Disclaimer: Ok, don't own it. Just gimmie a good ol' steak bone! ^^
Bulma Greenleaf: Maybe, maybe not. It all depends... You can't make a good guess I wont do it to Legolas. I like him too much. Who knows about the others though...
Lothliana: Is this fast enough? Calm down, this is a humor fic, no one is going to die or anything... Ummmmm... Forget I said that... K? ^_^;;
Tourignyne: I thought about making at least one of them a mix... I sorta did to Legolas. He's part wolf! ^_^ Like me! By the way, Gandalf didn't mean to do this. He hates as much as they do.
Sirithiliel: Yeah, those are good breeds. But I kind did it as an inside joke because I own a Chesapeake Bay Retriever and his name *is* Legolas! (Hehehehe... *I* named him of course... ^^) Anyway, you'd have to look them up. It's hard to explain. They're basically chocolate or yellow Labrador retrievers except curly and a serious attitude problem. They act more like wolves than any other dog I've ever seen. They're cool though. LOVE the water, also verrry protective of their family. I remember our last one nearly tore off a guys arm because he thought the guy was hurting my brother.
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel1: Really? My mom used to be a vet's assistant. She was going to be a vet until she saw how many years of college that was. She said the saddest she ever had to do was help put this really nice and handsome German Shepard down. Some bastard neighbor threw poisoned meat over the fence to *purposely* kill it! ANYway, here ya go!
THECheeseTurkey: Cheese points? Ummmmm... Okay... Thanks! Here's another chappie!
Princessfirefly2: Can't wait? Then here ya go!!
Lainfaer: O_o Sorry, at least I didn't wait a month this time right? And if you think that last one was a cliffie, you should read Cassia. Ok, you are Gilraen3... Must keep that in mind.
Lobo Diablo: You know what the scary thing is? I know exactly what that meant without you telling me. Scary... I might do some of that, but we'll just have to see for now...
Mascara Freak: Yay, good, I don't want to kill off such a great reviewer. I love all you guys! Don't worry, Legolas is defiantly keeping his, and his pain shall save the others as well.
La la la la: Ok, here's a new chapter!
Nirobie: Oh, pooh. Evil computer! *sigh* Ai' I know, poor Thranduil. He might be in Rivendell for awhile. I hope your comp is nice again soon!
Chapter 5: Torture
Aragorn whimpered under his bed. "I can't believe this. My own adoptive brothers and my adoptive father are going to have me fixed! And they can't fix being fixed... That made no sense whatsoever..." He became silent when he heard footsteps.
"I can't believe that dog would go into Estel's room!" Elladan whispered.
"I know, doesn't it stink?" Elrohir asked. Aragorn was about to growl when he sniffed around and discovered his room *did* smell bad.
Aragorn watched horrified as two sets of feet entered his room and their owners began searching for him. Aragorn tried to calm himself down. "This is just like when we used to play hide and seek... Oh shoot, I ALWAYS LOST!!!" He then ran out from under his bed like a bat out of hell.
Elladan saw Aragorn scramble out, "There he goes!" As he and his twin ran after Aragorn.
Aragorn made another sharp turn on the newly waxed floor and skidded off course slightly before continuing his mad scramble away from his brothers. Elladan and Elrohir were having less success.
Elrohir cried out as he slid into the wall again, "Dammit! How can that thing stay stable?"
Elladan shrugged, "Maybe because he has more of a reason to stay on course than we do?"
They continued this course until finally, Elrohir tackled Aragorn to the ground and tied him up.
Elladan sighed as he finished tying up Aragorn. "Ok, now we just need to find your friend Elrohir."
Elrohir growled quietly to himself. "You take this one to father. I have a score to settle with "Estel'..." Elrohir grumbled dangerously but Elladan did not notice it. Elladan nodded and dragged Aragorn off.
Legolas whimpered as he tried again to somehow open the tap to get some wine. At last, he succeeded by using his mouth. He happily began lapping up the familiar fluid but was so preoccupied with his drink, that he did not notice the shadowy figure behind him...
Elrohir followed the last dog's track to the cellar where all the spare food and drink was kept. He finally found the last dog lapping wine from an open tap. 'That's odd...' mused Elrohir, 'What kind of dog figures out how to work a tap and drinks wine? Ah well, it matters not... I have to sneak up on this one...' He readied his rope and began silently towards the unsuspecting dog.
Legolas mentally smiled to himself at his own brilliance until he saw Elrohir's reflection in the spilt wine...
Legolas yelped and dashed past the Noldor elf who gave chase. Legolas frantically began to think of an escape path, finally choosing to go outside.
Elrohir cursed as he saw the blonde, curly haired dog disappeared into the woods. Now, most other elves would have given up and just captured the dog if or when it came back but as you can guess, Elrohir was not an ordinary elf.
Elrohir silently stalked his prey in the forest. Unfortunately, he was attempting to stalk a former wood elf who was now stalking him.
Legolas scoffed as Elrohir lost Legolas' trail. "Humph, stupid Noldor... Can't even follow a dog..." However, he spoke to soon when he accidentally stepped on a dry stick.
Elrohir whirled around and dashed towards Legolas with a rope ready. Legolas yelped and ran the other way as fast as he could. The two ran further and further into the forest until Elrohir lost sight of Legolas.
Elrohir panted as he watched the blonde dog run off into the bushes. "Crap... Ah, whatever... He'll come back..." Elrohir was just about to walk back to his father's house when he heard a loud cry of pain.
One that came from a dog...
Elrohir ran full speed towards the cry. 'Damn it! Arwen loves that dog! If anything happens to it, she'll start moping and Ada will kill me!!!' He came upon a clearing and saw what happened.
A plump porcupine was waddling off into a thicket and a blonde dog was whimpering on the ground, sporting about a dozen needles on his face. Elrohir groaned. Not good...
Elrond tapped his foot impatiently, "Where is Elrohir with that last one? I need all of them here before I begin..."
Thranduil raised an eyebrow, "Elrond, I'm still against this completely by why are you waiting?"
Elrond let out a cackle that was most unfitting for him, "Because I want them all to realize that they did something wrong and shall pay!" Thranduil backed away slowly.
All of a sudden, Elrohir ran in carrying Legolas. "Ada! He was injured! Help him before Arwen finds out!!!"
Elrond's eyes almost bugged out of his head. "Elrohir! What did you do to that poor thing? I told you to catch it, not kill it!"
"I didn't mean for this to happen, he just ran into a porcupine in the woods!" Elrohir protested as he lowered Legolas onto the table. "We have to get those needles out!"
Elrond nodded, "We have to help this one, Arwen dotes on him... Get the others out. Forget fixing them right now..."
Thranduil cocked his head, "Have you forgotten that the dogs' *real* owners might come back? They may not appreciate their dogs being fixed..."
Elrond nodded and set to work on Legolas while his sons moved the others out. "Thranduil, could you help me and hold him down?"
Meanwhile, the other members of the fellowship did not see Legolas come in or hear about the porcupine but knew Legolas was in there.
Elladan and Elrohir brought them all outside, "Ok you guys. Stay out here. Ada doesn't in the you guys in the way while he fixes your friend..."
They all blanched when they heard that. Aragorn tried to think quickly, "Wait, let's see what's going on in there... Sam, hold still!" After Aragorn jumped on Sam's back he said, "Ok, Gimli, you get on the top and see what's going on in there."
Gimli obliged and managed to just get his eyes slightly above the bottom of the windowsill.
Gandalf sat near the bottom, "Well, can you see anything Gimli?"
Gimli nodded, "Yes but not much.. They're crowded around the lad, his father is holding him down and.. WHAT IN THE NAME OF AULE IS ELROND BRINGING DOWN TO HIS FACE?!?!"
Legolas struggled as his father and the twins held him down. He began to struggle even more when Elrond began to bring down a sharp pair of tweezers to his face. The young prince couldn't see that Elrond was about to help him (between Elrond recently drugging him to try and calm him down and getting whacked with a porcupine's butt, Legolas couldn't see or comprehend very much).
"Alright! I'll talk! I was the one who died your and Ada's hair purple that time 50 years ago, not the twins. And I hide the sleeping draughts under a floorboard near the main entrance to the Hall of Fire. And I slept with Arwen one time..."
Elrond plucked out the first of the twelve needles.
"ALRIGHT!!! ALRIGHT!!! FOUR TIMES!!! FOUR!!!" Legolas shouted in pain.
Gimli shuddered, "My god... They're torturing the poor lad..." Pippin gulped and Aragorn shuddered.
All the Fellowship members winced every time they heard another yelp from inside the room holding Legolas. Aragorn had enough after an eighth cry from hid best friend.
"Alright, Legolas may not be the most trustworthy around women, but he's my best friend. We have to get him out of there!! Who's with me?" He barked. Gimli and Boromir raised their paws.
The three slinked as quietly as they could through the halls until they got to the door Legolas was behind.
"OH PLEASE ERU JUST LET ME DIE!!!" Legolas cried out.
Thranduil restrained the dog harder, "Come on now, easy big fellow..." he hushed. "Elrond, maybe we should find something to reduce the pain..?"
Elrond shook his head, "No, we only have one left. Hold him still..."
All of a sudden, Aragorn and Gimli knocked down the door and Boromir ran towards the table and knocked over the table, just as Elrond pulled out the final needle.
Legolas wasted no time running out of that room as fast as his legs would carry him with the others behind him.
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OK, sorry this wasn't as good as usual. Been *very* sick lately (in both meanings ^^;;). Every time I tried to finish this chapter, I had to run to the bathroom and... Erm... 'Expel the contents of my stomach' if you must know... So, take it easy on me, it's really hard to write with those kinda of interruptions.
Bulma Greenleaf: Maybe, maybe not. It all depends... You can't make a good guess I wont do it to Legolas. I like him too much. Who knows about the others though...
Lothliana: Is this fast enough? Calm down, this is a humor fic, no one is going to die or anything... Ummmmm... Forget I said that... K? ^_^;;
Tourignyne: I thought about making at least one of them a mix... I sorta did to Legolas. He's part wolf! ^_^ Like me! By the way, Gandalf didn't mean to do this. He hates as much as they do.
Sirithiliel: Yeah, those are good breeds. But I kind did it as an inside joke because I own a Chesapeake Bay Retriever and his name *is* Legolas! (Hehehehe... *I* named him of course... ^^) Anyway, you'd have to look them up. It's hard to explain. They're basically chocolate or yellow Labrador retrievers except curly and a serious attitude problem. They act more like wolves than any other dog I've ever seen. They're cool though. LOVE the water, also verrry protective of their family. I remember our last one nearly tore off a guys arm because he thought the guy was hurting my brother.
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel1: Really? My mom used to be a vet's assistant. She was going to be a vet until she saw how many years of college that was. She said the saddest she ever had to do was help put this really nice and handsome German Shepard down. Some bastard neighbor threw poisoned meat over the fence to *purposely* kill it! ANYway, here ya go!
THECheeseTurkey: Cheese points? Ummmmm... Okay... Thanks! Here's another chappie!
Princessfirefly2: Can't wait? Then here ya go!!
Lainfaer: O_o Sorry, at least I didn't wait a month this time right? And if you think that last one was a cliffie, you should read Cassia. Ok, you are Gilraen3... Must keep that in mind.
Lobo Diablo: You know what the scary thing is? I know exactly what that meant without you telling me. Scary... I might do some of that, but we'll just have to see for now...
Mascara Freak: Yay, good, I don't want to kill off such a great reviewer. I love all you guys! Don't worry, Legolas is defiantly keeping his, and his pain shall save the others as well.
La la la la: Ok, here's a new chapter!
Nirobie: Oh, pooh. Evil computer! *sigh* Ai' I know, poor Thranduil. He might be in Rivendell for awhile. I hope your comp is nice again soon!
Chapter 5: Torture
Aragorn whimpered under his bed. "I can't believe this. My own adoptive brothers and my adoptive father are going to have me fixed! And they can't fix being fixed... That made no sense whatsoever..." He became silent when he heard footsteps.
"I can't believe that dog would go into Estel's room!" Elladan whispered.
"I know, doesn't it stink?" Elrohir asked. Aragorn was about to growl when he sniffed around and discovered his room *did* smell bad.
Aragorn watched horrified as two sets of feet entered his room and their owners began searching for him. Aragorn tried to calm himself down. "This is just like when we used to play hide and seek... Oh shoot, I ALWAYS LOST!!!" He then ran out from under his bed like a bat out of hell.
Elladan saw Aragorn scramble out, "There he goes!" As he and his twin ran after Aragorn.
Aragorn made another sharp turn on the newly waxed floor and skidded off course slightly before continuing his mad scramble away from his brothers. Elladan and Elrohir were having less success.
Elrohir cried out as he slid into the wall again, "Dammit! How can that thing stay stable?"
Elladan shrugged, "Maybe because he has more of a reason to stay on course than we do?"
They continued this course until finally, Elrohir tackled Aragorn to the ground and tied him up.
Elladan sighed as he finished tying up Aragorn. "Ok, now we just need to find your friend Elrohir."
Elrohir growled quietly to himself. "You take this one to father. I have a score to settle with "Estel'..." Elrohir grumbled dangerously but Elladan did not notice it. Elladan nodded and dragged Aragorn off.
Legolas whimpered as he tried again to somehow open the tap to get some wine. At last, he succeeded by using his mouth. He happily began lapping up the familiar fluid but was so preoccupied with his drink, that he did not notice the shadowy figure behind him...
Elrohir followed the last dog's track to the cellar where all the spare food and drink was kept. He finally found the last dog lapping wine from an open tap. 'That's odd...' mused Elrohir, 'What kind of dog figures out how to work a tap and drinks wine? Ah well, it matters not... I have to sneak up on this one...' He readied his rope and began silently towards the unsuspecting dog.
Legolas mentally smiled to himself at his own brilliance until he saw Elrohir's reflection in the spilt wine...
Legolas yelped and dashed past the Noldor elf who gave chase. Legolas frantically began to think of an escape path, finally choosing to go outside.
Elrohir cursed as he saw the blonde, curly haired dog disappeared into the woods. Now, most other elves would have given up and just captured the dog if or when it came back but as you can guess, Elrohir was not an ordinary elf.
Elrohir silently stalked his prey in the forest. Unfortunately, he was attempting to stalk a former wood elf who was now stalking him.
Legolas scoffed as Elrohir lost Legolas' trail. "Humph, stupid Noldor... Can't even follow a dog..." However, he spoke to soon when he accidentally stepped on a dry stick.
Elrohir whirled around and dashed towards Legolas with a rope ready. Legolas yelped and ran the other way as fast as he could. The two ran further and further into the forest until Elrohir lost sight of Legolas.
Elrohir panted as he watched the blonde dog run off into the bushes. "Crap... Ah, whatever... He'll come back..." Elrohir was just about to walk back to his father's house when he heard a loud cry of pain.
One that came from a dog...
Elrohir ran full speed towards the cry. 'Damn it! Arwen loves that dog! If anything happens to it, she'll start moping and Ada will kill me!!!' He came upon a clearing and saw what happened.
A plump porcupine was waddling off into a thicket and a blonde dog was whimpering on the ground, sporting about a dozen needles on his face. Elrohir groaned. Not good...
Elrond tapped his foot impatiently, "Where is Elrohir with that last one? I need all of them here before I begin..."
Thranduil raised an eyebrow, "Elrond, I'm still against this completely by why are you waiting?"
Elrond let out a cackle that was most unfitting for him, "Because I want them all to realize that they did something wrong and shall pay!" Thranduil backed away slowly.
All of a sudden, Elrohir ran in carrying Legolas. "Ada! He was injured! Help him before Arwen finds out!!!"
Elrond's eyes almost bugged out of his head. "Elrohir! What did you do to that poor thing? I told you to catch it, not kill it!"
"I didn't mean for this to happen, he just ran into a porcupine in the woods!" Elrohir protested as he lowered Legolas onto the table. "We have to get those needles out!"
Elrond nodded, "We have to help this one, Arwen dotes on him... Get the others out. Forget fixing them right now..."
Thranduil cocked his head, "Have you forgotten that the dogs' *real* owners might come back? They may not appreciate their dogs being fixed..."
Elrond nodded and set to work on Legolas while his sons moved the others out. "Thranduil, could you help me and hold him down?"
Meanwhile, the other members of the fellowship did not see Legolas come in or hear about the porcupine but knew Legolas was in there.
Elladan and Elrohir brought them all outside, "Ok you guys. Stay out here. Ada doesn't in the you guys in the way while he fixes your friend..."
They all blanched when they heard that. Aragorn tried to think quickly, "Wait, let's see what's going on in there... Sam, hold still!" After Aragorn jumped on Sam's back he said, "Ok, Gimli, you get on the top and see what's going on in there."
Gimli obliged and managed to just get his eyes slightly above the bottom of the windowsill.
Gandalf sat near the bottom, "Well, can you see anything Gimli?"
Gimli nodded, "Yes but not much.. They're crowded around the lad, his father is holding him down and.. WHAT IN THE NAME OF AULE IS ELROND BRINGING DOWN TO HIS FACE?!?!"
Legolas struggled as his father and the twins held him down. He began to struggle even more when Elrond began to bring down a sharp pair of tweezers to his face. The young prince couldn't see that Elrond was about to help him (between Elrond recently drugging him to try and calm him down and getting whacked with a porcupine's butt, Legolas couldn't see or comprehend very much).
"Alright! I'll talk! I was the one who died your and Ada's hair purple that time 50 years ago, not the twins. And I hide the sleeping draughts under a floorboard near the main entrance to the Hall of Fire. And I slept with Arwen one time..."
Elrond plucked out the first of the twelve needles.
"ALRIGHT!!! ALRIGHT!!! FOUR TIMES!!! FOUR!!!" Legolas shouted in pain.
Gimli shuddered, "My god... They're torturing the poor lad..." Pippin gulped and Aragorn shuddered.
All the Fellowship members winced every time they heard another yelp from inside the room holding Legolas. Aragorn had enough after an eighth cry from hid best friend.
"Alright, Legolas may not be the most trustworthy around women, but he's my best friend. We have to get him out of there!! Who's with me?" He barked. Gimli and Boromir raised their paws.
The three slinked as quietly as they could through the halls until they got to the door Legolas was behind.
"OH PLEASE ERU JUST LET ME DIE!!!" Legolas cried out.
Thranduil restrained the dog harder, "Come on now, easy big fellow..." he hushed. "Elrond, maybe we should find something to reduce the pain..?"
Elrond shook his head, "No, we only have one left. Hold him still..."
All of a sudden, Aragorn and Gimli knocked down the door and Boromir ran towards the table and knocked over the table, just as Elrond pulled out the final needle.
Legolas wasted no time running out of that room as fast as his legs would carry him with the others behind him.
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OK, sorry this wasn't as good as usual. Been *very* sick lately (in both meanings ^^;;). Every time I tried to finish this chapter, I had to run to the bathroom and... Erm... 'Expel the contents of my stomach' if you must know... So, take it easy on me, it's really hard to write with those kinda of interruptions.