Part 2

August, 31st 1965

Dear Diary,

I'm living with the Pryor's now. They are so kind and welcoming, so different from my own family. My parents came over the other day, to try to "talk some sense into me." They are so against me having this baby, just like they were against me dating JJ, against me wanting to marry JJ. They have always thought I could do better. I never really wanted to do better though. When you are in love, you are in love, and the amount of money their family has or what social circles they run in doesn't matter. The Pryor's are good people. And no matter what happens in the future with JJ and me, I will always love him...and his family.

My mother thinks I am making the worst mistake of my life. She can't accept I am no longer a child or that I'm having this baby. She doesn't even call it a baby. She thinks of it as thing. I know she would have rather me just have an abortion and this thing...this problem would be gone forever. Then we could all forget about it and go about our lives as if it never happened. But I could never do that. This is my baby. Its mine and JJ's...I could never make something we created, something so precious, something that has just begun to be, go away forever.

When they came to visit I learned something about Mrs. Pryor I had not known. It was because my mother asked Helen to imagine that it was her child...her child who would go through the rest of her life with this hanging over her head. My mother said she couldn't possibly know, but she was wrong. Mrs. Pryor does know, probably more so than anyone. She was pregnant when she married Jack...pregnant with JJ....

My parents then verbally attacked the Pryor's. Since there was pretty much nothing else she could say or do, Helen said she would show them to the door. Then my Father said, "Like Father like son, I guess?" I seriously felt like vomiting in that moment and I don't think it was morning sickness...To see Mrs. Pryor be verbally slapped in the face, and for the words to have come from my own Father's mouth! Helen is so strong though, and she didn't let the words get to her. I don't think I could have been as strong as her in that moment. I hope she made them feel horrible. It was for the best that they left.

I truly admire Helen for the grace and dignity in which she handled the whole situation with my parents, and how she continues to be understanding. For example, Father Conti set up a gathering for Mr. Pryor, and they wanted all of the children to be there, and me. Mr. Pryor was getting pressured from people to say that JJ and I are married, since I'm expecting his baby. I didn't want to lie to people though. To tell the truth, I am not sure what will happen with JJ and I. But Helen was willing to make excuses for me at the party. She said I didn't have to attend. I did though. I wanted to.

I suppose it's a good thing I did attend. Mr. Pryor is very brave. He doesn't care what people think. He told everyone the truth. He stopped Father Conti right in the middle of his introduction of me and my baby (he called me Beth Pryor, the wife of Jack's oldest son JJ... it felt wrong. Not him calling me that, but I'm not Beth Pryor, at least not yet. I'm not even certain I will be Beth Pryor) and explained that yes I was having a baby, but that we weren't married yet. I think he did a good job of making it not about me or the baby, but about JJ, who is away fighting in the war. He explained that we spend most of our time praying that JJ makes it home safe, and when he does then make it home then and these were his exact words "He and Beth they can figure out what they are going to do." It makes me happy to know that Mr. and Mrs. Pryor aren't going to push JJ and me into something that we might not want to do. I have new admiration for Mr. Pryor. It took a lot of courage to stand up in front of all those people, people that he may lose votes from now...

Of course I seriously doubt that will have much to do with us now. Before the party was over completely Meg called from jail. She had been arrested at the sit-in. The police arrested a bunch of them, Sam, Drew, and lots of people I know from school. I just don't think having a daughter get arrested for protesting the war will go over well with the voters...

I wonder when JJ will receive my letter. I feel horrible telling him in a letter. I was mistaken about something though. I thought that no one could want JJ home more than I do, and that no one loves him as much as I do. But I was wrong. Will does. That little boy truly amazes me at how much he looks up to JJ. He completely and utterly loves his big brother. JJ can do no wrong in Will's eyes. It's this amazing unconditional love they share. I just hope someday, our son or daughter will feel the same way about their Daddy.

I sent JJ a letter about the baby. I had the hardest time writing it. I mean that is something you need to tell someone face to face or at least over the phone...but this had to do. If I wouldn't have told him, Helen would have written a letter to tell him. I wish I could see his face when he finds out. I wonder if he will be as scared as I was when I found out. Or maybe he will be happy...I guess I'll never know how he truly reacted when he first read the letter. All I can do is to wait for a response.

September, 1st 1965

Dear Diary,

Today I went to the doctors. Everything is going well; my due date is approximately April 15th, 1966. Dr. Robinson is very kind, and I know he means well. Today he tried to pitch the whole adoption thing to me again. I let him know I had already thought about that and decided that I couldn't do it. He let me listen to the baby's heartbeat through a stethoscope. It was so amazing. I cried. I think it kind of made it all sink in. It's real to me now. I mean it was before but now I mean I heard its little heart beating so fast. I wish JJ could have been there. A few ladies husbands were there with them. Not many. Even if JJ was home I would have probably had to drag him there.

He has probably got the letter I sent by now. At least I hope. Everyday I pray that he is alright. I watch the news sometimes, and it scares me to death to know that he is right in the middle of all that. One of the other women in the waiting room was talking to another lady. I didn't mean to listen but I couldn't help it. She was very emotional. Her husband has been reported to be Missing In Action, which probably means he's never coming back. It doesn't mean he's dead, though. The lady she was telling all this too kept reassuring her to not give up hope. I'm not sure what I would do or how I would react if I found out something like that had happened to JJ.