!!" I hear his voice grow louder and louder, and I feel Isamu's hands grow weaker and weaker. He lets me go and I try to move away, but I can only lie there and watch as he stands to face Tasuki.
"And just who the fuck are you?" he says, slurring his words horribly.
"It doesn't matter," Tasuki answers, "Just leave."
"No!" comes Isamu's reply, "I've paid for her before, and I'm gonna do it again, damn it!!"
"No you're not. Leave now and I won't touch you."
"Fuck you!"
Suddenly, Isamu is rushing toward Tasuki, and I find the strength to scramble backwards to get away from the fight I know is inevitable. I feel someone's arms encircle me from behind and turn painfully to see Okichi's hair fluttering around me. She hooks her arms under mine and hauls me to my feet, helping me move to the side of the tavern where all of the other whores have gathered. The many remaining customers just sit and watch, waiting with their money pouches out to make bets as soon as the two men in the center of the tavern begin to fight.
Isamu suddenly swings at Tasuki, but he easily ducks the drunken man's fist and delivers one to his gut, causing Isamu to grunt. I know that Tasuki could easily defeat Isamu with one swing, but I feel him holding himself back. He knows his opponent is drunk and not thinking straight. But Isamu is tenacious and recovers faster than I thought he would. He takes another swing, but his time Tasuki grabs his balled fist, holding it in mid-air, and moves beside Isamu, twisting his arm as he goes. Isamu struggles and brings his other fist around trying to hit Tasuki when he's distracted, but he sees and delivers a swift kick to the back of Isamu's head.
He falls at Tasuki's feet and lies still for a moment, gaining his bearings before staggering to his feet yet again. Tasuki's eyes are cold and unmoved. His rage is nowhere near where it could be if he were not holding his strength back. But I am thankful that he merely wants to disarm Isamu, not kill him. He could kill him if he wanted, very easily, with his iron fan.
I watch on as Isamu studies his opponent, finally realizing that Tasuki is very skilled and experienced. I see his eyes flicker, and I know he wants to just give it up. But his pride is fueled by his drunkenness, and I know this fight will not end until he is lying still on the floor.
He lunges, screaming wildly, at Tasuki. But, almost amusingly, Tasuki averts his footing out of Isamu's way and gives him another quick hit on the back of his neck, and the drunken man ends up sprawled on the tavern floor yet again.
"You're drunk," Tasuki says nonchalantly, "You can't fight. Leave."
I realize that my respect for Tasuki has grown immensely. He fights fairly and is beyond merciful. And I am ashamed of Isamu, for his foolishness and arrogance. His pride will kill him.
I clutch Okichi's sleeve, wondering if Isamu will accept Tasuki's clemency, or keep on attacking him until Tasuki is forced to injure him further only to make him give up what he obviously has no chance of winning.
Isamu stares over his shoulder at the red-haired man standing unscathed behind him. "Fuck you," he says finally, gathering himself together and walking past Tasuki proudly. "You can have the little bitch!" He turns to face me, his drunken eyes seeming to swim in his head. He scowls, then smirks as he turns back to face Tasuki. "She's nothing. Heh!- -nothing but a dirty little whore, that is."
My heart sinks deep into my bowels as Isamu utters those words. I scramble away from Okichi's hold as she tries desperately to hold onto me. Although I know it appears as if I am about to try to uphold what little dignity I have-my intentions are far from being for my own sake.
"Tansho, stop!" Okichi screams at me. But I ignore her desperate cries and bolt at Tasuki's exposed back. I grab the handle of his fan in my trembling fingers just as he is reaching for it. I rip it from its sheath and clutch it tightly to my breasts as he turns to look at me in shock.
I knew he would. Goddamn him. I knew the moment Isamu spoke those words that he would reach for his fan, his anger finally peeking and erupting at the sound of Isamu insulting my honor. But I don't give a shit about my honor. It was diminished long ago before I even became a woman to honor. Tasuki stares at me with an expression of unbelief on his face- almost bordering on betrayal.
"Tansho," he says, his voice painfully hard, "What are doing? Give it to me!" I shake my head like a child refusing to return what I have stolen. I can't let him have it. He could care less about mercy now. I see it in his eyes. They want to kill, and so do his hands. And if he holds this fan, he won't think twice before doing what he demonstrated for me in front of the latrines. I know he'll kill Isamu for what he said, and I can't let him.
"You can't Tasuki," I say, "You can't kill him. He's drunk! He can't even fight you!"
"I don't give a fuck!" he howls, startling me. I stare at him, my bloody lips trembling from his harshness. "Give it to me now, Tansho!" He yells, the tone of his voice still crazed. He thrusts his open hand out at me, demanding that I return his weapon.
I am not afraid of him, but I am afraid of his anger. Even so... I will not back away from him. "No, Tasuki," I repeat, "I'm not giving it to you."
He rushes toward me, but I hold my ground when I know he thinks I will falter. His face is in front of mine, so close I can feel the warmth of his breath on my lips. His eyes are wild pools of anger, desperation, rage, and infinite hate. I stare into them, facing all of him. The look of those deranged eyes burns the very insides of my soul.
He grabs my wrist with one hand and the folded part of his fan with the other. He pulls hard but carefully, trying to dislodge the fan from me without hurting my hands. But I pull back furiously and connect my elbow with his shoulder, pushing him back with more force than I intended. He stumbles slightly, dazed at my strength, but only comes at me again after regaining his composure. But this time, he stops short at the sound of my voice rising above the tense air.
"So you want it that bad, do you? Are you willing to kill me for it?" I ask coldly, narrowing my dark eyes at him, "I never thought you to turn out a coward."
I stare hard at him with my cold eyes, with my demolished, bloody face. He finally notices the cuts and the blood still seeping from my nose, and his rigid body staggers noticeably. Upon studying my face further with his wide, confused eyes, he slowly brings a shaking hand up to try to touch me. His finger grazes my lip slightly and I jerk my head violently out of his reach, backing farther away from him.
The bastard! How fucking dare he?! How dare he think he can touch me?! My mind is enraged, whirling and cursing at him. How dare he?! The son of a bitch!
"Tansho," Koi's soft voice suddenly interrupts my furious thoughts. I feel my lungs suck in air, desperate to calm my frenzied mind and enraged emotions. "You'd better get him out of here," she whispers just loud enough for Tasuki and I to hear. "Shingen's coming."
I hear what she said, but I never take my eyes off Tasuki. "Go outside and wait on the veranda," I tell him, my voice blank, showing nothing of the hurt and fury mixed inside of me, "I'll be there in a minute." He doesn't move and I close my eyes is surrender, finally releasing my grasp on his weapon and holding his fan out to him. "Just go," I beg, "Please!"
He takes the fan, sheathes it violently onto his back, and turns away from me without a word. He walks past a stunned Isamu, not even regarding him. I look at Isamu and coldly tell him to leave through the back door unless he wants me to tell Shingen what he did to me. He stares for a moment, then runs like a madman to escape. I don't care. I don't care about anything. I feel defeated. I feel torn apart and scattered. At this moment, I feel more degraded and used than all of my years of whoredom. I fall to my knees and kneel there on the filthy floor of the tavern until Koi and Okichi come to my sides and gently lift me.
"Tell him to leave, Tansho," Koi whispers into my hair as she holds me against her gently, "He can't ever come back here. Neither him nor Isamu...so you'll never have to see..." I don't let her finish. I break away from them and stand on my own, facing them as if facing an army.
"I don't give a shit about Isamu, Koi!" I spit at her, "Goddamn it all!! If Tasuki hadn't come when he did, I'd be a bloody corpse on the fucking floor!!! And you think that I can just tell him to leave?!" I feel so betrayed by them. And yet I know in the corners of my heart that they speak the truth. I know that they speak only to help me. I know that he can never come here again. Shingen will find out sooner or later who he is, and then--I don't know what will happen. I cradle my bleeding face in my trembling palms, furious and overcome with hatred and sorrow. I feel Okichi try to take hold of me again to comfort me, but I twist out of her gentle hands and turn towards the front door of the tavern.
I stumble towards the veranda, hoping that he did what I asked and is waiting for me. What will I say? What can I say that will explain it all? What can I do to make it all better again? If only it were as simple as mother kissing her child's scraped knee? What will he do? Yell at me, tell me that it was a mistake to ever ask me to come with him? Tell me that it was a mistake that he ever spoke to me...slept with me? What will we do?
And what will I do?
A/N: Yes, what will they do? Will it all end in the next chapter? Or will Tasuki and Tansho's short-lived love continue despite the unfortunate circumstances? Suspenseful, isn't it? You want to murder me don't you? ^_^
And just to let you in on something that might confuse the hell out of you later..This chapter on up to the end of chapter 25 takes place in only * one night *..if you can even try to fathom that. I know, I know, it seems absolutely insane that I wrote nine chapters encompassed into only one night. But, hey, you must remember that this is the night before Tasuki leaves for Hokkan with the rest of the Suzaku warriors and Miaka. So, obviously, there is going to be quite a lot of drama going on. ^_^